CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Cal
It’s been a couple of weeks since Christmas, and aside from the day Aspen came back from her father’s apartment, she’s pretty much avoided me. That night Tuck called and told me he could hear Aspen crying through her closed bedroom door, but he didn’t understand what was going on. So, I went over to their house and held her through it. I know what it feels like to want answers. I also know what it feels like to want your biological parents to love you. Even though I know her dad loved her in his own way, that still doesn’t negate the fact she never felt it from him, and that abandonment she feels runs deep. I wish I could fix everything for her, take away all her pain, but instead it seems I’m just adding to it.
I’ll text her, and she’ll answer back, but she hasn’t been going out of her way to initiate a conversation or see me like she did before. I can’t say it doesn’t hurt. I miss her. Every moment I’m away from her, I feel myself sinking back into the shell of a man I was before. I feel terrible about how Christmas night ended. I left her confused and embarrassed. The mixed signals coming from me haven’t been fair. Of course, I wanted to finish what we started. I always want to kiss her, to hold her, to make her mine. My head and heart battle with each other constantly. If I had it to do all over again . . . I would finish what we started. I would take her to my bedroom, lay her down, and show her pleasure like she’s never experienced. But right now, I just want us to go back to how things were before I messed everything up.
It’s the night before our away game. We arrived in Chicago earlier this afternoon. I overheard Aspen talking with Hannah and River on the plane about checking out a little tavern tonight. The guys and I had talked about going there too, but not wanting to encroach on girls’ night, I had elected to stay out of the bitter winter air and relax; maybe see if the guys wanted to hit up the hotel bar instead. As soon as I set my bag down in my room, Carter called to tell me he and Aiden were planning to go to The Red Door Tavern tonight. It didn’t take much persuasion to drag me out of my room once I found out the boys were going. Carter has been chasing after River for months. Leave it to my best friend to crash girls’ night.
My buddies and I dash into the tavern, a hole-in-the-wall bar about thirty minutes outside of Chicago. We breathe into our hands, bouncing on the balls of our feet, trying to warm up.I can deal with cold weather, but the January air in the dead of winter in the Windy City is like a knife cutting into the bone. I take my coat off and stomp my snowy boots on the black rug just inside the massive red tavern doors.
Off-key singing rings through the bar, causing me to cringe. It must be open mic night because the guy on stage is singing a terrible rendition of Toby Keith’s “I Love This Bar.” I turn around and pretend I’m walking out when Carter's big ass hand grabs the collar of my shirt and drags me back.
“Oh, no can do, cowboy; you’re staying here.” He chuckles, and a laugh spills out of me.
The guy finishes his song—thank God. We round the slender pillars, made from tree trunks, and head to the bar on the right. I rest my forearms and clasp my hands together on top of the epoxy river bar. My eyes cast a glance around the tavern, noticing the cool design and chill vibe. I don’t drink the night before games, so when the bartender greets me, I order a water. Trevor, Carter, and Aiden each order a draft beer. I crane my head looking for the girls, but I can’t see them in the crowd.
The bartender places our drinks in front of us. Just as I place a tip in the tip jar, piano notes pour through the speaker. The sexiest voice I’ve ever heard hits my ears, causingthe hairs on my arms to stand on end and goosebumps to cover my entire body. My head whips around to the stage behind me so fast, I think I give myself whiplash. Aspen’s fingers dance across the keys of a baby grand piano. Her upper body leans towards the microphone as she sings.
Her melodic voice is smooth—hypnotizing—and projects so much emotion. I listen to the lyrics of the song. It’s as if it were written specifically for us. Memories of the past few months flash through my mind like a film on a movie reel. I become intoxicated and dizzy. Electricity courses through my entire body. I can't contain my smile. She looks over the crowd to the bar; her eyes collide with mine. Though her breath hitches in surprise, she doesn’t miss a note, and she doesn’t look away.
“What the fuck?” Aiden says with his eyes wide open. “Holy shit!”
“Hot, can sing, and she runs a multi-billion-dollar NHL team? The woman is the whole trifecta.” Carter beams next to me. “If you don’t go after her, mind if I do?”He pokes.
“Yes, I fucking mind.”
