5. Alex
Chapter 5
Alex
He drove home in a daze, thinking about glittering black eyes and a warm body pressing dangerously close. The memory of it was invasive, taking root and encroaching on every thought he tried to focus on, burying itself deep and leaving him tangled and confused.
He caught a whiff of leather and whiskey as he let himself into his apartment and all but threw himself into the shower, eager to erase all evidence of the night. He buried his clothing beneath yesterday’s clothes in the hamper and determinedly focused on his nightly routine, scrubbing himself raw in the shower, brushing his teeth aggressively, and finally laying down—reluctantly, when he had nothing else to distract him.
There, staring up at his ceiling fan, he felt more alone than ever. His ceiling fan twirled just the same, but everything felt different now. The cold, yawning chasm on the empty side of the bed seemed to taunt him. He’d been alone for so long, it’d begun to feel normal. But something about tonight made him realize how lonely he was. There was no one he could talk to about what had happened with Talon. No one he could confess his muddled feelings to.
He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had treated him so tenderly. It seemed a strange dichotomy, to be touched so sweetly by something so monstrous. Talon’s fingers had brushed his jaw and throat with infinite softness, like Alex was something to be handled with care, something precious he didn’t want to see damaged. He’d expected the opposite when he walked into In Extremis. He’d expected to be tested, to be threatened, maybe even hurt. He’d prepared himself to endure it no matter what for the sake of finding answers.
Was it a test? Halflings were tempters. Had Talon been tempting him? Alex didn’t want to admit it, even to himself, but he’d been unmoored by Talon’s kindness and his sheer presence . The guild had raised him, housed him, and trained him, but they weren’t his family. He’d shared more intimacy with the demon in that club than anyone else in his life since he was small enough for his mother’s lap.
Hunting guild-approved demons was all there was to his life. He’d never had a partner or a long-term relationship of any kind. All he did was hunt and fight and think about revenge. Tonight with this demon, he was ashamed to say he’d felt things he’d never felt before. He rarely dated, rarely even felt an interest, which made his reaction to this demon all the more shocking. And it wasn’t like paladins were monks. Plenty of them had partners and spouses, even children, who often grew up to fight for the guild just like their parents. But that life had never interested Alex. He’d been too focused on vengeance. But now…
He’d given his phone number to a demon . It felt like he’d invited a demon into an intimate part of his life. The part that not even the guild had access to. Not the Alex he presented for work and hunting, but the one he became at home. The one who laid under the ceiling fan just like this and cracked as the weight of his own self-imposed solitude overwhelmed him.
But what else was there? He worked, he slept. There wasn’t room for anything else in his life.
With a fitful huff, he grabbed his phone off the bedside table. Just because he didn’t have a relationship didn’t mean he was alone. He had friends. To prove it, he went to his contacts and scrolled through them for someone, anyone , he could talk to. But it was paladin after paladin. People from his squad, people from his graduating class he never had time to hang out with anymore because they’d taken different paths in the guild, administrative numbers he needed to remember. No one he might dare to confess to about what he’d done tonight. That he’d walked into the monster’s den and it hadn’t been the worst decision he’d ever made.
When he reached Talon’s name, he stopped scrolling.
The only other person who knew Alex had broken the rules and gone to In Extremis alone… was Talon.
He shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t, but he tapped Talon’s number anyway, opening up the text chat where a message already waited from earlier.
Hello.
Did you mean it?
He pressed send before he could second-guess himself. Talon’s response was immediate.
Mean what?
That you would help me.
His stomach lurched. He shouldn’t be doing this, but the chasm beside him felt smaller now.
I’m a man of my word.
Ha. Sounds like something a liar would say.
I guess you’ll just have to have a little faith. You’re good at that, right?
Alex realized he was smiling.
I don’t think my priest would approve of my having faith in a demon.
Sounds like your priest needs a drink.
Alex snorted.
We don’t really drink.
Really? I couldn’t tell.
He rolled onto his side, turning his back to the empty side of the bed, just as his phone chimed with another text.
I’ll either come through for you or I won’t, little bird. Either way, you lose nothing. You only owe me that favor if I find something, remember?
