Chapter 3 #2
“Marriage isn’t necessary,” she said, keeping her eyes trained on the bear’s comically serious face.
“I want to be a part of this child’s life, Kenny.”
“You can be. You will be, but you don’t have to marry me to do that.”
“I want to be there for both of you. I think we could really make a decent go of this.”
She stared at him, taking in every detail of that handsome face, as she considered his words.
She opened her mouth to speak but he raised his hand, effectively halting her words.
“Just…just hear me out, okay?”
She tucked her lower lip between her teeth for an uncertain moment before nodding.
“You like to list pros and cons,” he reminded her and she dipped her chin again, acknowledging the fact. “So why don’t we do that?”
He cleared his throat and began to run through his list of pros, ticking off each item on his fingers.
“One, we respect each other. Two, we have sexual chemistry that’s off the charts.
Three, we get along pretty well and I think we’d be good life partners.
Four, I don’t know about you, but I don’t relish the prospect of informing my family that this kid is the result of an oopsie.
I’d prefer it if nobody knew that. I never want anyone to doubt that this baby is wanted and loved. ”
Kenny finally found her voice, interrupting him before he proceeded to his next paper-thin pro. “Nobody would doubt that. Whether we’re together or not, nobody would ever doubt that we love our child.”
His eyes softened and he smiled. A gentle, devastatingly beautiful smile as he nodded, conceding the point.
He held up four fingers, before uncurling his thumb to display his open hand.
“Five, I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather do this with, Kenna.”
“You barely know me,” she said, the words whisper soft.
He lowered his hand and he shrugged. “You don’t always have to know everything about someone to recognize when something feels right.”
“What if you meet someone else?”
“I would never cheat on you.”
“That wasn’t my question, Smith. What if you fall in love?”
“I’m thirty-three years old, Kenna. I know what I want.
And I want you. I want this. I want to raise that child—and possibly one or two more—with you.
” His eyes darkened and for the first time he looked uncertain, doubt clouding his features.
“Do you… Are you afraid you might fall in love with someone else?”
“No. Of course not. I told you, I’m not—um—I’m not looking for anything like that.” Kenny didn’t think she had it in her to fall in love. To be that open and vulnerable with someone. To give anyone else that much power over her was simply unthinkable. It could only lead to pain and heartache.
Maybe marrying Smith was the right move.
He was right, they did respect each other.
She liked him. They were physically compatible.
Maybe this was as good as it was ever going to get.
With the added bonus of not having to admit to her overprotective father and brothers that her pregnancy was unplanned.
Yes, it was none of their business, and while she knew she would likely be fine as a single mother, it would be really nice to share the load.
He stepped into her space, crowding her, but she didn’t mind. She liked his heat, the warm spice of his scent. He tilted her face upward with his thumb and index finger.
“Cons,” he whispered, lowering his face enough for her to feel the wash of his warm breath on her skin. Her flesh pebbled and her breathing quickened. “One, you’d have to share your precious space with me.”
Kenny had always been adamant that he never stay over. Had always preferred no intimacy or cuddling after sex. Not wanting to form an attachment to this dangerously compelling man.
“Two…” His lips were now hovering a hairsbreadth from hers. “People would actually have to know that we’re together.”
They’d been sleeping together for the last four months with nobody the wiser that they had more than a passing acquaintance with each other. Another one of Kenny’s stipulations. One he’d never been happy about.
“Three…” He dropped the sweetest of kisses on her mouth and she moaned softly, winding her arms around his neck before she could stop herself. He grinned at the response. “You’re going to have to acknowledge that vulnerability isn’t weakness. And accept that a marriage is a partnership.”
That was the toughest one. They would have to be a unit.
A team. Kenny wasn’t comfortable ceding that much control to someone else.
Someone who would have equal say in most aspects of her life, if she were to marry him.
From the big decisions like where to live, what to name their child, and how to raise said child, to more mundane things, like picking wall colors, deciding on what to have for dinner, and even what television show to binge next.
Kenny was used to not having to consult anyone when it came to her personal life. The thought of suddenly having not just one but two other people to consider when it came to her decisions was daunting.
But just that morning while she’d been hugging the commode and heaving up the meager contents of her nearly empty stomach, the thought of going through this pregnancy alone had been overwhelming and terrifying.
The prospect of having Smith beside her through it all lifted a weight she hadn’t even known was there from her shoulders. She felt nothing but relief knowing he would be there through it all.
“Four,” she said, finally offering her own contribution to the list. His eyes smiled at her as he waited for her to continue. “My father’s going to want a proper wedding. Something stupidly ostentatious.”
The smile spread to his lips and his eyes crinkled at the corners.
“Of course. You’re his only daughter, after all.
” He cupped her face, his warm palms slightly rough against her skin.
Kenny had always been fascinated by the callouses on his hands.
Why would a corporate attorney have the strong, rough hands of a physical laborer?
But she’d never asked about it. Had always assumed it wasn’t her business.
A tiny pang of excitement fluttered in her chest as she acknowledged that if they were to marry, she’d learn all these things about him.
“So…what do you think, Kenna? Are we doing this? Will you marry me?”
Kenny stared at him in wide-eyed silence for a moment and he began to look anxious. She dropped her gaze to the floor and to the forgotten bear which had toppled over to its side.
“Why the teddy bear?” she asked, ignoring his proposal for the moment.
“The ring is for you,” he said, voice shaky and hoarse. “The bear is for our baby.”
Her eyes flooded, while her nose and throat burned with the tears she determinedly kept at bay.
Well then.
How was she supposed to say no to that?
Kenny jumped when the strident back-and-forth calls of a pair of hadedas flying overhead jarred her back to the present. She was sitting on the rocking chair, the big teddy bear on the floor in front of her. She imagined she could see a judgmental, disapproving gleam in its beady eyes.
She buried her face in her hands.
Oh God.
She wasn’t sure what to do, where to go, whom to speak to.
The panic and desperation tearing up her insides were starting to physically manifest in short, panicked breaths, and she curled a fist against her chest as she recognized the first signs of an impending panic attack.
Something she hadn’t experienced since her late teens.
No, please.
She folded her arms tightly around herself and tried to stave off the inevitable. She had to get it together. She had to figure this out.
And fix it.