Chapter 67 Beatrice
BEATRICE
Idon’t know how I know something is wrong, but I do.
As I roll out of bed, my stomach is in knots.
After what we had last night, he wouldn’t have willingly gotten out of bed this early.
Sure, he’s usually in his home gym not long after the sun rises, but today…I don’t know. Something is off.
But despite wanting to immediately go and find him, my need for the bathroom is too pressing.
I make quick work of doing what I need to do and brush my teeth before I rush out of my room and into the living area.
It’s still dark, there are no lights on, but that doesn’t mean I miss him.
I freeze the second I spot his dark frame in front of the windows.
He’s sitting on the floor, staring out at the city before him, shoulders slumped.
I hesitate. I may have learned a lot about Everett since moving in here, but that doesn’t mean I know everything. And this morning, it feels like I might be about to meet a whole new side to him.
But despite my unease, I already know that I’m going over there. I’m going to do everything in my power to help with whatever he’s struggling with.
I have no idea if he hears me as I pad over with bare feet, but he doesn’t react as I lower myself to the floor beside him.
Neither of us says a word, but the silence is comfortable, even if it is loaded with everything Everett is dealing with alone.
After a minute or two, I reach out and twist my fingers with his, letting him know that I’m here. I’m here, and I’m willing to listen whenever he is ready.
It takes a while.
We sit together, watching as the sun warms the horizon and turns the sky a beautiful shade of pink, as if it brings the city to light before us.
It’s beautiful, something I wish I were awake to see every morning.
But while my sickness has subsided, giving me my mornings back, I doubt that waking up this early will become a regular thing.
Or at least, not until our little one is here, disrupting our sleeping patterns like it’s his full-time job.
Finally, he opens his mouth, his deep, rumbling voice startling me when he begins speaking.
“Do you really think I can do this?”
The pain etched into his voice cuts right through me, making a lump crawl up my throat and tears burn my eyes.
“I’m pretty sure you can do anything you can set your mind to,” I say softly. “But I’m assuming you’re talking about something specific.”
“I had a dream,” he confesses. “A nightmare, really.”
I squeeze his hand, encouraging him to talk if he’d like to.
“When I was a kid, I used to get them all the time. I haven’t had one in years.”
A tremor goes through him. I close my eyes for a second, and all I can see is Everett as a little boy, sitting scared and alone in the dark.
I scoot a little closer, loving the way his body heats the side of mine.
“As I started succeeding at hockey, they went away. I’d forgotten they were even a thing until I woke up in a cold sweat an hour or so ago.”
Questions dance on the tip of my tongue, but I keep them locked inside.
He doesn’t owe me any answers. He has no reason to confide any of this in me.
“In every single one, I fail at something,” he says so quietly I almost miss it.
“At first, it was school, screwing up tests, disappointing my parents. Not being there for Parker or Linc when they needed me. For a while, it was hockey. Missing an open shot, letting my team down. But they faded. I’m not sure when.
High school, I think. I guess I just…I stopped having them and moved on. ”
“What was last night’s about?” I ask softly.
“Failing you. Failing our kid. Letting you both down.” His voice cracks, my breath catches and my nose itches with emotion.
“Oh, Rett,” I breathe, shifting from my seat on the floor and climbing into his lap.
I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold his trembling body as tightly as I can.
“Y-You needed me and…and I couldn’t get there,” he explains brokenly. “And then…I lost you. Both of you.”
He sucks in a shuddering breath as I cling tighter, hoping like hell that he can get some strength from it.
“It was just a nightmare. We’re right here. We’re not going anywhere.”
“Right now, you’re not. What about…what about when I fuck up? Because I will, Bea. I’ll fuck up. I’ll fuck up over and over and—”
“So will I,” I interrupt. “We’re only human, Rett. We screw up all the freaking time. Just look at me and what I got myself into financially,” I say, cringing. I’m so ashamed that I made a decision that put my salon and my employees at risk.
“That wasn’t—”
“It was all my fault. I knew all the facts—”
“No, you were scammed,” he argues without hesitation. “It wasn’t your fault.”
