CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Aspen
Cal stands at his open door with a bare chest, looking every bit the demigod, and it causes my mouth to water. I drink him in as he towers over me. His pecs and abs are cut and defined. I just want to run my hands and tongue all over every dip of his taut muscles. Is this guy even real? Sweatpants rest low on his hips, showing off that sexy V. My core heats at the sight of him, and my thighs involuntarily squeeze together. He grabs my hand and pulls me inside, shutting the door behind us.
My body trembles with nerves. I worked up the courage to come over here, so I’m not chickening out now. I peer up at him. His hazel eyes lock with mine, and a small frown of curiosity hangs on his expression.
“You left without finishing something.”
My heart is galloping as I close the distance between us. With shaky fingers, I tentatively touch the bare skin of his rock-hard chest, trailing them to the back of his neck. He moves closer, his rough palm cupping my cheek. We’re merely inches away, and I can already taste the mint on his lips. I peer up into his gorgeous hazel eyes in anticipation. He roughly grabs my hips, slamming my back against the wall. His fingers tangle in my hair, tilting my head back, then his lips crash to mine. Grazing my bottom lip with his teeth, he sucks it into his mouth. His lips trail from my mouth across my jaw and down my neck, where he places light, open-mouthed kisses. My breathing accelerates. I become desperate for him. I pull his hair with one hand, digging my fingers into his back with the other, trying to bring him closer. I need relief. I need to feel him. His hand grabs my ass, pulling me closer, as I grind on his thigh, seeking some sort of friction. His warm breath skims up my neck, coaxing a moan from my lips. He presses his hard length into my hip. We’re feral and panting. I want more. I need more. He breaks our kiss, pressing forehead presses against mine.
“Aspen,” he whispers. My eyes pop open. His breaths are short and brisk.
He swallows hard again and licks his lips. “I . . . I can’t.” He exhales a sigh.
My heart completely stops and obliterates right there in his entryway. All the blood rushes to my head. I’m stunned. Tears of rejection sting behind my eyelids. He kissed me, right? I didn’t imagine that, did I? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He was into it, right? I don’t understand why the sudden shift. What I do understand is that I need to get the fuck out of here.
My hand slides from around his neck and falls to my side. He takes a step back. Maybe I came on too strong, but fuck, I thought . . . I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought. He was obviously caught up in the moment. He doesn’t want me.
“Okay.” I turn my head; not wanting him to see the embarrassment on my face. My voice is thick when I speak. “I’ll . . . umm . . . I’m just going to go.” I don’t give him time to speak; I turn around and dash out of his house, slamming the door behind me.
His door quickly opens. “Aspen, wait!”
I don’t stop. I’m too fucking embarrassed and hurt. I keep walking. The ice on the road has been long forgotten, but I’m soon reminded when my feet fly out from under me, and I land on my back. Umph . My breath is knocked out of me for a second.
“Fuck!” Cal yells, running to me.
I’m disoriented. It takes me a minute to recover as I lay on the freezing asphalt. Groaning, I roll over. Cal is at my side trying to help me up.
“Please, Cal. I can’t do this. Just . . . please.” I try to shake him off.
“Let me at least help you up.” He grabs my elbow, lifting me off the ground, steadying me. “I’m sorry, Aspen.”
I jerk out of his hold. “Please, just go home.”
I’m a mess, and I hate that he’s seeing my embarrassment right now. I turn, walking toward my house, careful to avoid slipping again.
Cal stands in the street, waiting until I get to my door. I finally make it inside without any more mishaps. The second my door closes, I lean against it, and the dam breaks—I sob. Deep, guttural, body-wracking sobs from both rejection and embarrassment.
“Want to talk about it?”
Fuck! I let out a gasp and jump at the sound of my mom’s voice. My hand flies to my chest. I don’t know how long I was standing there crying, but it looks like she just witnessed it all. Mom sits at the kitchen island. The only light illuminating the house is the one directly above the stove. She uses her foot to pull out the stool next to hers, waving me over.
