Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
GABE
Four days before Christmas, the rewiring was finally finished. The first thing Nico and I did, even before unpacking, was buy a real Christmas tree. If I had been living alone, I wouldn’t have bothered, but Nico wanted to give Cody a good Christmas with presents, lights, and decorations. Luckily, a local firehouse was selling trees as a fundraiser, and we were able to find one there.
With a grunt, I dropped the massive Douglas fir tree into the sturdy metal tree stand. “Damn. I honestly didn’t think they’d have something this big left so close to Christmas.”
Nico closed the front door and stepped beside me to help adjust the tree. “Yeah, we got lucky. Cody’s going to love it. Especially after it’s decorated.”
Nico and I twisted and turned the ten-foot-tall tree until it stood straight in all directions. Then I held it steady while he screwed in the bolts that would keep it in place for the duration of its stay in the house. We stood back to see how it looked in the semi-circular space in the front of the living room. Even undecorated, it looked fantastic. Twelve-foot ceilings had their advantages.
Nico smiled broadly. “Wow. Once it’s decorated, it’ll be fantastic.”
“Agreed.” I headed toward the kitchen. “Let’s get some water in the base and let it settle. After that, we can do some more Krav Maga training.”
“Sounds good.”
I warmed up in my basement gym while I waited for Nico to change into workout gear. He’d come a long way since we’d first started training together. He’d adjusted his weight-training routine and added cardio to get leaner muscles. That helped make him faster on his feet while still maintaining his strength. Adding Krav Maga training to the mix made Nico a formidable adversary for anyone who wanted to cause trouble.
I had to admit, if only to myself, I really liked watching Nico work out. I especially enjoyed watching him walk away. He had a fine peach of an ass. It had been rough staying in the hotel with him for ten days. I’d wanted so badly to take advantage of one of those king-size beds. I could have sworn he’d been checking me out that first day, but then he’d seemed to withdraw, so maybe I’d been imagining things. Besides, that would have made things weird between us, and I liked having him as a housemate.
Nico came down the stairs dressed in black workout pants and a black T-shirt that hugged his muscled body just right. My gaze was drawn to the tattoos decorating his arms. I wondered how he’d gotten so many in prison. I didn’t think they let tattoo artists come in and give prisoners tattoos. I’d have to ask him sometime.
Nico and I did some more warm-ups before I put him through his paces. We always started with the moves he knew well, so they became second nature to him. If I thought he was ready, I’d add a new move toward the end of practice and incorporate it into his skill set.
Today, we worked on how to get out of holds. Sometimes, an attacker got the drop on us, and it was just as important to be able to get away from an attacker as it was to take them down. It turned out Nico’s ex-Navy SEAL friend in prison had already shown him many of the simpler defensive moves, so we moved on to some of the more complicated ones.
I moved to stand behind him. “Remember the moves I showed you to defend yourself from an attack from behind?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
Nico’s voice sounded hoarse and quieter than usual. I hesitated. “Everything okay?”
He nodded more emphatically. “Yeah. All good.”
“All right. I’m going to put my hands around your throat from behind.” I paused. “Ready?” He nodded. I encircled his throat with my hands, taking care not to squeeze too tightly. “Remember to grab behind your neck to the meat of my thumbs.”
I waited, preparing to guide him through the steps, but nothing happened. He didn’t move. In fact, his whole body had gone rigid, and he was trembling. “Nico?”
“Please. Don’t,” he gasped in a broken whisper.
I immediately released my hold on him and stepped back. “Nico?” No answer. I moved in front of him, and my heart sank. He was staring straight ahead, his breath coming in short pants. Then his eyes started tracking back and forth. Shit. I knew that look. He was having a flashback.
I took a breath to calm myself. I wouldn’t be of any help to Nico if I freaked out. I stood directly in front of him but didn’t touch him. “Hey, Nico. It’s Gabe. You’re having a flashback right now. You’re in my basement in my house in Asbury Park. It’s December 2023. You’re safe with me. No one can hurt you here.”
