Chapter 42
42
KAISEN
T he moment Dorie’s hand slipped into the crook of my arm, I had to fight the urge to grab her and run out the door. I wanted to apologize and tell her I was a piece of shit.
I wanted to explain why I’d been so distant, why I’d pushed her away when all I really wanted was to pull her closer. But the words stuck in my throat, thick and unyielding. She didn’t look at me. Her gaze was fixed straight ahead, her jaw set, her shoulders stiff. She was a statue, beautiful and unbreakable, and I hated that I was the reason she had to put up that wall.
The wedding party began to move. I matched my pace to hers, trying to ignore the way her arm felt against mine—like it belonged there, like it always had. She smelled like vanilla and something floral, something soft and familiar that made my chest ache. God, I’d messed this up so badly.
As we walked down the aisle, I stole glances at her profile. Her lips were pressed into a thin line, her lashes lowered just enough to hide her eyes from me. She was so close, and yet she felt miles away. I wanted to say something, anything, but what could I say? That I was an idiot? That I’d been scared? That the idea of being enough for someone like her had terrified me into pushing her away?
Cullen was standing there, grinning like a fool. He looked like a man who’d just won the lottery.
We took our spots at the altar. I couldn’t keep myself from looking at her. She looked stunning in her maid of honor dress, her hair swept up in an elegant twist, her makeup flawless except for the faint redness around her eyes. She was wearing the earrings I’d given her.
She kept her eyes forward, her expression carefully neutral, but I could see the tension in her shoulders. The way her hands trembled slightly as she held her bouquet. I wanted to reach for her, to pull her into my arms and tell her I was sorry that I’d made a mistake, that I didn’t want to lose her. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. Not here, not now.
The soft strains of the wedding march swelled, pulling my attention back to why I was standing here in this stupid tux. The congregation rose to their feet. Eliza stood at the end of the aisle, her arm linked with her father’s. She looked beautiful. Her dress was huge, but definitely pretty. Her face was glowing, her smile wide and genuine as she locked eyes with Cullen at the altar.
I glanced over at Cullen. I was supposed to be the guy that caught him if it looked like he was going to pass out. I could see the tears welling in his eyes. If it wasn’t such a serious situation, I would give him so much shit.
I glanced at Dorie beside him, his heart twisting when he saw her expression soften for just a moment as she watched her sister.
When Eliza reached the altar, her father kissed her cheek and placed her hand in Cullen’s. The two of them stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, silent and smiling. It was as if the rest of the world had faded away—no guests, no officiant, no anything but them.
The officiant began to speak, but I barely heard the words. My attention kept drifting back to Dorie. I could see the way she clenched her jaw, the way she blinked rapidly to keep tears from falling. She was trying so hard to hold it together.
The ceremony itself was a blur. The officiant spoke about love, commitment, and the importance of choosing each other every day. The words hit me harder than I expected, each one feeling like a punch to the gut. I’d chosen to walk away from Dorie, to push her out of my life because I thought it was the right thing to do. But standing there, watching Eliza and Cullen exchange vows, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d made a terrible mistake.
Dorie dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. I knew her tears weren’t just for Eliza. They were for us, for what we’d lost, and that knowledge twisted the knife in my chest even further.
“You may kiss the bride.”
I blinked and Cullen was mauling Eliza right there in front of God and everybody.
I cleared my throat and made a big show of tapping him on the shoulder. The guests laughed. Cullen released her and the two turned to face the crowd.
The officiant raised his hands, beaming. “Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen and Eliza Harper!”
The crowd erupted into applause, a wave of cheers and clapping that seemed to echo through the room. Eliza’s face was radiant as she leaned into Cullen’s side, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist.
I clapped mechanically, my gaze flickering back to Dorie. She was smiling now. She looked like someone pretending to be okay, and it made my chest ache all over again.
The wedding party began to file out, following the newlyweds down the aisle. I hesitated, waiting for Dorie to move first. She stepped forward, her bouquet clutched tightly in both hands. I followed a step behind her, my hands shoved into my pockets to keep from reaching out to her.
After the ceremony, we moved outside for pictures. The wedding party gathered on the steps, the photographer directing us into various poses. Cullen clapped me on the shoulder as we waited for our turn, his grin wide and carefree.
“You okay, man?” he asked. “You’ve been quiet all day. And don’t think I didn’t notice you staring at Dorie during the ceremony. She looks amazing, by the way. That dress? Wow.”
I forced a smile, though it felt more like a grimace. “Yeah, she does.”
Cullen raised an eyebrow, his grin fading. “Wait, what’s going on? You two seemed good. Like, really good. Did something happen?”
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “It’s over, Cullen. I ended it.”
