19. Rex
NINETEEN
REX
I hardly slept last night thinking about Abigail. Or rather, thinking about walking away from a night with Abigail. I could try to justify it to myself by saying that I didn’t want to hurt my relationship with Gabe, but by the time the sun came up, I was pretty sure that wasn’t what was going on anymore.
I was a coward. Short and simple. I’d spent my whole life bending over backward for other people, and now I was scared shitless of standing up for something I wanted. Some one I wanted.
Because, yeah, I’d blurted Abigail’s name out when Donny asked me about an RSVP. And that was a lot longer than a few days ago. The more time I spent with her, the more I realized how special she was.
A smart, driven, take-no-shit kind of woman. The kind of person who could handle herself. That was hot as hell.
And besides that, Abigail had a big, beating heart. Life was turned up to eleven around her. She made me feel like anything was possible.
And I’d messed up. Again. I knew I’d hurt her.
Donny and Blair would be back from their DC trip soon, and I wanted to get over to Abigail’s house before they returned. I had some things I wanted to say to her; I just hoped she’d listen. I walked up Abigail’s front porch and spotted Winston’s black-and-white head peeking out from behind her curtains in the window. He crouched his head and narrowed his little cat eyes at me.
“I know,” I told him through the window. “You’re right. I’m going to talk to her now.”
The cat gave me a slow blink and didn’t move.
I opened the door, and Winston immediately jumped off his window perch and slinked out of the room like I wasn’t worth his time. Message received. I stepped further into the quiet room.
“Abigail?”
She came into the room, her arms crossed and attitude on its maximum setting. I deserved that.
“Well, well. Look who’s back.” This was not the same Abigail I left last night. She was chilly and stiff. She turned and walked toward the kitchen, looking very much like the cat that had just preceded her.
“Yeah, I wanted to get here before Blair and Donny came back.”
“Right. To keep up the show. You want me in the living room so we can kiss when they get here? Or should we do the backyard again?” She crossed the kitchen and dumped coffee grounds into the machine, not looking at me.
I did want to kiss her. And the living room or backyard or kitchen was as good a place as any—but I didn’t want to do it for my brother’s and Blair’s benefit.
“I shouldn’t have left last night.”
Abigail finally looked at me, unimpressed. “Who’s upset about your leaving last night? Winston and I had a great night.”
The cat entered the kitchen and ignored me as thoroughly as I was sure Abigail wanted to. She put some kibble in his bowl, and I felt like a piece of furniture for how much attention they were paying me. I deserved it.
I took a deep breath and tried again. I meant to explain that Gabe was a friend, and I’d been a coward, and she deserved better, but what came out was, “I like you, Abigail. A lot.”
She tucked the bag of cat food in the pantry and flicked me a glance over her shoulder. “That’s mighty nice of you.”
Okay. That didn’t work. “You deserved better than to be left here on your own just because I didn’t want to confront your brother.”
“Hmm.” She poured herself a mug of coffee and looked in the fridge.
“You deserved better than to be strung along in this stupid fake dating scheme when I should’ve asked you out directly months ago. Hell, years ago.”
That got her attention. Abigail set the gallon of milk she’d retrieved from the fridge on the counter and gave me a narrow-eyed stare. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I did panic when Donny asked me to RSVP to his wedding, and I blurted out your name. But it wasn’t because I thought you could pull it off, Abigail. It’s because I’d been online flicking through pictures of you on social media, wishing I had the balls to ask you out.”
My confession was shocking enough that Abigail had to take a beat. Her eyes softened. “That’s…so pathetic, Rex.”
I huffed a laugh, my hand lifting to comb through my hair. She leaned against the counter and crossed her arms. The expression on her face was slightly less hostile, which was good, but she wasn’t exactly jumping at the chance to date me for real.
I needed to get honest—so honest it scared me.
I took a step toward her. “I fucked up last night. I panicked. We’d just hooked up, and I was keyed up, and I couldn’t tell if you thought we were just having a fling or if you really cared about me… God, I really am pathetic, aren’t I?”
She laughed, and the relief that rushed over me nearly knocked me back.
I took another step toward her, which made Winston look up from his kibble crunching. I ignored him, because he was just going to have to get used to this. I touched Abigail’s elbow. “What can I do to make it better?”
