Chapter 15 Autumn
Autumn
“Hey, Smooches. Are you finished eating?”
Her cherubic cheeks lifted as her mouth crooked to the side. She was about to do a face plant in the remnants of her apple sauce. She had managed to finish her chicken strips and green beans. “Yes, Mommy. I’m sleepy.”
I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, nose, and lips. “Okay, let’s get you in the tub first.”
“Don’t wanna baf, Mommy.”
“Girl, you’re taking a bath. Ladies in our house take baths daily,” I replied, determined to instill that in her at a young age.
“Want Toba.”
“He’s coming home soon. Do you miss him?”
She nodded.
“So do I, sweetheart. And I know he misses us,” I declared.
At least I hoped that he did. For some strange reason, I had felt distance from him since he’d been away.
October had gone to Florida for a car show on Monday, and I missed him desperately.
Although he LiveTimed us several times a day, it didn’t stop me from missing him, and it wasn’t the same as him being with us and holding us in his arms.
A war had been going on in my head and my heart.
I knew that October loved us, and he showed us with every action he took daily.
But doubts had been plaguing my mind since he left town.
I had seen more than a few pictures of him on Sociogram at the car show.
Although he claimed that the woman from last week’s car show was someone who didn’t matter anymore, I noticed she was always in the background of his pictures, and in a couple of pictures, she stood smiling right by his side.
October hadn’t been clear about who she was, other than that she didn’t matter.
I decided to trust him and not press the issue, but one of the pics had a comment that said, “October and TJ back together again.” I wondered if she was someone who once worked at the shop or if they had been something more.
A twinge of jealousy tightened in my chest every time that thought arose.
We both had pasts, and there was nothing wrong with that, but if she wasn’t just his past, or if his past was pressing into his future, then we had problems.
I gave Auburn her bath, tucked her in bed, and returned to the living room. I plopped down on the couch closest to the window. I knew that he was supposed to be returning from Florida today, but I wanted to make sure that I saw him when he arrived.
I watched two episodes of Scandal before I heard the engine in October’s Porsche. I leaned sideways and watched as he got out of the car. I was so excited, and my heart raced with anticipation of seeing him, kissing him, and just being with him. I knew he couldn’t wait to see Auburn and me.
He headed up his walkway after grabbing his bags from the car. I knew he needed to drop his things off, but still, I was ready to see him. I got up from the couch and checked on the baked ziti and garlic bread. The bread was ready, but the ziti needed about five more minutes.
I moved to the refrigerator and grabbed the items for a salad.
I placed everything on the counter before grabbing my chopping board and knife.
After I washed my hands and rinsed the vegetables, I chopped the lettuce, tomato, cucumber, red onion, and peppers before I made my honey vinaigrette dressing.
I pulled the ziti out of the oven and returned to the couch to watch more TV while the food cooled down.
As I sat down, I caught a glimpse of October out of my window.
He was on his porch talking to the woman, TJ.
My heart leaped to my throat, and I tried my best not to cry. After all, I had no facts, and there was nothing to cry about. I would simply have a conversation with October to find out who the woman was.
Sitting on the couch with my back pressed against the arm of one side of the couch, I crossed my legs at the ankles and peered out of the window.
It seemed that what had been a normal conversation had morphed into an argument.
TJ pointed a finger at October’s face, and his fists were clenched at his side.
He kept shaking his head no, and she rolled her neck repeatedly.
The last time she reached a finger out at him, he grabbed it, and she snatched away.
She rested her hands on her hips and kept speaking while his shoulders slumped in resignation. I wished that I could hear what they were saying, but it looked as if she was apologizing over and over again. I wasn’t the best lip reader, but I could detect “I’m sorry” repeatedly.
I moved to grab my phone after turning off the TV, but I couldn’t find it. Searching throughout the living room and kitchen, I recalled that my phone was in the car’s cupholder. I had forgotten to bring it back inside after Auburn and I had been out at the grocery store earlier.
I ran back outside for my phone and hesitated for a moment. They were no longer outside, but her Jeep was still here. I couldn’t continue turning a blind eye. Although October asked me to trust him, and I wanted to, I also didn’t want to be a fool again like I’d been with Wilson.
I wanted to confront the situation head-on, but Auburn was in the house alone. I locked my car and dialed October’s number just as the door opened, and he and TJ stepped out of the house.
She was beautiful. She was a curvy girl like me, just much smaller than I was. I saw him pause and look at me.
“I’m a little confused, October, because you told me that she wasn’t someone who mattered anymore. Yet, every time I turn around, she keeps popping up.”
The woman laughed and shook her head. “No need to be jealous of me.”
“I’m not. But I’m also not about to let a man play in my face either. Woman to woman, I’m sure you can understand that.” My tone was sharp, my eyes narrowed, and my lips pinched.
The woman sighed and shook her head. “Trust me, he’s not playing in your face, sweetheart. I’m not after your man. He’s constantly making it clear that you and your daughter have his heart.”
“Then why do you keep coming after him?”
She scoffed. “I’m married to someone who loves October very much and wants to fix their relationship. Trying to mend broken relationships is all. October, you need to clear your shit up,” she stated, brushing past him and walking down the steps.
What did that mean? I didn’t want to play games with October. And while it was clear that he possibly wasn’t cheating, there was something he was holding back. I didn’t like that because he always insisted I be transparent with him, and I had been.
“Autumn,” he called out.
I wanted to disappear. I hated that he had seen me because I was also certain that he could see the emotion on my face and inside of my eyes. Shaking my head, I jogged up the six steps to my door just as he came running after me.
