Chapter 16
Tai
Connor’s body is burning alive as I drape myself over the top of him, both of us panting hard.
I knew better than this.
I knew better, but here I am.
“Connor,” I start, my voice cracking with the emotion tangled in my throat.
He rises so abruptly that the motion pushes me back. Cum leaks down his leg as he yanks his pants up with shaky hands, then fumbles to fasten the button.
“Hey.” I grab his wrists, panic rising when he refuses to meet my gaze. “Did I hurt you?”
“It’s nothing I didn’t ask for,” he mutters, but his body language is agitated. My heart cracks further when he still won’t look at me.
“Connor,” I say louder, and he shakes his head.
“Connor!” I shout, tears stinging my eyes and desperation closing my throat as his wet eyes finally find mine.
“No, no… I didn’t mean to hurt you. Fuck, I should’ve refused.
I’m sorry… I’m so goddamned sorry. How do I fix this? Please let me fix this.”
He snarls and shoves me away. “If you think this is about the sex, you are fucking blind.” He turns and bolts toward the exit, muttering curses as he fumbles with the lock.
I chase him into the hallway, ignoring the wide-eyed stare from the man waiting outside the bathroom. Connor darts around a corner, away from the party toward an exterior door. The monsoon-level rainfall becomes deafening as he pushes through.
My desperate shout for his attention is swallowed by the relentless downpour, the rain drowning out everything but its own fury. He jogs down a path as I increase my pace and close the gap. When I finally catch him, I almost wish I hadn’t.
It rips my heart in half, and the cut isn’t clean. It’s jagged and rough, the kind that never fully heals.
Slumped against a tree, his shoulders convulse with the sobs tearing from his throat. There’s no thinking, only instinct, as I wrap my arms around him. He holds me so tightly it cuts off my breath.
“I’m sorry,” I cry into his neck. “Please don’t hate me. I don’t think I could stand it.”
“That’s the problem,” he chokes out, pressing his face into my hair. “Can’t you see that’s the fucking problem, Tai? I could never hate you.”
Somehow, he squeezes me even tighter. The rain soaks us from head to toe, and I feel like I’m drowning.
Another cry wracks his body as both of his palms land on my cheeks, and then his lips are on mine, kissing me with a fresh, desperate urgency.
Raindrops slick down our faces as our mouths move in the dance we’ve already perfected.
The water drips from his hair and the tip of his nose, forming crystal droplets on his eyelashes when he finally opens his eyes.
“You’re going to get sick,” I croak, taking his hand.
“Let me take you inside and help you get warm and dry.” There’s no fight left in him as we walk, and the churning in my stomach grows heavier, like stones settling deep in my gut.
The silence in the lobby feels deafening after the roar of the storm outside.
Water falls off us in rivers as we make our way upstairs to our room.
Connor’s expression is vacant as he shucks off his wet clothes. I turn the shower on so the water can heat up. When I step back into the room, he stands there completely naked, scrubbing his hands roughly over his face.
“Climb in the shower and warm up,” I say, my voice rough. He nods as he tries to walk past me, but I stop him, my chin trembling as I stare up into those hazel eyes. “Tell me we’ll figure this out.”
Another rogue tear slips free as he presses a soft kiss to my lips. Then he walks into the bathroom without giving me an answer. I can’t even be mad. He’s only keeping the promise we made to each other the day we met. We said no lies, and he’s giving me exactly what I asked for.
Thirty minutes later, Connor looks more composed as he emerges from the bathroom, a white towel wrapped precariously around his waist. If it were any other time, under any other circumstances, I’d comment on how the terrycloth strains to contain his solid frame.
But it isn’t the moment for jokes.
I’m immediately there, staring up into his face and desperate for him to say something. He sighs wearily and pulls me into a hug. My skin is chilled while his is warm from the shower, and a shudder travels up my spine as his heat meets my cold.
He runs his hand gently over my soaked hair. “Listen to me, sweetheart. You didn’t hurt me. What happened in that bathroom was…” He trails off, but I understand what he’s not saying. The sheer chemistry between us is life-changing.
“You didn’t hurt me,” he stresses, “and I don’t regret a single thing that’s happened. Don’t trick yourself into carrying some groundless guilt that doesn’t belong to you. There’s nothing you should’ve done differently, okay? Please tell me you understand.”
My eyes squeeze closed. Not trusting myself to speak, I only nod.
“Go take a shower and get warm. You’re freezing, sweetheart.” Shivers course through my body as he tilts my chin up and kisses me, my lips trembling against his. “I left the water on for you.”
Inside the bathroom, I peel away the saturated layers of clothing and drop them to the floor with a heavy plop.
My limbs quiver as I climb into the shower, groaning as the hot water envelops my freezing body.
The chill has reached my bones, and it takes a few minutes for the shaking to finally stop.
I force myself through the familiar steps.
Soak and condition my hair, then wash the night off my skin. Watching the water swirl as it disappears down the drain, I absorb the last of my body’s missing heat.
Am I willing to walk away from this?
From something that feels so fucking right?
These rules were a shield for me at the beginning of this trip, a means to protect myself, and it’s only made everything worse. I haven’t let him in—not really. There are so many things about Connor that remain a mystery for no reason other than the most obvious one.
I was afraid.
Afraid my crazy lifestyle would ruin our chance before it even began. That it would be too much… and that I wouldn’t be enough. I was scared that, after everything, I’d be alone again because he’d realize I’m not worth the risk.
Hell, I don’t even know where Connor lives because of those stupid rules, but I’m not sure that makes a difference anymore. He could live halfway across the world, and it wouldn’t matter. What happened between us feels like the type of connection that comes once in a lifetime.
Abandoning it feels like a colossal mistake—one that I intend to fix before it’s too late.
Nerves swim in my gut as I shut off the water and climb out of the shower, drying my skin and hair before sliding on my sweatpants. Mist swirls through the doorway like morning fog as I open it, and my heartbeat dances in my throat as I turn the corner.
“Hey, Connor? Can we talk?”
Silence.
With a frown tugging at my face, I cast a quick glance around the empty room and then out at the balcony, but it’s deserted. His frustration was through the roof. Maybe he went to the gym to work it off. But even as the argument forms in my mind, I know it doesn’t make sense.
My eyes fall on the dresser, and my heart hits the floor.
His bag is gone.
“Connor?” I whisper, rushing to the door and whipping it open, but there’s no one in the hallway. Numb, I push it closed and trudge back to the bed. As I sink onto the mattress, a note waits for me on my pillow.
Ty,
If I spend one more night with you, my heart will never recover. Thank you for making me feel alive again. I will carry these memories for the rest of my life, and I will never forget you.
I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry life didn’t give us the chance to be more.
Connor
Tears cascade down my cheeks, raining over the paper until it becomes transparent and flimsy in my hands. I’m no longer able to read the words or see the fat blotches that stain the note. My gaze keeps snapping back to my name at the top.
Ty.
Our time together has been a rush of open conversations that laid bare my deepest thoughts and feelings, exposing my heart and pouring out my fucking soul to him.
It was light and laughter and connection.
It was perfect.
And he didn’t even know my name.
Why does that feel like the biggest betrayal of all?