Chapter 46
46
KAISEN
I told myself I was making the right decision, that I was protecting her, that I was doing what was best for both of us. I would only hurt her in the long run. The pain she was suffering now was nothing compared to what would happen. I didn’t want her to feel like she wasted years of her life with me when she could have been looking for the man that she truly deserved.
I went back to the reception and got another drink. My goal was to get shit-faced. I wanted to drown my sorrows. But the first sip of the whiskey just wasn’t hitting.
I leaned against the bar, his fingers tight around the glass. The party was in full swing. Couples swayed on the dance floor looking all in love. I stared at them, my stomach twisting. They looked so happy, so unburdened. It was a stark contrast to the storm raging inside me.
I took another sip of the whiskey, but it did nothing to numb the ache in my chest. I waited, watching the door expecting to see Dorie come in. She didn’t return.
I hated myself for driving her away. But what else could I do? I couldn’t let her waste her life on someone like me. Someone broken. Someone who would only disappoint her in the end. She deserved to have what her twin had. Eliza would soon have a family, and I knew Cullen was going to be a good husband.
That was what I wanted for Dorie.
“Kaisen.”
I turned at the sound of Samantha’s voice. She stood beside me, her perfectly sculpted brows raised in concern. Her dress, which was similar to Dorie’s but a lot tighter and sexier, shimmered under the lights. She smelled like expensive perfume. She was beautiful, poised, everything I should want. But she wasn’t Dorie.
“Hello,” I said.
“You look like you’re carrying the weight of the world,” she said. “Come dance with me. It might help.”
I shook my head, my gaze drifting back to the dance floor. “I’m not really in the mood.”
“You’ve been sulking all night,” she pressed, her tone teasing but with an edge of frustration. “Let me make you feel better.”
Samantha was one of those women that provided distraction for one night. She promised about twelve hours of pure escapism, but nothing more. And right then, that was all I wanted—something to drown out the gnawing guilt and regret that clung to me like a second skin. But even as she stepped closer, her fingers brushing against my arm, I couldn’t shake the image of Dorie’s face when I walked away from her on the beach. The way her eyes had searched mine for answers I couldn’t give.
Samantha reached for my hand and gently pulled. I wasn’t going to get away. I put the glass down and let her lead me onto the dance floor.
The music was some upbeat pop song I didn’t recognize. She turned to face me, a smile playing on her lips, her hips already swaying to the rhythm. I tried to match her moves, but my movements felt stiff, mechanical. My mind was elsewhere.
She stepped closer, her fingers trailing up my arm. I forced myself not to flinch. Her perfume was overwhelming, sweet and heavy, nothing like the soft vanilla scent Dorie always carried. Samantha tilted her head up, her lips parting slightly in an invitation I had no intention of accepting. I looked away, my eyes scanning the crowd.
Couples surrounded us, lost in their own little worlds. Some laughed, some whispered into each other’s ears, their faces glowing with happiness. A pang of envy twisted in my chest. That could’ve been me and Dorie—should’ve been me and Dorie—if I hadn’t screwed it all up. But no, instead I was here, dancing with someone who meant nothing to me while the woman I cared about was probably hating me a little more with every passing second.
Samantha’s hand slid to my shoulder, her nails lightly grazing the fabric of my jacket. “You’re not really here with me, are you?” she murmured, her voice laced with a mix of amusement and irritation.
I forced a tight smile. “Just thinking.”
“About her?” she asked bluntly, raising an eyebrow.
I stiffened, my jaw tightening. “It’s complicated.”
She laughed softly, a sound that felt more mocking than genuine. “Isn’t it always? I think we both know who we’re talking about. I have to be honest, I never really saw you guys as a thing. Talk about oil and water.”
Samantha didn’t know me, and she certainly didn’t know Dorie. “Dorie is an amazing woman,” I said.
“Sure.” She shrugged. “Look, you’re obviously in a mood. You don’t want to be here. Why don’t we go back to my room? I’ll help you forget all about the little baker.”
I flinched. My first reaction was to tell her to fuck off. She had no business talking about Dorie like that. But honestly, she wasn’t worth the effort. Dorie was a hundred times more everything than Samantha. She didn’t have to compete, and she certainly didn’t need me to defend her.
“Thanks, but I’m leaving.”
She looked surprised. “You’re leaving?”
“Yes. Have a good night.”
“You don’t have to leave alone.”
“Yes, I do,” I said. “Goodnight.”
I didn’t need to say goodbye to anyone. I quietly left the hall and hailed one of the cabs waiting for drunk partygoers.
The house was quiet when I got home. I hadn’t seen Liam when I returned from the beach, but Marcus was there trying to get one of the single ladies to go home with him. I assumed Liam must have gone back to a hotel room with whoever he managed to snare at the reception.
