Chapter 61 Everett
EVERETT
No sooner have the others arrived to spend a woman-free day hanging out at my place than Linc tells them exactly what kind of position he and Parker found us in.
“I fucking knew it,” Handsy mutters. “Welcome to the club.”
“The club?” I echo.
“Yeah, the smitten kittens club,” Handsy explains as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“The smitten…oh no. That’s not what this is. I’m not…I don’t…” Four sets of amazed eyes stare at me.
I understand why Kodie, Linc, and Handsy look at me the way they do. They get it, and despite my argument, they know it’s bullshit. Some kind of taken man sixth sense or some bullshit.
Killer stares at me with a horrified look in his eyes, and Hayden? Well, he’s smiling at me proudly, which is…weird.
“Come on, guys. This isn’t fucking funny,” Killer complains. “I’ve lost all my wingmen.”
“Hey,” Hayden barks.
“No, of course, I know I’ve got you, Marilyn,” Killer says, reaching over and messing up his hair. “It’s just…well…I haven’t seen you pull anything other than your hamstring yet.”
“Fuck you. My hamstring is perfect, I’ll have you know.”
“My point exactly,” Killer says with a smirk.
“Ugh, I hate you guys,” Monroe mutters under his breath, although he makes no effort to move; instead, he sets up the game.
“No, you don’t; you fucking love us like brothers.” Monroe smirks, but there’s still that darkness in his eyes that doesn’t seem to disappear these days.
“How are things with you, Marilyn?” I ask.
“Uh huh.”
I share a look with each of the other guys while Monroe’s focus is fully on the screen.
Our rookie is anything but good, but other than pinning him down and forcing the words from his lips, I don’t know what to do.
I don’t do this talking shit. I just hit a puck, slam my fist into some asshole’s face, and move on.
I don’t…I don’t do this. But then, just for a moment, I think about Bea and everything I’ve confessed to her recently.
The words have spilled free of their own accord.
And when she’s heard them, she hasn’t judged me or been scared off.
She’s accepted them, heard them, and embraced them.
Then she’s given me some of her own painful truths in return.
So maybe…maybe talking isn’t so hard. You just need the person on the other end of it to fully trust you so you know those painful parts of you will be kept safe.
I study Monroe as he starts the game, and his character goes running across the screen.
He’s not ready. Or at least, he’s not ready to speak to us for whatever reason, and we have to accept that. We also need to make sure we’re here for him when the time does come.
“Rett, are you playing or fantasizing about your girl?”
My argument about her not being my girl, keeping up my bachelor appearance, dances right on the tip of my tongue, but then my own thoughts come back to me. I trust these guys. They’re my team, my friends, my family.
“Can’t help it. She’s hot as fuck. And we saw our baby today.
” My eyes drift to Kodie’s. As the only parent sitting around my living room, I’m sure he’ll understand this more than the rest. “It was fucking crazy. There’s like…
an actual little person growing inside her right now.
Ten fingers, ten toes.” I shake my head. “Mind-blowing.”
“Crazy, isn’t it?” Kodie murmurs. “Most terrifying and yet incredible thing in the world.”
I nod. All those feelings that ambushed me in that little room while Bea had the wand pressed to her stomach come back to me, and before I know it, I’ve marched to the kitchen so I can distract myself with getting a drink and taking a breath.
“I know it’s hard to believe right now, but when the time comes, you’ll know exactly what to do,” Kodie says, his deep voice rumbling quietly around me.
“How? I’ve never even held a baby, let alone changed a diaper or—”
“And you think I had?” he asks, interrupting me. “Do you remember the first time you picked up a stick and hit a puck?”
A smile twitches at my lips. I don’t remember the very first time, I was too young, although my parents have photos.
They line the walls of our family home that’s mostly empty these days.
But I do vaguely remember my Mini Mites team.
A bunch of tiny kids whipping around the ice, mostly with no idea what they were doing.
I remember being frustrated because even at that age, I knew what was expected of me.
I’d been watching Dad on the ice since the moment I was born; stepping out there myself felt as natural as breathing.
“Yeah,” I mutter, already figuring where he’s going with this.
“Well, that’s the best way I can describe it.
The first time I held Sutton was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done.
But then, she looked up at me with those big, beautiful eyes.
She had the cutest little mouth, button nose, and rosy, round cheeks, and…
fuck.” He sighs, rubbing the heel of his hand over his heart.
“I just knew everything was going to be okay. No matter what, I swore there and then that I’d do anything in my power to keep her safe and make her happy, and I think I’ve done an okay job so far. ”
“You’ve done way more than that. Sutton is incredible. You should be proud of yourself.”
He nods, accepting my praise.
“And I guarantee, in a few years, one of those guys out there,” he says, jerking his chin in the direction of our friends, “will be saying the exact same things to you when they’re scared about how their own lives are going to change.”
