Chapter 25
CHAPTER 25
I t was one thing to declare he was going to tell people he was following Jesus. It was quite another to actually tell his folks. He’d prayed about it, asked Chris and Diana to pray for him too, then figured he probably should trust God to open the right door at the right time, rather than kick it open as he might once have been inclined to do. Love was patient, and all that.
Zac leaned back in his seat at the dining table, offered his mom a smile. “Thanks. That was delicious.”
“I know it’s probably not as healthy as you like, but—”
“It was delicious. Thank you.”
Her face softened, like she still thought of him as her baby boy. “Ma.”
“I can’t help it. I’m so proud of you. Especially now you’re dating Ainsley Beckett!”
His heart glitched.
“It’s a shame she couldn’t come today. I bet she was busy, huh?”
She probably was, so “I guess.”
“You guess?” She frowned. “Come on, Zac. What kind of man doesn’t know what his girlfriend is doing?”
There was that word again. So maybe it was time for this particular truth to spill. Here goes… “The kind who isn’t going out with her anymore.”
She blinked. “What did you say?”
“Me and Ainsley broke up, Ma. On Valentine’s Day.”
“But she posted that picture of you two.”
He glanced at his dad who hadn’t said anything. His father was watching him with a narrowed gaze. Zac turned back to his mom. “She did, and we broke up soon after.”
“Oh, Zac.”
Ainsley’s acting skills had obviously rubbed off enough on him, given the way he could shrug like it didn’t matter. “It’s okay. It was all fake anyway.”
“Fake?” his mom squawked.
Hadn’t he told them that months ago? He explained again, just in case.
His mom shook her head. “I don’t believe it.”
“Believe it or not, it’s still happened.”
She slumped in her seat. “So that must be what they meant.”
“What who meant?”
“Your sister. My friends. All these people messaging today saying Ainsley’s cut her hair.”
“Has she?” He’d unfollowed her on Instagram, but quickly found her profile now and looked at the screen. Saw her last post, with her hair now cut to her chin, which seemed to make her eyes wider and more sparkly. His heart ached. If he’d thought her beautiful before, now she was a knockout. “Wow.”
“No, not wow. This is terrible!” She tapped on Zac’s phone. “You know what that is?”
“A beautiful woman?” Who looked even sexier and more confident than he remembered.
“That is a revenge haircut. I had all these people ask if you’ve broken up because a woman getting a dramatic haircut is a classic breakup move.”
“Okay.” Good to know.
“Okay?” she nearly yelled. “None of this is okay. I loved her. I loved telling all my friends that my son was going to marry Abigail from As The Heart Draws .”
“Looks like you spoke too soon,” his dad finally said.
“Don’t you go givin’ me sass.” She scowled at Zac. “You don’t seem nearly as upset as you should be.”
“How upset do you want me, Ma?”
She threw her hands in the air. “A little bit of emotion would be nice.”
Sometimes he thought God had given his mom so much emotion that there was none to spare for him. “Do you want me to cry, is that it?”
“Not cry. But not look like you don’t care.”
“I do care about her, Mom.”
“Then why are you apart? Why aren’t you fighting for her?”
“Because she needs time to sort stuff out, and I was adding pressure to her life. It’s easier this way. Cleaner.”
His dad huffed. “You’ve always been about keeping things clean.”
“I don’t mean it to sound like that. Just I would rather wait until she is fully able to love me like I love her.”
His mom sighed. “You love her?”
“I’m pretty sure I do, Ma.”
“I can’t believe she hurt you like this.”
As his mom kept going on about Ainsley, how she was a man-eater, a one-date wonder with her reputation for casting off men, and she’d never thought her little boy would be among them, that she’d now never get a trip to the ranch to see the As The Heart Draws set, he had to keep calling to mind those verses about real love. That it was patient, that it persevered, wasn’t rude, didn’t keep a record of wrongs.
The words were as true for his dealings with his mom as for how he thought about Ainsley. He wouldn’t let his mind dwell on her faults, not when he had so many faults of his own.
