18. Knox
Chapter eighteen
Knox
I could barely stand upright by the time I was climbing the staircase up to our apartment. I could’ve used the elevator, but I kept pressing the fucking button and the stupid thing refused to open up.
Claire would have gotten the hint by now. She would no doubt be angry, and I was half-expecting a text message from her filled with curses, just like the night I broke up with her.
My feet hit the last step for the fifth floor, and I heaved myself forward, stumbling past similar doors to the one I lived in. When I arrived, I saw that there were two Pizza Hut boxes outside. Shrugging, I picked them up, found my keys, and opened the door. The living room was empty, like I expected it to be. Nina had probably ordered the pizza and forgot to take it in, which meant she hadn’t eaten, and it was almost midnight.
I tried to walk straight, but it didn’t work, and I ended up tripping over my own two feet, landing on the tiles with an oomph! Thankfully, the pizzas remained sealed.
I sighed, cursing, “Why the fuck did you drink so much, Knox?”
I sat on the floor for a bit, beyond exhausted and felt the weirdest urge to cry, which was so stupid that I almost laughed. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried. Maybe nine years? Probably not even then.
After Dad’s accident, I’d been too busy begging and pleading with people for money for his surgery to even think about crying. When he died, all I’d felt was anger. Anger at the world for being so cruel and unforgiving, and anger at myself for being so fucking helpless.
Now, everything came crashing down—my father’s memory, the relentless years that followed, and the confusing whirlwind of feelings I had for Nina. It left me heavy and raw. My head tilted back as tears finally gathered and fell. I was tired—fucking exhausted.
The last decade of my life felt like it just blew past. I didn’t have many fond memories or happy moments. Sure, there were some women, but other than Claire—who hadn’t even been able to break down the wall of survival and ambition I’d put up—none of them went below the surface. Every day there was just another grind—to put food on the table, to keep my mother’s spirit from shattering, to give Lindsay the life and education she deserved.
I’d never done anything for just me. There was always something to take care of first, to fix. I chased success so vigorously that I let my personal life rot. Maybe that was why things with Claire went south. And now I’d fallen for Nina, a woman who was unlike any I’d ever met before.
Fuck. She made everything so easy. With her, I laughed freely. I slept better. I actually looked forward to something other than work and I could forget, even if for a moment, how cruel the world outside was.
The sound of a door opening jolted me, making my heart pound. It was Nina. For a brief second, I debated if I should pick my sorry ass up off the floor before she found me like this, but I was too fucking weak to move. I was too tired of acting like I was strong.
“Knox?”
I exhaled, shutting my eyes. Even her voice calmed me, Jesus. I was crazy about her. How did I allow myself to fall so quickly and so stupidly?
I heard her take soft steps toward me, her voice low and shaky. “Knox? Are you alright?”
Why did she sound so worried? I’d called her stupid and childish and made her cry. She should be furious with me, not concerned. Why the fuck was she so kind? I felt like a giant asshole. She was too good for me.
I shook my head slowly, my eyes still shut. “I don’t think so.”
She gasped. “You’re… you’re crying. And—” I heard her sniff. “Are you drunk? You reek of alcohol.”
The scent of lavender washed over me, letting me know she was right next to me. I could feel her presence; every instinct in me ached to reach out. But I kept my hands to myself, knowing that if I touched her now, I’d never be able to let go.
“I was out,” I mumbled.
“Knox,” she whispered, and my breath hitched when I felt her hand on my shoulder. “Tell me what’s wrong. Was it the argument we had?”
I opened my eyes then, looking into her eyes. My God, she was breathtaking. Even with those sorrow-filled, green eyes, she was marvelous. And tonight, I’d almost made a mistake that I would never have been able to come back from, because the truth was that I didn’t want anyone else but Nina.
“I ran into Claire at a bar,” I said, my voice low, unsure why I was confessing this. “She kissed me, and it felt good. So good that she asked me to follow her into the bathroom.”
A crease formed between Nina’s brows; her shock was unmistakable. But it was the hurt flickering in her gaze that cut me deepest. She cared. She felt for me what I felt for her, and I couldn’t tell if that made the whole situation better or worse.
“Did you…” She trailed off, almost as if she was scared to ask the question.
