Chapter 4 #2
She was staring glumly down into her dark red wine when a shadow made her aware of the fact that she was no longer alone.
She looked up into Fern’s shy, smiling face. God, it felt like she had sisters-in-law popping out of every nook and cranny these days.
“Mind if I join you?” Fern asked, waving at the spot beside Kenny.
Kenny couldn’t think of anything she wanted less. But considering that she’d just been sulking about how excluded she felt, she also felt a contradictory surge of gratitude that the other woman had approached her.
“Of course not,” she lied, offering Fern a tight smile in return.
The pregnant woman lowered herself onto the wooden bench with a soft, pleased sigh and they sat quietly for a few minutes. Fern occasionally sipped from her fruit juice, while Kenny merely swirled her wine in the glass.
“Are you okay?” Fern finally broke the oddly comfortable silence.
“I…” Don’t know. “Yes.”
Fern, turned to look at Kenny, her silvery-gray eyes intent.
“You looked upset when you were speaking with Beth earlier. Hurt.”
Had she? The observation surprised Kenny and her hand went to her face, as if she would somehow be able to feel the emotions to which Fern had referred etched into her skin.
“I was just—” Kenny hesitated, unable to organize her scattered thoughts into coherent structure.
She lapsed into a pained silence and hated that it would be perceived in the wrong way. That Fern would possibly be hurt or offended and walk away from the unproductive conversation.
A minute—then two—ticked by and Fern didn’t move. She remained quietly by Kenny’s side.
“My entire life,” the other woman suddenly said, the words sounding rushed and impulsive, “I’ve felt like I didn’t belong.
It can be isolating. Painful. To always feel like you’re on the outside looking in.
An observer to everyone else’s life. Even this…
” She gestured toward the house with her free hand.
“My marriage, it’s not mine.” She shook her head as if impatient with herself, and then lifted her eyes again, meeting Kenny’s stare directly.
“I think because I’ve always felt like that, it’s a little easier for me to recognize that loneliness in someone else.
And I know we don’t know each other and this is probably so out of line—especially considering how much of a mess my own life is right now—but I’m here if you want to talk. ”
The insight—so unexpected and so accurate—touched Kenny and her breath left her in a single exhalation. Nobody had ever seen or recognized her loneliness before. Even Kenny hadn’t truly acknowledged it until right this moment.
And the other’s woman’s offer to talk so touched her that her eyes misted before she could suppress her emotions.
She swallowed past the painful lump in her throat and dipped her chin.
She opened her mouth to assure Fern that she was fine. That she was far from lonely. That she was merely preoccupied with work.
Instead of any of that, what came out in a wobbly voice was, “Smith left me.”
Kenny blinked, shocked to have verbalized the admission, and a single tear scalded a path down her cheek. She scraped her cheek against her shoulder, ruthlessly obliterating any trace of it.
“Oh no, Kenny,” Fern whispered in dismay. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know that when you met him last time, he didn’t make the best impression, but he’s actually a really great guy,” Kenny said, in a soft, pained voice that sounded nothing like her usual measured tones.
“I’m sure he is,” Fern soothed, although Kenny thought she could hear doubt in the other woman’s voice.
“He is,” she insisted. “I know I sound like one of those women who make excuses for their partner’s awful behavior but Smith is…was wonderful even though he hates me now. I don’t blame him. It’s difficult for me t-to talk to him—anyone really—sometimes. And that made it hard for us to…”
She shook her head and her voice tapered off as she faltered into embarrassed silence. The word salad still hovered in the space between them.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have said all that.”
“Why not?” Fern asked, her eyes and voice devoid of judgment. All Kenny saw in the other woman’s gaze was gentle understanding.
“You have enough going on with the baby and Cade. And your stepfather. My problems are of my own making and I can take care of them myself.”
“Of course you can. But you don’t have to. I don’t know Nox very well, but Gideon and Cade adore you. They’d want the opportunity to support you through this.”
“I know that. But not now. Not today. It’s Christmas.” She felt a surge of guilt as she said those words. “I know how excited you’ve been about today. I’m so sorry to drag you into my drama like this.”