His eyelashes fluttered and his eyes met mine for a brief moment before they drifted away. “Nico. I want you to listen to the sound of my voice. Try to stay with me. Nod if you can hear me and know who I am.”
He gave a jerky nod and stuttered out, “Gabe.”
Relief flooded me. “That’s right. Try to focus on where you are now. Can you tell me what you see around you?”
With effort, he dragged his gaze away from my face. “Gym equipment. Floor mats. A couch and TV on the other side of the room.” He blinked. “Cody left a Batman doll.”
I turned in the direction he was looking, and sure enough, there was a Batman action figure on the floor in front of the couch. “I’m surprised he hasn’t asked for it.”
He let out a choked laugh. “He’s got a million of them. I’m sure he doesn’t miss it.” And just like that, tears filled his eyes and his knees buckled. He sank to the floor with his hands over his face, ragged sobs shaking his whole body.
I sat next to him, still keeping my distance. Eventually, his sobs grew quiet, and his body stopped shaking. He raised his tear-streaked face and said, “Sorry.”
I shook my head. “Nothing to be sorry about. I’ve seen and had my share of flashbacks.”
“I guess you would have.” His lips twisted in a bitter imitation of a smile. “My little trauma is probably nothing compared to what you’ve been through.”
Anger flared in my gut. “First of all, bullshit. Second of all, fuck that. This isn’t the Comparison Olympics. Trauma is trauma. Nobody wins.”
He stared at me, stunned for a moment. “I guess I never thought of it that way.”
I got up and grabbed a clean hand towel from a nearby shelf and handed it to him so he could wipe his face. “Most people don’t. Especially when people around them say it wasn’t that bad or that it was so long ago, they should be over it by now. Fucking assholes. All of them.”
He wiped his face, shifting to a seated position, holding the cloth tightly in his hands. “But I feel like I should be over it. It’s been four years.” He twisted the towel so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He swallowed hard. “I was raped in the showers a week after I went to prison,” he whispered. “I can’t get past it.”
Shit. Shit. Shit. I’d suspected it was something like that but had hoped I was wrong. I had to slam the door on my instantaneous rage. This wasn’t about me and my vendetta against rapists. I’d get the guy’s name later. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
He dropped his gaze. “Thank you. I was one of the lucky ones. The Navy SEAL I told you about, Paul Mitchelson, heard what was happening. He walked into the showers fully dressed and pulled the guy off me. After that, nobody messed with me.”
Okay, we were going to get that man out of prison somehow. “That’s good. Really good. I’m glad he was there for you. But it doesn’t mean your experience was any less horrible.” I hesitated. “Have you thought about going to therapy?”
The change in his expression was breathtakingly fast. His lip curled in disgust and he shook his head vehemently. “Abso-fucking-lutely not. The so-called therapist in the prison told me I should have known better than to go into the showers alone.”
I had no words. I stared at him with my mouth agape. “She actually said that?”
“It was a man, and yes, he actually said that.”
My list was getting longer. “I honestly don’t know what to say except most therapists aren’t like that.” I saw his brows draw together, and I put up a placating hand. “I’m not trying to convince you to go. I’m just letting you know there are good therapists out there. My therapist, Teresa, is awesome.”
Surprise etched his features. “You go to a therapist?”
I nodded. “Yep. Since about two months after I separated from the Navy.”
“Oh wow. I would never have guessed. You seem so chill all the time.”
I laughed. “Seeing her is the reason I’m so chill. Otherwise, I’d be one step away from being a serial killer.”
He blinked. “Uh. Okay?”
I chuckled and shook my head. “Just kidding. Mostly. Probably.”
He snorted a laugh. “Thanks. I needed that.”
I grinned, my heart lighter because I’d been able to make him laugh. “Anytime.” After a long hesitation, I added, “If you change your mind, I’ll be happy to give you Teresa’s information.”
He didn’t get mad, which was a relief. He pressed his lips together. “I don’t know if therapy is for me. But I’ll think about it.”
I nodded. “Okay.” I rose and held out my hand to him. “Now, let’s go decorate a Christmas tree.”