A laugh bursts from him. He takes a pull from his beer. “I’m just messin’. My future wife is right over there.” He points his beer toward River, who is standing next to Hannah at a round high-top table, listening intently to Aspen sing.
He pats my back as he leaves to talk to her.
“Good luck,” I yell over my shoulder as I push my way through the throng of people and sidle up next to the stage.
The last note rings through the speaker, and she looks over the crowd as they stand, clapping in ovation. Her southern drawl comes out when she speaks, “Thanks, y’all! I’ll be here all night.”
I race up the stairs, and within seconds, I’m standing in front of her. Her smile lights up her entire face. I wrap her in my arms, picking her up and twirling her around. Her giggles ring out. My forehead presses against hers. “That was incredible. You never half-ass anything, do you, Firecracker? I didn’t know you could sing like that,” I tell her over the crowd.
I place her feet back on the ground. “I’ve never heard that song before.”
“It belongs to an artist from Oklahoma, Holly Beth. She’s an incredible singer/songwriter. I thought her song “ Trevi ” just kinda . . . fit.”
“Fit what?”
“Fit us.” She peers up at me, her expression vulnerable.
This incredible woman never ceases to amaze me. Grabbing her hand, I lead her off the stage and towards the bar.
“What are you doing here?” She asks.
Now, I could answer her question, but we all know that I avoid topics that I don’t want to talk about. The last thing I want her to know is that I’ve been pining over her this past week. I don’t want to confuse her more than she already is, especially when I’m confused over my own feelings. So, I do what I’m notorious for; I change the subject.
“What are you drinking?” I ask her as she plops down on a bar stool. I don’t let go of her hand, and I can’t help but notice how perfectly it fits in mine.
“Water is fine.” She smiles.
I turn to get the bartenders’ attention. I’m jolted when Aspen topples into me, thus causing me to bump into Carter. His draft beer spills over the edge of his glass just as he brings it to his mouth.
“Oops! Sorry.” River apologizes; she looks anything but sorry. Her eyes dance with mischief as she giggles.
“No worries, I was going to wear it anyways.” Carter winks at her.
River throws one arm around Aspen in a side hug. “Tough act to follow, sister. No one will want to go up there after that. You should’ve followed your dream.”
“Yeah? Well, starving artist doesn’t really align with being a single mom.”
“What is she talking about?” I ask Aspen.
She waves off my question, “Pipe dreams. Nothing really.” She turns her attention to River, giving her an encouraging shove. “You should go up there!”
“Nope. I’m good.” River shakes her head.
Carter leans forward and addresses River from across the bar, “Why not? You can’t be as bad as the guy singing before Aspen.”
“Oh, she’s pretty good,” Aspen chimes in. “When we were in high school, this girl owned the stage.”
River takes a long pull from her beer bottle, then points it at Carter. “If you think it’s that easy, why don’t you go do it?” She lifts a brow.
“Maybe I will, but only if you go after me.” He casually shrugs.
“Be careful what you ask for, Fight Club.” She chuckles. “I’m prepared to embarrass your ass.”
He tosses her a grin, “Bring it, Kitten.”
Carter makes his way to the stage, stopping first to talk to the big guy managing the karaoke before taking the microphone into his hands.
He taps on the mic. “This song goes out to my girl River. She’s the gorgeous blonde at the bar in the tight red dress and sexy-ass strappy heels. Kitten, give everyone a wave and show them who you are.” Aspen and I burst into a fit of laughter. Patron’s whistle and catcall as River rolls her eyes. She puts her arm up in the air to flash Carter a middle finger. “Total knockout, right? She has claws, but don’t worry, she doesn’t scratch. Well, she might; who knows? I hope she does. I like ‘em feisty. Anyways, someone buy her angry ass a drink.”
When the opening notes sound and Cheap Trick’s “I Want You To Want Me” begins playing, I lose it. I don’t understand the reason behind River not liking Carter. I haven’t figured out that whole scenario. He’s a genuinely good guy. The crowd sings the chorus with him, and we all join in. Aspen and I are singing at the top of our lungs and laughing at River when she crosses her arms and taps her perfectly manicured fingers.
