Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
GABE
“Are you sure you want to do that?” Marco asked me. “You hardly know him.”
Marco and I were sitting at my kitchen island having pizza and beer on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I’d done as Nico had asked and taken the weekend to think about whether or not I really wanted him living in my house. I still didn’t see any problem with it, so I asked Marco for his opinion. He wasn’t the type to pull punches.
“I know him well enough. We’ve spent three or four days a week either working or training together for the past month. He’s a good man who loves his son to pieces but feels like he’s still in prison because he doesn’t even have a room to retreat to at the end of the day. I have this huge house with enough room that he could have some privacy and finally relax. Why not give him a chance to feel free for the first time in four years?”
Marco gave me a pointed look. “I think you’re also lonely in this big, empty house.”
I shrugged. I couldn’t argue. It was a lot of house for one person. “Maybe. It doesn’t change the fact that Nico needs a place to live that’s not someone’s living room.”
“As long as you’re sure,” he said. “It would suck if you had to ask him to leave after a week or a month.”
“I don’t think that will happen. We get along really well. We always seem to have a lot to talk about. Nico is a smart man. He asks questions all the time because he wants to learn.” I stopped talking because Marco was staring at me with a stupid grin. “What?”
“You like him,” he said.
I tilted my head in confusion. “We’ve established this already.”
“No. You like him like him.”
I glared at him. “Did we suddenly get transported back to middle school? What the fuck, Marco?”
My asshole friend just chuckled. “You used to give me shit about Liam all the time. I’m just returning the favor.”
I growled in frustration. “Nico and I aren’t fucking and trying to pretend we’re not fucking. We’re just friends. That’s it. End of story.”
Marco put up his hands in mock surrender. “Okay. Okay. You’re not fucking him, and you don’t want to fuck him. Got it.”
I rolled my eyes. “Let it go, Marco. He just got out of prison and is trying to put his life back together. He doesn’t need any other complications.”
“So, are you going to tell him he can move in?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll call him tomorrow.”
He picked up another slice of pizza. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”
I shrugged. “Not sure yet. I might go to Moonlight Inn. Sean invited any of us who don’t have family to celebrate Thanksgiving with to come to the restaurant at the hotel.”
“You know you’re always welcome at my parents’ place,” he said.
I shifted in my seat, looking down at my hands. “I know. I’ll think about it.”
His brow furrowed in concern. “You okay?”
I didn’t want to get into it with him. But I knew he’d push until I answered. “I don’t know. I’m not feeling it this year. Last year, it was all new, and I was just enjoying being home. But this year has been harder. I’m not sure why.”
He regarded me with understanding. “I get it. The first year you’re just trying to wrap your head around being a civilian and not having something to do every minute of the day. It takes a while to make the switch. We also had a lot of off-the-books missions this past year. Those have slowed down now, so you have more time to think and miss your family. To miss Benji.”
Pain twisted around my heart. “Yeah. You know what’s fucked up about that? I can’t even be sure Benji felt the same way about me. He was always so worried about being caught. He was terrified his family would find out he was gay and disown him. I could never convince him that his family was toxic and he was better off without them.”
Marco shook his head. “You know how hard that is. Look at your own family. Your brothers never got the message.”
I sighed. “I know. Why do parents have to suck like that? Your parents are awesome.”
Marco smiled fondly. “They really are. I honestly thought my dad would kick me out when I came out to them. But he just hugged me and told me he loved me. And to go take out the trash.”
I burst out laughing. “That sounds like your dad.”
“I know I was lucky,” he said. “We just have to hope each generation gets better.” He leaned forward and put his hand on my arm. “You know I’m always here for you. The whole team is.”
I put my hand over his. “Thanks. I know I can count on all of you. I just wish I could get my head on straight.”
“Tell you what,” Marco began. “I’ll call the team, and we can all hang out together tonight.”
“That sounds great.” I felt lighter than I had in a while. My team always had my back.
I felt better after spending downtime with my team on Sunday night. After talking it over with my friends, I decided I still wanted to let Nico rent a room from me. There was all the usual teasing and innuendo, but they all liked the man and thought it would help him to have his own space. To be honest, I didn’t want to charge him rent, but my teammates told me I needed to let Nico feel like he was contributing and not freeloading.
I called him Monday morning when I knew Zach and Miguel were at work and Cody was at preschool. He picked up on the first ring. “Hey, Gabe.”
“Good morning. How was your weekend?”
“Good. We took Cody to Liberty Science Center yesterday. He had a blast.”
I heard the happiness in his voice and felt a pang of loneliness. I would have loved to have gone with them. I shook my head. Stupid brain. I’d spent the day with my friends. “It sounds like you had a great time.”
“We did.” There was a short silence on the other end before he asked, “What did you decide?”
The hesitance in his voice killed me. I’d have felt like shit if I’d changed my mind. “It’s really on you to decide when you want to move in.”