She softened slightly but didn’t uncross her arms. “You know what would make me feel better, Rex? Standing up for yourself for once. To your brother. To my brother. You’re a firefighter, for crying out loud. You charge into burning buildings. You’re not supposed to be afraid of anything.”
Her words pierced my heart. Why was it so easy to volunteer to face flames where I could get seriously injured or worse, but I couldn’t just tell Gabe that I wanted to date his sister? I spent so much time putting my body and self on the line for other people—fighting literal fires as well as figurative ones—but when it came time to actually stand up and ask for something for myself, I couldn’t do it.
And why did I have to ask Gabe at all? The only people who should’ve had a say in Abigail and me dating were Abigail and me.
Maybe it was time for me to step up and ask for what I wanted, for once. I gulped, meeting Abigail’s gaze. “I made the wrong call.”
“Oh?” She arched a brow.
“You’re not making this easy.”
She leaned forward, arms still crossed, so her nose nearly touched mine. Then, slowly and deliberately, she said, “ Good .”
I huffed, then stepped up to her. My palms landed on the counter on either side of her hips. Then I told her exactly what I wanted. “I want to kiss you in the living room and the backyard, but I sure as hell don’t want to do it for my brother’s benefit.”
Her eyes flashed.
“I want to take you upstairs and eat your pussy until you scream my name.”
“Presumptuous of you.”
“I want to take you out to a nice steak dinner and buy the nicest bottle of wine on the menu, because I already know you like the good stuff.”
Her lips curled. “I’m not sure you can afford that, Rex.”
“I’ll work doubles, then, because I want you beside me, and I don’t want it to be fake.”
Her breath was a trembling sigh that slipped through barely parted lips. Blue eyes watched mine, and she asked, “And if my brother shows up and tells you to go home?”
“I’ll handle it. ”
“That’s nice and vague.”
I grinned. “You’re not going to let me off easy, huh.”
“You wouldn’t want me to.”
She had that right. I wanted the difficult, demanding, delicious woman that she was. “I would tell your brother that you’re a grown woman, and you get to decide who to date. And if I happen to be the guy lucky enough to do it, then I wouldn’t let anyone stop me. Definitely not him.”
Abigail’s arms uncrossed, and she reached up to delicately rearrange the shoulder seams of my shirt. “Talk is cheap, though.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “You gonna give me a chance to prove it to you?”
Her eyes were sharp, but her hands had moved to smooth over my shoulders and around to the back of my neck. “Maybe. If you’re nice.”
Moving closer, I let my knees nudge hers. My hands shifted from the counter to her hips, and the rightness of having her in my arms couldn’t be denied. “I’m sorry, Abigail.”
She took a breath and allowed the corners of her mouth to turn up slightly. “You’re going to have to give me a second with this because I’m not used to being apologized to this easily.”
I smiled back at her. “Has it been a second yet? Because I’d really like to kiss you now.”
Slight pressure on the back of my neck told me I had the green light, and I wasn’t going to give her the chance to change her mind.
Abigail’s forgiveness tasted sweet and hot and a little angry. She scraped her teeth against my bottom lip and tugged me closer, smiling at my grunt. I deepened the kiss—and the front door burst open.
Abigail broke the kiss and turned toward the sound, and I nudged her chin with my fingers to bring her back where I needed her.
“Might be Gabe—” she mumbled against my mouth.
“Don’t care,” I said, then kissed her again.
She laughed. “That’s a quick one-eighty,” she teased, and looked like she was going to say more before I scooped her onto the kitchen counter and pulled her tight so I could kiss her harder. The gallon of milk went crashing to the ground?—
And Donny’s voice carried into the room.
“Sorry to interrupt your little lovefest,” he started.
“Lovefest?” Blair replied, swiveling her head around from behind her fiancé and lifting her sunglasses off her face to get a better look at the situation.
Abigail sighed and leaned her forehead against my shoulder.
“Um. You guys know we need to use the kitchen too, right?” Blair asked, disgust written into every line of her face. “Do you have to do that there? ” She waved her hands at us.
“Kind of, yes,” Abigail mumbled against my shirt.
I snorted and backed away slightly so she could slide down to the floor again.
“We’ve got a lot to do today,” Donny finished. Abigail backed away slightly as we turned our attention to the bride and groom.
Blair approached with her latte in hand, manicured pinky finger extended. “I hope you’re ready to put these muscles to good use.” She squeezed my arm and gave me a little wink before walking away. “The rest of the wedding party will be here soon, and I’ve got the perfect job for you, Abigail,” she said, continuing toward the guest room.
