Chapter 45
45
DORIE
I told myself I was coming down to the beach for one reason: to give Kaisen the earrings back. That was it. Simple. Clean. No emotions, no messy conversations. Just hand them over, walk away, and try to move on. It was over before it started. It was better to make a clean break and let him go.
But deep down, I knew that wasn’t the whole truth. I’d worn them tonight because they made me feel close to him, even if it was just for a little while. Maybe I was expecting him to notice and realize he wanted me back. But I didn’t want to get hurt again. The wedding was over. He would be going back to New York, and I would be here.
It would be business as usual. I had to accept things. I had my fun and now the real world was calling and waiting for me. I had real problems that demanded my attention—like a new oven. Like figuring out how to afford said oven.
But that was a problem for Monday.
I made my way down to the beach. Eliza told me Cullen had come out here to talk to Kaisen. And there he was. My heart skipped a beat. I watched him for several minutes. There was a glass of scotch in his hand and his shoulders were slightly drooped. Cullen was talking to him, but Kaisen was staring at the water. He looked broken. And as much as I wanted to be angry with him, to hold on to the hurt he’d caused, all I felt was this overwhelming ache in my chest. I didn’t want to eavesdrop, but I also didn’t want to interrupt what looked like a serious conversation.
I watched Kaisen hand Cullen something. I couldn’t see Cullen’s expression, but his body language said he was surprised. I couldn’t resist stepping closer.
I told myself I wasn’t really eavesdropping. It was just me wondering what they were talking about because it concerned my sister.
Right, Dorie.
“Kaisen, this is too much. I can’t accept this,” Cullen said, his voice low but carrying a note of disbelief.
I froze, my breath catching in my throat. Too much? My curiosity got the better of me, and I inched closer, squinting to see what Kaisen had handed him. It was a check. A big one, judging by the way Cullen stared at it like it might disappear if he blinked too hard.
“You can, and you will,” Kaisen replied. “Consider it a wedding gift. You deserve it, Cullen. Both of you. I know you guys are ready to get out of the city.”
My heart clenched. A wedding gift? This wasn’t just some token gesture. Kaisen was giving them something life-changing. I felt a lump rise in my throat as I watched Cullen fold the check and tuck it into his pocket, his expression a mix of gratitude and awe.
“Thank you. Seriously,” Cullen said, his voice thick with emotion. “You’re a good man, Kaisen. You deserve a lot more than you’re letting yourself have.”
Kaisen chuckled softly, but there was no real humor in it. “Just make sure you have a nice couch or maybe a guest room for me when I visit.”
I didn’t want to continue listening to their private conversation. I didn’t want to lose my nerve. I needed to give back the earrings and get the hell away from him. I took a deep breath, steadying myself, and walked toward the men.
After Cullen left, we stood there staring at each other.
“I’m sorry,” I said at the same time he said, “I need to apologize.”
We both stopped, staring at each other for a moment before he shook his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “This is on me.”
“You don’t owe me an apology,” I said. “You owe me nothing.”
“I do,” he said. “I got caught up. I’m sorry for everything. I shouldn’t have let things get so confusing. That’s my fault.”
“No, it’s not,” I argued, my voice trembling. “You are not required to be with someone you don’t want to be with. You don’t owe me an apology.”
“That’s not what happened,” he said.
I shook my head. I had to get out my apology before I broke into tears and lost my nerve. “I held it against you, Kaisen. Even after you fixed the situation with the brokerage firm, even after you pulled them off me, I held it against you. And that wasn’t fair. The SUV. All of it. You’ve done so much for me. Please just know I truly appreciate all of it. I owe you so much.”
He sighed. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“I just want you to know I understand,” I said. “I’m sorry I was… well, less than grateful. I was hurt and I lashed out.”
“You only did that because I pulled away first. I’m the one who messed this up. I’m the asshole here. The dumbest man to ever live. Please, don’t apologize. I can’t take it. I already feel like a total dick for the way I treated you.”
I could see the pain in his expression. Hear it in his voice. He was tearing himself down. I couldn’t let him do that.
I shook my head, tears welling in my eyes. “Stop it. Just stop. You’re not dumb, Kaisen. You’re just scared. And I get that. I do. But you’re not a bad man. You can’t force feelings. Don’t be mad at yourself for not feeling something. You’re a good man, Kaisen. You’ll find the right woman.”
