Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NICO
The restaurant in the Moonlight Inn was full. I’d only been there once before to have lunch with Zach and Miguel and to meet Sean O’Neil, the hotel owner. It turned out he’d just gotten married to a world-famous concert pianist in September. I’d never heard of Jeremy Fitzgerald, but then, I wasn’t much into classical music.
Cody had known who he was. Or at least he’d known the man played the piano because he’d run up to Jeremy and asked him to play. This world-famous multimillionaire pianist had not only played the piano at the request of a four-year-old, but he’d also sat with my son and showed him how to play. I’d watched my wriggly, impatient son settle and let Jeremy place his little fingers on the keys and show him how to press them in the right order. I thought my heart would explode with joy to see Cody so happy.
At that meal, the restaurant had been mostly empty. Now, it was buzzing with activity. The low hum of conversation and the clink of silverware and glasses filled the air. The large room was a beautiful example of Victorian architecture. Miguel told me Sean and his father had restored the whole hotel about fifteen years before Sean became the owner. They’d done a good job. The restaurant was elegant and welcoming at the same time. The thick dark blue-and-cream carpet did a lot to muffle the ambient noise of the dining room.
We were seated at a large round table set for eight. Three of the four empty seats would be taken by Zach and Miguel’s friends, whom I hadn’t met. I was proud of myself for not losing my shit because we were seated at a table in the middle of the room. I wasn’t exactly relaxed, but I wasn’t ready to jump out of my skin either. I just hoped Zach and Miguel’s friends weren’t judgmental assholes.
I found myself checking the doorway, looking for Gabe to show up. Hoping he would show up. It was strange how close I’d gotten to the other man in such a short amount of time. It usually took me a while to warm up to someone, even before I’d gone to prison. Which was probably why a feeling of relief washed over me when he walked through the dining room door wearing dark jeans, a black T-shirt, and a black leather jacket. I noticed his sandy-brown hair had been cut shorter on the sides but was longer on top. It looked nice.
Cody spotted him a few seconds after I did. He wriggled off his chair before I could stop him and ran to the big man. “Mr. Gabe!”
Gabe scooped up my son and tossed him over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Cody giggled the whole way back to the table. Gabe looked around with exaggerated confusion. “Where’s Cody? I don’t see him anywhere.”
Through his giggles, Cody said, “I’m right here.”
Gage looked surprised as he pulled Cody off his shoulder. “There you are. How did you get there?” He settled Cody back in his seat and sat next to me after draping his leather jacket over the back of the chair. “Hey. Sorry, I’m late.”
Zach waved him off. “You’re not late. We haven’t even gotten our drinks yet.”
I leaned closer to him. “Thanks for coming. At least I won’t be the only single guy at the table.”
“Who else is coming?” he asked.
“Zach and Miguel invited some friends. Two of them are a couple. Albert and Robbie, I think they said.”
His eyes brightened. “I remember Albert. He does a drag show over at Paradise. Lately he’s been doing some shows up in the City. I wonder who the third person is.”
I shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out.”
The server came to the table to take Gabe’s drink order. Just as she left, a tall, slender Black man and a shorter, fair-skinned blond man walked into the restaurant. The Black man wore slim black trousers and a rust-colored jacket over a mustard yellow dress shirt and dark-red tie. On anyone else, the outfit would have looked ridiculous. On him, it was stunning. The blond was dressed more casually in a soft-looking cream-colored sweater over a black turtleneck and black pants. They had to be Albert and Robbie.
As they got closer, I noticed they were both wearing makeup. Miguel also wore makeup pretty much every day. It had taken me a while to get used to it. In prison, I had learned to never let myself stand out, and I often worried about Miguel’s safety. But this wasn’t prison, and Miguel and his friends had a right to do whatever they wanted. Even so, I still scanned the room, looking for potential trouble headed their way.
Miguel spotted his friends and got up to greet them, pulling the man I assumed to be Albert into his arms for a long hug. Zach went over to the blond and did the same. They were all smiling when they got to the table. Miguel made the introductions. “Nico, Gabe, this is Albert and Robbie.”
I stood and shook their hands, a little proud of myself for guessing correctly. “Nice to meet you both.” They both took their seats, which left only one chair empty. “Who else is coming?” I asked.
Miguel nodded toward the entrance. “Him.”
Joy filled me when I turned to find my brother Damian walking into the restaurant. I waved frantically to get his attention and rose to greet him when he got to the table. He drew me into a hug. “Good to see you again, Nico.”
I pulled back a little. “I thought you had to go overseas.”
He smiled mischievously. “Zach and I engaged in a little subterfuge so we could surprise you.”
I looked over at Zach, feeling my throat tighten. “Thank you so much.”
“No problem at all.”
Our patient server returned to take three new drink orders, and we all finally settled in to enjoy the meal. The food was amazing. They served a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, complete with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and what seemed like gallons of gravy. Conversation and wine flowed freely, although I limited myself to one glass. I didn’t like feeling out of control.
