39. Grace
Grace
“Grace, you need to come back. You’re miserable,” Lucy muttered one day over the phone.
“I can’t now. It’s too far into the lie,” I said, unwrapping another chocolate from the heart-shaped box I picked up at the store earlier today. I was clearly torturing myself with Valentine’s Day approaching next week.
“You love them. Why not fight for them?” she reasoned.
I shook my head even though she couldn’t see me. “You’re an optimist all of a sudden,” I ground out.
She stuttered, “I’m just trying to help.”
“Is there another reason?” I questioned, chuckling before shoving another chocolate in my mouth.
“Maybe,” Lucy teased then added, “It’s also getting that new job. It’s a fresh start.”
“I’m happy for you, babe. You deserve the best.” I tossed the chocolate I was holding back into the box, over the sugar craze already.
“What’s the next step?”
“They already hate me. There’s no point in going back now. I messed up…” I trailed off and heard a beeping sound coming from the phone. “Anne is calling me. Can I call you back?”
“Sure. Talk later.” Lucy hung up.
Why would Caleb’s mother be calling me? I was pretty sure she hated me after everything. “Hello,” I breathed into the phone, confused.
“Oh, Grace, hi,” Anne said breathlessly, sounding out of sorts. “I’m sorry to bother you, but have you heard from Noelle by any chance?”
“No, I haven’t since I left Grand Haven,” I replied. I grew worried thinking about why she was asking me about Noelle. “Anne, what’s going on?”
“Noelle is missing.”
My vision got blurry as my surroundings spun. I almost dropped the phone but grasped it tightly as if it were a lifeline. “Oh my God,” I whispered, biting my lip. I paced my hotel room, trying to get a hold of my equilibrium.
“She snuck out of school during recess. Fiona thinks she saw her heading to the train station. The whole town is looking for her. Please call if you hear from her, Grace. He’s so worried.
” Caleb. He must be beside himself. “We all are. She’s really messed up from you guys breaking up and the bullying …
” Anne pleaded, trailing off, and I agreed to call if I heard from Noelle.
All I wanted to do was close my eyes and pretend this wasn’t happening.
I thought taking myself out of the equation would fix Noelle’s issues at school.
I thought about why Noelle would run away.
At that age, I ran away too when things got bad.
I tried to recall Noelle’s and my conversations to see if there were any clues to her whereabouts.
I fiddled with the bracelet on my wrist. I twirled the charms Noelle had given me before I gasped aloud to the empty room.
All I could think of was something I confided in her.
“My favorite place was and still is The Plaza. My sister used to take me there when things were bad between our parents. We ran away and pretended we were like Eloise and had tea parties and it was magical.”
“Fuck,” I cried, slipping on my shoes and running toward the elevator.
I double pressed the button, but it was taking way too long.
Just as I was about to bolt for the stairs, the elevator doors slid open.
By the time it reached the first floor, my heart was beating frantically in my chest. I burst through the double doors, nearly tripping on the red velvet runner in the lobby.
I scanned the lobby for the little girl who I considered a part of me. A daughter.
I walked toward the gift shop, thinking she might have gone there.
But along the way, I peered toward the front desk and was met with exactly who I was looking for.
My heart beat out of my chest as I saw her small frame standing in front of the concierge desk.
Noelle was hunched over, sad. She looked so tiny.
Her presence overpowered the big energy of the city.
She appeared angry and hurt. I approached her slowly, her back to me.
“I’m sorry but the experience is booked seventy-two hours in advance, and you would need adult supervision,” Edgar, the gray-haired man at the desk, informed Noelle.
I watched the interaction, heartbroken for Noelle. I knew the feeling when nothing seemed to be going right. You felt lonely and like the world was against you.
“No, please. You don’t understand. I need the magic,” Noelle argued, showing him her Eloise book collection that I’d purchased her for her birthday.
“Noelle.” I announced my presence, and she spun quickly to face me.
If she was angry before, Noelle was furious now. “Oh great. What did you do, call Dad?” she sneered, her voice full of venom.
I shook my head. “No.” Not yet , I mentally added, but I didn’t want to provoke her further.
Noelle’s eyes were red and puffy. Several tears fell from her face. She slowly walked toward the entrance of the hotel. Thankfully, she wasn’t running from me.
I shot a quick text to Caleb.
I’ve got her. Central Park by the pond across from The Plaza.
He replied.
Thank you.
I couldn’t relish in how good it felt to see his name pop up on my phone as I followed behind Noelle.
She just walked and walked. I followed behind her wordlessly as we made our way through Central Park.
Getting a few strange looks from people because of my haphazard attire, I rubbed my arms, suddenly feeling the cold.
I was only wearing one of Caleb’s black T-shirts that I couldn’t give back and a pair of fleece pajama bottoms, and it was February.
Julia and I took the same walk when I was about Noelle’s age.
We snuck out of the house after our parents got into a huge fight.
We found happiness at the hotel. The parallels hit me like a ton of bricks.
I couldn’t let this poor little girl down.
Not like the way Julia and I had been by our mother figure.
Noelle stopped at a bench and sat down silently. She was now hysterically crying. I wanted to desperately hug her and tell her everything would be okay, but I didn’t want to overstep.
Instead, I kneeled down in front of her. I gently grasped one hand in her lap and used the other one to wipe her tears. She swatted my hands away with force. My eyes widened in surprise, and I put my hands out, warning her silently not to hit me again.
Noelle’s chest heaved up and down, and she was practically hyperventilating. She was on the verge of a panic attack. I reached for my phone in my pajama pants pocket, but before I could send another message, a small body clung to mine.
She was breathing heavily, shaking, but she gripped me like I was a life raft in the middle of the ocean.
I rubbed her back, whispering things I knew she needed to hear: “I love you” and “I’m here for you.”
Noelle’s sobs radiated through me as she clung to me, and I only held her tighter, pressing my cheek to the top of her head.
Her hair smelled like the floral shampoo I bought when we had our spa day.
I smiled at the memory of the happier times we’d shared.
I could feel her heart beating out of her chest, each beat a cry for love and understanding. We were kindred spirits of sorts.
“I’m here, Noelle,” I whispered softly. “You’re not alone.”
Her grip on me tightened, her hot tears soaking through her father’s shirt.
I didn’t care. I didn’t care about the cold or the fact that I looked like a mess in the middle of Central Park.
All I cared about was the little girl who desperately needed connection. She needed me, and I needed her. Them.
I vowed I would do anything to make things right.
After what felt like hours, her sobs turned to hiccups and she pulled back from me slightly, her face streaked with tears and her eyes red and swollen.
“You left Grand Haven. Left Daddy. Left me even after you promised. I was so mad at you,” Noelle admitted, her breathing heavy. “Everything’s so … hard. School sucks. Everybody hates me.”
Her words sliced the maternal parts of me. I wanted nothing more than to take away her pain.
“I know. I’m sorry I left. I didn’t leave you though. It had nothing to do with you. I would never want to leave you. Sometimes grown-ups mess up. And I messed up, but I still love you and your dad,” I admitted for the first time in our month-long separation.
Her lip quivered as I heard footsteps coming from behind us. I peered around my shoulder to find none other than Caleb standing a few feet away, looking as handsome and as worried as ever. His usual calm demeanor was frantic and tense. His blue eyes darted from me to Noelle.
Noelle broke free from my grasp and ran into her father’s arms. I couldn’t help but smile at the exchange. I knew I’d do whatever was necessary to be a part of their lives again.