Chapter 30 Nico
NICO
There were so many little things I took for granted before Georgie died that now seem so magical to me. I think my favorite is the casual way Este slips her hand in mine as we’re walking down Main Street with the dogs.
“They’re surprisingly well-behaved on the leash. I wouldn’t have expected it since they’re used to having free rein.”
“I leash trained them when they were puppies and try to remember to refresh their memories every few months,” I explain.
“We don’t often get bear sightings up near the cabin, but I don’t let them roam when we do.
” I take in the dogs, their tails wagging as we stroll down the street.
Their noses are going a mile a minute, their heads whipping every which way.
I don’t usually take them into Jackson with me unless we’re going for their annual checkups, so they’re not used to being around new sights and smells.
They’re handling it better than I am—I’m exhausted.
Though that probably has more to do with my pain meds than anything else.
They dull the pain, but they also dull my whole body.
It feels like I’m dragging it through mud, even though I’m mentally alert.
We stop outside a café called The Frosty Bean. “You stay here with the boys, and I’ll run in and get us tea,” Este says, dropping my hand to pass me the leashes.
I feel my face slip into a frown, and it doesn’t go unnoticed. “You don’t want tea?”
“I can’t hold the tea and your hand at the same time.”
Her expression softens. “You’re cute. But also, you can’t hold my hand anyway. You’re flagging, and you need to rest.” She nods to one of the tables outside the café. “You can drink your tea here, I’ll finish up the walk, and then we’ll head back. Okay?”
I’m not happy about it, but she’s right. I should’ve known she would notice I was struggling.
Este brings out two steaming takeout cups—apple and cinnamon for her, lemon and ginger for me.
“We won’t be long. I reckon ten more minutes will get their energy out. Say goodbye to your daddy, boys.”
I raise a brow. “Absolutely not. I’m ‘Dad’ to them.”
“And ‘Daddy’ to me,” she replies with a wink, leaning down to kiss me. I should’ve known that was deliberate.
“Be careful, please.” Most people would scoff, considering how small and safe Wintermore is. But Este isn’t most people. She gets it.
“I will. Promise. I shared my location with you, so you can check where we are if you’re worried. We’ll be back soon!”
I watch until the three of them disappear around a corner, then open my phone and set it screen side up.
I’m not going to watch her location dot, but knowing it’s there helps.
Instead, I pull out my shiny new Kindle to distract myself.
There are a lot of things that are harder to do with one hand, and it’s frustrating how tired my right hand gets now that it’s doing all the work.
But holding my iPad frustrated me most. I couldn’t manage for more than twenty minutes without needing to put it down.
Este offered me her Kindle, but I know how emotionally attached she is to it, so I ordered one with express shipping, and I’m not sure I’ll ever go back to my iPad.
I don’t get more than a few pages into my book when someone drops into the chair opposite me. “What are you reading?”
I glance between my Kindle and Bryan, trying to think of an answer that isn’t “a kinky BDSM romance about a diver and a swimmer that your daughter recommended.”
“It’s a romcom I’m reading with Shay about a radio show,” I say, instead, remembering the book I have queued up after this one. Este swore it was a little tamer, and it would be a good one for me and Shay to read together.
Bryan’s lips lift in a smile. He and Este may not share any DNA, but their eyes crinkle in the same way when they smile. “I’m glad you two are talking more. How are you feeling?”
“Tired, but surprisingly good, considering.”
“That’s great. Where’s Este?”
“Walking the dogs. I was told to sit and rest,” I tell him, gesturing to the tea and my face-down Kindle.
He chuckles. “Sounds like her. We’re a family of fussers.
Well, not Sloane. She’s more of a tough-love kind of person.
” I only met Sloane for ten minutes at the hospital, but I definitely got that vibe when she dug through the bag of stuff she brought for me and Este, handed her sister a jar of eye cream, and said, “stress causes wrinkles, so you might want to get ahead of that.”
Silence stretches between Bryan and me, becoming less comfortable as the seconds tick past. I know he’s waiting for me to address the elephant in the room, but where the hell am I supposed to start? My tea is too hot, but I take a sip anyway, wishing it were my favorite calming chamomile blend.
“Look, Bryan, I…” I draw in a deep breath, looking away from his expectant gaze. “I love her,” I say, finally, and Bryan’s eyes widen.
“Huh.” He sits back in his chair, drumming his fingers on the table. “That is a bit more serious than I was expecting.”
You and me both, friend.
“Yeah, it was a surprise for me too.”