My throat became constricted and I let out a bitter laugh, another wave of tears gushing out. “I didn’t. I couldn’t… because I was thinking about you.”
She inhaled, emotions swirling in her emerald orbs. “Why are you telling me this, Knox? Are you trying to hurt me?”
“No.” My chest tightened as I searched for the right words and failed. “It’s crazy, isn’t it? I went to the bar to forget you, but I ended up leaving because I couldn’t bear the thought of touching anyone else but you. I—” My voice cracked, and I took a second to gather myself. “I think I have feelings for you, Nina.”
Nina froze, her face so serious it was making me sick. She sat back on her knees and just gaped at me.
“I wasn’t sure if I should tell you, because it’s not like you need to know, but… I guess… I’m fucking drunk, Nina. I’m not thinking straight. I just want you so bad… but I shouldn’t. It’s wrong to want you like this.”
My mind was telling me to shut the fuck up before I dug myself any deeper, but my heart physically wouldn’t let me. It was controlling my actions, and it clearly wanted Nina to know how it felt about her.
“Seeing you with that fucker today, it killed me,” I confessed. “It felt like an arrow through my chest, princess. It made me realize I couldn’t—no, fuck that—that I can’t bear to see you with another man. I hate it, and I hate how it makes me feel.
“Because goddammit, I know I’m a hypocrite, but every time I think I’m in control, I see you. And I’m not. I’m fucking not.” I paused to breathe through my mouth because it felt like I was suffocating. I could feel a headache coming on too. “Do you still love him?”
The tears in her eyes mirrored my pain. They slipped down her cheeks one by one, and I felt every single drop like a punch to the gut.
“No, of course not.” She sniffled, holding my gaze. We were both a crying mess. “I love—”
“No.” I stopped her before she could finish, shutting my eyes as a turbulent wave passed through me. “Don’t say anything, please. If you do… I won’t be able to hold myself back.”
Everything had gone to shit. I should never have come here without Lindsay. I should have stayed at the hotel or, better still, moved in with Sean until my house was ready. Because now I’m between a rock and a hard place. Nothing could come out of loving Nina. No matter the feelings that ran between us. We were wrong for each other. We could pretend like we weren’t while we lived in the same apartment, but the truth would always remain that Nina and I were worlds apart.
“Open your eyes, Knox.” Nina murmured softly, like she feared her voice wouldn’t hold. “I want you to look at me.”
I did as she asked, and had the breath stolen from my lungs. She’d taken off her clothes and was now standing before me naked as the day she was born.
“What…” I breathed, my eyes as wide as saucers. Blood rushed to my cock, hardening it.
Nina’s long red hair spread across her shoulders and flowed down her back, leading a trail down her puckered nipples and rosy areolas. Her breasts, full and heavy, sat pretty on her chest and my mouth filled with moisture.
My eyes continued their torturous journey down her flat stomach to the triangular copper hair nestled above the place where I’d spent many warm, earth-shattering hours exploring. I cursed, marveling at how wondrous her body was. It didn’t matter how many times I tasted her; I was never satisfied, and I had a feeling that I never would be.
“Lean back,” she ordered. As if in a daze, I lowered my upper body so she could lean close to me. “Take your pants off.”
I was scrambling to do her bidding. Dignity be damned. I wanted this woman more than I wanted my next breath.
My cock was hard and ready by the time I freed it, tossing my pants and boxers away. I was panting, huffing, salivating, fucking yearning.
“If I can’t tell you how I feel with my mouth, I’ll say it with my body.”
Nina straddled my legs, grabbed me by the base of my cock, and lowered herself onto me until I was buried inside her.
“Motherfuck….” The words expelled from my lips in a breathy moan. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I gripped her slim waist hard, my eyes glued to her pleasure-filled face. Her head was thrown back in pure ecstasy as she jumped on my dick.
We both moaned together, and for some reason, something about this felt so unfamiliar, yet exhilarating, like there was some sort of newfound discernment between us. And I suppose there was, given the admissions that flew around earlier.
Nina’s body opened for me like a warm welcome, her pussy so tight and warm and wet. It felt so fucking incredible that I grabbed on her ass hard and thrusted my pelvis up to meet her movements.
She groaned, sucking her lower lip into her mouth as her eyes drifted close. “Knox, you feel so… fucking good… your cock is so big.”