Anxiety moved through him. What kind of favor would he ask for? Something that would compromise Alex’s morality? Should he hope that Talon found a lead, then, or not? He so desperately wanted to get ahead of Michael’s investigation and find this demon himself.
He fell asleep with his phone clutched in his hands, worrying about what was to come.
The metal windowsill dug painfully into his knees as he crawled into the living room. His slight body ached, his hair matted with sweat, his arms and legs itchy from the bushes. He needed to see them. He had to see them. The monster under the bed wasn’t real. Maybe this one wasn’t either. Maybe his parents were waiting to scold him for running away from home. He hoped desperately that they’d be there waiting for him, that it was all a bad dream. Any punishment would be better than the horrors he’d seen.
Blood coated the floor, slick on the wood and soaking into the rug. Four bodies were spread out on the floor, their blank eyes staring up at nothing. It would be a long time before he recognized the pattern. He fell to his knees beside them, unwittingly completing the pentagram, screaming so loud that pain shot through his throat. Blood-soaked carpet stuck to his legs. He was stained with it. Couldn’t get it off, couldn’t get it off.
Nathan’s hands were on his shoulders, trying to get him to turn away. Wait, no, that wasn’t right. Nathan wasn’t at this one. Panic clawed up his throat. Where was he? Whose bodies were these? He turned away ? —
There was another living room. Another pentagram. More bodies, more blood. Nathan stood in the middle of the circle.
“You’re too close to this,” he said, his eyes soft and worried. There was blood on his boots.
“You’re holding me back, don’t you see?” Alex cried.
One of the bodies sat up. His mother, her hair matted with her own blood. She met his eyes and sucked in a wheezing breath. “Trust in God’s plan, Paladin Hawk.”
“No, fuck God’s plan!” he screamed. “God shouldn’t have let you die!”
He whirled away.
Everything went dark. Crimson light reflecting off the mirrored walls. The body in front of him was warm, and he clung to it, breathing hard as the panic ebbed like the tide. It would be back, but for now he was safe.
“Tell me your story, little bird,” a familiar voice crooned in his ear, and strong, leather-clad arms wrapped around him, drawing him away from the cool wall and into solid heat.
“No.” Alex closed his eyes, burying his face in the warm neck before him. “I don’t want to tell it.” He was so tired of thinking about it, dwelling on it, letting his anger rule him. He needed a reprieve, and here in the darkness, it couldn’t reach him.
‘Even the other demons were too afraid to go near him.’ That was what the bartender told him. Maybe Talon could keep his personal demons at bay, too.
“Then don’t tell it,” Talon said easily, like he could hear everything Alex wasn’t saying. Fingers carded into his hair, and a mouth brushed the swell of his cheek.
“Why were you nice to me? We’re supposed to be enemies.” Alex angled his head back, and lips grazed his.
“Do you want me to be your enemy?”
“Do you always answer a question with a question?”
Talon’s answering smile was animalistic. “When it amuses me to.”
Alex pressed closer. “Tell me the truth.”
“Which truth, little bird?”
“The only one that matters.” He didn’t know what he was saying. Everything around him felt fuzzy and unfocused.
Fingers grazed his cheek, and Talon swam back into focus. “Stay with me, little bird. I’m not ready to lose you to dreamland again.”
“What were we talking about?”
“Truths, and their elusiveness.”
“Tell me, then.”
“What I told you in the bar is the only truth that matters,” Talon said. “You are perfectly safe with me.”
“Why?”
“Because you are mine. You just don’t know it yet.”
Alex blinked. Everything was hazy again, but he felt warm and… safe. “What does that mean?”
Talon leaned in, his dark eyes filling Alex’s vision. Talon’s body pressed harder against his, and long fingers curled around his throat. He should fight, but it felt so good . He didn’t feel trapped or held down. He felt cradled, protected and wanted. His body arched into the touch, baring all of himself for Talon to take, surrendering to the will of another. Perfect weight settled between his legs, giving him something to rock against. A tongue invaded his mouth, hot and slick.
“Talon,” he moaned.