“I’m glad you did,” Fern reassured, reaching over to give Kenny’s hand a supportive squeeze where it was curled into a tight fist on her lap. “You don’t have to say anything more about it right now if it makes you uncomfortable, and I promise not to breathe a word of it to anyone else.”
“I don’t mean to place you into any kind of awkward position with Cade,” Kenny whispered, the guilt worsening as she considered the ramifications of Fern keeping secrets from Cade.
Her notoriously wary brother didn’t give his trust easily, and Kenny would hate to be the reason for creating tension between the couple.
“I wouldn’t worry about that,” Fern said, her eyes drifting over to where Cade was still talking to their father.
He seemed to sense his wife’s regard and lifted his gaze to meet Fern’s.
Kenny watched in amazement as Cade’s expression softened, and a slight smile tilted his lips.
Fern returned it with one of her own, and the exchange became more…
charged, for want of a better word. The sexual tension that suddenly sizzled between them made Kenny uncomfortable—he was her brother, after all—and she cleared her throat awkwardly.
The choked sound snared Fern’s attention and she wrested her eyes from Cade’s face to meet Kenny’s fascinated gaze.
Her pale complexion went a delicate shade of pink.
“Uh…Cade and I are in a-a good place right now. I’m not sure what the future holds, but I try to take each day as it comes. And right now, most days are pretty good.”
“I’m happy to hear that,” Kenny said, meaning it. Cade and Fern deserved happiness and Kenny sincerely hoped they could find it with each other. Especially since they had a baby on the way.
Fern smiled and looked like she was about to add something more when Gideon appeared in the patio doorway.
“Hey, guys we’re about to eat. Just grab a plate in the kitchen and pile high. We have plenty so don’t be shy. We’re eating out here at the patio table. Try to be back in under ten minutes so Dad can say a blessing before we eat.”
Their father spluttered at Gideon’s words—he was definitely not the “give a blessing” type—and his confounded expression startled a laugh from Kenny. Both Gideon and Cade howled at their father’s consternation.
“Don’t worry, Dad,” Gideon threw the words over his shoulder as he turned back indoors. “We all know you’d lose your place in hell if you did that. I’ll take care of the blessing. My soul is less tarnished than yours.”
“Only barely, Gideon. We’ve all seen those sketches you like to do of Beth,” one of Beth’s friends retorted and the group seated on the patio furniture all guffawed as they pushed to their feet and started toward the patio doors.
“And something tells me those are tame in comparison to the NSFW ones of her in his private collection,” another voice—Kenny really didn’t know their names, Smith usually helped her keep them straight—piped up.
More teasing laughter. Their voices faded as they headed deeper into the house.
Their father followed the crowd, while Cade was coming toward Kenny and Fern.
Fern closed a hand around Kenny’s forearm as she pushed to her feet. Alarmed, Kenny looked down, concerned that Fern might be in distress. But the woman looked fine.
“McKenna, if you ever need to talk, please, call me, okay? I may not always know what to say to make you feel better. But I’m a good listener.”
Kenny’s eyes misted again at the sincere, heartwarming offer.
“Thank you, I—”
“Everything okay here?” Cade asked as he joined them, his concerned eyes sweeping over both of their faces before coming to rest on Fern. “You look tired, Fern.”
“I’m fine,” Fern said with a reassuring smile, but his eyes continued to linger on her face. “Honestly, Cade. I’m okay.”
There was a small indent between his brows as he continued to stare at his wife, as if he was trying to figure out if she was being honest. But he finally nodded and held out his hand.
Only after he had her firmly tucked into his side did he spare a moment for Kenny.
“You’ve been dodging my calls.” The words were mildly censorious, which meant he was seriously pissed off.
“I haven’t. I’ve just been really busy with work.”
He quirked a brow, clearly not believing her.
Like Smith, Cade was a corporate attorney.
Hawthorne Construction and Engineering’s—HC&E—VP of Legal Operations, as well as VP of Corporate Development.
From what Kenny had heard, her brother was feared and revered in equal measure within the industry.
Their father often referred to Cade as his not-so-secret weapon.