“Fuck, princess. You’re a revelation, I swear.” Everything was heightened; the sensations, my feelings for her, and the fire that burned between us. She whimpered, and I groaned quietly, my whole body tingling all over. I thrust my hips up again, feeling every ridge of her plush walls and they stroked me inch by inch.
Reaching forward to suck one nipple into my mouth, I curled my tongue around the hardened peak until she was squirming against me. Her loud cries filled the living room, spurring me on. She’d switched from jumping on my cock to swaying her hips back and forth, and I swear to God, my eyes rolled to the back of my head so hard I thought I saw my brain.
“Nina, princess… baby… Jesus Christ.” I was spewing all sorts of crap at this point. I’d never been so turned on in my entire life. Nina’s face was driving me insane—she looked like she was about to break.
My eyes dropped for a moment, and I almost wept at the sight of my dick moving in and out of her tight pussy. She was so wet that her creamy arousal pooled at the base of my cock, and I almost stopped her so I could taste it.
“God, I could do this forever,” I growled. “I could fuck you till the day I take my last breath and still want more.”
“Oh, Knox… Oh God !” she cried out when I pumped into her, my balls smacking the underside of her ass. “You feel amazing. Yes… ”
Her legs shook and I knew she was close. Her walls clenched around me. It was so hot; I couldn’t even handle it. I could feel my orgasm looming and I tried to fight it because there was absolutely no way I was coming before Nina.
“Knox…” she moaned, holding my gaze with her hungry ones. “I’m your princess, right?”
I bobbed my head quickly. “Damn straight you are.”
“Then say it. Call me your princess.”
I would have given her my kidney at that moment if she’d asked for it. “You’re my fucking princess, Nina Burton. Just you.”
I groaned loudly as her insides quivered. Slipping a hand between our bodies, I ran my finger over her clit until she was crying out, her grip on my neck tightening.
I kept fucking her while she screamed, her walls squeezing my dick so tightly that I could barely move. She came so hard I knew I would never forget it. Because I wanted to savor the moment, I slowed my thrusts, letting her ride out her climax as her garbled cries gradually reduced. I’d seen nothing hotter in all my life.
“Good girl.”
I was so turned on, I picked up the pace, fucking her again unapologetically. I was going to come soon, and I was going to come so fucking hard. Nina pinched my nipple just as she took my lips in hers and I shivered.
“Fuck! I’m coming, fuck!” My dick erupted and I held my breath because it seemed like the safest thing to do. I shot my hot load into her, emptying my balls while Nina hummed and sucked my lower lip and took my cum like a good girl.
We both came down from our high and, after a moment, Nina started giggling.
“Holy shit, that was…” She rested her head on my heaving chest, and I snaked my arms around her snugly, holding her to me.
“I know, right? It was perfect,” I murmured, kissing her hair. “You’re perfect, princess.”
There was a beat of silence—a charged, weighty moment that seemed to stretch beyond us, intense and terrifying all at once. Every fleeting notion I’d entertained about my feelings before we made love—this was more than just a fuck—suddenly felt like a joke. Now, it was so much more.
As I held her right now, I didn’t want to let her go. Ever.
“Knox?”
“Yes, princess?”
“I’m glad you didn’t sleep with her. That would have sucked.”
I swallowed, feeling like shit. What the fuck was I doing? How had I managed to screw things up so royally? Would I be able to walk away from her when the time came? I shook my head, refusing to think about that right now.
“Did you order pizza?” I suddenly asked, my gaze landing on the pizza boxes in front of me.
Her head turned a little to look behind her. “Oh, yeah, I did.” She chuckled softly. “That was hours ago. I figured you’d been hungry by the time you got in from work, but I didn’t expect… Michael to show up, so I kind of forgot.”
Of course she had been thinking of me. She was so kind. “I think I’m a little hungry. Aren’t you?”
I didn’t wait for a response before stretching my legs to kick the boxes forward. Even if she wasn’t, I was going to make her eat because I knew she hadn’t had dinner yet. Nina tried to get off my thighs, but I didn’t let her. I wanted her to stay on my body for as long as possible.
“Sit,” I told her.
I finally grabbed a box and drew it near, opening it and handing Nina a slice before taking one for myself. We ate pizza and kissed and talked about everything and nothing at all and it was the first time in a long time that I truly felt at peace.