Chapter 20 Connor
Connor
My stomach is in my ass as I watch Vox take off down Waterfall. The slope is appropriately named because of its near-vertical fall line, and I can tell, even from down here, Vox is headed straight for it.
Goddammit.
I swear, it’s like he has no self-preservation instincts at all.
Despite all the boarders being in orange, I can easily identify him by the way he moves. My eyes can’t even see anyone else when he’s an option.
Someone’s calling my name, but I can’t tear my eyes away from the slope. I need him to make it down that mountain safely, and fuck having him work with Fuller. If that dipshit is going to allow him to run that line with no brakes, he doesn’t deserve to be coaching him.
Suddenly, there’s a presence at my side.
“Helluva rider, isn’t he?” Grey says with admiration in his tone.
“The fuck was Fuller thinking, taking them up there? He had to have known Vox would take the fall line!” I shout, unable to rein in my anger.
Hopefully, it masks the lust and concern underneath for my rider.
And while yes, I want him to take the fall line on a closed snowboard cross race course, doing it on a slope as steep as Waterfall is basically a suicide mission.
Especially with other people on the fucking mountain.
“I don’t think Fuller knows Vox that well,” Grey answers.
I want to say more, but settle on asking, “Where does that slope come out?”
I need to be there when Vox gets down. I can’t watch him do that again, and who knows what other asinine decisions Randolph Fuller will make today. Fuck what I said about needing distance from training with Vox. Clearly, no one else can be trusted with him.
“Over by the Alpine Meadows lift, I think. Why?”
“There’s something I need to do. Have Renner and Angel hit the showers early, will you?” I take off before he can respond. Am I revealing how deeply I’m caught up in the storm that is Vox Montgomery? Probably, but someone has to get through to him before he gets himself killed.
I still haven’t been on a snowboard around the team yet, so I hop on the snowmobile behind me and haul ass for the lift where Vox should be arriving soon.
The relief that flows through me when I see him bent over, laughing with his hands on his knees, is so great, I could pass the fuck out.
But now that I know he’s safe, I’m livid.
“VOX!” I yell.
He jerks his head up at the sound of my voice, and his smile fades, making my gut churn.
“I’m not your problem today,” he fires, moving to get in line for the lift right as Tasha, Trent, and Randolph Fuller himself come into view.
Dropping my voice as I approach him, I grab his arm. “Hey, you’re not a problem any day, but you can’t tell me that shit you just pulled wasn’t you acting out.”
“Ha! Acting out? I’m a professional snowboarder, Connor. What I just did was my job.”
Vox squares up to me in an attempt to piss me off further. Instead, he eases my ire with his proximity. Having him in my space means he isn’t in anyone else’s…it also means he’s not risking life and limb on the side of this mountain.
“I need you to come with me,” I tell him in a spur-of-the-moment decision. “Please.”
“Connor, you’re really—”
“Helluva ride, man,” Trent interrupts, slapping Vox on the ass as he stops his board behind him. My jaw clenches at the contact, and a low growl rumbles in my chest.
Vox hears it, and his eyes flash to mine in warning.
I clear my throat quickly to cover the sound in case Trent’s hearing is as good as Vox’s.
Trent moves his hands to Vox’s shoulders and continues his praise. “Dude, I was still tipping in, and you were halfway down the fucking mountain. How are you so goddamn fast?”
Before Vox can answer, Angel comments as well. “For real. I’m glad we’re on the same team, and I’m even more glad I’m not racing against you in any of the individual events.”
Fuller joins us last, and I’m vibrating with anger.
“Was that fast enough for you, Coach?” Vox says. I bristle at the title, even though Fuller and Montoya are also Vox’s coaches…not just me.
“Your speed isn’t the problem, Vox. Never was,” Fuller answers calmly.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need more control,” Vox says in a bratty tone.
Unable to stay quiet any longer, I turn on Fuller. “If you knew speed wasn’t the issue, why take him on that slope at all? You had to have known he was going to go straight for the fall line.”
Fuller straightens up and crosses his arms. “I thought putting him on a pitch that steep would make him cautious. Slow him down and force him to find control,” he says defensively, arguing as if Vox isn’t standing right next to me.
“You can’t force Vox into anything! He’ll only work harder to prove you wrong and put himself in danger in the process! What you did was fucking reckless!” I shout.
Suddenly, a hand tugs on my biceps.