His mom pulled out her phone, and it took him a few seconds to realize what she was doing. “Mom, no.”
She glanced up at him, then smiled and tapped her screen.
He leaped up to look at her phone, then she held it away from him. “What did you do?”
When she refused to answer, he got out his own phone. Went to Facebook, and saw—true to form—his mom had posted something mean about Ainsley.
“Ma, you need to delete that.”
“Why? She hurt you, Zac.”
“I told you. I love her.”
“What? You can’t. Not now.”
“I do. Now delete it. Please.”
“But… but…”
He snatched the phone from her, and held it until she grumpily deleted the post. With any luck nobody would have seen it, and it would be banished to the internet netherworld.
“I don’t understand you,” his mom complained. “How can you say you love her after what she did?”
“Because that’s what love is, Ma. It doesn’t give up. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
“But that’s foolish. The woman has given up on you.”
“Ainsley is working through a bunch of things. I’m happy to wait until she’s ready for me.”
“Happy?”
Okay, well happy might be overselling things. “I’m content to wait.” He’d learn to be.
“I don’t understand this at all. What is wrong with you?”
Maybe this was his opportunity. “Actually Ma, I feel like something is finally right with me.”
“What? What are you talking about? How can you say that after what has happened? How could she reject my perfect boy?”
“Actually, I’ve never been perfect.”
“What do you mean?” his mom asked. His dad eyed him, but said nothing.
Zac swallowed. Here goes. God, feel free to help me out . “Look, I don’t think you would judge me for saying facts. You and I both know I’ve had a lot of success and won lots of awards, but I still felt like something was missing. So I got talking to people, and now I found some peace.”
“What kinds of people?” his mom asked suspiciously.
“A counselor?” His dad’s nose screwed up.
“Nope.” Zac swallowed. “Some Christians.”
His dad’s eyes widened, as his mom gasped. “Don’t tell me you’ve joined a cult?”
He chuckled and shook his head. “I haven’t joined a cult, Ma. But I have become a Christian.”
His mom’s forehead puckered. “But you already were.”
“No, I wasn’t,” he said gently. “Before, I might’ve gone to church with you sometimes when I was younger, but it didn’t mean that I believed in God, or had accepted Jesus as my Lord, or was trying to follow Him, or do what Jesus said.”
His dad blinked as his mom’s mouth swung open. “Are you sure that you’re feeling okay?”
Lord, touch their hearts. “I’m feeling more at peace than I have for a long time.” He shrugged. “Even with the Ainsley thing. If that’s not meant to be, then God has something better for me.”
“Well, of course there is someone better for you,” his mom scoffed. “I can never like a girl who dumped you.”
“It was a mutual thing,” he reminded her. “And you need to be careful what you say and what you post in case we get back together.”
“I’ll never let that woman set foot in this house again.”
Zac glanced at his dad, who wore a wry grin.
“I cannot believe you, Zac,” his mom continued. “How can you think that what we believe, what I believe, is not enough?”
Because he suspected his parents didn’t know the difference yet between religion and relationship. One was like Ainsley’s show kiss, the other involved the heart. Not that he had a hope of explaining that right now. Too much else was going down for them to truly hear.
“Leave the boy alone,” his dad growled. “He’s happy. Isn’t that enough?”
“Are you happy?” his mom asked anxiously. “You can’t be. Not with Ainsley dumping you like that.”
Happy wasn’t quite right. Peace-filled fit better. “Like I said, I’m more at peace now than I have been for a long time.”
“You do seem different,” his mom murmured.
“And after years of doing things my own way, I’m kind of enjoying doing things differently. Like God’s way.”
“You mean with all this stuff about love?”
“Yep. It’s not easy, but it’s good. And that’s making me a better man, so I can be the best man for a wife one day.”
“Wow.”
He smiled at his dad. The husband for a wife who wanted a man to husband her.
Please, God.
* * *
“Oh my goodness, I can’t believe it. Just look at you.”