Abigail looked at me. “Job? How did I get roped into this?”
“That would be my fault,” I said, taking her hand and pulling her in. “You don’t need to help out. You’ve done enough.”
She looked back as Donny and Blair disappeared down the hall. “You’ve got that right.”
“But it would be a good excuse to hang out together.” I pulled her in close, touching my nose to hers.
“I suppose I have a little time before my showing this afternoon.”
“Lucky me,” I said and kissed her softly.
“Enough of that, guys, we’ve got work to do,” Blair commanded from down the hall.
Soon, Blair had us standing at the ceremony space outside at the Botanical Gardens, just beyond Abigail’s back property line. The arbors and seating had been delivered, and it was up to us to bring it all together for the wedding tomorrow.
Blair commanded her role as the bride, standing in front of us, referencing her tablet notes as she spoke. “Now, remember, people, this wedding is going to be streamed to over two point four million followers. Everything needs to pop. I want everything perfectly symmetrical. And since I’m going to be getting ready at Abigail’s, it makes the most sense for me to enter from her backyard. So we’ll be setting up another arbor right in front of her back fence. Thank God Rex cleaned up the yard this week.” She gave Abigail a pointed glance.
Abigail, to her credit, simply took a deep breath and painted a serene smile on her face. “He’s the best,” she agreed.
The saccharine-sweet tone of Abigail’s voice told me she was probably playing the fake girlfriend. But I’d seen the look on her face earlier, and I knew we were headed toward something real. I laced my fingers with hers and pecked a kiss on the back of it. She smiled at me in the warm autumn sun.
“Let’s get to work!” Drill Sergeant Blair yelled.
And get to work we did.
The guys and I set up the two rustic wood arbors opposite one another, and the women began wrapping them in a light, gauzy fabric. Donny and I watched them as we set up the folding chairs.
“Do you think we need to hold off on decorating like that?” He nodded to the head of the altar, where gauzy fabric had been bunched and draped artfully. “What if it rains?”
“Unlikely. We’ve been having a pretty dry season this year.”
Donny nodded. “Good.”
I watched Abigail lift onto her toes as she draped the arbor with translucent fabric. Her shirt rucked up just enough to see a sliver of her skin. She glanced over at me, caught me staring, and gave me a funny look before marching over to me.
“I thought we were going to hang out,” Abigail said with her hands on her hips. “They’ve got us separated.”
I nodded. “You’re right. Why don’t you help me set out the aisle runner?”
She rubbed her hands together. “Yippee. ”
“You’re such a trooper.” I laughed and put my arm around her shoulders.
You’d think laying down a simple aisle runner would take five minutes, but after twenty minutes, Abigail and I were still trying to figure out how to secure the linen fabric to the ground. I rolled out a section, and Abigail sat down in the middle of it while I used the useless plastic pins Donny provided to try to get the aisle secured to the dry soil.
Abigail stood, then laughed when my pins went flying and the linen fabric whipped up into her face. Batting it down, she arched her brows at me. “Whose idea was this thing?”
I glanced up the aisle toward the bride, who was sitting in one of the chairs checking things off on her tablet, one leg crossed over the other with her foot bouncing up and down. The wind ruffled her hair, and she flicked it over her shoulder with a casual hand.
Looking back at Abigail, I caught her fighting against the wind to get her hair wrangled into a messy bun. A smile curled my lips. The woman wouldn’t even back down against Mother Nature. You had to admire her for it.
Once her hair was tied, she grabbed the linen aisle fabric and rolled it up while I gathered the plastic pins. I looked at them and shook my head. “I think we’re going to have to nail this thing to the ground. I’m going to need to get some tools,” I said.
“Well, don’t bother using mine since they suck,” she joked, but the sharp glance she threw me told me she wasn’t totally over that whole thing.
I pulled her in by the hand and gave her a kiss. “Your tools don’t suck. I’ll go get them and we can finish up here. ”
“Grab me some water while you’re in there?” she asked, and I nodded.
I went back into Abigail's backyard, skirted around the “fire pit,” and headed into her house to get her tools from the garage. I stopped by the fridge on the way back, grabbing two waters.
“Hey there,” Blair’s voice sounded from the other side of the refrigerator door.
I looked up and nudged the door shut. “Hey. Making good progress out there.”