He blew out a relieved breath. “That’s great. Thank you so much. I already talked to Zach and Miguel about it. They felt bad that I was uncomfortable. But they both understood I needed my own space.”
“What about Cody?” I asked.
“I didn’t want to say anything to him until I was sure. It’s going to be hard for him. He likes having me here.” His next words came out hoarsely. “I don’t know how to explain it to him without him thinking I’m abandoning him—again.”
“Hey,” I protested. “You didn’t abandon him the first time. You didn’t do it on purpose.”
He huffed in frustration. “But I made stupid decisions that took me away from him. And Allie. And now she’s dead, and I’m the only parent he has. I don’t want him to think I’m leaving him.”
An idea came to me. “I think I know a way we could make it easier for both of you.”
“How?”
I felt myself getting excited. “We could set up a room for him for when he comes to visit you. Then he wouldn’t feel like you forgot about him.”
“I like that idea, but are you sure? Cody’s not a quiet kid.”
“Oh, I know,” I replied. “I’ve been there for some of his epic meltdowns. That doesn’t bother me. He’s a little kid who lost his mom. Besides, I’ve seen grown-ass adults have worse tantrums.”
Nico snorted a laugh. “I can’t argue with that. Him having some toys and other stuff there will make it easier.”
My inner child was literally bouncing at the idea of buying kid toys and fun stuff. Cody was going to have the best room ever. I was so excited I almost missed his next question.
“What about rent?”
I bit back a frustrated growl. I didn’t want to charge him rent, but I had to treat him like the grown adult he was. “Five hundred a month.”
He paused before saying, “That seems kind of low.”
My head fell back, and I groaned. “Throw me a bone here. I don’t want to charge you rent at all.”
He let out a soft growl. “Okay. But we’ll revisit it if it’s not enough.”
Considering I owned the house outright, I didn’t need anything from him at all. “It’s fine. Really.”
“Come on. The mortgage on that place has to be staggering.”
I cleared my throat and muttered, “I don’t have a mortgage.”
There was a long silence on the other end. Finally, he snorted. “So fucking bougie.”
“Shut up.”
Nico chuckled. “Fine. We’ll go with five hundred.”
“When do you want to move in?”
“I think I’ll wait until the beginning of next month after I’m off parole. They get all twitchy when parolees move.”
“Fair enough. That will give Cody time to get used to the idea.” And it would give me time to go shopping for kid stuff.
“Yeah. I don’t have a lot of stuff. I guess I’ll need to buy a bed.”
“There’s already a bed in the room. I have them all set up as guest rooms.”
“Of course you do.” He sounded amused and frustrated. “I’ll at least buy some sheets and blankets.”
I was about to tell him not to bother, but I shut my pie hole. Nico needed to feel like he was contributing. I had to keep reminding myself of that. “Sounds great. It’s a queen-size bed.”
“Nice. I’ll like having the extra space to roll around.”
My brain immediately went to me rolling Nico around on his bed. Well fuck. I needed to shut that shit down right now. “It’s a good mattress too. You’ll like sleeping on it.” And maybe fucking on it. I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration. Clearly, I needed to get laid. Time to change the subject. “What are you doing on Thanksgiving?”
If he was surprised at the abrupt topic change, he didn’t mention it. “We’re all going to Moonlight Inn. Sean invited us.”
“Sounds like fun,” I said.
“What about you?”
I shrugged, even though he couldn’t see me. “I haven’t decided yet. I don’t celebrate with my family anymore.”
“You could come with us,” Nico said. “Everyone should have a place to go on Thanksgiving.”
Unexpected tears burned in my eyes. “That’s really nice of you. I might just take you up on that.”
“That would be great,” he replied, the enthusiasm evident in his voice. “We’re going for the early seating because Cody wouldn’t do well with the later seating.”
“Makes sense. What time is that?”
“One o’clock. Zach and Miguel both say the food is excellent. I’m looking forward to it.”
“Okay,” I said. “I can do that.”
“All right. I guess I’ll see you on Thursday then.”
“Definitely. See you then.”
After I hung up with Nico, I called Marco. He answered on the first ring like he’d been waiting for my call. I shook my head. “Nico’s going to move in at the beginning of December.”
“Congratulations. When’s the wedding?”
“You’re such an asshole,” I groused.
“Yeah, well, you should be used to that by now.” He paused before asking, “Do you think it will work out?”
“I think it will,” I answered. “You all were right about Nico needing to feel like he was contributing. We worked it out, and I think we’re going to be all right.”
“But are you going to be all right?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I know you don’t want to admit it, but you’re attracted to Nico.” I made a noise of protest, but he cut me off. “Who exactly are you trying to kid here?”
I blew out a frustrated breath. “Look. It doesn’t matter if I’m attracted to him or not. I’m not going there. I can’t for too many reasons to count. Let it go.”
“Okay. Settle down. I just think he’d be good for you.”
I shook my head. “Yeah, but I wouldn’t be good for him.”