6. Alex
Chapter 6
Alex
“Is this real?”
He was back in the club, in the VIP room with its disconcerting red light and mirrored walls. Talon was in front of him, pressed exceptionally close. He had a bottle in his hand this time, and the other arm was braced beside Alex’s head.
“Just because it’s happening in your head doesn’t mean it isn’t real, little bird.” His dark eyes danced with mirth.
Alex scowled. His brain was sluggish here, everything hazy. Thoughts slipped away from him like sand through his fingers. He didn’t like it. Talking with Talon was hard enough without this added difficulty.
“You know what I mean.”
“Do I?”
Frustrated, he slapped a hand flat against Talon’s chest and pushed him away. “You can’t be here. Or I can’t be here.”
But when his hand fell from Talon’s chest, he went hazy, disappearing from sight altogether. He glimpsed bodies, blood splatters, and a scream clawed its way up his raw throat. He sucked in a sharp breath ? —
And hands grabbed him, drawing his face up to meet night black eyes. “Look at me. Focus on me.”
Alex did, desperate for anything other than the nightmare that waited in the wings.
“Don’t push me away, little bird. I can’t keep your demons at bay if you resist me.”
Keep his demons at bay? “Halflings can’t dreamwalk,” Alex said, mostly to remind himself. He’d checked. He remembered going to the library.
Talon smiled like this was somehow amusing. “No, they can’t.”
“So you’re not really here. This is just a weird dream.”
“It could be both,” Talon said, his voice strangled in a way that suggested he was fighting laughter.
“No. Halflings can’t dreamwalk.”
Talon’s eyes narrowed shrewdly. “And you think I’m a halfling.”
“Yes.”
“What if I’m not?”
Slow, creeping horror slithered down his spine. Not real, not real. “What else would you be?”
Talon shrugged. “It’s your dream, little bird.”
Alex got the impression he was being teased, but that made sense for both the real Talon and this strange dream version.
Spending time with either a dream version of Talon or the real one was still better than reliving the nightmares again. He was, quite literally, the lesser of two evils, as far as Alex was concerned.
“What’s that expression? What are you thinking?” Talon asked, tilting his head like, dare he think it, a puppy.
“I’m thinking,” he sighed, “it doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me. Tell me.”
“No, I mean, it doesn’t matter whether you’re real or not.”
Talon looked intrigued. “Oh? How so?”
“As long as you’re here, the nightmares aren’t. The—The memories aren’t.”
“Ah, so you can abide my presence so long as I make it worth your while.”
Alex sighed, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the door. “For some reason, I’m dreaming about you. I don’t know why. But you’re better than the alternative.”
Talon hummed. He sounded very close. “It’s not the glowing endorsement I’d prefer, but it’s a start.”
“A start to what ? —”
Talon’s warm mouth sealed over his. Alex should be disgusted, but a shiver of delight quaked through him instead. If he was stuck here with Talon anyway, why not let himself enjoy this little fantasy? It wasn’t hurting anyone. Perhaps he was so lonely he’d subconsciously latched onto the demon for some reason. It wasn’t exactly his fault, was it? He couldn’t control his dreams. He might as well go with it.
He tilted his head, opening his mouth to let Talon in. Everything but Talon went hazy and unfocused. Nothing else existed but where their bodies touched, and Alex pressed closer, needing an anchor. His hands slipped under Talon’s leather jacket, finding a satin lining. He’d once tried on a leather jacket in an outlet store that had a satin lining. So this had to be a dream, right? The sensations he felt here were cobbled together from old memories.
Yes, that had to be it.
Talon parted from him with a wet sound. “Don’t worry, little bird. You’re perfectly safe here.”
Yes, that was it. Just a memory.
Waiting was hell.
He constantly had to remind himself that Talon said he’d text when he found something, and he steadfastly refused to text the demon again without prompting. The last thing he wanted was for Talon to think he liked him, and the prospect of being in contact with him after the private intimacy of his dreams never failed to bring a flush to his face. The dreams had become a nightly thing, and he didn’t know what to make of it. He kept waiting for them to stop, to fade away and for the nightmares to return, but so far, without fail, Talon appeared every night. And when he did, Alex slept peacefully.
God help him, he was beginning to hope he would see Talon when he closed his eyes. He was safe with Talon. How messed up was he, that his subconscious mind assigned a demon as his protector against the nightmarish memories of his past? What happened to his faith? Had he completely ignored all of those Sunday sermons about trusting in God?
Yes, he thought viciously. Trust in the God that let his family die. Trust in the God that led him here, to a guild that promised him revenge and then yanked it away when it suited them. They were the ones who’d lied to him, the supposedly God-fearing and trustworthy, not the demon.