“Hey, Lang, relax,” Vox says in an attempt to calm my ire. “It was a fun ride. I know this mountain like the back of my hand. That wasn’t my first run on Waterfall’s pitch, man. I’m all good.”
“Unstrap. We’re leaving,” I command.
“You can’t just pull my athlete in the middle of training,” Fuller argues.
“I can pull my athlete any goddamn time I want to. If you have a problem with it, take it up with Grey. Let’s go, Vox,” I snap, turning on my heel and walking back toward the snowmobile.
Thankfully, we’re currently at base village, so everything is connected.
Looking over my shoulder, I see Vox eyeing me warily as he unstraps one of his boots. Using his freed foot, he propels himself along the ground until he reaches me.
“I’m pretty sure I’m pissed at you, but also, that was really fucking hot, so now I’m confused,” he says.
I’d laugh if anxiety weren’t coursing through my system like whitewater rapids.
“Go change. Meet me at my place in half an hour.”
I didn’t give Vox a dress code, nor did I tell him where we’re going, but he shows up wearing ankle-length navy-blue pants, a white T-shirt, and a gray puffy coat over top, like he somehow knows that where we’re going is special to me.
“You look nice,” I tell him, trying to make up for showing my ass earlier.
“Yeah, well, the no-bullshit look you threw at me when you ordered me to change told me sweatpants probably wouldn’t cut it for whatever lesson-teaching outing you’re about to drag me on.”
I snort. “That easy to read, huh?”
Vox’s brows furrow. “Sometimes, but being able to read your thoughts isn’t all that helpful when I can never predict what your reaction is going to be when I follow through on them.
I mean, I get why you pawned me off on Coach Fuller, but if you wanted some space, why the hell make a scene the way you did?
You got what you wanted. I wasn’t paying you any atten—ohhh.
” The cheeky bastard smirks. “That’s the problem.
I wasn’t paying you any attention. You were jealous, weren’t you? ”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Fuller put you in an extremely dangerous situation. That’s why I went off on him,” I say, unlocking my SUV and climbing inside.
As we fasten our seatbelts, Vox asks, “But how did you know I was doing that run unless you were watching me? And why were you watching me when you were supposed to be working with Renner and Angel?”
“Enough with the questions, all right? I don’t have the answers you want.”
“I think you do.” Vox runs his tongue along his bottom lip. The wild purple tips in his hair are in stark contrast to the clean, conservative outfit he’s wearing, and everything about him is heating me up from the inside out.
Ignoring him, I shoot Sam a text, letting him know we’re on our way and thanking him again for allowing me to bring Vox to meet him. I hope being face to face with the reality of what can happen on a slope—even if you don’t let your guard down—will knock some sense into the boarder next to me.
“You want to know what I think?” Vox asks as I merge onto the highway.
“No.”
“I think you didn’t want to be near me because you want me so much it’s fucking with you, but you didn’t want anyone else near me, either.”
Ding, ding, ding. Someone give the man a prize.
I groan. “Fuck’s sake, Vox. I said you were hot, not that I want you,” I lie, trying like hell to deflect, hating myself for reducing Vox to his looks and this thing between us to nothing more than physical attraction.
“But you do…don’t you?” he asks, the change in his tone shattering what remains of my heart.
He says it like he needs me to want him. As though he feels like he’s never been wanted by anyone. This kind of vulnerability is rare from him. So rare, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it. And it feels even worse because I pawned him off on Fuller today.
So, I break. I crumble faster than a house of cards in a fucking wind tunnel.
The lie left such a bad taste in my mouth that I immediately spit it out in favor of the truth.
With a heavy sigh, I admit, “Fuck yes, I want you. More than I’ve wanted anyone in a long time.
It’s getting harder by the day not to touch you, text you, or invite you over.
But you’re forgetting the part about me also wanting to keep this job, keep you safe, and help get the Patterson team to the top of the podium. So, can we just leave it there?”
Vox stays quiet, his silence speaking volumes, festering under my skin like an infection.
My hand finds its way to his knee, and I squeeze it gently.
“Vox…” I trail off, not knowing what to say.
I want to make it better, but I don’t know how.
I don’t think telling him exactly how much he turns me on would really be helpful at this point.
Nor do I think telling him how many times I’ve come, imagining it was his hand on my cock, would be particularly freeing, either.
No, I think that knowledge would only tighten the hold he has on me and serve to anger us both, because our circumstances remain the same.