“Come sit,” she orders.
I huff a sigh, unsuccessfully trying to dry my tears with the back of my hand—they just keep flowing. I take off my coat, hang it on the hook, then stroll over and plop my ass down on the stool. Mom reaches up and wipes my tears with her thumbs.
She rubs my back. “Want to tell me what just happened that brought you home in tears?”
I shake my head, then nod. I give myself a minute to cry, burying my face in my hands, and I sob. “He rejected me,” I cry. “I’ve imagined so many possibilities for Cal and me, thinking that we were becoming more and . . . I just . . .”
“Oh, honey. I don’t know what’s going on with Cal, but I will say, I can tell that man has been deeply hurt.”
I twist my fingers together and bite my bottom lip. “What?” I ask in confusion, a frown marring my face. I wipe my eyes again. “What makes you say that?”
She sighs and runs her hand through her hair. “I guess I can see myself in him. I saw so many conflicting emotions cross his face this evening: love, joy, pain, longing, confusion. I recognize it.”
I sigh, and my mom wraps her arms around me.
“He won’t let me in, Mom. I don’t know what happened to him because he won’t freaking open up. He’s so closed off about his life. When I first came here, Tucker was the only person who could draw him out of his shell. Everyone says he pretty much stayed to himself; he didn’t go out or talk to anyone.” I bury my head in my hands, then pull them away to look at her. “When we’re together, he laughs, and seems so alive. His friends tell me that’s a rarity, but I think I misread everything. Maybe he doesn’t see me the way I see him.”
“Oh, I don’t think that’s the case, sweetheart. I witnessed how he looked at you all night.”
I turn my head and study her. “Yeah? And how is that? Because I just went over to his house and made a complete fool of myself.”
She moves my hair from my face, “Like you’re his whole world.”
“Well, that can’t be the look you saw. Because he flat-out rejected me just now. Well, he kissed me then rejected me.” I groan, embarrassment still at the surface of my emotions. “I’m falling for him. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”
“If you spend all of your time with him and nothing else comes of your relationship other than friendship, will you regret the time you’ve invested or your feelings for him?”
“No, Mom. Of course not. He’s my best friend.”
“I really like Cal, and I think he is good for you and for Tucker. I can tell he has feelings for you. If he is who you want, then you have to let him set the pace; don’t push him. Though, there may come a point where you will have to decide not to let your life pass you by. You can’t wait forever for someone who isn’t willing to push through their own barriers for you. Okay?”
“Okay.” I wipe the mascara from under my eyes with my fingers. Mom kisses my temple, squeezes me tight, then releases me. I’m thinking about what she just said when she cuts off my train of thought by changing the subject.
“Just give him a little more time. Now about tomorrow. Are we still
going to look at houses?”
“Yes. I’m nervous about how I’ll feel when I walk through one of my father’s properties for the first time. Part of me is anxious to get it out of the way, and the other part is downright dreading it.”
“I think you need this closure. I’ve decided I’m not moving into one of his properties, though. Even with him gone, I would feel like an intruder.” “You shouldn’t. But, if it’s too hard for you, though, I’ll buy you a house nearby.”
“I don’t want you spending your money on me. I can just sell my house and see where I’m at. I’ve been smart with my money; I can figure it out myself. How about I call the realtor back home tomorrow and have my house listed, and then we can call your realtor here and tour some houses on the market? I can still go with you to look at your father’s properties, though.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I scoot the stool back and stand. “It’s late, and we have to be up early.” I place a kiss on Mom’s cheek. “Night, Mama.”
“Night, sweetheart. Don’t beat yourself up.”
I mosey up to my room and fall into bed. My chest aches, but I try to remember what my mom said. Did he really look at me like that, or was Mom imagining things?
Music plays softly through my speakers as we drive through the city.
Mom is in the passenger seat; River and Tucker are nestled in the back.
“When is your lease up?” My mom asks.