“Yeah, thanks to you.” She squeezed my shoulder again, this time giving it a little extra massage. It seemed a bit too much touch for future in-laws. I backed away half a foot and cracked one of the bottles of water.
“You were always so good at putting things together,” she went on. “So take-charge. So responsible. Not like Donny.”
“I thought that’s what you liked about him. He’s carefree,” I said. “He wants the high life.”
“Well, yeah, but it is nice to be with a guy who will remember to book the hotel room for our wedding.”
I huffed. I guess Blair had figured it out.
Donny was my brother, so I pleaded the fifth: “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said.
“Uh-huh?” She nodded, a playful look on her face as she closed the distance I’d put between us. “I’m glad he forgot. Because now I get to spend more time with you, T.”
With the look in her eyes, this was definitely starting to feel off. I wished I could shut my eyes and make myself disappear, but I was afraid I’d have to get out of this conversation the old-fashioned way: deflection. “And you got to spend some time with Abigail. She’s great, isn’t she?”
Blair’s expression tightened. “She’s somethin’,” she offered, then paused. “Can I be honest with you?”
I shrugged. “Sure.”
“I don’t know if she’s the right girl for you, Rex.”
I glanced out the window and saw Abigail glaring at the roll of linen fabric like she wanted to kill it. She looked up at the arbor, then back at the house, and gave the roll of fabric a little kick before planting her hands on her hips like she was proud of herself. I rolled my lips inward to keep from grinning, then turned back to Blair. “What do you mean?”
Blair had a way of making you feel like you were in on a secret that only the two of you shared. It was the way she opened her wide eyes wider, or the way she leaned in, or the tenor of her voice.
Back in the day, it had made me feel special. Made me feel like I’d do anything for her. Now, it just made me feel like I was the same as the two-point-whatever million followers who fell for her schtick. She sighed and shrugged one shoulder. “It’s just that this whole time I’ve been here, I keep getting the sense that she’s kind of falling short. And she doesn’t make you very happy.”
This from the woman who made me feel like I’d never measure up just because I didn’t want a fancy life. I snorted. I’d wanted to give Blair the benefit of the doubt, but this was just uncalled for.
I looked at the woman and wondered how I’d wasted so much time with her. Was my confidence really so low that I fell for her bullshit back then? I’d actually felt good about taking care of her. I’d thought she needed me, and I’d been all too happy to step into the role of provider, protector, and hero for her.
I’d supported her through the length of our relationship. I’d gone on late-night grocery runs when she got a craving for cookies-and-cream ice cream. I gave up holidays with my family because she insisted on staying with hers, even though they were only across town from each other. I did everything I could for her while we were together, and it still wasn’t enough.
Standing in Abigail’s kitchen, holding the only thing she’d ever asked me to get her—a bottle of water—I realized that I’d still been hanging on to some guilt about my relationship with Blair. I thought that I hadn’t been good enough for her. She needed the rising star football player. She needed the brother who was better looking, more charismatic, funnier. I just hadn’t measured up, even though I’d tried and tried and tried.
But now?
Now I saw that I’d been chasing something that didn’t exist. Nothing would be good enough for Blair. She’d take and take and take, and still want more.
But Abigail—I huffed. She’d asked more of me, but it was for my own good. She wanted me to stand up for myself. She wasn’t asking me to twist myself into knots to give her the life she wanted; Abigail was grabbing her own life with both hands, and letting me know that if I wanted to come along for the ride, I’d better buckle up and keep up, because she wasn’t going to wait for me.
I knew which one was more appealing to me right now.
I stood taller and grabbed the toolbox and waters, then stared my ex and future sister-in-law straight in the eye. “What do you know about making me happy?” As I looked down at Blair, I could see her for who she truly was: selfish and not remotely self-aware.
For the first time, I didn’t feel vaguely embarrassed that I wasn’t able to keep her; I was glad we weren’t together anymore. And for the life of me, I couldn't seem to figure out why we’d been together in the first place.
And I was really beginning to get sick of everyone ragging on Abigail. She was clever and fun and always there for people when they needed her—even if, in my case, it only started as blackmail. Abigail had made me happier in the last week than Blair ever did in the entire time we were together.
“Rex?” Abigail popped her head in the door.
“Hey, beautiful,” I replied. Abigail blushed while Blair seemed to fade away. “I was just coming out. Let’s finish this job and I’ll drive you to work.”