Chapter 31 Este
ESTE
The only things dragging me along Main Street are the two dogs excitedly tugging on their leashes and the promise of caffeine. My body has become accustomed to sleep, but as much as sleeping with Nico is easier, it’s not foolproof.
I was wracked with nightmares every time I closed my eyes last night. It was relentless. At one point, I cried so much that Nico’s white T-shirt was see-through. He held me all night, never once making me feel guilty for keeping him awake when he needs sleep more than ever.
Keeping the man I love from sleep when he’s recovering from surgery was the final straw.
I dialed my boss the second it was a business-appropriate time this morning and told him that, while I appreciate how badly he wants to keep me, I was resigning, effective immediately.
I emailed HR right after to confirm, and, as of ten this morning when they emailed back, I am officially no longer an employee of Skylark Airlines. Finally.
Nico read the confirmation email over my shoulder and attacked me with kisses, before making me hop up on the kitchen counter (after testing the table and grumbling about flatpack furniture), dropping to his knees, and enjoying me for breakfast.
And, in turn, making me late for my breakfast plans. But I would happily have missed breakfast altogether if that was the reason why. I’m not sure my family would be so understanding, though.
One thing I really appreciate about Wintermore is how dog-friendly it is everywhere.
The only place we’ve been so far that doesn’t allow dogs is the store just off Main Street that sells handcrafted pottery.
Understandable. Nico waited outside with the boys, handed me his credit card, and told me to pick out a teapot and some mugs to make Noelle’s apartment feel a little more like home. It was all very domestic.
I yawn, letting the dogs lead me to the door of The Frosty Bean. Their tails are wagging like crazy when I pull the door open, and they tug me straight to my family’s booth.
“And what time do you call this, missy?” Sloane says, glancing at her wrist as if she’s ever worn a watch in her life.
I slide into the booth beside her and grab her latte. “Caffeine time. Is this gingerbread?” I wrinkle my nose as I take a sip.
“They have it year-round here,” she answers, taking it back. “And you’re welcome to order your own.”
Thankfully, someone comes over to take my order before I have to wrestle it back out of her hands. It’s disgusting, but it’s caffeinated.
“Rough night?” my dad asks, though he’s half bent under the table, stroking Earl.
Though both dogs have taken to people better than either Nico or I expected, Earl is the friendlier of the two.
Grey is more reserved and clings to me like glue, but he’ll accept praise or ear scratches from strangers, even if he is less enthusiastic about it.
“Mhmm. Just a lot of nightmares, but I’m fine. We don’t need to talk about that,” I say, because I know it just makes my dads uncomfortable.
Dad and Pops exchange a glance before both speaking at the same time:
“We can if you want—”
“You can talk to us about any—”
They close their mouths, have a wordless conversation, and look back toward me.
“If you’d like to talk about them, you can, honey,” Dad says. “But you don’t have to! No pressure.”
Huh. That’s strange. “Okay… Why are you being weird? They’re being weird, right?” I ask Sloane.
“They’re being weird.”
Pops rolls his eyes. “We’re not being weird. We just don’t want you to think you can’t tell us these things. You can talk to us about anything.”
I look at Sloane, but she just shrugs like she has no idea where this has come from.
A cup of coffee appears before me, and I practically inhale it as the server goes around the table taking orders for food. She tops up my cup before she goes, and she’s in a firm second place for my favorite person today, next to Nico.
“Who’s lumberjack-sitting today?”
I frown at Sloane. “What? He’s not a lumberjack.”
“He works with wood, it’s all the same.”
“It’s really not, but okay. Regardless, he’s a forty-seven-year-old man who is capable of looking after himself, even with only one good arm,” I point out, and she shrugs.
“I’m just saying, if I were impaled by an axe, I would be milking it for all it was worth.”
“Have you ever even touched an axe?”
She wrinkles her nose. “When would I have touched an axe? We didn’t all spend weeks shacking up with a mountain man.”
Pops chokes on his coffee. “Do we have to phrase it like that?”
“Yes,” Sloane says, at the same time I say, “Sorry.”
“You could’ve brought him, honey,” Dad says.
“I know, but he wanted to give us family time.” And he’s meeting Noelle later because she wants advice for their renovation.
She didn’t ask, just told him when and where to meet her, and I think he’s a little scared of her, so he agreed.
“Actually, there is something I’d like to talk to you about if you’re up for it. ”
Pops sucks in a breath. “Oh god. You’re pregnant.”
I almost spill my coffee in shock. “What? No, I’m not. Why would you think that?”
“Chris,” my dad admonishes, shaking his head at Pops. “We saw a girl buying a pregnancy test at the grocery store self-checkout earlier. She was around Sloane’s age, and your pops has been spiraling since.”
“Okay. Well, no, I’m not pregnant, nor am I planning to be anytime soon. If ever. I want to talk to you about work.” Telling them I’m no longer a Skylark employee seems kind of tame now.
