Chapter 18
CHAPTER 18
S ometimes reality, like standing here holding a cup of too-cool tea in the cold studio as she struggled to remember her lines, left a lot to be desired. Sometimes, however, reality exceeded even Ainsley’s full-color imagination. Like the kiss she’d experienced on New Year’s Eve, which surpassed all others in its utter perfection.
Kissing Zac was perfection. His kiss was the best she’d experienced in her life—and she’d kissed more than a few men over the years, as the internet well knew. The kiss they’d shared on the dance floor had stirred up more later, stolen during the evening, in his Porsche. She’d been sorely tempted to invite him in when he’d returned her home, before God reminded her she was His daughter now, and just what had happened when she’d done that with Baden. Not that Zac was anything like him; she was pretty sure Zac was as close to perfect as his kiss sure was.
But as perfect as kissing Zac was, she also knew it was a mistake.
Now that she’d blurred the lines with Zac she felt a new pressure with him, one that felt a lot like guilt, like she was using him. And while he’d agreed initially not to fall in love with her, there were moments when she wondered if he was keeping his side of the bargain. Heaven knew she found maintaining this role challenging, and she was used to acting a part. There were moments when Zac would look at her with such intensity, or he’d smile and butterflies soared in her stomach. And now his lingering hugs and kisses, that jewelry, felt like it was tipping into realness, as witnessed by that moment when she’d suggested their scorching kiss on the dance floor was perfect for convincing others, and meant nothing else.
She’d needed a long moment to let air fill her lungs and clear her mind and remember that this was fake. But the hurt in his eyes before he swallowed, nodded and looked away, suggested he was maybe as impacted by the searing kiss as she was. To use an Abigail-ism, his kiss felt like he’d been branded on her soul.
Guilt at hurting him only added to the other pressures in her life. She was glad for her shooting schedule, glad he had games, glad he had training, and they both had media and other obligations that meant they wouldn’t see each other for a week or so. She needed time to recalibrate, time to remember they weren’t really real. It was just a shame he was so good at acting the role of her fake boyfriend.
“Ainsley, they’re ready for you.”
She glanced at her script for a refresher—what she should’ve been doing now instead of thinking about, well, what she should’ve been doing with Zac. Or not doing. Or— No, stop thinking about him.
“Ainsley?”
She pasted on professionalism, straightened, then tried to dive back into the headspace of her bookstore owner Karen, whose love for Agatha Christie and P. D. James made her see mysteries on the small island where she lived. Breathe in, breathe out. Pretend you’re Jessica Fletcher or Aunty Win in her nineties TV show heyday.
“And get ready,” Gwen, their director, called. “And action.”
“Karen?” Jason called. “Come look at this.”
She turned and moved quickly, bumping into a table that gave a screech.
“Cut. Whoa Ainsley, are you okay?”
She rubbed her hip. “I’ll be fine.” Probably would be bruised though.
Bruises like those Aunty Win had worn. Like her grandma. Like those women whom Violet House sought to support.
“Let’s try that again,” Gwen instructed.
“Come on girl. Refocus,” she muttered to herself.
“You okay, Ainsley?” Jason asked.
“Yep. Just trying to get in the zone.”
“You want to practice walking through the kitchen again?”
“Excuse me?”
“Whoa.” He held two hands up. “Don’t get mad.”
Oh. He wasn’t being snarky. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t concentrate, and kept misreading people? This wasn’t how a professional should act.
“Ainsley?” Gwen called. “Can you give me five?”
“Sure.” Lord, please snap me out of whatever is wrong with me. She pasted on a smile and moved to where the director sat.
“Ainsley, I know you’re a pro, but I’m not feeling your head is in this right now. Are you sick? Is something wrong?”
So many things. Guilt about Zac. Concern for her aunt’s health. Problems with the house. Conflicted feelings over the artificiality of what she was doing versus the real stories that needed to be told.
“I’m going to guess it’s not relationship trouble,” the director continued. “Things seem to be going well with your handsome hockey hunk.”
“Seemed to be” was exactly the point. How it appeared. How it looked. None of it was really real. Was it?
