Chapter 17 - Beatrice
BEATRICE
“Ithink I’m going to be sick,” I mutter quietly.
Sienna’s grip on my hand tightens.
“Deep breaths,” she whispers.
The scent of the hospital turned my stomach the second we walked in through the huge sliding doors, and it isn’t easing at all. However, it could be more to do with nerves and stress than anything else.
The last four days have been…a lot.
When Sienna let herself into my apartment after the game, all my secrets were revealed.
I thought she’d shout at me. Be angry that I’ve been keeping something so huge from her. Maybe if I weren’t such a broken mess, she would have. But instead, she swallowed all her questions, pulled me from the shower floor, wrapped me in my fluffy robe, and then directed me straight to my bedroom.
She made us both a hot chocolate and came to snuggle in bed with me. She held me while I cried and whispered words of encouragement and support until I eventually passed out.
I may not have felt that much more stable the next morning, but her time keeping quiet was over. She wanted answers, and she wasn’t standing down until I gave them.
I hated the sympathy in her eyes. I hated the hurt that lingered right behind it, and I hated the shame I felt for hiding what I was dealing with for so long.
I should have told her that I was no longer pulling a wage from the salon and that I couldn’t afford my rent. But I knew that she’d want to help me out, and she’s already done more than enough for me.
After trying to force me to move in with her, she eventually relented and agreed to help me search for a place that wasn’t a complete dump.
She was full of positivity when she pulled up a site on her cell, but it wasn’t long before she discovered just how dire the lower end of the rental market is here.
She found a couple of places that I reluctantly agreed to go and look at. None of them screamed “home” to me. But I’m beyond worrying about that. I either need to settle on a place, or I’ll be living on the streets, and that is no place for a woman who is growing a child.
I want to say that the apartments were better in person, but that would be a big fat lie.
Each one was worse than the one before. With little other choice, I agreed to take the first one before setting about booking movers.
The thought of leaving my apartment makes me want to cry.
I love it there. It’s in an old building with high ceilings and large windows that let in loads of natural light and a great view of the park.
I felt like I’d really made it the day I got the keys and moved in.
It was the beginning of a new chapter of my life.
I had my own successful business and the home of my dreams. If only I knew back then how easily it could all be ripped away.
One wrong decision and poof, I almost lost it all.
I'm moving into my new place next week. And I can most certainly wait.
“Do you think he’s going to come?” I ask quietly, terrified of hearing the answer I don’t want.
I haven’t heard a single thing from Everett since storming out of Hailee’s office before the game. I have no idea if he heard anything I said, or if he’s stuck his head in the sand and is refusing to accept it.
Considering how long it took me to confirm the truth, I can hardly blame him if he’s walking around in denial.
Dropping my elbows to my knees, I hang my head as my heart continues to race.
Our ultrasound isn’t for an hour yet. Instead, I’m waiting for a DNA test.
I fully understand why he requested it, and I was hardly surprised when an appointment came through the day after the game. He has every right to have the truth confirmed. While I might be frustrated that he doesn’t believe me, really…why should he?
He doesn’t know me. Hell, he didn’t even remember my name.
“Yes,” Sienna states confidently. “I think he’s going to come.”
“If he does, it’s only because Hailee makes him,” I reason.
“Does that matter? He’ll be here. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I’d just rather it not be under duress.”
“Give him time. Everything will work out.”
Unfortunately, I don’t share her positivity, and my stomach continues to churn with the reality that I’m alone in this. And it only gets worse when I glance at the clock and discover we’re only two minutes away from our appointment time.
If he was coming, he’d be here by now, surely.
I blow out a slow breath, but it does little to calm me down.
Fire shoots through my veins and I jump to my feet. My need to fight for my baby is uncontrollable, and without anything else to do, I begin pacing back and forth across the room.
The eyes of the other people in here burn into me, but I don’t look at them. Even if I did, I wouldn’t see them. I’m too lost in my head.
Movement where the staff has been coming from to call patients catches my eye, and my heart drops into my feet.
This is it. This is the moment where I have to tell them that I no longer need a DNA test because the other half of my child decided not to turn up.
I guess, in a way, it’s good. It’s better to find out now than a few months down the line, once I’m confident that he’s going to be a present father. At least I can come to terms with it all before the little one arrives.
“Beatrice Walsh,” the guy with the clipboard says.
I take a deep breath and glance at Sienna. She agreed to hold my hand through all of this should Everett not show, and it looks like that’s the case.