That doesn’t stop me from being any less nervous, though. “You know I handed my resignation in a few months ago and they’ve been refusing to accept it,” I say, and my dads nod. “Well, I called my boss this morning to say enough was enough, and he finally listened and processed my resignation.”
They don’t look happy, but they don’t look surprised. At least I’m not pregnant.
“And this is what you want?” Pops asks. It’s a natural question, but a frustrating one.
“It’s not what I want. This was never what I wanted. But it’s what I need, and I think I need to focus on what I need for a while,” I explain, hating how disappointed they look. “I know this isn’t what you wanted for me. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it.”
“Este.” Pops reaches across the table and takes my hand.
“You have nothing to apologize for. We just didn’t want you to give up your dream without being sure.
You worked so hard to get where you are, and, yeah, we’re sad that you don’t get the reward for all that hard work.
But we love you, and we’re going to support you no matter what you decide.
Even if that means you never fly again.”
“That’s just it. I want to fly again, but if I try and force myself to do it in a way that doesn’t feel safe to me, I’m only going to resent it.” I watch it click with them, understanding and acceptance dawning across both of their faces.
“That makes sense. And we’re sorry it took us so long to really hear you, honey,” Dad says, adding his hand on top of mine and Pops’s. Never one to be left out, Sloane sets hers on top of the hand-pile.
“So, what now? Do you have any ideas for what you might want to do next?” Pops asks.
Our food arrives, and I nibble the corner of my French toast before answering.
“Not exactly. I’ve got enough in savings that I can take my time, keep working through things in therapy, and try to find a new challenge.
Probably something remote…” I trail off, hyping myself up to get the next bit out. “So I can stay here.”
Not a single face around the table displays an ounce of surprise.
“Figured that was coming next.” Pops doesn’t sound upset, but there’s a tightness to his jaw that tells me he isn’t thrilled. “You’re sure about this? You’re sure about him?”
“I’m sure about everything. Especially him.”
“He’s almost twice your age, Es.” He sighs, pushing a blueberry around his fruit plate with so much force that it rolls off the plate. Grey catches it before it hits the floor. “And moving here is a big step. Is this his idea?”
I can’t just expect them to be okay with me loving someone their age.
Dad seems a little less perturbed, but he’s always been the more easygoing parent.
I’m sure once Pops spends more time with Nico and sees us together, he’ll get it.
“No, it’s not his idea,” I answer patiently. “Nico doesn’t even know yet.”
“You haven’t asked him if he wants you to stay?”
“I wasn’t planning on asking, honestly. I was just not going to leave.
” I shrug. I know Nico, and I know how hard it would be for him to admit he wants me to stay when he still doesn’t think he deserves me.
“Look, I know this isn’t what any of us expected to come of this trip, but nothing in the past year has gone as expected.
This is unexpected in a good way, though. I love him.”
“You know I’ve been encouraging this since day one,” Sloane says. “But this is all pretty fast, Es. I mean, do you even have anything in common other than similar trauma and… you know.” Our dads wisely ignore her eyebrow waggle.
“We do. We’ve been reading together, cooking together, spending lots of time outside.
I’ve even helped Nico a couple of times in his workshop.
But mostly, it’s not a tangible thing we have in common.
It’s an energy. We just exist well in each other’s orbit.
Even if we’re not doing anything together, it feels right to be doing our own thing in the same space. Does that make sense?”
“It does,” Pops says slowly. “But what about all of the other things you love? Traveling, trying new restaurants, spending hours trawling through stores in the city?”
“Those things used to be important to me, but since the crash… things have changed, Pops. I’ve changed. My priorities shifted the second my feet were on the ground again. What I value now above all else is peace, and I’ve never felt more at peace than I do when I’m with him.
“Do you remember when you were first learning to fly, and you weren’t used to the drop when you reduce the thrust at altitude yet?
” I add when I can tell he’s still not convinced.
Both he and Dad nod. “For a second, it feels like you’re falling.
And then suddenly, you’re flying. It’s the most magical feeling, and you spend every flight after wishing it felt like it did the first time again.
” I can tell I’ve gotten through before I finish when Pops’s eyes soften.
It’s been a long time since he and Dad learned to fly, but I’m sure he remembers the first time he took me up in the air, telling me not to take a single second for granted.
“I remember,” he says, and Dad murmurs his agreement.
“That’s how being with Nico feels. Like falling and flying all at once.”
Pops sighs, but I know I’ve won him over.
“I may not understand it, but I’ll never begrudge you anything that feels like that, kid.
All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy.
We raised you to know your own heart, and if that means Nico…
Well, I can’t promise I’m going to be okay with it just like that, but I’ll get there.
Oh, and there are direct flights from Chicago to Jackson every day but Tuesday.
I checked. So even if you can’t fly yet, we can.
You’re not going to get rid of us that easily. ”
I know it’s supposed to sound like a threat, but I can’t think of anything better. It feels a little like having my cake and eating it too, getting to have Nico and my family, but after the past year… God knows I’ve earned a sweet treat.