Pulling back from the crook of his neck, I stare into dark, pain-filled eyes.
“I wish you could have the same faith in yourself that you do in me,” I murmur.
A self-deprecating smile pulls at one side of his mouth. “Years of fucking up will do that.”
“Do you know, if I spoke to those around you, I bet they’d have a very different opinion of you.”
He looks away, unable to hold my eyes.
“You have achieved the one thing that thousands and thousands of little boys dream about. Hell, thousands of little girls, too.” I think of spending time with Sutton Rivers yesterday afternoon as we all got ready for the party.
I’m pretty sure you could cut that little girl and she’d bleed hockey pucks.
“You play hockey in the NHL, Rett. You did it. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it was.
But you did it. And from what I’ve read online, you’re one of the best grinders in the league. ”
Something twinkles in his eyes. “You know what a grinder is?”
“I’m learning. And I’m hoping that once the season starts again, I can learn from watching one of the very best.”
“Bea,” he breathes, leaning forward and resting his brow against mine.
I cup his rough jaw in my hands and hold his eyes.
“I’m gonna be there, with Casey and Freya. Standing behind the plexiglass, wearing your jersey.” His breath catches and his eyes shutter. “And I’ll do it proudly, knowing that you’re my man, the father to our baby. That’s if you want me to, of course.”
“I want you to,” he confirms.
“And I’ll scream louder than every other woman in the arena.”
“You don’t need to. As far as I’m concerned, you’ll be the only woman there.”
His words make my heart sing.
“All we need is for you to try. For you to be there. Whether that be in person, or on the other end of a call when you’re on the road. If you put in even half the effort toward being a partner and a father as you have to hockey, then you’ll be incredible. I have no doubt.”
“You’re taking a huge risk here, Bea.”
“I’ve weighed it. I’m pretty confident.”
“Fuck,” he breathes, his hold on my waist unwavering. “What did I do to deserve you?”
“Nothing. You were just you, and I was just me, and we found each other.”
Silence falls between us as we hold each other, breathing each other’s air.
“I should take you back to bed,” he finally whispers. “It’s early.”
“I’m not feeling tired,” I confess. “Can you think of a way to keep me entertained?”
His eyes flash with heat.
“Again?”
I shrug one shoulder before leaning forward to whisper in his ear. “I’m twenty weeks pregnant. Do you have any idea what is going on with my hormones right now?”
“Up you go,” he says, effortlessly getting to his feet with me safely in his arms.
With his hands on my ass and my legs around his waist, he carries me back to my bedroom. But to my surprise, he doesn’t stop at the bed. Instead, he walks straight into the bathroom, depositing me on the cold granite counter.
“What are you—” My words die when he turns to the tub, then leans over for the faucet. “Oh.”
“What? Isn’t this what you had in mind?”
“I mean…I was thinking I’d be naked, if that’s what you mean.”
He chuckles, and as the sound bounces around the bathroom, I see some of the muscles locking up his shoulders loosen.
“Don’t worry. In my head, you’re always naked,” he confesses before shooting me a look over his shoulder that has me squirming.
I watch as he pours in a generous amount of bubbles and then stalks back over to me.
“Arms up,” he demands. Despite being bare for him last night, nerves rock through me.
Even before being pregnant, my body wasn’t like those of the women he’s pictured with online. But twenty weeks in, and my hips are wider, my breasts fuller, and my stomach is getting rounder by the day.
But as I comply and the fabric leaves my hands, descending for the floor behind Everett, he takes every inch of me in.
“Masterpiece,” he muses, taking his time to run his eyes over every inch of me before sliding his palms up my thighs and ducking his head to steal my lips.
He kisses me until I’m breathless, and just when I think he’s going to up the ante and give me what I need, he tugs me from the counter and carries me to the tub.
“How’s the temperature?” he asks as my toes tip into the water.
“Perfect,” I breathe before he lowers me fully into the soothing water and fluffy bubbles.