“We’ve got this,” she says the second she steps up to my side, her hand slipping into mine.
“Uh…yeah, that’s me. But I don’t think I’m going to need—”
There’s movement at the entrance to the waiting room, and when I spin around, my breath catches in my throat.
He might have his ball cap pulled low, but I don’t need to see his face to know it’s him. If his sheer size doesn’t give him away, then the angry aura coming from him sure does.
“Shit,” Sienna hisses, making me wonder if she was lying earlier when she confidently said that he’d be here.
He walks right up to us, and I swear I stop breathing.
“I can take it from here,” he rasps before pressing his hand into the small of my back and gently pushing me forward.
With little choice but to start walking, I move down the hallway in front of us.
The warmth of his giant palm burns through me. I want to say his presence settles some of the unease I was feeling before, but that would be a lie. If anything, it’s made it worse.
“Just down here on the left,” the guy with the clipboard says as he races ahead of us and opens a door.
Just before I step through, I look over my shoulder at my best friend, who’s standing exactly where I left her, anxiously chewing on her nail.
‘I’m okay,’ I mouth before walking into the room with Everett right behind me.
I jump as if I’ve been shot when the door clicks closed behind us.
“Please come and take a seat,” the guy says as he slips around the desk. “My name is Daniel, and I’ll be taking you through this process today. Sir, would you like to sit?”
“No,” Everett states firmly.
“U-uh okay,” the guy stutters, clearly a little nervous. “I’ll…uh…begin by going through what to expect before moving on to the procedures.”
I nod, trying to listen to him, but my head is spinning so fast, I barely register that he’s speaking English.
Everett came.
It might not mean he believes me, and I’m fairly sure Hailee threatened him with something to get him here. But that’s not the point. He is here, and he’s willing to discover that I’m telling the truth.
I guess the real question is…is he willing to attend the ultrasound with me?
Both of us are silent as we go through the testing procedure.
It’s much easier for him, just a cheek swab, while I have to have a blood test. Daniel offers for us to do this in private, but I refuse and as I hop up onto examination table in the corner of the room, Everett stands with his arms folded across his chest, watching with an unreadable expression on his face.
I can’t watch as the needle pierces my skin; I look down at my trembling hand instead.
Once we’re done, Daniel tells us that the results will be emailed to us in five to ten days, and he sees us out of the room.
I glance at Everett as we walk back to the waiting room, but his hard eyes are focused ahead and his lips are pressed into a thin line. I have literally no idea what he’s thinking or feeling right now, and that puts me even more on edge than when I was questioning if he was going to turn up or not.
“Everything okay?” Sienna asks the second we’re in hearing distance.
“Yeah, all good,” I confirm. “Results in five to ten business days,” I repeat, my voice emotionless.
Sienna grimaces. Those days are going to be painfully long.
I might know what they’re going to come back saying, but the man beside me doesn’t.
And I can only assume he’s hoping they’ll show that he’s not the father of my baby so he can continue forward with his life as if I never entered it. If only it was going to be that easy.
“So…ultrasound next?” she asks, knowing full well that it is. “Rett, are you—” He shoots her a look that has her swallowing her words as we step out into the empty hallway.
My heart sinks.
He isn’t going to come.
Of course he isn’t.
Why would he want to see a fuzzy, black and white image of a baby he isn’t sure is his.
Tears burn my eyes.
But just when I expect him to turn and walk away, he grunts, “Which way?”
“Uh…t-that way,” Sienna says, taking the lead and pointing down the hallway. “It’s down one floor.”
Sienna takes off, tugging me along with her when she hooks her arm through mine.
Everett trails behind us, his sneakers squeaking against the floor.
My heart is in my throat as we step into the elevator. He stands before us like an impenetrable force. Sienna looks at me; concern etched into her expression.
‘Are you okay?’ she mouths.
‘I don’t know,’ I reply.
‘He’s here. That’s a good thing.’
‘Is it?’
Her lips twitch into a smile, but there isn’t any strength behind it.
As we get closer to the scanning department, I can’t help but wonder if inviting Everett was a mistake.
Maybe I should have done this alone. Maybe inviting him has only complicated things.
“Hi,” I say the second I step up to the desk. “Beatrice Walsh. I have an appointment for an ultrasound.” The words sound alien as they pass my lips. But as much as I might have wanted to put this off, reality is about to hit really fucking hard.