Chapter 28
CHAPTER 28
WILL
“ K ids, men— dinner !”
Karan and I pause our conversation and stream into the kitchen, although I have to hold Heather’s hand to guide her there because she’d rather just keep playing with the Mega Bloks on the living room floor. I sit next to Gwen, with both girls between Sophie and me. One at a time, Rachel serves each of us a steaming bowl of French onion soup, complete with broiled cheese and crusty bread. For Heather, Sophie has a plate of cheese, crackers, fruits, and veggies, but it looks like there’s enough on that plate for all the kids to graze from, which is exactly what happens.
I can’t get over how well Sophie and Rachel are getting along—how everyone is getting along, in fact. The entire dinner goes exactly as you’d expect with four kids and a baby. It’s loud, it’s entertaining, and we’re wrapped in a familial bubble of cozy warmth.
Sophie and her family fit right in with us. We should have invited her to join years ago.
Of course, things would have been different back then. Sophie would have been with Matt. I wouldn’t have been able to stroke her calf with my toe as I do now, eliciting a mischievous grin from her. I wouldn’t have gotten the feeling that I’m as much a part of her family unit as I’m a part of my sister’s.
I picture the five of us doing this once a week. Instead of coming alone every Thursday, Sophie could join me with the kids. Imagining so much unbridled joy and family magic in my life fills my heart to the brim.
But despite the earth-shattering evening Sophie and I shared, I know what’s on her mind. To me, it became clearer than anything I’ve ever seen. I can’t not love this fierce, driven woman. How did I not realize it before? How did Rachel know before I did?
And yes, the words Sophie begged of me last night hinted that some of those feelings may be reciprocated.
Will, please. Make love to me, Will.
But also … I know what she thinks of me, simply because I haven’t yet told her why I’ve behaved this way in my past relationships. I know she sees me as a player. And I know trust is not so easily earned from her.
Can she really be mine?
I look over at her, seeing her erupt into laughter at a joke from Karan. Then, I focus on Rachel who gives me a strange look.
Her green eyes remind me of Océane, and my stomach turns to lead.
Doubt claws at my spine, its cold fingers casting a shadow over this perfect evening. Things are going so well. Soon, I’ll feel ready to talk to Océane. But when I finally tell Sophie about my youngest sister, I know everything I have will disintegrate within my fingers. Sophie’s view of me as unreliable will only solidify in her mind.
But not tonight. Tonight, I have her. I have this family. And I’m going to revel in this moment—in her love—as much as I can, because there is no other option for me.
Fuck … when this all comes crashing down, it’s going to hurt.