His eyes widened, and he stared at me like I’d just told him the sky was green. “You what ? Why?”
“Because it’s what’s best for her,” I said. “She deserves someone who can give her everything, and I can’t.”
Cullen shook his head, his expression incredulous. “Kaisen, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. You’re telling me you’re just going to walk away from the best thing that’s ever happened to you because you’re scared? That’s not you, man.”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. Because deep down, I knew he was right. But that didn’t change the fact that I was terrified of hurting her, of becoming my father, of losing her in the end anyway.
Before Cullen could say anything else, the photographer called us over for a picture with Dorie. As maid of honor and best man, we had to stand together. The moment I touched her, I felt that same fire ignite in my blood. She was so close. It took everything in me not to pull her into my arms.
“You look beautiful,” I said softly, the words slipping out before I could stop them.
She froze, her eyes flicking to mine for the briefest moment before she looked away. She swallowed hard, her throat working as she fought to keep her composure. Without a word, she stepped away.
“Are we done here?” I asked the photographer.
“We’re done,” he said.
I watched her go, my chest aching with a mix of regret and longing. I wanted to follow her, to explain, to beg for another chance. But I didn’t.
There were two limos waiting to take us to the nearby venue for the reception. Cullen and Eliza had ended up in one with Dorie and her parents. I was with the rest of the bridal party.
We climbed out of the limo and into the venue. The space was transformed into a romantic wonderland, with twinkling lights, lush floral arrangements, and elegant table settings. But my attention was immediately drawn to the centerpiece of the room—the wedding cake.
Dorie was there, guiding the caterers as they assembled the massive, intricate cake she’d made for the event. It was stunning, a true work of art. I couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride as I watched her work.
Next to the wedding cake was the groom’s cake, which… well, it wasn’t nearly as impressive. I’d helped decorate it that night at my house, before everything fell apart. The difference was painfully obvious. Cullen noticed me staring and came up beside me, a grin tugging at his lips.
“Not bad, right?” he said, gesturing to the groom’s cake. “I mean, it’s no wedding cake, but it’s got character.”
I snorted, shaking my head. “Yeah, character. That’s one way to put it. I honestly thought she would have fixed it. Sorry.”
He chuckled. “It’s fine. It’s funny. Add a little humor to the situation.”
“Yeah, definitely not as elegant as that wedding cake.” I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Dorie. She was concentrating so hard as she added the finishing touches.
Cullen’s grin faded as he followed my gaze to Dorie. “You know, Kaisen, I think you’re making a huge mistake.”
I didn’t respond, my eyes still fixed on Dorie. She was laughing at something one of the caterers said, her smile lighting up the room. It felt like a knife to the chest.
“I’m just saying, if you let her go, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. You need to talk to her and fix whatever it is you did.”
I swallowed hard. “Maybe. But if I stay, I might hurt her. And that’s something I can’t live with. You know me, Cullen. You know what kind of man I am. I’m not the kind of man that settles down and makes a woman happy.”
Cullen sighed, clapping me on the shoulder before walking away. I stood there for a moment, watching Dorie, before forcing myself to join the rest of the wedding party for dinner.
We were seated at a head table with me next to Cullen and Dorie next to Eliza. Waiters filled our glasses while we waited for the first course to be delivered.
“Got your speech ready?” Cullen asked quietly.
“Yep.”
“And you’re not going to embarrass me, right?”
I winked. “Would I ever do that?”
“Dories’s going first.”
Dorie moved to the front of the room. The DJ handed her the microphone. She looked nervous as hell.
Dorie cleared her throat, her hands trembling slightly as she gripped the microphone. The room fell silent, all eyes on her. She looked out at the crowd, her gaze briefly flickering to where I sat before she looked away again.
“Hi, everyone,” she started, her voice soft but steady. “First of all, I want to say how honored I am to stand here today as Eliza’s maid of honor. Eliza, you’ve been my best friend from, well, the womb. You’ve seen me at my best and my worst, and you’ve loved me through all of it. And Cullen… well, you’re not so bad either.”
The room erupted in laughter, and even Dorie managed a small smile. She glanced at the newlyweds, her expression softening.
“Eliza, I know I don’t say it enough, but I’m so proud of you. You’ve always been the strongest person I know, and seeing you find someone who loves you as much as Cullen does? It’s incredible. You two are perfect for each other in every way. You balance each other out, challenge each other, and most importantly, you make each other happy. Welcome to the family, Cullen.”
Everyone clapped. She handed the microphone back and took her seat.
It was my turn. I’d prepared a speech, something light and funny, but as I looked out at the crowd, the words I’d written felt hollow. They weren’t the truth. Not anymore.