Chapter 14
Wes
I Got What I Wanted...Or Did I?
One Christmas movie turned into two movies, and we had finished off the bottle of wine from dinner. And before I knew it, I had a blanket covering up both me and Clare as she snuggled into my side as we watched TV.
“They’re going to admit they love each other at the town festival. How much do you want to bet?” Clare said with a chuckle.
I rolled my eyes. “It’s so predictable, how do you like these movies?”
“Because they’re feel-good movies. Admit it, how many times have you smiled or internally sighed.”
I laughed. “Okay, I won’t lie, I might have had a feel-good moment or two.”
Clare poked me in the side, causing me to jerk away. “I knew it! See, you do have a heart down in there somewhere.”
Grabbing her hand to stop her from tickling me, she tried to pull away as we both laughed. One tug had her falling into me, and our laughter slowly faded away as we looked into each other’s eyes.
“You’re ticklish, huh?” she asked, lights dancing in her blue eyes.
“I am. Are you?”
She bit down on her lip and shook her head. I raised my brows as I slowly moved my hand toward her stomach.
“No! No, no no! Wes, if you tickle me, I’ll pee my pants!”
I let out a bark of laughter as Clare scrambled to get away from me. When she broke free, I took off after her while she let out a scream of delight. I grabbed her and spun her around and was about to toss her onto the sofa when someone knocked on my door.
“Was that someone at your door?” Clare asked.
Slowly letting her slide down my body, I kept my hands on her upper arms. She looked so damn adorable and irresistible. I lifted my hand and cupped the side of her face. When she leaned into my touch, I felt my heartbeat pick up.
We waited for a few moments, and both smiled.
“I don’t think anyone is at your door.”
“Clare,” I softly spoke as I leaned closer to her. Her tongue swept across her lips, and it felt like a punch to my chest. Everything had changed over these last few weeks, and the feelings I felt toward the woman before me shifted in the most profound way. As if suddenly everything clicked and made sense. I wanted Clare in a way I hadn’t wanted any other woman, and that included Mandy.
“Wes…we should…um…”
“We should kiss?” I asked with a wicked smile.
“We should?”
“We most definitely should.”
Clare placed her hands on my chest and slowly slid them up and around my neck. I leaned down and gently kissed the side of her mouth, then the other before finally taking the kiss I longed for.
Clare moaned into my mouth when our tongues met and danced together slowly. I wanted more, God I wanted so much more. But Clare was different. She wasn’t a one-night hookup. For months I’d been fighting my attraction to her, hoping the feelings that I felt would eventually go away, but I was tired of fighting. I was going to give in to this, but not tonight. Not when she was so emotional, and certainly not with her having drank a few glasses of wine.
When her fingers slid into my hair, and she tugged ever so slightly, I felt it all the way down to my dick. Fuck if she didn’t make me want to haul her to the bedroom and have her right then.
I had truly fucked everything up with this whole fake dating nonsense. That was going to change starting tonight.
Slowly drawing my mouth away from hers, I watched as Clare opened her eyes. She looked drunk from the kiss. She smiled and my knees went weak.
“That was some kiss,” she whispered.
“Yes, it was.”
Her eyes darted everywhere, then landed back on me. I took her hand in mine and led her to the bedroom. Once we got to the bed, I let her go, pulled the covers back, and motioned for her to get in. She suddenly looked exhausted from all the worrying over her parents.
Clare slid into the bed, and I covered her up. She looked like she was about to say something but pressed her lips together in a tight line. I’d have given anything to know what she wanted to say. I walked to the dresser, pulled out a T-shirt and some sweatpants and headed to the bathroom. After splashing my face with cold water, I quickly changed, put my clothes in the hamper, and made my way back out to the bedroom.
I stopped and stared at the woman lying in my bed as a strange sensation swept over me. One I hadn’t felt in a very long time. With a glance toward the bedroom door, then back to Clare, I decided to follow my heart for once.
Making my way to the bed, I pulled the covers back and climbed in. Clare had turned onto her right side, so I slid over to her and placed my arm around her and drew her close to me. She relaxed into my body as I held her. When I felt her draw in a long breath, exhale, and completely relax, I knew I had made the right decision by not pushing things tonight.
It hadn’t taken long before Clare drifted off to sleep. I kissed the back of her head and whispered, “Sweet dreams, Clare.”
Closing my own eyes, I made a vow to talk to her tomorrow and tell her how I truly felt. The whole thing with Mandy was done. I wanted to focus on what was happening between us.
And for the first time in a very long time, I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.
? ? ?
I woke up feeling like I had had the best night of sleep in my entire life. Clare was facing me as she slept, her hand tucked up under her chin with the most angelic look on her face. Her brown hair was spread out over the pillow with a strand of it over her face. I wanted to reach over and move it, but I also didn’t want to wake her up. Not when she was sleeping so peacefully. A tightness in my chest hit me so hard, I had a hard time breathing.
