Chapter 17
After shoving the last item into my duffle as fast as possible, I look around the room to see if I’ve left anything. I want to be out of here before the others return and avoid further uncomfortable situations.
I fucked up.
It’s more than one person who fucked this up, but I should have been the bigger person.
I’m aware of the situation I created with Asher and Callum. I could have swatted Callum’s roaming hand away last night. But my slutty pussy wanted him and Asher.
Maybe Haze.
And probably Jagger.
I’ve had all four of them separately, together, and I know what great lovers they were. We fucked crazy and made beautiful music. The combination was lethal, intoxicating, and magical. A combination of five souls destined to create love and music together. A bond woven with threads of passion and shared dreams.
A beautiful, thriving flower that bloomed with beauty and grace.
And it also destroyed us.
Our connection was as vital as the air we breathed. We were both resilient and vulnerable. Once one petal fell from the flower, the music, like a withering bloom, lost its vibrancy, and we all succumbed to the haunting silence of self-destruction.
The music died, as did the magic we created.
We’re too dangerous of a group to be together.
Fuck it.
I need to get out of here.
If I leave something, I’ll send Catalina to collect it.
Turning around abruptly to get the hell out, I crash straight into a large, solid body and almost crush my face against the rock-hard chest.
“Never seen a bird want to leave so fast from my bedroom before.”
“Damn it, Haze!” I pick myself off him and straighten myself to gaze up, only to find his lips turn into an amused smirk. “This isn’t your bedroom. It’s a guest room.”
“My house, my bedrooms. Call them whatever the fuck you like, but I can sleep in whichever one I want, so they are my bedrooms.”
Gripping the handle on my bag, I remind myself not to be intimidated by Haze because he has a certain pull and push power over me. He always had that threatening allure.
“Good for you. This one is no longer occupied.” I mumble and wait for him to unblock the doorway.
Except curiosity gets the better of me.
“How long were you standing here?”
His bright blue eyes darken as they bore into mine with a confidence that sends a shiver down my spine. The weight of his gaze feels as if it’s playing with my conscience.
“Long enough to know that Asher was always the luckiest in the group.”
What?
I stare up at him as if he’s lost his mind. While one part of my mind tells me to make him move so I can leave, the other wants me to get him to clarify what he means by that statement.
He leans in, and the proximity between us becomes a dance of opposing forces. His presence looms over me, casting a shadow that seems to whisper untold what-ifs, while the warmth emanating from his body ignites a fire that fuels my own conflicting emotions.
My mind grapples with contradictory feelings, and my heart pounds with a mixture of fear and desire. Needing a clear mind, I step back.
And then I take another step because the effect of pull he has over me is one I’m struggling to control.
“I don’t want to know what that means,” I say aloud, and another smirk appears across his face.
“I need to go,” I decide.
“Need or want?” he says, determined to block the door. He folds his arms across his chest and I can’t help but be distracted as his biceps flex with this motion.
As if knowing what he’s doing to me, he swipes his tongue over his lower lip and bites down hard.
“Does it matter?” I ask, well aware of my shaking voice.
He’s fucking mentally dancing around me, spinning me in his web. I suddenly feel so tiny and weak around him.
“Stop it!” I blurt out.
He stays silent, standing there looking all godlike.
“I need to leave, Haze. Please step aside,” I say, finding my strength once more.
“Is this what you really want, princess? Or are you leaving because you’re too scared to face the truth?”
The tension between us hangs like a delicate thread, ready to snap or pull us closer at any given moment.
“Despite the amusement going on in that pretty head of yours, I’m not scared. I don’t belong here. You all treat me like some slut.”
He cocks his head to the side. There’s a hint of playful mischief in his curious, bright blue eyes. “What was last night about?”
“A moment of weakness. It won’t happen again.” I bite my top lip, annoyed that I let it happen, and determined not to ever repeat such again.
“Good,” he says, relaxing his arms to his sides as he approaches me.
He moves closer to me with so much confidence that his usually guarded eyes are now alight with an intensity that speaks volumes. The scent of his cologne lingers in the air, a heady mixture that intoxicates my senses and heightens the complexity of the moment.
“Because when it’s our time to be together, I don”t want it to be a fleeting moment of weakness in your life. Mark my words when I say I will take your soul and possess it. You will belong to me, princess. I’m not just a passing breeze in your life, and I have no plans to let you go.”
He reaches out and holds my chin, his thumb gently caresses my skin as his eyes, now dark and burning deep into mine and I’m caught in the gravitational field between the force of conflict and attraction.
“What if I don’t want to be with you?” I say, hating that my voice is almost a whisper.
“When will you stop bullshitting yourself?” His eyes burn with anger. It’s a strange possessive anger that makes my body tense immediately under his touch.
His harsh verbal reaction almost shocks me because his grip on my chin is so tender.
“You fled, darling, because you were too scared to face the truth about yourself,” he adds, his gaze unwavering. “You were in love with four boys, Eden. But we’re men now, and those feelings are clouded with a cloak of weakness and lust because it’s the only thing you have left to protect yourself. You reek of denial.”
His fingers are still locked on my chin, and I dare not move as his words swirl in my mind with realization.
“You’re aware of how we feel about you. You see beyond the lust and desire. You saw it from the moment you stepped into your home and saw us for the first time in a decade. The four of us crave you because none of us ever stopped being in love with you. I see the same craving in you. The need to be with us scares you to the point that you want to run away.
“For some fucking odd reason, fate wants four men to love you and you to love them with the same intensity back. I will forever break your heart, and you mine, because that’s the risk of falling in love. We’re toxic together but lethal apart. We’ll write all about it in our music, and it’ll weave our hearts together again until we break each other once more and stitch each other back together. You can’t run from me, princess. Because this time, I’m not that scared teenager afraid to act on their deepest, darkest desires. I’m willing to put myself out there. I’ll give you my soul so I can possess yours.”
I remain silently still, unsure if I’m caught in the enchantment of his gaze or the intensity of it. But I know my eyes are wide in astonishment as I swallow the rock lodged in my throat as the truth sinks in.
The air between us crackles with tension as the reality of Haze’s feelings unfolds, leaving me both intrigued and slightly unsettled. As his declaration hangs in the air, the atmosphere quickly shifts to a silent battlefield of emotions that erupts within me.
This is an unexpected turn, where desire and realization have collided in a silent, charged crescendo.
“I…” words fail me.
What the fuck is my next move? What do I want?
I said I.
“I have to…”
Do something. I must do something.
What?
He lets go of my face. I hadn’t even realized he had held on to it for so long, and I think he’s just discovered it, too. Tilting his body, he makes room in the doorframe. Enough for me to pass.
You can’t run from me, princess.
His words run once more through my mind.
Deepest, darkest desires.
His deepest, darkest desires are a labyrinth for me to lose my sanity in.
I’ll give you my soul so I can possess yours.
A moment of clarity dawns upon me, bringing an unexpected shock.
RUN, Eden!
My subconscious screams at me as his words resonate in the caverns of my mind. This will lead to nothing but chaos, and my heart is aching because it knows the truth.
I stare at the open space he’s left me. A chance at freedom.
Images of warnings, snippets of forgotten wisdom, and the ghostly specters of past experiences of the pain I suffered flash before my eyes, a montage of my inner turmoil. My subconscious
is my guardian spirit, and it persists in its attempt to guide me away from the precipice of regret.
I’m not allowed to fall in love again. I’m corrupted. If he ever learns the truth, he’ll run miles.
Moving a step forward, I’m determined with every intention to walk out of his life.