Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Valentina
Overanalyzing 101: Advanced Edition
The aroma of coffee and freshly baked muffins wraps around me as I sit at the island in Noelle’s kitchen, absently peeling the label off my water bottle. My sister is, without question, the best baker in the family. I mean, I can hold my own, but Noelle? She’s in a league of her own. Pretty sure she inherited that from Grandma Jane—Mom’s mom. Meanwhile, I take after Grandma Holly. A free spirit who can bake but would much rather hit up the nearest bakery. Why bother when someone else can do it better?
At the stove, Noelle hums Jingle Bell Rock, completely oblivious to my inner chaos. That’s Noelle for you. It doesn’t matter the time of the year, there’s always a Christmas tune on repeat in her head. It’s both endearing and maddening.
“You’re quiet,” she says, glancing over her shoulder at me. Her tone is casual, but her raised brow tells me she’s already dissecting me. “What’s wrong?”
I shrug, taking a long sip from my water bottle and refusing to meet her gaze. “Nothing.”
Noelle snorts, the sound loud and unladylike—classic Noelle. It tugs a reluctant smile from me despite myself. “Bullshit. Spill it, Val.”
I sigh, letting my shoulders sag as I give in. Noelle is relentless when she smells something’s up, and I just don’t have the energy to dodge her today. “It’s about Kaden.”
Her head tilts, curiosity lighting up her face. She turns off the stove, wipes her hands on a dish towel, and slides onto the stool across from me. “The hot hockey player you should definitely be banging?” she asks, drawing out the word with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer.
“Yes,” I groan, my face heating. “My client,” I add, grimacing. “Who I shouldn’t . . . ugh, fuck. It’s complicated.”
“It always is.” She leans on her elbows, chin resting in her hands. “Go on.”
I hesitate, my fingers twisting the cap of the water bottle. “It was supposed to be just a PR thing, right? Fix his image, put on a little show for the media. But now . . . now it doesn’t feel like just that.”
Her eyes widen, and a grin tugs at her lips. “Oh my God. You like him.” Then her gaze narrows. “Oh my god, you did fuck him.”
“I don’t . . . didn’t—” I start, but her knowing look stops me. “Okay, maybe I do like him a little. A little.”
Her grin widens, stretching into something downright smug. “A little?”
“Fine, a lot.” The confession slips out before I can stop it, and I drop my head into my hands.
“And you crossed the line already, didn’t you?” she presses, her voice dripping with amusement.
“Not exactly,” I mumble, peeking at her through my fingers. “I mean, we’ve fooled around.”
Noelle gasps, loud and theatrical, clutching her chest like she’s on stage. “Details. Now.”
“I’m serious,” I groan, slumping against the counter. “I’m his publicist. This is so unprofessional. What happens if this blows up in my face?”
She waves me off like I’m speaking nonsense. “Forget professionalism for a second. Was it good? And what does ‘fooled around’ even mean? Like, ‘We kissed on the couch and he grazed second base,’ or are we talking, ‘He touched my pussy, made me so wet I can’t stop thinking about how badly I want his cock inside me’?”
I choke on air, heat rushing to my face. “Oh my God, Noelle.”
“What?” she says, her grin practically splitting her face. “I need to know what level of unprofessionalism we’re dealing with here. Spill, Val.”
Spill? Like I’m going to tell her what I’ve done with Kaden.
I let him spank me while he fingered my pussy, and it was so good that sometimes I catch myself imagining the sound of his palm on my skin, the way his voice got low and demanding. It makes me want to drive to his house and beg him for a second round. Not just of that, though. I want his cock—deep inside me, filling me up, making me forget my own damn name. I want it in my mouth too, stretching my lips as I taste him, hear him groan my name.
I’ve done things with him I never thought I’d want until I tried them. Sucking his cock wasn’t just sex—it was something else, something intimate. The way he looked at me, like I was his entire fucking world, sent shivers through me. And his words? God, his words were filth wrapped in heat, a promise and a command all at once. I hate how much I loved it. How much I still love it.
But there’s no way I’m saying any of that to Noelle.
I glare at her, trying to compose myself while she sits there smirking like the cat that got the cream. Her eyes sparkle with way too much amusement. “It was the second, okay? And he’s . . . he’s just so . . . good at everything. Like, ridiculously good.”