A frown tugs at my brows when he releases me and takes a step back.
“Where are you going?” I ask in a panic.
“Trust me?” he asks with a smirk as he continues backing toward the door.
I’m pretty sure he’s expecting me to say no, because when the opposite falls from my lips, his entire body locks up in surprise.
“Y-You—”
“I trust you,” I confirm.
He tries to fight the smile, but he can’t—and just before he turns away and disappears from the room, I catch it as it spreads across his face.
As his footsteps get quieter and then the sound of him crashing about in the kitchen hits my ears, I can’t help thinking that he really has nothing to be worried about.
He’s already doing the most incredible job looking after us.
I have no reason to believe that’ll change once the season starts and then when our little one arrives.
“Breakfast, milady,” he announces when he reappears with the tray. Only this time, it’s coffee—decaf, obviously—OJ again, and a huge bowl of fresh fruit.
My mouth waters, but as he rests the tray on a table beside the bath, he turns his attention to ridding himself of his underwear.
Oh yeah, this just got a million times better.
“Scooch forward,” he instructs as he stalks closer, his already hard cock exactly at my eye level.
My tongue sneaks out to wet my lips, and without knowing, I lean closer.
“Oh shit,” Everett rasps as I reach out and wrap my hand around him.
“Bea, that wasn’t—” he starts, staring down at me with wide, wanton eyes.
“Fuck,” he adds when I lean forward and flick my tongue across his tip, collecting up the precum that’s already beading there.
“Sweetheart, I—” The second I take him in my mouth, all his words die in favor of watching me.
Shifting onto my knees, I take him a little deeper, letting his taste coat my tongue.
His fingers sink into my hair, but he doesn’t take over; he lets me set the pace.
I don’t take him right to the back of my mouth to start with, but he doesn’t seem to mind that my mouth focuses on the head, while my hand works the rest. In fact, from the look on his face, you’d think he’d never had head before.
Which, obviously, is categorically not true, but I appreciate his enjoyment, nonetheless.
“Fuck, you’re going to make me come in this hot little mouth if you keep doing that, sweetheart.”
I stare up at him and suck a little harder, my hand working his shaft.
His nostrils flare, his stomach muscles contract, and then his cock jerks violently, spilling cum across my tongue.
I take it all before sitting back and swallowing.
“You’re a dirty girl, aren’t you, sweetheart?” He grips my chin between his fingers, tilts my head back, and kisses me as deeply as possible, not giving a single shit that he can taste himself on my tongue.
Finally, he sinks in behind me, and I snuggle back against his chest, loving the way his strong thighs and arms wrap protectively around me. But it’s not just me anymore.
“What’s wrong?” Everett asks the second I gasp.
“Nothing,” I breathe, grabbing his hand and pressing it against the side of my stomach where I just felt movement.
Every week, it’s getting stronger. Our little one getting more powerful.
Maybe today is the day that he’ll get to experience it too.
“Can you feel that?” I ask.
“No,” he says sadly. “Maybe it’s still too early.” I hate the sadness in his tone. I hate that he’s missing out on something.
“Press a little harder,” I encourage.
“I-I don’t want to hurt you.
“You won’t,” I assure him.
Only the sound of our heavy breathing fills the bathroom as we wait.
The seconds tick by as I will our little one to move again.
And then, right when I think it’s not going to happen. That familiar flutter happens inside me before something pokes me in the side.
The hitch in Everett’s breathing tells me he felt it too.
“Oh my god,” he whispers, as if speaking any louder will scare him off.
Thankfully, he doesn’t, and our little one does it again. If anything, it’s harder this time. The moment Everett feels it, the most incredible sound erupts from him. His laughter is infectious ad I find myself giggling along with him.
“This is crazy,” he final confesses. “There is a person literally inside you.”
“Yep,” I confirm, just as in awe of the whole situation as he is.
“Our baby.”
“Our baby,” I confirm, my heart so full it causes my eyes to burn with tears.
“I promise, I’m going to do my very best for both of you.”
“I know,” I breath, losing my fight with my tears.