Chapter 16
October
Autumn slept like a log all night long. It wasn’t surprising, though, because while I was away, she told me that she hadn’t slept well. When I woke up this morning, she was still asleep, and surprisingly, Auburn was too.
I tried to wake Autumn, but she muttered “Go away” and rolled back over.
“You’ve got a visitor,” Tree announced when I grabbed a cloth to wipe the grease from my hands.
Mugging him, I asked, “Who?”
“You already know who it is.”
“I ain’t in the mood for company, Tree.”
“You may not be, but he’s sitting in your office waiting for you. I tried sending him on his way, but he’s not having it. Either you deal with him, or he’s threatening to beat all of our asses and turn this ‘bitch on its head.’ His words, not mine.”
“Damn.”
I threw the towel into a bin filled with other oily hand towels and headed inside the shop. I took a few seconds to gather my composure outside my office before pulling the door open.
“What do you want, Polo?”
“I want you to forgive Kevin.”
“I ain’t much in the forgiving mood.”
“Didn’t ask you what you were in the mood for. I’m telling you what needs to happen. This bullshit has gone on long enough, and it wasn’t worth it. Not over some pussy when pussy comes a dime a dozen. Now, unless that pussy pops out gold, then it ain’t worth you letting that relationship go.”
“It’s the principle of the matter. How’s he gonna betray me like that? And how the fuck you gon’ ask me to forgive him . . . again?”
“I’m not saying it’s right, but we all know that girl got around. She was easy and ripe for the picking.”
“Does that excuse him from doing that?”
“No. It doesn’t. But you’ve done plenty of shit in your time, too, Son, that you need someone to forgive you for.”
“Polo, don’t come up in here gaslighting me.”
“I’m not. But family is everything, and without it, you ain’t got shit. This shop, that brownstone, that car. Ain’t none of it worth nothing if you ain’t got family and people who love and care about you around you.”
“If that’s love, then fuck it. I don’t want or need it.”
“Why’re you being so gahdam stubborn, Son? You’re stubborn as shit and don’t listen to a damn thang people tell you.”
“You’re right. That’s the problem. When people were telling me what was going on, I wouldn’t believe ’em. That’s how they we able to make a fool out of my ass for so long.”
My father dragged his hand down his face. “You know. Ain’t no sense in talking to you.”
“I don’t even know why you bothered,” I replied tiredly, dropping down in the chair behind my desk.
“Because I thought you had grown up. I thought you’d matured. I’m tired of seeing my family ripped apart over this stupid shit. Both you boys need to get your act together and pull your heads out of your asses.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “Funny thing about that, Polo. Whenever he fucks up, it’s about both of us. Whenever I do, it’s all on me. You know something? I’m tired of carrying the bag for this family. Y’all on your own, and it’s time for me to focus on my future.”
“The fuck is you saying to me?” he demanded, standing up with his fists on the desk.
“You know what I’m saying. The guilt trip about Mama dying in the boating accident because I wanted to go boating. I was two muthafuckin’ years old, Polo. How the fuck you gon’ blame me?”
“I didn’t!”
I was generally a calm muthafucka, but he was trying me. I bolted out of my chair to meet his energy. “Yes the fuck you did! Every time you claimed, ‘she wouldn’t have died if it hadn’t been for October wanting to get on the boat.’”
“I was teasing you.” He calmed his energy down, and so did I.
“No, you weren’t. You said that shit to Kevin and Kember all the time, and you meant every word.”
He shook his head and waved his hand. “I should’ve listened to your sister. She was right; you weren’t trying to hear me and no one else. Well, I wanted you to know the only reason I came is because my granddaughter wanted you two to make up. She wants you in her life.”
“Tell her to ask her mama why I’m not in her life. And another thing, tell her mama to quit following me around town. It ain’t a good look.”
“How you take care of a baby for so long and then just disappear from her life is beyond me. What kinda father are you?”
“I’m a damn good daddy. Trust me, my baby girl feels it.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that you’ve been walking around claiming some chick’s kid as yours. But you can’t even claim that one. Damn shame.”
“Goodbye, Polo,” I growled.
He walked out of my office and slammed my door behind him. After he left, I knocked everything off my desk and onto the floor.
Although I’d finished work for the day, I didn’t leave the shop until a couple of hours later.
I needed time to release all the anger and frustration that stirred in me after my dad’s visit.
I didn’t want to take that energy home to my girls.
They deserved only the best of me. His visit had only reinforced what I already knew: It was past time to tell Autumn about my past.
I headed inside my brownstone, showered, and put on some clean clothes.
I never immediately went to them after leaving the shop, and if I did, it was usually because I showered and changed at the shop before heading home.
I hadn’t brought any fresh clothes with me today, so that was out of the question.
Although Autumn never had to say it, I didn’t want to come around Auburn with oil and car chemicals on my hands and clothing.
I jogged back downstairs and headed to my kitchen to grab a protein shake.
I wasn’t sure if Autumn had finished cooking or not, but I wanted something to hold me over until she did.