Ainsley smothered a smile at Rosie’s histrionics as she fondled the sharp edge to her blunt cut. “It looks pretty awesome, doesn’t it?”
Rosie groaned as Mal shook his head. She’d guessed this conference call wasn’t going to be easy, but hadn’t counted on them starting with her hair.
“I saw the latest images,” Rosie said. “You know they’ll keep pasting your head onto those bodies no matter what you do.”
“That’s not why I got my hair cut,” she said stiffly.
“But why? Why did you do this? You know there’s a clause in your contract that you can’t cut your hair.”
“I forgot about that clause. But I can wear a wig. Besides, my hair is going to a charity that makes wigs for cancer patients, so that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” she added, goading them to agree.
But by their silence, it didn’t seem they did.
“What is wrong with you, Ainsley?” Mal eventually complained. “Why do you keep making poor choices?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Your hair. The strip club. And now this.”
“Now what?”
Mal held up his phone, but she couldn’t see. “I’m sorry, that’s really blurry. What is it a picture of?”
“It’s a picture of someone who looks like you. Exiting a well-known entertainment reporter’s apartment very late at night.”
Well, there was only one of those. “Do you mean Emmett’s apartment?”
His chin dipped.
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand why you would ask me that.”
“Is this you?”
“Well, yes.”
Rosie deflated, like she thought Ainsley had been spilling all the tea in a tell-all interview with Vancouver Tonight .
“I was at a party,” Ainsley clarified.
“Is there something you need to tell us?” Mal asked.
Judging from that look, she guessed so, but what it was she had no clue. Then the pieces fell together. Oh. That. Looked like it was time for one of her family’s biggest secrets to finally see the light. Not that she’d make this easy on Mal. “I’m afraid you might need to explain what you mean.”
Mal cleared his throat. “Let’s just say that your actions are not very family-friendly.”
Family-friendly? Visiting her brother on his birthday? She laughed, then stopped at their looks of shock. “I think it’s very family-friendly. Didn’t you know that Emmett is the partner of my brother, Mack?”
Judging from those sagged jaws, no, they had not.
“Partner, did you say?”
“Partner, not friend?” Rosie probed.
“Emmett and Mack have been partners for two years. And while I don’t agree with everything they do, I’m also not going to turn my back on my brother. Especially on his birthday.”
“Ainsley, while it’s nice that you’re wanting to be progressive, I really feel like you are making some poor choices at this time,” Mal said again.
“Excuse me? Didn’t you hear what I said? Mack is my brother . I’m not going to reject my brother because people are judgmental. That’s not showing love, is it? That’s not loving my family. That’s not being a friend to my family.”
He exhaled. “I’m afraid I can’t agree with the sentiment that love is love, regardless of what so many people think these days.”
“I don’t think what a lot of people call love is real love either,” she said softly. Like what she’d thought it was.
Mal sagged in relief. “So you’re not saying you support their relationship?”
Lord, give me wisdom . What was true? What was real? “I love Mack, and I support him. Does it mean I agree with his lifestyle and everything he does? No. But then he doesn’t agree with everything I do either.”
Like giving Rosie so much control in her life. Like being boxed into playing Abigail forever. Like letting people think things about her that weren’t true.
“But no, Mal, I think you misunderstood what I meant earlier about real love. I know this probably won’t make me popular, but I don’t think what we see in all of these shows I do is real love.”
She ignored Rosie’s gasp and pressed on. “Lately I’ve been learning that love isn’t about the fluffy feelings, all the romance and candles, and emotions. That’s all nice and good, but real love is a lot grittier than that. It’s messy. It’s not easy to stuff into a box. It requires patience and perseverance, and seeks the best of the other person.”
Just like Zac , her heart seemed to sing. Just like Zac .
“So, I’m sorry if I’m not the perfect sweet, innocent actress that you want. I’ve never been that person. Not for a long time anyway. But at least now I’m not trying to pretend to be something that I’m not.”
“I thought you were a Christian,” Mal said.