“Look, I know you’ve probably got a lot going on in your world, but right now, I need you to focus and get into Karen’s head and be Karen. Okay?”
She nodded. How humiliating. She’d never needed to be chided for her lack of acting ability before. And she was the lead actress. “I’m sorry. I’ll do better.”
“We have a lot riding on this show. You do too, especially if you want to continue to be branching out into different roles like this.”
“I know,” she said in a small voice.
“Then let’s see the old Ainsley Beckett magic, okay?”
“You got it.”
She gritted her teeth and summoned up big Karen energy. Lord, help me .
“And I’m sorry, but it seems that there is another hiccup.”
She bit back a sigh and closed her eyes, and leaned her head against her living room window. Stirling’s voice suggested it wasn’t a small one, either. “What’s the problem?”
“We’re trying to get the zoning changed, and I know you want this done fast, but I did warn you that it might take longer than anticipated, especially if there were objections from the neighbors.”
“There are objections?” Who could want to object to helping out needy women and families?
“Apparently some of the neighbors have fears that should the site be discovered, there will be dangerous people lurking about.” Stirling cleared his throat. “That was the wording I saw in the submission.”
“I thought it was too early for people to object?”
“When it’s a project like this, White Night have some strings they can pull to expedite matters, and they’ve pulled what they can. But I’m afraid if we pull any harder, then we run the risk of knotting things and ensuring the council won’t want to play.”
There were a few too many metaphors in that statement, but she wouldn’t point that out. “So what do we do?”
“We wait, and pray. And hope for the best.”
“I don’t want to sound pushy, but it is hugely important. My aunt is sick, she’s convinced she’s dying, and I don’t want her to die without seeing this come to pass.”
“I understand that, Ainsley, I really do. But you need to know that the council powers-that-be are never moved by sentiment of emotion, seeing as they’re chained to bureaucracy.”
“I know.” Her voice was small. “Is there, do you think there is any point in attaching my name to this project?”
“Honestly? I don’t think so. As your lawyer I would advise you to keep your name distanced from it. And I’m just reminding you what you once told me to say, should you ask this question.”
Darn. She had, too. To avoid questions about why she was so personally invested. She neither wanted to invite speculation or expose her family’s pain or make this about her again. “Well, thank you for having a good memory.”
He chuckled. “That’s what you pay me the big bucks for.”
“Speaking of that, I don’t suppose you want to drop your fees?”
“You can afford me.”
True.
“But I thought you might like to know that because I believe in this project, I’m dropping my fees.”
“Oh, you don’t have to do that.”
“Yeah, I kind of felt like I did.”
Her eyes blurred. She blinked it back. “Thank you.”
“I’ll be praying for your aunt. She’s sick?”
“She’s had bone cancer for the past few years, and now it’s looking pretty grim.”
“I’m so sorry.”
She swallowed, suddenly unable to speak.
“Okay, well, I’ll let you go now,” he said gently, “and if there’s any news, you’ll be the first to know.”
“Thank you,” she murmured.
She ended the call, then exhaled, her breath fogging the pane of glass. Louie wove between her legs, and she picked him up. She should be at Zac’s game, but her long shooting schedule meant she was too tired, so she’d apologized and said she couldn’t tonight.
Distance from him meant more time to get her heart right. Meant more time to try to sort out some of the mess in her mind. More time to hopefully find a path forward, that would see God lead her, instead of being buffeted by other people’s desires.
“Lord, direct my steps,” she murmured.
She peered outside, wiped the pane clear. Zac’s apartment—now she knew where to look—had a light on. She hadn’t visited his place yet, knew it wasn’t wise. Especially for two Christians who kissed as passionately as they did. They needed to be with people, with chaperones, which sounded just as old-fashioned as Ainsley’s cringeworthy comment about wanting a man to “husband” her, all those weeks ago. Ugh. She couldn’t believe herself sometimes. “You’re so lame.”
Her phone rang. Rosie. She wrinkled her nose, tempted to leave it, then knew she’d spend all night wondering what her agent wanted, so answered. “Good evening.”
“Oh, good. You’re answering.”
She closed her eyes.