“The owners will be back May first, so I have to make some decisions quickly.”
We snag a ground-level parking spot in the private, secure parking garage two blocks from Central Park. As we walk to the tower, Tucker cranes his head all the way up.
“Whoa,” Tucker says in awe, “That building is taller the clouds.”
I look up, and my head spins; the height of the building makes me dizzy. I can only imagine what it feels like from the top floors looking down. With ninety-eight stories, the building is the second tallest building in New York City. Glass encases the entire structure.
We make our way to the residential lobby, and when we walk in the glass doors, I’m stunned by the beauty this building inhabits: black, sleek walls with gold trim, a gold and crystal waterfall chandelier hangs over a grey velvet seating area. Facing the seating area is a backlit white wall with gold geometric shapes. I turn to my right and find a white marble concierge desk inside a golden nook. I’m in awe. This building is extremely upscale. I don’t know what I expected, but this wasn’t it. We’re greeted by the concierge, Nigel, a short older man in his late sixties with kind eyes and a welcoming smile.
I hand him my identification and explain who I am and what we are doing here. He begins talking about my father, and of course, like everyone else, he only has good things to say about him. He has a bit of a New York accent, but every now and then, a British one slips through.
Nigel informs me of an app to download on my phone for the property guide. I download the app; then he walks me through it. He shows me the amenities: a fitness lounge, basketball court, billiard room, theater room, children’s play area, indoor pool, and a spa. There’s also a terrace with a swimming pool, sundeck, and cabanas. I’m just a small-town girl from Oklahoma; this place is fancy as hell. He tells me where to find the property map and contact information for building maintenance and for him. We thank him for his help and saunter to the elevators and take it up to the seventy-eighth floor.
I open the apartment door, step inside, and look around in awe and wonder at the beautiful living area. The luxurious apartment is massive and gorgeous. I have mixed emotions while standing here. According to my father’s attorney, this is a place where he spent a lot of his time during the season. There are no traces of his life here—pictures or mementos. I want to gain insight as to who this man was.
White walls and white marble floors reflect the natural light, creating a bright and airy atmosphere. White furniture, various lamps, end tables, plants, and other décor are strategically placed and tied together beautifully with a massive area rug. With eight thousand square feet of space, the apartment has two levels: five bedrooms, six bathrooms, and floor-to-ceiling windows that wrap around the entire front of the penthouse, showcasing the most magnificent view overlooking the city and Central Park. A glass staircase winds up from the first level to the second. So, while this apartment is amazing and filled with beautiful furniture, it also seems lonely and empty. Why did my father need a place so big?
Tucker runs over to the window and looks down below. “Look, Mom, the cars are so tiny.” Nope. Nope. Nope. I’m good on that. “I think I’m okay right here, Buddy.”
“I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t mind living here,” River says thoughtfully.
River looks around the expansive apartment, and I notice the expression of awe on her face as she runs her hand along the back of the couch. “Yeah? You can live here if you want.” I shrug one shoulder. River needs her own space, I know she doesn’t want to live with me forever. Does she need such a big apartment? No, but that girl has been my rock my entire life, and gifting this apartment to her for as long as she needs it seems like a small drop in the hat compared to what she’s done for me over the past decade.
Her eyebrows hit her hairline. “Are you serious?”
“Yep. Just pay the utilities, and it’s yours as long as you want it. Otherwise, it will just sit here empty.”
Mom runs her hand along the marble island and cuts into our conversation. “That’s a pretty sweet deal, River.”
She squeals and jumps up and down. “Are you sure? Because if you’re not, that’s too bad. No take backs.”
I laugh. “Yes. I’m sure. Merry Christmas, Sis.”
“Oh my gosh. I can’t believe I get to live here! When can I move in?” She claps.
I beam a smile, reveling in her happiness. “You can move in whenever you’re ready.” River runs over and nearly knocks me down with a hug. I rub her back as we embrace. I’ll be sad to see her move out, but River needs her own place to call home. She’s been dealt a shitty hand; her whole life was torn into shambles before we moved to New York.