That meant Cade was very good at making someone sweat without saying a word. While their father was all brute force, bluster, and bullying, Cade could intimidate with just a stare and a prolonged, pointed silence.
Kenny was usually capable of holding her own against her brothers, but right then it took everything she had not to squirm.
Fern—bless her—made a tiny little moaning sound, instantly snagging Cade’s attention. His focus swung toward his wife in an instant.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just a bit of a back ache. I should probably sit down,” Fern said, sneaking a look at Kenny. From the mischievous twinkle in the other woman’s eye, it was apparent that she’d deliberately diverted Cade.
He made a tutting sound with his tongue and steered Fern toward the patio table, his hand rubbing soothing circles in the small of her back.
“Sit down, I’ll get you a plate. Anything you don’t want?”
“I’m famished, I’ll have everything and then some,” Fern told him with a wide, dimpled smile. He stared for a second, looking a little dazed, before returning the gesture with a hesitant smile of his own.
“Okay, I’ll be right back.” He squeezed her shoulder gently before striding back into the house with a distracted nod at Kenny.
“Thank you,” Kenny said and Fern nodded.
“Not a problem,” she said, still smiling. “He’s become a little protective recently.”
A little?
Fern’s gaze turned inward and her smile dimmed somewhat.
“Although I’m not quite sure what to make of that.” The words were spoken quietly, almost to herself. Kenny frowned, uncertain if it required a response. And not entirely sure what her response should be if it did.
But Fern had been so kind, Kenny felt it only fair to offer some kind of reciprocal insight.
“I think he likes you,” she said, then winced. Wishing she had something less insipid to offer.
Still, Fern’s eyes shone with something close to hope as she stared up at Kenny.
“You do?”
“Yes. Very much, actually. Also, I think you’re good for him. Thank you.”
Fern looked a little mystified.
“For what?”
“Bringing Cade back to us.”
“I’m not sure…”
“He had become so distant. Uninvolved. And I think it had a lot to do with his name?” Fern nodded at the question in Kenny’s statement. “But since marrying you…he’s more like the big brother I knew growing up. I don’t think any of us even realized how very distant he’d become until you.”
Kenny knew that she was so wrapped up in her own emotional stuff in the years following their mother’s death that she hadn’t had time to notice what was going on with her brothers.
It felt like one day she’d come up for air and Gideon was estranged, Nox was out of control, and Cade was gone.
Emotionally switched off. There but not.
Yet always so quietly steadfast and reliable that it had been easy to overlook what was going on with him in favor of Gideon and Nox’s more obvious issues.
Then again, Kenny wasn’t exactly the poster child for mental and emotional health in this family. But like Cade, her own unraveling was quieter. More private. With Smith as its only casualty.
Smith.
She looked down at her feet as she tried to compose herself.
“Kenny?”
“I’m fine,” she whispered, blinking back tears and tilting her chin upward to meet Fern’s concerned eyes.
She forced a smile.
“Let me grab some food before it all disappears.” She pivoted away from Fern, before hesitating and turning back. “Fern…thank you. For-for this. It means a lot.”
Fern smiled, her eyes filled with warmth and understanding.
“I meant what I said earlier, Kenny,” she said, her voice filled with gentle vehemence. “If you ever need to talk, or just a sympathetic ear, please reach out.”
Kenny clamped her lips between her teeth and nodded. Afraid to speak in case she humiliated herself by bursting into tears.
She was taken aback by how much Fern’s offer meant to her. She wasn’t the type to ever confide in others. But knowing Fern cared…
The lump in her throat made it hard for her to even swallow and she took a moment to compose herself before joining the cheerful throng milling around the buffet Gideon and Beth had set up. The last thing in the world she felt like doing right now was eating.
But skipping lunch would raise even more questions and concern from her family.
She wondered if Smith was finding this all as difficult as she was. Or was he happy to finally be rid of her? Considering what he’d said about none of his friends and family liking her, they must be ecstatic for him.
Was he celebrating his liberation from her with them at this very moment?
The thought was galling and painful and she shoved it from her mind. It wouldn’t help her get through today. She needed to get her shit together, put on a less miserable face for her own family, and try to salvage the rest of this day as best she could.