“Look, I’m just checking in. Mal Hendricks got in touch and said he wanted to start shooting a little earlier this year. Maybe April.”
“April, not June?”
“I know it’s two months earlier than normal. But I don’t know why,” Rosie said.
Maybe Cassie would know, and Ainsley could find out when she and Harrison were in town next week, to see Franklin play.
“Anyway, this Christmas mystery movie will be well and truly done by then, but thought you should know.”
“Thanks.” Oh, why was she saying yes to this? Did she really want to do another season of As The Heart Draws ?
“Is that okay? You don’t sound like yourself tonight.”
“Sorry, I’ve got a few other things on my mind right now.”
“Would one of those things be a Zac Parotti kind of thing? It’s wonderful to see that’s going so well.”
“I feel guilty, Rosie, like I’m stringing him along.”
“He’s a big boy. You told him the facts, didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“And he agreed to them, didn’t he?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Then don’t let it bother you.”
Easier said than done. “He’s a nice guy, Rosie. I feel bad, like I’m taking advantage of him.”
“Look, you gotta remember that he’s capitalizing on this too. He’s getting to clean up his reputation, just like this is doing wonders for yours. Have you seen the headlines about that kiss on New Year’s Eve?”
She’d tried to stay off social media, but had been tagged in a few accounts, and a few headlines that made her cringe.
Ainsley’s Hottie New Year.
As The Lips Draw.
Zac Scores Again.
To have their beautiful moment—something that had felt real, no less—splashed about and sniggered about felt so hard.
“You know you don’t have to quit being with him on Valentine’s Day,” Rosie reminded her. “You can make this real. It certainly seems real in some of those photos.”
That was the point of those photos, wasn’t it? To look real.
But after weeks of pushing him away, how could she say she wanted more? Did she even want more? Could she trust him? He’d been the perfect fake boyfriend, but this was doing him good, too. He was finding time to leave the women aside and lean on God. Regardless, any talk about whether to make this fake relationship real was a conversation she needed to have with Zac, when they could finally talk. One day.
“Oh, and a heads-up: you may want to sit down for this.”
Uh-oh. She stayed standing. “What is it?”
“It’s more a case of who is it.”
No. She closed her eyes. “Don’t say it.”
“I’m sorry, Ains, but I thought you should know. He’s in town because someone somewhere thought he’d be good in Ryan Reynolds’s new movie.”
“He’s here in Vancouver?” Please God, keep me safe from him.
“I’m sorry, honey. It’s true. Baden Daniels is back in town.”
Her stomach clenched. God protect her.
* * *
A week not seeing Ainsley felt like far too long. Zac missed her, missed seeing her after his games, missed touching her, holding her. He knew she had been busy, but it almost felt like she was using busyness as an excuse to not keep in touch. Ever since that moment after their scorching hot midnight kiss on the dance floor, when she said it was good for convincing others of their story, he started to wonder if she was just a much better actress than he had given her credit for. Could somebody kiss him like that, act like she was into it as much as him, then say that to him?
Chris and Diana had warned him, and now, with Ainsley not talking to him, he felt a little like maybe they were right.
He settled into his seat at the Thomas’s dining table, ready for tonight’s online Bible study.
The other guys came in. Luc had his teammate, Travis. Jai sat with Doug Lehtonen. Huh. Who knew those dudes were Christians? But then again, maybe they weren’t, and were here to check out the Bible study, just like Zac had done last year.
“Hey, it’s awesome to see more new blood tonight.” Mike grinned, then tilted the camera to include Franklin James and another newbie, their Calgary teammate, Tom Chavez.
“Welcome.”
Looked like some people had been doing better at inviting others along than he had. Of course, that probably meant opening his mouth and talking about his faith.
Chris nudged him. “We should’ve asked Drew to come.”
Yep. Shoulda, woulda.
“Hey Parotti, I didn’t think you’d be here,” Doug said.
“Right back atcha.”
Lehtonen smirked. “Brent Karlsson was at me to come to something like this for years.” He shrugged. “I figured now I’m out here on the west coast that it was time to figure it out.”
“Good to see you, man,” Chris said. “Even if it’s kind of not.”