“I bet,” he answers with a wry laugh. “I would never have guessed this was going to happen when you finally agreed to let us come visit. God.” He shakes his head.
“I’m going to sound like such an asshole here, but after the plane crash, Chris wanted to cancel completely.
I insisted we didn’t, because I thought coming to see you, meeting you…
” He trails off, but I can put two and two together.
“You thought it would scare her into getting her life back on track, so she wouldn’t turn out like me.”
He hangs his head. “Like I said, I sound like an asshole. But I basically lost my best friend. I was terrified I was going to lose her, too.”
I’ve spent the past twenty-odd years pretty self-absorbed, wallowing in my own self-loathing. I never paused to consider how many lives Georgie’s death shaped.
“I’m sorry,” I say, and Bryan looks up, his brows knitting together. “Not for loving Este. I’m not going to apologize for that—”
“Good. I’d be pissed off if you did.”
“I’ve been an awful friend. You’re the only person other than Shay who didn’t give up on me, and I’ve been shit to both of you.”
“You picked up the phone every time, even when I could tell you didn’t want to,” he says with a shrug.
“You always texted back, even if it took a while and you didn’t have much to say.
You didn’t miss a single birthday or Christmas or anniversary.
I’ve missed you like hell, Nico, but you could’ve shut me out.
You could’ve ignored me, and you didn’t.
I never lost hope that one day you’d come back to us. ”
“If I’d had even a fraction of that faith in myself, I’d have gotten my shit together a long time ago.” I don’t feel like I’ve done anything to deserve it, but I’m trying not to default to thinking I don’t deserve things. It’s a work in progress.
“Seems like you might be getting there now, though,” he points out.
“I am.” Thanks to Este. Bryan hoped I’d scare Este into not giving up, but she scared me into trying again. Because if I don’t, I’ll lose her. “I know this isn’t what you expected. I tried to fight it, Bry, I swear. God knows I’m too old for her.”
“Your age isn’t what I’m worrying about.
I mean, it’s not great, but honestly, Chris is struggling with that a lot more than I am.
My concern is… I know you, Nico. Or I knew you.
I know how full of life you were, and I know that who you are now is not that person.
She’s twenty-six. I don’t want her hiding away on a mountain for the rest of her life.
You’re trying, I can see that, but she’s been through so much. You both have.”
He sounds tired, and I know a lot of it probably stems from worry about Este that he still hasn’t processed from the accident.
“I can’t promise I’m going to get it right every time, but I can promise I’m not going to stop trying. Este and I have a lot to talk about, to figure out, but you and I have the same priority. I refuse to hold her back.”
Relief flickers on his face. “Good. I do trust you, for the record. It’s just a lot to wrap my head around. You’re almost twice her age, and I’ve known you since we were eleven, you know?”
“I get it. I’ve been wrestling with it for a while.”
Bryan chuckles, the sound just like Este’s. “I can imagine.”
I sip my tea, and he sips his coffee, but the silence between us is less awkward than it was.
“I’d like to say something, but I don’t want you to think I’m overstepping,” I say after a while, glancing at the blue dot on my phone to make sure Este isn’t about to suddenly appear.
“You’re still my best friend. You don’t have to bite your tongue around me because you’re… dating? Whatever it is you’re doing with my daughter.”
Dating sounds nice. Another thing we need to talk about.
“You said I’m not the person I was before, and that’s true.
But neither is Este. Or, at least, that’s how she feels.
Obviously, I didn’t know her before, but she feels like a different version of herself.
And she’s finding it hard to talk to you and Chris about it because she thinks you’re… in denial, I guess. About the crash.”
Bryan’s face falls, and I immediately regret opening my mouth until he speaks.
“She’s right. We have been. Not talking about what happened, acting like nothing has changed…
It’s just easier, I think we thought if we pretended everything was okay, she would feel like everything was okay.
But it’s not, and she’s not the same person she was before the crash.
She’s our little girl, and it’s a big adjustment. ”
“She’s still Este,” I remind him gently. “Even if she never flies again, even if she does a complete one-eighty, she’s still Este.”
“That she is. I guess we all have a lot of healing to do. But maybe… maybe this time we can be there for each other, as well as Este?” he asks tentatively.
It’s the best-case scenario, really, getting my best friend back in my life despite the fact that I’ve betrayed his trust a hundred times over with his daughter—not to mention the years of trying to push him away.
“I’d really like that, Bry.”
For the first time since I watched them lower my sister into the ground, starting over doesn’t seem like the scariest thing in the world.