Guilt cut as sharply as a blade. It was a sin to even think these thoughts.
For a moment, he considered going to Father Hawley and confessing, at least to the dreams. But he didn’t know how to put into words the inexplicable feeling of safety he felt when he saw the halfling in his dreams. Hawley would think he was crazy. They would probably suspend him from duty until the dreams stopped, and his training drills and nightly patrols were the only things keeping him sane. Or sane- ish , anyway.
Two weeks after his ill-advised visit to In Extremis, he found himself at the guild for another night of patrols. He met Nathan waiting for the rest of the squad in the foyer of the administrative building as usual. The crystal chandelier overhead cast the space in a warm, golden glow, and he caught a whiff of coffee. He’d avoided his captain since he’d been ordered to stand down, and now he fidgeted, uncertain what to say or do. The silence between them felt oppressive.
“How have you been, Alex?” Nathan finally asked, angling toward him.
One corner of his mouth lifted. “Fine, I guess.”
Nathan studied him, and Alex fought the urge to squirm.
“I’ve been better,” he confessed. He trusted Nathan—maybe not enough to tell him about Talon or the dreams, but enough to vent his frustrations. Maybe doing so would help him get over whatever was causing him to dream about the demon. “I’m doing what I’m supposed to, don’t worry. But…” He shook his head. He didn’t like lying. “It just doesn’t feel like my family will actually get justice if someone else kills the demon that took them from me. I know that’s not right. I know it’s stupid. The demon will still be dead, and that should be enough. I’m just struggling to remember that.”
Nathan nodded seriously. “Thank you for telling me. And thank you for trying. I know it’s hard to let something like this go. We’re asking a lot from you.”
It was more than that, really. It was the fact they’d promised him revenge and then taken it away. He opened his mouth to try and explain it, but then Aidan barreled in through the door behind Alex. Nathan offered Aidan a greeting, and Alex clamped his mouth shut, offering Aidan a weak smile.
Soon enough, the rest of them trickled in, and they were off. He gave William the passenger seat, opting to sit in the back with Aidan instead. Aidan was quiet, preferring to speak only when spoken to—a mentality Alex could get behind. They rode in silence, the quiet radio playing in the background, music interspersed with cheerful advertisements.
Their patrols took them through cemeteries and abandoned places. People who were attacked by demons often blamed it on an animal of some kind, though the attacks themselves were thankfully rare. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if the world at large discovered the existence of demons. It wouldn’t be pretty.
Patrolling with the squad distracted him from the endless waiting. He knew how to hunt, and knew it well. Marching through the darkness with a partner and the weight of his weapon in his hand, his focus narrowed to the present. His frustration and impatience melted away under the moonlight.
When they arrived at the cemetery in their sector for the night, Alex wasn’t surprised when Nathan paired off everyone else and chose him as his partner. They fell into step together, wandering through the headstones. The night was a cool one, the sky hidden by clouds that reflected the distant light of the city back down on them.
Beside him, Nathan’s steps were quiet in the grass. “Is there anything I can do to make this easier on you, Alex?” he ventured tentatively.
Alex glanced over at him. Nathan’s brows were drawn together in genuine concern. Angry though he might’ve been, Nate was a good guy who didn’t deserve to take the brunt of Alex’s fury.
“I honestly don’t think so,” he said. “I appreciate you asking. My head’s been pretty tangled up, to be honest, but I’m trying to work through it. I just have to… I don’t know, give it time?” Or hunt the demon down himself, but he kept that part quiet.
They walked some distance in companionable silence, and then he felt compelled to add, “They promised me vengeance, you know.”
“Who?”
“The recruiters. I met them when I was nine. They did this whole interview, asked me a bunch of questions about what I remembered. I’d already learned by then that I shouldn’t tell adults the truth about the demon I saw that night. I should just say he looked like a regular guy, not the monster I actually remembered. But they asked me for the truth, and then they explained it was a demon. That they’ve seen kills like that before. And did I want to kill it? I told them of course I did. Sure, I was nine, but I was so angry. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. Every time I closed my eyes I saw that demon’s face, and I was terrified it was going to come back for me one day. So they said I could kill it, if I let them adopt me into their program.”
Nathan hummed. “That’s quite a promise to make to a nine-year-old.”
Alex snorted out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, you’re telling me. But I clung to it, man. Some days it was the only thing that kept me going.” His eyes burned, and he stubbornly blinked the sensation away, grateful for the camouflage of darkness. “It just sucks for the chance to finally arrive and have that promise broken. I’ll follow orders, but… this need for revenge has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. Letting go of it is hard.”
Nathan patted him on the shoulder. “I’m proud of you for telling me this, Alex. I know it isn’t easy to talk about these things.”