“This will be good for you,” Mom says to River as she looks around the room, then she pulls me into a hug. “I’m proud of the woman you have become,” she whispers, and tears sting my eyes.
After River has inspected every inch of her new apartment, we make our way back down to the concierge. Mom takes Tucker to the lounge to wait for us while I inform Nigel that River will be moving into the apartment soon. He goes through the same routine of downloading the app and walking her through it, then puts her information into the system. She hands him her driver’s license, and he scans it into his computer so other employees will know she belongs there. I love the setup and security of this place. Especially with River’s past. It gives me comfort to know she can live somewhere she feels safe.
He hands her license back to her. “You will have a different code from Miss Taylor. Each person receives a unique code to enter the building for security purposes. Miss Taylor will continue to keep a code for herself, since she is the property owner. What would you like your six-digit code to be?” Nigel peers up at River through his black-rimmed glasses as he pushes them further up the bridge of his nose. “I would suggest it not be your birthday.” River rattles off a code as he puts it into the system.
Once she is completely set up in the system, Nigel extends a hand to River. “It will be lovely to have you here, my dear.”
We thank him, collect Mom and Tucker, and make our way to my SUV. There are a few more properties we need to look at, but I really don’t want to view the next few properties. Especially with one of them being about an hour away. Last night took a toll on me. I’m exhausted and emotionally tapped out. All I want to do is go home and relax. I expel a heavy sigh and begin to put the address into my GPS.
My mom must notice my reluctance because she takes my hand in hers and gives it a gentle pat. “Let’s not do this today, Honey. It’s our last day here; we can figure out a living situation and visit the rest of the properties in a few weeks when I come back. I just want to spend the day with my babies.”
I couldn’t be more relieved. I’m sure this is hard on my mom too. From our conversations, I’ve gathered that my dad was the love of her life. She’s never married, and I never saw her date while I was growing up. It’s almost like she put her life on hold for something that was never going to happen. I realize that last night she must have been speaking from experience.
I start the car and wind through the maze of this garage to the exit, then take a right onto the road.
Lost in thought, I reflect on all that happened last night with Cal and what Mom said. Maybe his heart’s been broken, and that’s why he’s keeping me at arm’s length. Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen him with anyone. I mean, I guess it isn’t out of the realm of possibility that he’s hooking up with someone and I don’t know about it. That thought makes me sick to my stomach.
“Oh my gosh!” River's unexpected outburst causes me to slam on my brakes. A car zooms past me blaring its horn. The driver reaches his hand out the window, flipping me off.
“Jesus, River,” I scold her and accelerate back to the speed limit.
“Sorry. Yikes! That was close.” She gives a nervous giggle, then leans between the seats. “I was just excited. I found this little tavern online. It’s on the outskirts of Chicago. The place looks so cool, and wait for it . . . they are having open mic night the night we land. We should go next week.
I turn on my blinker to exit the highway. “Yeah. Well, I’m pretty sure they don’t allow ten-year-olds in a bar.” I laugh.
She sighs, “Ask Evie to watch him. When was the last time you just let your hair down and did something for yourself?”
I quickly glance at her over my shoulder. “The Sapphire Lounge. Remember what happened there?”
“Oh, I remember, but Cal won’t be there.” She glances towards Tucker, then whispers. “Maybe what you need is a good hookup. Get Frat Boy out of your system since he doesn’t realize what’s right in front of him.”
Mom snorts a laugh as I think about it. Maybe I do need to put myself out there more. I mean, isn’t that what I’ve been telling myself? I’m not a casual hookup type of girl, but I’m all for letting my hair down as River puts it. If I don’t do something, I’m going to end up an old maid full of fucking cobwebs. I bet my hymen has already grown back together, if that’s even possible. But then I think about Cal. He’s the one I really want to be with, not anyone else. I can’t even think about being with anyone else, but I could just go and have a good time.
“Let’s do it!” I say.