Carson
It’s only been twelve hours and I’m already a jealous boyfriend. Jealous secret boyfriend? Do I even get to use the boyfriend title when I won’t let us—whatever us is—be a public thing? Yeah, it was Emma’s idea, but I jumped in with both feet the moment she suggested it.
I haven’t even been awake for ten minutes when I’m sending a text to Emma.
Don’t go to the barn dance with anyone else.
Emma
Bold of you to assume I’m going at all.
Carson
It’s a town event. Tell me you didn’t plan to go, and I’ll believe you.
Emma
Fine…I was planning on going.
Carson
So you’ll dance with me?
Emma
If you ask me to.
Carson
Oh, I’ll ask you to.
I have a goofy grin on my face when I see my mom and Penny at the breakfast table eating their oatmeal. Penny has a line of fall-colored nail polish in front of her. “Can I paint your nails, Dad? I want to try pumpkins.”
“Sure, kiddo. Let me find something to eat first.”
Mom watches me move to the cupboard and pull out a bowl, then start cracking eggs into it. “Why are you smiling so much?”
I drop my expression flat at once. “What do you mean?”
She narrows her eyes. “You look like you won the lotto. Does this have something to do with why you stayed out so late when I took Penny home last night?”
“I don’t know what you’re trying to say.” I give her a look, then pull out a frying pan and pour my eggs into it. “I’m excited to get pumpkins on my nails, okay?”
“Nana, do you want them too?”
“Maybe this weekend? I don’t usually wear polish into work.”
“Finish your breakfast, Penny.”
She rolls her eyes. Then they light up because her phone starts ringing in its place on the counter. I’m closer, so I lean over and see Mom flash on the screen.
Penny races for the phone and tugs it free from the charging cord, putting it to her ear. “Mom!”
I can’t hear Jen’s side of the conversation, but I can see the energy swirling through my daughter. Her excitement hurts in so many ways. It wouldn’t bother me if Jen was more available, but knowing how badly Penny wants to hear from her mom and how infrequently it happens kills me in some ways.
“That’s so cool,” Penny says.
I put my plate of hot scrambled eggs on the table and sit down with a fork. Mom gives me a look, releasing a soft, quiet sigh.
“Did you paint the rooms in your new—” Penny falls still. “Okay. That’s so cool, Mom.”
Penny listens for a while. When she finally puts down the phone, I don’t think she even said goodbye. She’s quiet when she plugs it back into the wall and leaves the kitchen.
“Hold up, Penny. What happened?”
“Nothing,” she calls.
“Didn’t sound like nothing.”
“Don’t worry about it, Dad.” She shuts her bedroom door and I deflate.
“The last thing she’s going to want to do is go to work with me today.”
“You could let her run the booth with you. Give her a special job like handing out toothbrushes.”
“Good idea.”
Mom seems hesitant. She scrapes the remainder of her oatmeal into a pile, then flattens it out.
“If you have advice for me, just say it.”
“Don’t push her too soon. If something happened with her mom, she’ll come to you. But you want to leave room for her to feel her feelings, too.”
“Okay.” I hate that advice, but I can see the wisdom in it. “Thanks, Mom.”
She gets up, putting her bowl and Penny’s into the dishwasher, then comes around and hugs me, kissing the top of my head. “It’ll all work out.”
Maybe so, but how much am I going to ruin my child in the process?
The only thing that has seemed to cheer Penny up in the last few days since her mom called is the prospect of her aunt coming with us to the football game tonight.
I’ve asked subtly a few times if everything is okay, and each time Penny shrugs me off.
Emma came over last night after the town’s potluck dinner, where we barely talked and exchanged glances from afar for most of the night—her sitting with her family, me with mine.
Penny painted Emma’s nails to match ours while we had Hocus Pocus playing in the background.
Yellow, orange, and sparkly red like the leaves that cover our town, with a pumpkin-like blob on her thumbnail.
It’s pretty cute. It’s even cuter that Emma seems to genuinely love her nails.
Even Emma picking up on Penny’s lack of energy and asking about it yielded no results. I’m this close to calling Jen, but I’m sure that wouldn’t help.
“What time is Aunt Maven coming?” Penny asks for the fortieth time.
“This afternoon. Still.”
Penny groans, throwing herself on the sofa. We got home from work so I could change before the high school’s homecoming game. We’re going to be late.
I reach to tickle Penny. She’s wide open, just asking for a giggle. When she shrieks, her face lights up momentarily, and I crave more of that happiness.
“No! No more!” Penny screams, rolling onto the floor and bringing her knees up to protect her tickliest sides.
I lean back, hands in the air. “You’re safe.”
“Doubt it!” she croons, which drives a soft chuckle out of me.
“I need to change. You should find something warmer to wear, Nickel. We’ll be outside all night.”
When I get to my feet, I see Emma leaving her house, locking the door behind her.
“Run!” I say to Penny, hoping to distract her. “First one to find a better sweatshirt wins!”
She’s down the hall fast, so I slip out the front door and jog across the street, putting my finger and thumb in my mouth to whistle.
It’s loud. I probably got the skill from my dad since my mom can’t whistle to save her life, but we’ll never know for sure. It also works, because Emma’s car stops rolling backward. She puts it into park and rolls down her window. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
“What’s up? You heading to the game?” she asks.
“Soon. I need to pick up Maven from the train station first.”
Emma smiles. “Then I’ll see you there.”
“With Seth?” I ask.
“As friends. We already had this planned, so I can’t bail on him.”
“I’m telling you, that guy thinks he still has a chance.”
Emma wrinkles her nose. “I’ve been really clear with him all week.”
“Super cute of you to think he’s listening.”
Emma scoffs. “Okay, thanks.”
“I mean, he’s probably not thinking about anything but kissing your lips when they move. I might know from experience.”
“Well, you have nothing to worry about.” Her cheeks redden, and she pushes her glasses up her nose. “You know, if you were worried, I mean.”
“You can sit by whoever you want at that football game. I know where your loyalties lie.”
Emma rolls her eyes. “Do you?”
My gaze drops to her lips. “I have a pretty good idea.”
Emma’s cheeks turn charmingly pink. “That’s fair.”
I glance back at the house, but see no movement.
Mom’s not home from work yet and Penny’s probably stuffing her arms into the sleeves of every sweatshirt she owns.
When I glance back at Emma, a surge of overwhelming affection rushes through my body.
“After we get this barn raised tomorrow, we’re finishing your bathroom. ”
She shrugs. “Sure.”
I don’t like how she brushes off the idea, but then I see her hand curled around the steering wheel and the autumn-themed nails my daughter gave her.
My head is immediately filled with blissful homey images of Penny and Emma making sourdough together, or the three of us bundled in blankets around a campfire, or doing the school dropoff in our pajamas and coming home to a quiet house together.
“You good?” Emma asks, tilting her head in concern.
“Yeah.” I lean forward, pressing my lips to hers and filling my cup with peace and warmth and contentment. She responds immediately, pulling me back for one more kiss when I try to straighten. “See you tonight.”
Emma nods. I watch her drive away to attend the game with another man and sigh. I absolutely don’t want her dating anyone else but me. If only I could know for sure that this would never go wrong.
Watching her leave to hang out with someone else feels wrong. Maybe the bigger risk isn’t loving Emma. Maybe it’s letting fear talk me out of being with her.