Her grin widens, downright wicked now, as she leans forward and props her elbows on the counter. “Oh, honey, I knew he’d be good, but ridiculously good? You better give me more than that.”
“Noelle, stop,” I groan, dropping my head into my hands to avoid her gleeful expression.
“What? I remember you asking me what Jacob and I were like when we started, and I never censored myself, did I?” she says like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
Oh, she didn’t censor herself, all right. I never asked for the specifics, but Noelle has always been an oversharer. She told me, in detail, how much she liked it when Jacob fucked her ass and pussy at the same time, calling it “the closest thing to double penetration.” Technically it is DP just not with two men. For a solid month after that, I couldn’t look my brother-in-law in the eye. I mean, who can have a normal conversation about weather or weekend plans after knowing something that intimate?
“Noelle, seriously,” I groan louder this time, squeezing my eyes shut like it’ll erase the mental images threatening to scar me all over again.
“What?” she presses, clearly enjoying every second of my discomfort. “You asked, I delivered. And honestly, Val, maybe you should be taking notes. You look like someone who needs to let loose a little.”
“Let loose?” I shoot back, finally lifting my head. “You’re acting like I’ve been living in a convent.”
“Well, you’ve been acting like it,” she teases, reaching for her coffee and taking a long sip. “Until now, anyway. Clearly, Kaden is unlocking a whole new side of you, and honestly, I’m thrilled for you.”
My face flushes again, but this time it’s not just embarrassment. It’s the realization that, for better or worse, she’s kind of right. Kaden is unlocking something in me—something I’ve kept buried for too long. Something wild, untamed, and entirely his fault.
I shake my head, trying to regain control of the conversation. “Okay, but there’s a difference between letting loose and risking my entire career.”
“Val,” Noelle says, suddenly serious. “If it feels right, it’s worth the risk. Trust me. Life’s too short for ‘what ifs.’”
Her words land somewhere deep inside me, mingling with the chaos of my own thoughts. I hate how much I want to agree with her.
I peek at her through my fingers, shaking my head. “This isn’t funny. It’s dangerous. I’m his publicist. There are rules.”
“Rules, schmules,” she says, waving me off with a flick of her wrist. “You’re not the first publicist to bang their client, and you sure as hell won’t be the last. Besides, Val, let’s be real—you deserve this. A hot hockey player who’s ridiculously good in bed, and into you? Girl, take the win. You’re a professional, but it’s okay to date him too. You’re two consenting adults agreeing on stepping into this relationship. Everyone else doesn’t matter.”
Am I overthinking this? Am I too scared to let myself have something good for once?
“This could ruin everything.”
She gives me a look that’s far too understanding for my comfort. “Or it could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
I shake my head, my chest tightening with a mix of fear and longing. “You don’t get it. After Steve . . . I can’t go through that again. I can’t put my heart on the line just to have someone decide I’m not enough.”
Noelle’s expression shifts, her teasing replaced by something much softer. She reaches across the counter to squeeze my hand, her voice gentler now. “Val, Steve didn’t leave because you weren’t enough. He left because he wasn’t enough. Don’t let his failure keep you from finding something real.”
I bite my lip, her words cutting through the wall I’ve been trying to build around my heart. “What if I’m wrong about Kaden? What if I’m just setting myself up for another heartbreak?”
“What if you’re not?” she counters, tilting her head. “What if he’s exactly what you need, and you’re too scared to see it?”
Her words linger in the air, striking a nerve I didn’t want to admit was there. Kaden isn’t Steve. He’s blunt, frustrating, and rough around the edges, but he’s also kind in ways that catch me off guard. He sees me—not just my job or what I can do for him, but me. And maybe . . . maybe that’s worth the risk.
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I just don’t know.”
Noelle gives me a small smile, squeezing my hand again. “You don’t have to decide right now. But Val, don’t let fear make the decision for you.”
I want to believe I’m strong enough to take this risk, but the fear is still there, whispering that it’s only a matter of time before everything falls apart. Maybe what I need is go back to therapy because letting the past win is not an option. If Kaden is doing the work for his team, I can do the same for my own future, even if it’s not with him.