Rolling over onto my back, I stared up at the ceiling. I was falling in love. I closed my eyes and internally cursed. How was I going to fix this with Clare? Did I tell her I wanted to date her for real, real? That I had feelings for her, and I wanted more than friendship? I needed to be honest with her. I was tired of playing games. Tired of lying to myself about my feelings. In truth, I didn’t want Mandy back, and I wasn’t sure I ever truly wanted her back. I think I just wanted her to hurt like she had hurt me.
How fucking childish is that?
I quickly made a game plan. I’d shower, make us some breakfast, and then tell Clare I was falling for her. That she was the woman I wanted to be with, not Mandy or anyone else.
Just Clare.
Turning my head, I watched her sleep for a few more minutes before I quietly got out of the bed and headed into the bathroom to shower.
After a cold shower to keep me from climbing back into bed with Clare, I slipped out of the bedroom, shut the door behind me, and started to make some breakfast for us. It was Sunday, so there was no need to worry about work, and I was positive the hospital hadn’t called since I didn’t hear Clare’s phone go off at all.
First thing I did was make myself coffee and got Clare’s tea ready to go when she woke up. After that, I got to work on breakfast. I put bacon in a pan to cook while I chopped up some fresh vegetables for an omelet. Once they were sautéing, I mixed the eggs up and got four pieces of bread out and ready to go in the toaster. If Clare didn’t wake up in the next few minutes, I’d wake her up…with a kiss and maybe a bit more.
“That smells delicious.”
Smiling at the sound of her voice, I turned to see she was still wearing my clothes. My heart tripped over itself at the sight of her. She was so beautiful and looked so damn adorable in my clothes. I don’t think she’d ever looked more attractive to me than she did right then. Her hair a mess, a sleepy look on her face, and a smile that made me long to see it every single morning for the rest of my life.
“How did you sleep last night?” I asked.
Clare walked around the island and blushed when she saw the mug with a container of loose tea leaves next to it.
“You remembered what tea I like?” she asked, a hint of surprise in her voice.
“I did. Hard to forget a name like chai. I bought a box of it, you know, for when you come over.”
Clare looked at me with a surprised look on her face before she opened the box and inhaled. “I love that smell. Chai reminds me of this time of year.”
“Just fill that pot up with water right there and turn it on. It will boil the water in a minute.”
“Fancy!” Clare said with a wink.
I poured the eggs over the veggies and said, “I hope you’re in the mood for omelets.”
“Breakfast is my favorite meal, any kind of breakfast. I could eat it for lunch and dinner. I remember growing up when my mom would make French toast for supper. Tim and I would be in heaven! My mom makes the best French toast.”
“I haven’t had French toast in forever. You’ll have to make me some of your mom’s.”
Clare took the now-boiling water and poured it over the loose tea leaves in the contraption that came with the mug.
“It’s a deal.”
She picked up her phone and frowned. “I guess no news is good news, right?”
Nodding, I flipped the omelet. “Did you want me to take you back to the hospital?”
“Oh no, you’ve already done so much for me, Wes. I can’t ask you to give up your Sunday.”
“You’re not.”
She paused for a moment as she stared at a spot on the floor.
“What’s on your mind, Clare?”
When she looked up, she wore such a torn expression. “I thought I saw on the planner Mandy was supposed to be at that luncheon for Boston business owners. You got the invite too. I thought maybe you’d want to go.”
Picking up the pan, I tilted it and watched as the omelet slide out. “About that, Clare. I’ve been thinking about that whole thing, and I want to stop.”
Clare looked confused as she sat down on the stool at the island. “You want to stop what?”
Before I had a chance to answer her, there was a knock on my door.
“Who in the world is that?” I said as I quickly split the omelet among our plates.
Clare took her plate I handed her before I made my way to answer the door. Right before I went to open the door, something told me not to do it. A gut instinct to not open the door. I paused and was about to turn around when they knocked again.
“Wes? Are you going to answer the door?” Clare asked, confused.
Glancing at her over my shoulder, I forced a smile. “Yeah.”
I reached for the doorknob and opened it. It instantly felt like I swallowed a brick.
“Wes, I was hoping I’d catch you at home. Is now a good time to talk?” Mandy said as she brushed past me and into my place. She came to a stop when she saw Clare sitting there eating breakfast.
“Excuse me, Mandy, but Clare and I were about to eat breakfast and head back to the hospital. I didn’t invite you in.”
Mandy forced a smile as she looked at Clare, then back at me. “It’s important that I talk to you, Wes. Really important. I’m sure your friend wouldn’t mind giving us some privacy.”
Clare’s brows raised.
“Clare is more than a friend, Mandy.”
“If you want me to say it in front of her, then fine by me.”
Everything inside of me screamed to get Mandy the hell out of my place.