River trots to the stage as soon as Carter finishes the song and places her lips to the mic. “Hi everyone. This song goes out to the guy who was just up here. And just so everyone is aware, I’m not his girl. This song should drive the point home.” She gives a nod to the DJ, who cues up the music.
The music for Meghan Trainor’s “No.” plays through the speaker. River swings her hips to the chorus with her vision trained on Carter, looking him directly in the eyes.
“Oh, God. I think I’m in love,” Carter says in awe, holding his hand to his chest. He continues musing to himself, “Challenge accepted, Kitten.”
“Yeah, I think you accepted that challenge a long time ago.” I chuckle.
Aspen pulls on Carter’s sleeve. “She will realize you’re one of the good ones. She’s a good friend to have, if you can win her over.” That makes me curious. “What happened?”
“Let’s just say a bait and switch happened.” She shakes her head. “The entire situation was hard on all of us.”
“Hey, Carter, remember those words you threw at me right before the first team meeting with Aspen?” I say rhetorically. “Chew on those because the same applies to you.”
Aspen turns back to watch River. I study her profile, then trail my eyes down the length of her body, allowing myself to drink in her gorgeous curves. Fuck, she is the total package; her curves are in all the right places. A black dress hugs her curves perfectly, and she wears a pair of sky-high black heels with red bottoms. I’m turned the fuck on by her. She still hasn’t let go of my hand as we stand to watch River sing.
After about an hour, the DJ switches from karaoke to an eclectic genre of music. We watch the girls dance together for a few songs before they drag us onto the dance floor. Song after song, we dance until exhaustion meets all of us.
Aspen and I stroll to the bar behind our friends and order water. Sweat drips down our temples. She pulls her hair up to cool off, exposing her slender neck. I can’t help but want to taste her.
“Are you ready to go?” Aspen calls over the music.
I nod, turning to find Aiden and Hannah at a high-top table immersed in conversation. I tap Carter on the shoulder. “Hey, we’re headed out. Can you make sure the girls get back safe?”
He nods, engrossed in River sucking her fruity drink through a straw. “Yeah, man. I got them,” he says, never taking his eyes off her.
We arrive at the hotel a little after eleven. The elevator is empty and dead silent. I press the button for the twentieth floor, and she presses the one for the twenty-third. I stand on the other side of the metal box studying her, reflecting on the past five months we’ve known each other. Why do I keep fighting this?
Her brow furrows. “Why are you staring at me like that?”
“You’re so beautiful. How can I not?” She rolls her eyes.
The tension is thick as we hold each other’s gazes. She looks away briefly, then her eyes connect with mine again. She is it for me. Fuck the guilt. I know it will come back, but I’ll deal with that later. Fuck the torn feelings. Right now, all I want is her. The elastic band keeping me from her snaps. I stride across the elevator until I’m standing directly in front of her. Reaching to the right, I press the stop button to the elevator, then lift her chin and angle her head back. Her lips part on a gasp. She looks at me expectantly as my eyes dance over her face.
I dip my head down, allowing my lips to softly dust over hers. I pull back to gauge her reaction. I hesitate. I’ve already fucked this up once. Aspen closes the distance, brushing her pillowy lips over mine again; I slowly relax, returning the kiss. She glides her hands over my shoulders, working their way up until her delicate fingers pull on my hair, causing a moan to escape from my mouth. I tease her lips, sucking first her bottom then her top. This moment feels so right.
I break the kiss long enough to pick her up; her legs round and lock around my waist, and her dress slides up, bunching around her waist. Our kiss becomes more frantic as we pour all of the built-up feelings we’ve had for months into it. She grinds her core against my cock, driving me out of my damn mind. I’m hard as hell and ready to take her to my room.
“Please,” she whimpers. Not breaking from our kiss, I reach over and start the elevator back up.
We make it to my floor, and I walk her all the way down the long hallway to my room with her legs still wrapped around my waist, not giving a single fuck who sees us. I fumble for my wallet in my back pocket, not letting go of her. She grabs the wallet out of my hand, fishing out the key card while I trail kisses down her neck and collarbone. She presses it to the scanner and opens the door. Once we’re in the room, I kick the door closed and saunter over to my bed, laying her down gently and nestling in between her legs.