“I am a Christian,” she said. “And I’m trying to follow what I believe Jesus Christ would do. And that is to love those people in the world who are hated and looked down upon by the religious. I’m sorry if that offends people, but if it does, then they probably need to ask themselves: what would Jesus do? Who would He be spending time with these days if He was walking around in the world? I think He’d be trying to make a difference and showing what real love actually looks like, rather than playing make believe.”
Rosie placed her head in her hands.
Mal’s eyes narrowed. “What are you saying, Ainsley?”
Emotion roared up from within. “I’m saying that I don’t think all these shows and movies that keep things sweetly safe yet unrealistic are helpful all the time. Some of the time, sure. But I don’t think it’s healthy to only eat sugary sweetness or have a viewing diet that offers the same. And I don’t want to stay pigeonholed as Abigail forever. People are more complicated than that, relationships are more complicated than that. Life is more complicated than that, and that’s what I want to show in the sort of work that I do.”
“I understand that you’re emotional, Ainsley, but I think you need to be very careful what you say,” Rosie said, a glint in her eye.
“What I’m hearing,” Mal said, hands folded together, “is that you don’t want to play Abigail anymore. Is that correct?”
Moment of truth time. She bolstered within. “Correct.”
Rosie gasped.
“I know I have another year on my contract, but after that I’d like to be written out.”
Mal nodded. “Good.”
“Good?” Rosie asked.
“It will make this next thing far easier to say.”
“Mal, no,” Rosie whispered, her eyes large like she was watching her percentage of Ainsley’s large salary fade away.
“I’m glad you’re finally being honest, Ainsley, as we can’t afford to have someone who consistently flouts our code of conduct,” Mal said. “I feel you give me no other option than to say we are going to have to terminate your contract, effective immediately.”
She pushed against her seat, her chest feeling like she’d been slammed with a large boulder.
“You can’t terminate her contract,” Rosie protested. “She’s got another year left on it.”
That she did. What would Mal do about that?
“I think you’ll find the contract contains the clause about unbecoming and unsatisfactory behavior—”
“I reject that my behavior has been unsatisfactory,” Ainsley said.
“It has been unbecoming.”
“Not to someone who is doing her best to follow Jesus.”
Mal pointed at her. “If you think you can follow Jesus like that and work in this industry, then I think you’re sadly mistaken.”
For a moment she burned to tell him of some of the other Christians she knew working in the industry. But she kept her mouth shut. Who knew what Mal might do in this moment? He seemed so angry that he might terminate Harrison’s contract too.
“Fans don’t want your good intentions rammed down their throat, Ainsley,” Mal roared. “TV is about ratings, not trying to educate the fans about real life. They don’t want real life. They want the fantasy, they want to escape. That’s what this industry is about.”
Emotion roared through her chest. “I would rather follow Jesus than work in an industry where predatory men take advantage of innocent young girls who are just starting out in their career, who then go on to question their own judgement about everything. I would rather follow Jesus than trust those who clearly don’t have my best interests at heart, and who make decisions based on their cut of the pie. I would rather make a difference and shine a light and help women escape from places of darkness than play pretend and naively think everything’s all right. And I know I don’t have everything together, but I am done playing pretend.”
She looked at Rosie. “Rosie, thank you for standing up for me, especially against Baden Daniels when he tried to hurt me after stupid, naive me fell for him all those years ago.”
Mal blinked, but she pressed on.
“Thank you for continuing to fight for me, even with this latest stupid round of photoshopped images.” Photoshopped with her new hairstyle. Those cockroaches were persistent. “But I cannot continue in this arrangement, where I feel like you’re trying to control me. I am more than my hair, more than these roles you keep foisting on me. So unless you can offer me something that I can truly believe in, that aligns with my values as a Christian who is trying to make a difference in this world, then I’m afraid I won’t be needing your services any longer.”
Rosie gasped.
“Now,” Ainsley pushed back from her computer while offering an Academy Award-winner of a smile, “I have to leave to catch a ferry to go see my aunt who is dying. Thank you for your time. God bless, and good night.”
And she switched off the computer, slumped in her seat, and cried.