“I’d rather talk to you than Hawley or Maxwell,” he said with a shrug. “I know a priest or a doctor might be the smarter choice and it’s not your job, but you know me better.”
Nathan waved a dismissive hand. “You can come to me about this stuff any time, Alex. I understand. Maxwell and Hawley are both good at what they do, but—” he winced, “—physical ailments are Maxwell’s wheelhouse, in my experience. His therapy leaves something to be desired. And Hawley, he’ll just have you do some Hail Marys and send you on your way. It has its place, but not so much with things like this.”
Alex mustered a weak grin. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks so.” He bit his lip, longing to ask and knowing he shouldn’t. “Do you know anything about the investigation? Has Michael’s squad found anything?”
Nathan nodded to himself, like he’d been expecting Alex to ask. “Unfortunately, no, and don’t worry, I would tell you if I knew anything. They know from past documentation that the demon strikes multiple times in the same area, but there are weeks between each kill. It may be some time yet before they have anything to go on.”
That was good, at least. It meant Alex wasn’t falling behind.
The radio on their belts crackled to life. “ This is Team B, we need assistance at the bridge, over! ”
The bridge in this sector was visible in the distance, beyond the fence that circled the cemetery, and he and Nathan raced toward it. The sounds of a fight drew them to the underside, where the shadows were thick and the water lapped quietly against the concrete.
William flew to the ground at Alex’s feet, blood on his elbows and a snarl on his face.
“What is it?” Alex asked breathlessly, helping him up.
“Don’t know,” he said gruffly. “Aidan!”
“Over here!”
The darkness moved like a solid thing, blocking their view of the other side. Aidan was beyond the cloying darkness, alone.
Alex fumbled for the light on his belt as the others did. Their flashlights arced across something with ink-black skin and sharp teeth that dripped with thick saliva. Alex swung on instinct. The darkness swirled around them, dodging holy blades and light beams alike.
“Converge the lights!” Nathan ordered.
That was hard to do when they were all flailing about, dodging teeth and claws.
“I’m coming over!” Aidan called. “I’m coming to help!”
But the shadows were still between him and the rest of them. Alex opened his mouth to tell him to wait when the darkness shifted abruptly, whirling and pouncing. Aidan’s shout rung out.
Nathan dropped his flashlight, rushing forward and running his sword through the black as Alex and William’s flashlights found it again, giving it a solid shape around Nathan’s blade. It shrieked, arching. Aidan scrambled away from its swiping claws as it fell, and then Alex rushed forward, bringing his sword down through whatever the monster had in place of a heart.
Nathan abandoned his sword as the demon’s body broke down and decayed in front of them, stooping down to help Aidan up.
“Are you okay? Did it get you?”
Aidan patted himself down. “No, no, I’m fine. Whew, close one.”
Alex grabbed Nathan’s sword before it could fall. Black blood dried and flaked from their blades as the monster’s body began to decay before their eyes. There would be no trace of it soon.
Nathan grinned, ruffling Aidan’s strawberry blond curls. “Good deal. Let’s get back to it then, huh?”
That was the only excitement of the night, and those invasive thoughts took hold once more. The clawing urge to text Talon, if only to make sure the demon hadn’t forgotten about their deal. The need for action. When they got back in the SUVs to head back to HQ, he finally gave in, pulled his phone from his pocket, and stared down at the screen, debating.
When it chimed, he nearly dropped it in his lap.
I haven’t heard from you in a while, little bird. I hope you haven’t given up on your quest for revenge.
Alex blinked at the screen.
I don’t give up. You said you’d contact me when you had information.
There’s no information to be had yet. I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t forgotten me.
Alex flushed, glad that it was too dark for anyone in the car to notice—not that they were paying him any attention. Aidan was staring out the window, and William was in the passenger seat, playing a game on his phone. He hesitated for a moment, and then typed out a response.
Black demon with sharp teeth that can disappear into shadows. What’s it called?
Is this a pop quiz? What do I get if I pass?
Alex fought back a smile.
My gratitude. I can’t remember its name.
An arleth demon. Nasty bastards. Did you see one?
Killed one.
There was a pause, and Alex wondered if Talon would be offended by that. He was a demon. Would he dislike knowing Alex was out there killing other demons? His gaze wandered out the window while he waited for a response, watching the city sail past.
Impressive. Remind me not to get on your bad side.
Heat bloomed within him, and he pursed his lips to hide his smile. The last thing he needed was any of these guys noticing it and grilling him about who he was texting.
You’re not.
I’m glad to hear that, little bird.
Damn it. He put his phone away and returned his gaze to the window. Nothing good would come of letting Talon under his skin. He couldn’t like this demon. He couldn’t.