The others laughed, as yeah, they welcomed the competition but knew the competition Doug brought would be tough.
Mike and Jai explained a little more about the group’s objective—to support each other as men trying to live with godly standards in an oftentimes harsh world. “It’s great to be with guys who have your back, beyond teammates who we all know aren’t always around the following year.”
Thanks to trades, or injury, or retirement for various reasons.
“And I know that it might seem a little weird, but we like to talk about our lives, discuss how the Bible relates to us, and pray for each other. So tonight isn’t a Bible study as such, but more a chance to connect and share a bit about what’s been happening.”
Mike shared a bit about his family Christmas, how his twins were doing now they were one-year-olds. “It’s amazing to see what God’s done in the past year.”
Ryan joined, looking pretty smiley. “Sorry I’m late. Hey, good to see you guys.”
“Dude, what’s going on with you?” Luc asked. “Too busy for us, huh?”
“Obviously not. That’s why I’m here.”
“So, it looks like some people have been keeping busy over New Year,” Luc continued. “What was the headline I saw? Parotti the hottie? Ainsley’s MVP?”
“Dude, no.” Zac shook his head.
“No, it was Ainsley Gets Her Gun.”
He shoved Chris as the others laughed.
“You looked like you were enjoying your time with her,” Jai said with a wink.
Who knew what pictures they’d seen?
“I’m looking forward to finding out the truth when we’re there soon.” Franklin said. “My sister, Cassie, she’s the one who runs the film set on the ranch where Ainsley films As The Heart Draws , she’ll be coming too. And Harrison Woods,” he added.
“You can get the lowdown,” Chris said to Zac.
Maybe he could. Maybe he could find out their thoughts on whether Ainsley could see a future with him. Whether this could be real.
“Anyone else got something to share?”
“Actually…” Ryan grinned.
“No way. You didn’t?” Luc said.
“I did. And she said yes.”
“Really? Congrats, man!” Luc said, as everyone else offered their congratulations. “You didn’t announce it anywhere.”
“I leave that social media stuff to Zac and Ainsley,” Ryan said.
“Zainsley,” Doug Lehtonen murmured.
“Stop,” Zac pleaded.
“Can’t.” Doug crossed his arms. “It’s too fun to stop making fun of you.”
Tom laughed. “You can’t blame us for enjoying watching you squirm. You make the rest of us look bad.”
“Well, to be fair, that’s not hard with some of you,” Chris said.
More howls of laughter, amid some protests.
Clearly he needed the attention drawn away from him. “Congratulations, Ryan. When are you planning the big day?”
“He says that like he wants to avoid a clashing date,” Franklin murmured, loud enough so everyone could hear.
“Nothing’s settled, but you’re all invited when it is. Although I’d be happy to elope to Vegas tomorrow.”
“Mmm. That’d be warmer than Edmonton this time of year.”
“All times of year,” Doug smirked.
“Hannah and I wondered about doing something like that,” Franklin said. “But it was good to have family and friends at our wedding last year.”
“I’m real happy for you, Ryanator,” Chris said. “But I have to confess, I’m kind of surprised that you didn’t pop the question, Luc.”
“Come on. Bailey and I have only been going out a few months.”
“You don’t want to rush the man,” Mike said. “Slow and steady wins the race.”
“Yeah, no offense, but not everyone wants to be as slow as you,” Doug said. “Karlsson might’ve told me a thing or two about you and Bree.” He winked.
Mike and Brent Karlsson were best buddies, so Zac could just imagine what Brent might’ve spilled.
“Is Bailey doing another Dance Off Canada season?” Tom asked.
Luc nodded. “That’s also kind of why I didn’t want to say anything yet. She’s got her tour happening soon, so I figured I’d wait until Valentine’s Day.”
“To pop the question?” Ryan asked.
“You guys are not allowed to say anything, okay?”
“Lips are sealed.”
“They better be.” Luc pointed at them. “I know where most of you live.”
“Most, not all.” Doug winked.
But Zac had tuned out, the conversation stirring a reminder.
Valentine’s Day. The day that Ainsley had said their arrangement would end. The day he hoped he could turn this arrangement real.
If she was talking to him by then, that is.