Gabe alternated between talking to me and entertaining Cody. Occasionally, he’d talk about a past mission in vague terms. I heard about Albert’s drag shows in the City and Robbie’s work as a makeup artist. My brother regaled us with stories of his travels to exotic places overseas. Zach and Miguel talked about their jobs. And I sat there listening. Just listening. Because I had nothing to add. Nothing to offer. My life was just a black hole of nothing. The only accomplishment I could claim was the little boy sitting beside me. And I’d had virtually nothing to do with raising him.
Just like that, my appetite was gone. The walls seemed to close in around me. I could no longer filter out the cacophony of sounds that filled the room. It just got louder and louder.
I thought about asking Damian to go for a walk with me so I could get out of this crowded place. But he pulled out his phone and frowned. “I have to take this.” Then he got up and walked toward the restaurant entrance.
“Shit,” I muttered. I was trying hard to calm myself. It’s no big deal. No one here is judging you . But I couldn’t shake the feeling of being the outsider. The black sheep. The ex-con. My leg started bouncing under the table, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get it to stop.
A large hand settled on my forearm, startling me out of my spiraling thoughts. Gabe leaned over Cody’s head so he could speak quietly. “Let’s go outside for a bit. It’s suffocating in here.”
I nodded frantically. I probably looked like I was insane. I asked Zach to keep an eye on Cody while I was gone. He seemed to understand something was up because he distracted Cody when my son asked to go with us.
We grabbed our jackets, and Gabe led the way through the restaurant, past the very busy bar, to a back hallway I hadn’t known was there. “There’s a side door that leads to a path to the gardens.”
The gardens didn’t have much color at the moment since fall had stripped most of the trees of their leaves, but it was still more peaceful than the dining room. I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down and get my head on straight. Gabe stood by, watching me with concern in his eyes. “Thanks,” I said. “How did you know?”
His lips quirked up in a half-smile. “I’m good at reading body language, and yours was screaming ‘get me out of here.’ Want to talk about it?”
Did I want to talk about it? No. But yes. At least with him. Gabe was always easy to talk to and never judgmental. “I was listening to everybody at the table talk about their lives and all the things they’d done and accomplished.” I paused, the words getting caught in my constricted throat. “And I realized I had nothing to contribute. I’ve spent the last fifteen years just trying to survive. I’m thirty-one years old, and I’ve got nothing to show for my life except Cody. And I had no hand in raising him because I fucked up so badly I ended up in prison. I have to go to fucking parenting classes because I have no idea how to raise a kid.” The last word came out as more of a croak, and I turned away so Gabe wouldn’t see me lose it.
Gabe came around to stand in front of me. He lightly tapped underneath my chin. “Hey. Look at me.” I looked into his eyes and saw compassion there. “I get it. I really do. I used to feel that way with my family. If you think I’m bougie, you should meet them.” I felt my lips twist into a smile against my will. He looked all too pleased with himself to see it.
“It feels shitty to be the outsider,” he continued. “And it’s easy to judge your own worth based on other people’s stories. But you’re missing an important part of the bigger picture.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Most of it wasn’t your fault.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he held his hand up to stop me. “Let me finish. Yes, you trusted the wrong people and got arrested and went to prison. I acknowledge that you could have made better choices there.”
“Damn right,” I muttered.
He rolled his eyes. “Now that we’ve gotten past that, let me ask you this: what about the other eleven years?”
My brows drew together, and I stared at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“You said you spent the last fifteen years just trying to survive. Why do you think you didn’t get as much accomplished as others your age? You had no backup. Your parents threw you away. You had to do it all on your own.”
I shook my head. “My brother had the same parents and look at him.”
Gabe put his hands on my shoulders. His tone was fierce when he spoke. “Yes, you had the same parents, but they didn’t throw him out. More importantly, Damian had you . You supported his dream. You had his back. That’s why he succeeded.” He smiled at me and said more gently, “Why do you think he went out of his way to protect your things while you were in prison?”
I stared at him, dumbfounded. I swallowed hard, fighting the tears still close to the surface, but for a different reason now. “I never thought about it that way.”
“I’m sure you didn’t. Why would you? You learned early on to compare yourself to other people to measure your success. In your parents’ eyes, success equaled a high-paying, prestigious career. Anything short of that was a failure. But the reality is far from that. There are many ways to succeed. You succeeded in helping Damian follow his dreams instead of your parents’ dreams. You need to give yourself a break. You can’t swim if you’ve weighed yourself down with stones.”
A tear rolled down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away. “Okay. Wow. That’s… I’ve never thought of it like that.” I smirked up at him, trying to lighten the mood. “You’re pretty smart.”
He buffed his nails on his jacket. “I know. It’s a gift.”
I lightly shoved him, which had no effect whatsoever. “So modest.”
He put his arm around my shoulders. “I mean it though. You’ll find your way. And I’ll help however I can.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate it.” I took a deep breath and felt some of the heaviness lift from me. Moving in with Gabe might be the thing that finally got me on the right path.