One minute they were vertical, and then they were horizontal. There was a soft surface under Alex, but he didn’t see any distinguishing features about their surroundings. All he knew was Talon. Their bare skin slid together, damp with sweat. Talon’s muscular body blanketed him, enveloping him. Alex spread his legs, and all he knew was pleasure. Surrounded and filled with perfect heat, his body pinned in a way that shook all worry from his mind. He didn’t have to move. He didn’t have to fight. There was no pain here.
Perfectly safe. As promised.
All his thoughts fell away, leaving only Talon and darkness.
Alex woke with sticky boxers. His face flooded with embarrassment even though there was no one there to witness his shame. He discarded the boxers in the bathroom and stepped into the shower, scrubbing until he could finally stop blushing. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d had a dream like that, and certainly never about someone he actually knew. They were vague shapes and featureless blobs when he was a teen.
Why now, of all times? And why Talon ? Surely his body wasn’t so easily led astray by a few simple touches.
He dressed and made coffee, fetching his phone from the bedroom. Standing in front of the coffeemaker, he stared into the middle distance as the memory of Talon’s sweat-slick body pressed up against his, starbursts of pleasure exploding through him.
He shook himself. No. This wasn’t happening. He wasn’t fantasizing about a demon .
He realized he had a new text message and pulled up the app, his stomach turning as he remembered the conversation he’d fallen asleep to. Under Talon’s name, a new text waited for him.
I hope your dreams were pleasant, little bird.
Heat burned through Alex. There was no way Talon could know about the dream he’d had… could he? He didn’t know exactly what powers the black-eyed halflings had. Was Talon psychic? Could he dreamwalk? What if he’d somehow influenced Alex’s dream—inserted himself somehow?
That… wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, would it? He hadn’t tormented Alex in any way. He’d chased away the nightmares and given Alex pleasure instead. If he’d somehow done that intentionally, it might’ve even been done as a kindness. Alex certainly didn’t mind not waking up screaming from visions of his dead family.
But how did he find out for sure?
After a moment’s thought, he responded.
I’ve had better.
If Talon had truly been there, he might be offended, but if not, he’d just think Alex hadn’t slept well. Alex poured his coffee into a travel mug and snagged his keys off the counter. His phone chimed again as he closed the door behind himself, and he paused in the hallway to check it.
Sorry to hear that.
He narrowed his eyes at the screen. Was he really? Alex couldn’t tell.
He drifted through the morning’s training drills in a daze. Other than a few concerned looks from Nathan, no one bothered him. He worked himself to the bone on the training yard, running drills and sparring until he couldn’t lift his practice sword without trembling. After a long shower in the locker room, he retreated to the armory to oil and sharpen his sword. The room was quiet, everyone focused on their individual tasks. He set his cell phone beside him on the workbench while he worked, checking it obsessively for new notifications. There were none, and despite his better judgment, he found himself wondering what demons did during the day. They didn’t like sunlight, as far as he knew. Was that true for halflings, too? Was Talon holed up somewhere waiting for the sun to go down? Was he sleeping? Where did a demon lay his head?
He didn’t know why he even wondered. He certainly didn’t care.
After a lunch that he spent more time poking at than eating, he wandered to the library on the ground floor of the admin building to do a little research.
The library was one of the biggest rooms in the building. The floor was made of marble and covered in soft rugs to dampen the sounds, and the domed ceiling was painted with scenes from the bible, reminiscent of the Sistine Chapel. Long tables around the room held desktop computers for guild use. A handful of people were scattered around the room, but beyond the clicking of the keyboard and the whisper of turning pages, it was quiet.
He waved to the student on duty at the library’s desk in the middle of the large space and went to one of the desktop computers. A lot of their old, archived files had been scanned into a computer system. All of their guild-issued laptops—including the one Alex kept at home—had access to the database, which were locally hosted by servers there on the guild’s premises.
There was precious little about halflings of any kind, much less the black-eyed ones. It listed their basic features, such as the red or black eyes, their strength, their faster healing, their immortality. A few of the more currently known hangouts like In Extremis. There was nothing about special powers, dreamwalking or otherwise.
That didn’t mean they couldn’t. It just meant there was no record of it. There could be a lot they didn’t know about halflings. Alex had been attracted to people before without having dreams about them. He couldn’t believe the first sex dream he’d had about a real person was about a demon . That couldn’t have come from his own mind… could it?