“I want to fuck you so badly, but I’m not going to tonight.” I mumble as I trace open-mouthed kisses up her neck. “What I am going to do is make you feel good,” I whisper in her ear.
I pull back silently, asking for permission. When she looks at me, I can see all her emotions swirling in her eyes: desire, admiration, lust, and wariness. She gives me a small nod, and relief settles over me.
“I need words, Angel.” I need her to give me clear confirmation that this is what she wants.
“Yes. Please, Cal,” she moans, begging.
Thank. Fucking. God.
I slowly lift her sinful-as-fuck dress over her head but stop at her wrist. With her arms still in the dress, I twist the neckline to bind her wrist together in the tight fabric.
“You’re so fucking stunning,” I breathe. As I take her in, I allow my eyes to roam down to the rosy buds of her nipples resting under black lace. Fuck, she is sexy as hell. I lower my head and take one of her peaks into my mouth over the lacy fabric. She moans in response, grinding her core against me. I move over to the other one, sucking it into my mouth. Fuck, her tits are perfect. Trailing my tongue down her stomach, I suck and kiss her soft skin until I reach the edge of her sexy lace panties.
“Is this okay?” I whisper as I graze the top of the black lace with my lips.
She swallows hard and nods when I place an open-mouthed kiss right above her pubic bone. I must have been a goddamned saint in my past life to be rewarded with her sexy ass body wrapped up like a present in lace.
Hovering over her and bearing all my weight on one arm so as not to crush her, I gently move her hair out of her eyes, then suck on her bottom lip.“Look at you lying here in my bed, all stretched out with your hands bound, looking like a goddamn angel and a wet dream. I’m going to fuck your pussy with my mouth, tongue, and fingers until you come so many times you’re senseless, and you can’t even remember your own name.” Her eyes flare with heat. Oh, kink unlocked. My girl likes dirty talk; of course she does. “Keep your hands just like that.”
I dust my fingertips teasingly down her ribcage and across her abdomen, trailing down slowly until I reach her dripping wet pussy. “So damn sexy. Your cunt is so fucking wet for me right now,” I murmur against her lips. As I dip a finger inside of her, she lets out a low moan. “I can’t wait for you to make a mess of my face.” One hit and I’m already addicted to this sound. Fuck, she’s so tight. I add another finger. “I bet you taste like heaven.” I kiss her deeply one more time before my lips glide down her stomach back to her glistening pussy.
I breathe in her scent, and fuck if my cock isn’t hard and ready to blow. I peel down the sexy, black lace panties from her body and let them fall to the floor. My tongue laps her twice before she begins grinding on my face and begging for a release. When she pulls my hair, I realize she’s taken her hands out of her dress. I’d like to give her a spanking for her disobedience, but I let it go this time. Instead, I place two fingers inside her pussy and curl them upwards to hit her g-spot while my tongue laps at her clit. She writhes, and her legs begin to shake. She releases several curses and moans as her clit throbs against my tongue; wave after wave, her pussy clenches and squeezes my fingers.
“That’s one,” I breathe a chuckle. “Next time you misbehave and untie yourself, I’m going to spank that pretty ass red, then torture your body until you’re sobbing and begging for a release. I’ll torture you over and over again, not letting you cum until I give you permission to.”
“Fuck, Callan,” she moans. “If that’s punishment, I’ll be sure to disobey.”
Traveling back up her body, I kiss her lips, allowing her to taste herself on my tongue. Her pussy grinds against me. I rock into her, my cock straining against my pants. I want her. Fuck, I need her, but I can’t. I can’t make love to her. I can’t give myself over to her completely.
I give her a few minutes to recover before I descend on her again, not stopping until she’s incoherent and spent.
As I lay in bed with Aspen’s head on my chest, hundreds of thoughts run through my mind. I look down at her. She’s perfect. She’s everything. I’ve fallen for her, completely head over heels fallen for her, but there’s something I need to take care of before I can tell her exactly how she makes me feel. Tormenting guilt begins to seep back in. Fuck, I can’t keep doing this to myself. I need to put this shit to rest.