We had fallen into the routine of her cooking for us Sundays through Wednesdays, I cooked Thursdays, and I took us out to eat on Fridays and Saturdays.
As I closed the refrigerator, I thought that I heard some noise in the backyard.
I pulled the curtains back from the window and saw Autumn sitting on her patio with some nigga.
She was facing me, but she was not looking at me, and whoever the nigga was, he was holding Auburn.
I slammed the protein shake on the counter and headed to the back door. Rage burned through me because she didn’t have any brothers, and I didn’t know shit about any male cousins. I jerked the door open and slammed it behind me, causing Autumn to look up.
Her eyes were wide as she looked nervously at him and then me.
“Say, ma. Who’s that nigga holding my baby girl?”
He turned around and mugged me. “Your baby? Nigga, this is my kid. Mesha, something you ain’t telling me?”
I rounded the wall that divided our patios until I was standing between him and her. “Oh, now you wanna be a daddy? They don’t need your ass. They got everything they need right here with me.”
Auburn jumped off his lap and ran to me. I lifted her easily into my arms as she greeted me with a happy “Toba!”
“Mesha, you thought you were gon’ let this deadbeat ass nigga who can’t take care of his kid raise my kid?”
“What are you talking about, Wilson? He’s not a deadbeat, and how do you know him?”
“Yes, the fuck he is. We used to run in the same circles back in the day. That nigga served two years for domestic violence.”
My fucking heart dropped when she turned to look at me with questions in her eyes. I could tell that she didn’t want to believe him, but she was uncertain. I needed her to keep her faith in me.
“Gon’ and ask him how he whupped his baby mama’s ass and got locked down behind that shit. Ask him how he ain’t even in shorty’s life right now. Everybody knows about that shit.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I growled, trying not to curse. I wanted to go off, but Auburn’s arms around my neck tightened, and she pressed her face into my neck.
“Is it true, October?”
I wanted to bust that nigga in his shit. He had no idea what he was talking about, and here he was talking shit to my baby about me. The shit he was talking about was the rumors that circulated on the street, and none of that had a grain of truth to it. Almost none of it, anyway.
“Is it true, October? Did you serve time for beating a woman?”
“Yes, but—”
“Do you take care of the child?” she asked, looking at that nigga Wilson, who I knew as Terence. We didn’t call him by his last name.
“No, but she ain’t mine.”
“You still on that stupid shit. How you gon’ not claim that kid? She looks just like you.”
“I need some space,” Autumn declared in a quiet voice as she reached for Auburn. I wanted to hold onto my girl, and she clearly wanted me as her grip tightened. But I would never fight her mother over her or put her between us like that.
“Sweet girl, go to your mama,” I instructed as I kissed the side of her face and removed her arms from around my neck.
“Come on, baby,” Autumn stated.
“Listen, Autumn, you need to hear the—”
“Not right now, October. I need some time,” she declared.
“Time for what? You’re gonna take this nigga’s words over mine?”
“It’s not about that. It’s about finding out things from someone else when you’ve had more than enough opportunity to tell me,” she declared in a heated tone.
I reached for her, but she snatched away and ran inside her house with Auburn crying.
I turned around and ran up on Wilson. Shoving that punk ass nigga in his chest, I demanded, “Nigga, why don’t you run back to your wife and take care of her? We don’t need you over here.”
“Clearly, she doesn’t need you either. And I don’t know if you forgot or not, but I put that seed up in her. That’s my DNA running through that baby, not yours.”
I hit him in the mouth, causing him to stagger backward. He held his mouth and looked at me as though I’d lost my mind. Blood poured from his mouth, and he stepped back further.
“Nigga, the fuck is wrong with you? How you gon’ fight me over my seed?”
“You fucked up the day you weren’t there when li’l mama was born. Autumn and me might have some shit to work through, but nigga, step. Ain’t no room for you here.”
“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” He walked around to the front of the house, and I followed to make sure that nigga wasn’t going back into her place.
When he jumped into his car to drive away, I turned around and banged on the door with my fist. I alternated between ringing the bell repeatedly but got no answer. I ran inside and grabbed my keys. She had given me a key to her place a while back.
Letting myself inside, I called out to her. “Autumn! Autumn, where are you?”
She came storming into the living room from the kitchen with Auburn in her arms. Her eyes were red as she glared at me.
“Why did you hide that from me, October?”
“I planned to tell you, but it wasn’t easy. There’s a lot more to the story.”
“You should’ve told me everything. You came into my baby’s life, and all I asked was that you not hurt me. Why didn’t you tell me?” Autumn cried.
“Because of how you’re looking at me now, and how you’re judging me now. I get tired of that shit, and I can’t take it in my own home too.”
“Well, it’s a good thing this isn’t your home. Please leave!”
Auburn started crying again, and I couldn’t take that.
“Listen, Autumn—”
“Go,” she demanded with an outstretched finger. Her entire body trembled with anger, and Auburn’s cries grew louder. As much as I wanted to stay and demand that she hear me, I refused to upset either of them further. I turned to leave and it felt as if I had left my heart behind me.