He looked at me, his eyes filled with a mix of regret and longing. “You should go back to the party,” he said softly. “Dance with that nice guy. He’ll probably worship you, deserve you, and give you everything I can’t.”
I felt a lump form in my throat. I shook my head. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” I admitted, my voice breaking. “It’s killing me, Kaisen. You put me under some kind of spell, and I don’t know what to do now. But I understand that you’re hurting. I know how you feel about love and marriage, and I don’t want you to force yourself to change for me.”
He looked at the ground, hiding a sad smile. “Dorie…”
“I loved you,” I said, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “I really did. More than… more than anything. More than baking. I’m hurt right now, but I’ll heal. I hope you can heal as well.”
His shoulders tensed. I could see the pain in his expression, the way his jaw clenched as he tried to keep himself together. It broke my heart all over again.
“I just want you to be happy,” I continued, my voice barely above a whisper. “Even if it’s not with me.”
I reached up, my fingers trembling as I took the earrings out of my ears. I held them out to him, my hand shaking. “Here. You should take these back. They’re special and I hope you find someone to give them to.”
He looked at the earrings, then at me, his eyes filled with so much emotion it took my breath away. “No,” he said, his voice rough. “Please, keep them. I gave them to you because I believe you deserve them.”
I frowned, confused. “Why? They’re yours. They were your mom’s. I shouldn’t have worn them in the first place. I’ll admit I was being a little catty. They are beautiful. Thank you for letting me have them for a couple of days, but I can’t keep them.”
He shook his head. “They were meant for you, Dorie. Please. Just… keep them.”
I hesitated, then nodded, slipping them back into my ears. He reached out, his thumb brushing over my cheek. I felt my breath catch in my throat. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. I closed my eyes, savoring the warmth of his touch. I could hardly breathe. My heart was lodged in my throat.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “But I can’t.”
I opened my eyes as he pulled away, my heart shattering all over again. He turned and walked back toward the party, his shoulders slumped as he moved. I stood there, alone with the sound of the waves and the ache in my chest.
What the hell was wrong with him? I’m right here. I’m ready to give him my whole heart. I feel like he feels something for me. But he’s just determined to be miserable. I don’t get it.
I stood there for what felt like an eternity, the cool night air brushing against my skin as I tried to steady my breathing. The sound of the party beckoned to me, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to go back. My fingers instinctively reached up to touch the earrings. They felt like a reminder of what could have been.
I needed to move. To do something—anything—before the emotions swallowed me whole. I bent down and took off my heels. My feet sank into the cool sand. I walked briskly along the edge of the beach, away from the party, away from him.
Why couldn’t he see what was right in front of him? Why was he so determined to push me away, even when it was clear that we both felt something? I didn’t understand it. I didn’t understand him . And yet, despite the frustration and hurt, part of me still wanted to fight for us. For him.
But how do you fight for someone who’s already surrendered?
I stopped walking when I reached a cluster of rocks jutting out into the water. For a moment, I allowed myself to imagine a different outcome—one where Kaisen hadn’t walked away, where he’d stayed and fought for us instead of retreating into his fears.
It wasn’t long before self-doubt and my own insecurities reared their ugly heads. I needed to accept the fact that maybe I just wasn’t the woman for him. He was looking for something else. Something more. Someone that looked like Samantha. Or had money. I didn’t know what specifically it was about me, but I wasn’t the one for him.
And that was that.
It was time to get back to real life.
I didn’t return to the reception. I couldn’t. Instead, I walked around the side of the venue and got an Uber. I went home, the weight of the night pressing down on me like a physical force. I kicked off my heels and sank onto the couch. I didn’t care if the dress was wrinkled. It wasn’t like I would ever wear it again.
Rick jumped up beside me, purring softly as he nudged my hand. I scratched behind his ears, grateful for the small comfort. But even his presence couldn’t ease the ache in my chest.
“Rick, what’s wrong with me?”
He purred louder, rubbing his body against me.
I thought about Kaisen’s words, about the way he’d looked at me, about the way he’d kissed my cheek. He’d said he couldn’t, but what did that mean? Couldn’t what? Couldn’t be with me? Couldn’t love me? Couldn’t let himself be happy? The man looked the way I felt—hurt. Like he was really struggling with something.
I reached up, touching the earrings still in my ears. They were beautiful, timeless, and they felt like a piece of him I wasn’t ready to let go of. But I didn’t understand why he’d given them to me, why he’d insisted I keep them. What did they mean to him? What did I mean to him?