“Autumn, baby, wait!”
I turned back to see that TJ had moved to stand at the driver’s side door of her car. She had a pink Barbie G-wagon with gold rims. I recalled seeing it at the park last week. It was parked in front of his Porsche.
She watched him run to me, and I could see the look of pain on her face as her lips partially opened, and she shook her head.
“What do you want, October?” I asked.
“You, baby. I already saw the look in your eyes, and I don’t think I like it.”
“You took her in your home.”
“She barged her way into my home, and we argued, and I just put her right back out. She was in there no more than two minutes, if that.”
“Who is she?”
“Nobody.”
“Nobody’s been on social media with you in several pictures, nobody showed up at last week’s car show, and she’s also shown up at several of the events that you attended in Florida.”
October sighed and asked, “Can I please come in? I’m tired, and I just wanted to see you and baby girl.”
“Okay, October. I’m gonna let you have this. Don’t make me regret it,” I replied.
“I won’t.”
“If I see her coming out of your apartment again, you and her both will have hell to pay.”
“Listen, she’s my ex, okay. We had a very toxic past, and she hurt me badly. She’s been trying to get me to forgive her and my brother and let bygones be bygones, but I’m not in the forgiving business. There’s nothing funny going on, so don’t even get any ideas in your head.”
“Your brother?”
“Yes, it’s a long story, but she cheated with him. They’re still together.”
“Why is she suddenly popping up everywhere that you are?”
“I already told you. Listen, baby. You deserve the full story, but I really don’t want to get into it right now.
I promise you that it has nothing to do with the here and now.
It’s truly in my past and not a part of our relationship.
I just want to relax, eat, get some rest, and then spend some time with my two favorite girls. I can order something to be delivered.”
“Well, maybe tomorrow. I’m going to lie down and get some sleep now.”
“Can I sleep with you?” he asked in a soft, pleading voice as he stepped up onto the porch with me and wrapped his arms around my waist.”
“It’s whatever.”
“Please don’t be like that, baby,” he pleaded, tugging on my hands and then kissing my bottom lip.
It was so hard to ignore him when he was being all sweet like this. But I wanted answers. As much as I wanted to believe October and focus on how his friends and cousin acted when I was around, I didn’t want to be a fool again.
I had already played the fool once, and that was on me.
This time, there was much more to protect than just myself.
I had given this man my entire heart and let him into my world.
But I felt like a part of me needed him.
Being without him the past week left me feeling lonely and incomplete.
I knew that our family of three was incomplete without him by our side.
“Come on. I already cooked,” I informed him begrudgingly.
“What you got, baby?” October grabbed my hand behind my back and followed me into the house. Before I closed the door, I took one final glance back onto the street and saw the girl sitting in her pink Barbie Jeep. She sat there watching us. She started her ignition and pulled off.
Something felt off in my spirit, but I chose to believe my man while sleeping with one eye open.
“Wash your hands, and I’ll fix your plate,” I instructed.
“Okay. Where’s my baby girl?”
“She’s upstairs asleep in my bed.”
“We’re gonna eat up there?”
“Of course.”
“Have you eaten?”
“No. I didn’t have much of an appetite.”
“How about now?” he asked, kissing my forehead.
“I can eat.”
“Since you worked hard and cooked the meal, how about you go upstairs and relax? I’ll fix our plates.”
“Okay.” I agreed and headed upstairs.
I sat on my bed for several minutes just staring at Auburn. “Mommy promises not to hurt you, punkin. No matter what heartache I go through, I won’t let it affect you. You know why? Because you deserve nothing but the best.”
I leaned over and kissed the top of her head before lifting her in my arms.
“Let me set these plates down so I can see her.”
“Okay.”
I kissed her some more as he set the plates down and then the two bottles of soda before he returned to my side. October’s face lit up as he took Auburn from my arms, and she murmured, “Toba,” sleepily.
He bounced her. “I missed my two favorite girls so much these last few days. Swear, I thought I was about to go insane,” he whispered while watching me.
October crooked his fingers at me, and I went to him.
“There’s a lot I need to share with you, baby, and I will. Just give me time. Tonight, I want to bask in the feeling of home.”
Hearing him call this place, us, home watered the seeds of love in my heart. It made me full, and I fought the tears of joy that wanted to bubble up and over. He kissed me deeply after shifting Auburn to his other arm.
“I love you, October. Don’t hurt me.”
“I’d rip my own heart out before I hurt you, baby. I love you.”
“Don’t hurt my baby either.”
“What I tell you about that?”
“I want to believe you, but this woman keeps popping up. She’s the only reason that I doubt anything you tell me right now.
And that baby is innocent and doesn’t deserve to be hurt.
I can take a broken heart, but I’m not doing that to Auburn.
She’s getting used to you. She lights up when she sees you and sometimes cries for you when you’re away. I can’t do that to her.”
“What did I tell you about the games? I’m all in, Autumn. If you can’t see me, then I don’t know what else to tell you. What do I need to do? Sign her damn birth certificate? Fine, make the appointment, and I’ll be down there. ’Cause you’re not kicking me out of her life.”
Those tears I tried to stop streamed down my face, and he pulled me in close again. Kissing my forehead and then my lips, he stared into my eyes.
“We’re gonna eat, and then you gon’ take your tired ass in there and take a bath. I’ma chill while watching the fight. When you finish, I’m showering, and then we’re going to sleep. In the morning, we’ll deal with all this shit. You got me?”
“Yes, baby.”
“A’ight then.”
I only prayed that we would finally put all the past to rest.