I wandered aimlessly through the house. I walked outside, stuffing my hands in my pockets and staring out at the water. Watching the ocean was a lot like watching flames. It pulled you in and demanded deep introspection.
I turned and walked back inside. I found myself in the kitchen. I didn’t really know what I was doing. This was the epitome of feeling adrift. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, twisted the lid, and took a drink. That was when I saw it—the sticky note on the fridge.
It was the sketch Dorie had drawn of us, with Rick in the middle. I’d added my terrible attempt at drawing the cat, and now, staring at it, I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. The simplicity of it, the warmth, the love—it was everything I’d been too scared to hold on to.
I took the sticky note off the fridge, holding it in my hands as if it were the most precious thing in the world. And in that moment, something inside me broke. All the walls I’d built, all the fears I’d clung to, came crashing down.
“What am I doing?” I asked out loud, my voice trembling.
I didn’t have an answer. Not a good one, anyway. All I knew was that I’d made a terrible mistake, and I needed to fix it. Now.
In a sudden panic, I grabbed my keys and raced out the door, my heart pounding in my chest. I drove back to the reception venue a little faster than what the speed limit suggested. The parking lot was mostly empty, the party clearly winding down, but I didn’t care. I needed to find Dorie.
I burst through the doors, my eyes scanning the room. Most of the guests were gone. Eliza and Cullen were still there, swaying sleepily to the soft music playing in the background. They looked up as I approached.
“Kaisen?” Eliza said, her brow furrowing. “What’s wrong?”
“Where’s Dorie?” I asked, my voice urgent. “I need to talk to her. Right now.”
Eliza blinked, clearly caught off guard. “She went home. Why? What’s going on?”
I didn’t answer. Instead, I turned and ran for the door, my heart racing. Behind me, I heard Cullen shout, “Go get your girl!” and Eliza squealed excitedly, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t.
I drove to Dorie’s condo, my mind racing with everything I needed to say. I knew I had seconds to get it out before she slammed the door in my face. I knocked on the door, my heart pounding in my chest, but there was no answer.
“Dorie, it’s me,” I called out. “Please. Just two minutes.”
I knocked again.
She wasn’t home. There was only one other place she could be.
The bakery.
Even though she spent the entire day with wedding prep and then the wedding itself, I knew she’d be there.
I raced there, once again risking a speeding ticket. I parked out front. The shop was dark, but I could see a light on in the back. That was where she would be. I pounded on the door, my fists hitting the glass with a desperation I couldn’t contain. “Dorie!” I shouted, my voice echoing in the empty street. “Dorie, please!”
I hoped like hell she answered the door before someone called the police. I knew I looked like a crazy person. Someone was going to assume I was trying to break in.
For a moment, there was nothing. Then, another light turned on. I saw her rounding the corner, her expression a mix of shock and confusion. She stopped when she saw me, her eyes wide.
“Kaisen?” she said, her voice muffled through the glass. “What are you doing here?”
“Will you open the door?” I asked, my voice pleading. I waited for her to say no, to banish me, to tell me to leave her alone. But instead, she walked over and unlocked the door.
I stepped inside, my chest heaving as I looked at her—really looked at her. She had changed into a pair of jeans and a hoodie with her bakery name on it. She still had on her full face of makeup. Her hair had been pulled from the fancy updo she wore earlier and was now in a messy bun. And she was still wearing the earrings. That alone was nearly my undoing. She looked beautiful. She always did. I couldn’t explain it, but whenever I looked at her, it was like my heart grew.
“Dorie,” I said, my voice breaking. “I’m so, so sorry. I was an idiot. I was scared, and I let that fear control me, but I was wrong. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.”
She stared at me, her eyes searching mine, and for a moment, I thought she was going to tell me to leave. She should tell me to leave because that was exactly what I deserved.
But then she took a step closer, her voice soft but firm.
“Just shut up and kiss me,” she said.
I didn’t need to be told twice. I closed the distance between us. My hands cupped her face as I kissed her. It was soft at first, tentative, like I was afraid she might pull away. But then she kissed me back, her hands gripping the front of my shirt like she was a bully in a bad eighties movie and ready to throw me against my locker. She held on to me and kissed me like her life depended on it. It was like the world stopped spinning.
When we finally pulled away, both of us were breathless, our foreheads resting against each other’s. I could feel her trembling. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close.
“I love you,” I whispered, my voice rough with emotion. “I love you so much, Dorie. And I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that.”
She looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears, but she was smiling. “I love you too, Kaisen. But if you ever push me away again, I’m keeping the earrings and never speaking to you.”
I laughed, the sound shaky but genuine. “Deal.”
We stood there for a long time, just holding each other. For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. In her arms.