Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
Lexi
I stare at his hand, my mind going back to the moment we were on his couch, his body over mine, his lips pressing to mine. Feeling his hand travel along my side, gripping my hip as he grinds his hips forward. My throat feels tight, a burning sensation pushing up as I lift my gaze to meet his.
Bennett watches me with so much hope.
“This was a mistake.” His whisper from months ago clouds my thoughts.
“Maybe we shouldn’t.” My words are nothing more than a hoarse whisper.
Bennett doesn’t pull his hand back but instead takes another step forward. Doing his best to urge me to reconsider.
“It would be a mistake.” He flinches the moment the words leave my mouth and instantly I feel cruel for saying them.
When he threads his fingers with mine, holding my hand securely in his, he leans in close so only I can hear him.
“The only mistake made was when I said those words to you. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness Lex, but I’m asking for it.
Kissing you was not the mistake, the timing was wrong.
You deserve more than I could have given you then.
Because half in with you would never be enough. ”
I had a million words rolling around in my mind, but I couldn’t seem to force myself to speak.
“That night is one I will never forgive myself for, and not because of what happened with us, but because I made you feel like it meant nothing. I’m not proud of how I handled it.”
“This isn’t the place.” I turn my head looking around, feeling suddenly like everyone is watching us.
“You’re right.” Bennett gives my hand a gentle tug. “Let’s dance instead.”
Without giving me a chance to deny him again, he leads me toward the dance floor where others are swaying to the music.
I can’t help but feel like everyone is watching, yet as I scan over the room, they all appear to be in their own little worlds.
“Lex.” I take a slow deep breath, looking up at him.
Bennett is standing before me, his hand still firmly holding mine, as he waits.
He is giving me time, giving me the opportunity to choose the next step.
I know him, even if I try to convince myself that he is some guy that is just like all the others.
Selfish, cruel, and disloyal, I know that is nothing more than a lie.
Bennett may not always make the right choices, but there is one thing that is true, he is compassionate, he is caring, and I know he would never intentionally hurt anyone.
“One dance,” I say, moving in a little closer and placing my free hand on his chest. Those two words are all it takes for him to wrap me in his arms and emotions instantly fill me.
Emotions that I’m having a difficult time controlling.
I don’t want to feel safe with him, I don’t want to feel like in his arms are the only place I ever want to be.
Having those thoughts will only lead to heartache.
I did this once. I allowed myself to believe that he and I could be more. In the end I was left shattered, left feeling like I wasn’t enough.
But the longer he holds me, the more I fall. The harder it is for me to keep my mind from playing tricks on me.
The gentle stroke of his thumb at the center of my back, the feeling of his breath fanning out over my shoulder, it’s all too much. A single tear falls and trails along my cheek and I bite my lip in attempt to hold back my emotions.
“I need some air,” I say in a rush, stepping away. I can’t look at him. I can’t risk seeing the hurt in his eyes. I’m not strong enough.
Instead I hurry across the room and rush toward the first exit I see. Pushing open the door, stepping out onto the terrace, I grip the railing and bow my head. My throat is on fire, my stomach in knots.
The cool night air triggers a round of goosebumps to cover my arms, a shiver chasing them as it racks through my body.
“Lexi.” One word, my name whispered from behind, and I give in and allow myself to tumble.