“Fuck off. Killer will never find a woman who’d put up with him, let alone be willing to have his baby.”
“I heard that, asshole,” the man in question shouts, making Kodie snigger.
“Seriously, though. You’ve got this. Trust yourself and your instincts, and trust Bea too. Talk to her about it all; I guarantee she’s feeling exactly the same.”
“I wish I could do more to help her. She’s going through it all, and I’m just here on the periphery, watching. I can’t even imagine what it’ll be like when the day comes for her to give birth. The thought of seeing her in that much pain is horrifying.”
“I wish I could say I felt the same, but my ex deserved the most painful birth on the planet,” Kodie mutters.
He doesn’t talk about his life in the lead-up to becoming a father much, or the woman who gave him Sutton, but we’re all aware that he thinks she’s a waste of oxygen.
And honestly, I can’t help but agree. Who in their right mind could abandon a baby, let alone one as awesome as Sutton Rivers? That girl is something else.
I hope she regrets her choices. I hope that one day, Sutton’s name will be up there in lights as she takes the PWHL by storm, and her birth mom will realize just how much she lost out on.
It won’t be the same for my kid. I’m going to be there every step of the way. Helping him choose which way to shoot and putting him back on his feet when he falls—and I don’t just mean with hockey, but with every element of life.
Excitement bubbles up inside me. Maybe this really is my chance to right all my wrongs, to make up for past mistakes. And maybe, just maybe, in the process, I might learn how to deal with myself a little better.
Maybe Bea and our baby and the life we’re building together were meant to be.
“We’re gonna be late,” Kodie points out a few hours later.
“We’ll just finish this game, then we’ll go,” Linc says.
“That’s brave of you. I’m pretty sure Parker’s parting words were, ‘Do not be late and make sure you dress yourself correctly,’” I point out, glancing at the loose tie around his neck and his unbuttoned, untucked shirt.
“So apparently, Linc isn’t going to make it to the wedding,” Kodie deadpans. “I guess it’s best we know now. Saves us buying a gift.”
“Fine. Fine,” Linc barks, throwing the controller to the couch like a petulant toddler.
“Aw, look. It’s wrong what they say: you can change a man,” Killer mocks.
“Careful, bro,” he says, elbowing Monroe. “You might be next.”
Monroe shrugs unworriedly.
“Well, we all know it won’t be me. I’m immune to women. Their charm only works for one night.”
“Uh huh…” Linc mutters. “That’s what they all say, right, Handsy?”
Our goalie smirks despite the fact that he’s got his attention zeroed in on his cell. It doesn’t take a genius to work out who he’s messaging. I swear he only smiles for one person.
“Yep,” he agrees absently, proving that he is actually listening. “And it’ll happen to you one day.”
Killer scoffs.
A couple of months ago, I’d have done the same. But now…now I know better.
I wasn’t looking, and I certainly didn’t see it coming, but now, I can’t imagine my life without Bea and our little bump in it. Hell, I don’t even want to try.
As we make our way to the hotel where tonight’s party is being held, my knee bounces nervously as the rest of the guys chat amongst themselves. Well, everyone but Monroe, who is gazing out the window, lost in his own sad world.
Concern tugs at me, but while parenting might be out of my wheelhouse, so is dealing with real feelings and talking shit out.
So instead, I nudge his toe with mine.
When his eyes meet mine, there’s nothing but pain in them. He blinks and quickly clears it, but it was there all the same.
“Still heading home in a few days?”
A smile twitches his lips, but there’s very little joy to it.
Usually, Monroe is buzzing to see his family.
When they come to games, especially his twin sister, he’s unbearable.
But all that has vanished somewhere in the last few weeks.
I can’t help feeling like while I’ve been finding myself, or at least I hope I am, he’s losing grip.
Our overexcited rookie who walked around with stars in his eyes has disappeared.
“Yeah,” he says simply, unwilling to say anything else. Instead, he pulls his cell from his pocket and busies himself with whatever is on it.
The second the car pulls up outside the hotel, I launch myself at the door.
Thanks to a message from Bea, I already know they’re waiting for us. Well, Parker is waiting for Linc, who is predictably late. I have a suspicion that some of the blame for that will shortly be placed at my feet.
He races through the hotel entrance just ahead of me before jabbing his finger against the elevator button.
He glances at his watch nervously. “She’s going to kill me,” he mutters.
“Don’t say we didn’t warn you,” Kodie points out, stepping up behind us.
“Ugh,” Linc complains as we step inside the elevator. “At least I have ways of making it up to her. I do this thing with my tongue that she loves. It makes her—” I slam my palm over his mouth.
“Shut the fuck up, or I’ll send you out there with a swollen eye for your photos.”
His smirk twitches against my skin.
“No, you won’t. Those women waiting for us scare you just as much as they do me.”