“Why don’t you give me a call and we can talk about whatever it is you need to talk about later, Mandy? Clare and I have to leave as soon as we eat.”
Clare slid off the stool, her plate in her hand. “I can give you two some privacy, I’ll just take this into the bedroom.”
Mandy glared at Clare as she walked by, the plate of eggs and toast and her cup of tea in hand. Clare turned and looked at me with a worried expression before kicking my bedroom door shut.
Turning and facing me, Mandy said, “She really doesn’t seem like your type, Wes.”
“What do you want, Mandy?” I said as I made my way back over to my plate.
“All this running into you everywhere has got me thinking.”
I set my fork down. I knew damn well Clare could hear what Mandy was saying, and I needed this to stop if it was going where I thought it was going.
“Mandy, I’m really busy today, and we’ve got to get Clare back to the hospital to see her parents. Whatever this is, can you call me this week?”
“No, I can’t wait another second. I was here last night, and I knocked, but then changed my mind when I heard a female scream out. I figured you were…busy.”
“Wait, how did you even get into the building?”
She shrugged. “I told the doorman I was here to see you. He just let me in.”
I rolled my eyes. I was going to have to talk to them about letting anyone in besides Clare and family.
“I want you back.”
My head jerked over to her. The words I thought I had so desperately wanted to hear a year ago now made me feel sick to my stomach.
“What?”
“I admit it. I made a terrible mistake letting you go, Wes. I know I said I just wanted to see what it would be like to sleep with you again, but ever since that night I can’t stop thinking about you. About us. Ron isn’t who I want. It’s you, and seeing you these last few weeks has only reminded me of what we once had.”
Dropping the fork, I folded my arms over my chest. “Or is it because you’ve seen me with Clare?”
Mandy let out a bitter laugh. “Wes, please. You cannot possibly think I would ever believe that you’d be serious with someone like that.”
“Someone like that?” I asked. “What in the hell does that mean?”
Mandy walked over to me, and I took a step away from her. “Admit it, Wes. I see it in your eyes. You want me as much as I want you. Do I have to get down on my knees and beg you? If that is the case, I’ll do it. I made a mistake in ever letting you go in the first place. Remember what it was like with us? How good we were together?”
My stomach felt sick as I shook my head. “Mandy, you made your choice and I’ve moved on.”
“No,” she whispered before she threw herself at me and kissed me. It only took me a half a second to lift my arms and push her away.
Clare cleared her voice, and I quickly took another step away from Mandy. When I finally made myself turn and see Clare, she stood there, still dressed in my clothes, but with her bag over her shoulder.
“I’m going to go.”
“Good,” Mandy said at the same time I said, “Don’t go.”
I could see the tears in Clare’s eyes.
“Clare, that wasn’t what it looked like, I swear to you.”
“It was exactly what it looked like,” Mandy said. “Do you honestly think he would pick you over me?”
Clare’s eyes bounced from Mandy to me, then back to Mandy. She slowly shook her head. “No, I never thought that.”
“Shut up, Mandy,” I said as I made my way toward her. “Clare, we need to talk.”
Her head slowly turned back to me. A smile played over her face, but I could see the sadness in her eyes. “I guess it worked, didn’t it?”
“No, Clare, let me talk to you, please.”
Moving quickly across the living room, Clare headed to the door. Mandy grabbed my arm and attempted to keep me from going after Clare.
“Let her go, Wes.”
Jerking my arm free, I followed Clare out into the hallway. “Fuck, Clare, will you please stop?”
She kept walking toward the elevator.
I was only wearing sweatpants and nothing else. My neighbors were going to think I was crazy as I started making my way to her, calling out her name again. “Clare!”
Spinning around, she wiped the tears from her face and held up her hand, stopping me in my tracks. “Stop. Please. From what I saw, you got what you wanted.”
“No,” I said as I shook my head. “What you saw was Mandy kissing me. I don’t want this, Clare. I wanted to talk to you about Mandy–”
Clare’s phone rang and she quickly answered it. “Hello? Yes, this is Clare. I’m on my way.”
Turning on her heels, Clare quickly started toward the elevators.
“Was that the hospital?” I asked as she hit the down button.
“Yes, I have to call my brother.”
For once the fucking elevator appeared quickly. Clare stepped in and I put my hand up to keep the doors from shutting.
“Wes, please just let me go. I can’t deal with this right now. I have to get to the hospital. The only thing I care about is my parents. This whole fake dating bullshit is finally over, and now I can go back to my normal life. You got what you wanted…now leave me alone.”
“Is that what you want? Me to leave you alone?” I asked, sounding slightly panicked.
I watched as her chin wobbled and tears pooled in her eyes. “Yes,” she whispered. “I want this to be over and I don’t want to see you for a while.”
My hand dropped, and I took a step back as the doors slowly closed. And in that moment, I realized what heartbreak really was, because my heart had never hurt so much.