Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Vera
Step one of my plan quickly became step one and a half. Then one and three quarters. And eventually I just made it step two.
Who knew that getting legs again would be so difficult?
Step 1.1—find the bottles that will make me and Naia human.
Conveniently those were already made and sitting on a shelf in my little captain’s quarters alchemy lab.
I guess for plot reasons, they’re readily available, but I’m not complaining.
I know nothing about alchemy and probably would have blown up half the ocean trying to make them. This part of this plan is completed.
Step 1.2—get out of the middle of the ocean so we don’t drown.
This step was suggested by Naia, but I quickly agreed to it.
Fortunately, Naia knows her way around the ocean because if it was up to me, we would have been swimming in circles till we starved.
After swimming for longer than I would care to admit, this part of the plan is also complete.
Step 1.3—find some clothes, because I’m not about to be running around pantsless.
This is the part of the plan that is proving to be a bit more difficult than anticipated.
Naia knows nothing about the human world so she can’t be of any help here.
And I may have been a human my whole life, but I know nothing about this world, which is ironic because it seems to be a mirror of the world that I made.
We have spent hours swimming up and down the shore, looking for anyone who left the clotheslines out and unattended but with no such luck.
Step two, ideally, is to finally drink the potion and become human again.
But first, we need clothes. I bite on my lip as I bob up and down in the gently lapping waves and consider my options. I know how Moira gets clothes in the script. She sneaks aboard the Jolly Roger which is disguised as a merchant ship and sitting in the harbor.
It’s where she meets her primary love interest in the story, Captain Hook.
This is a plot point that I’m trying to work around since even though Captain Hook is supposed to be an extraordinarily hot, morally grey pirate who eventually becomes obsessed with Moira and kills all her enemies for her…
he starts off the story as a siren hunter who tries to kill her.
And all those traits are only attractive in fictional men.
In real life, he would be a walking red flag.
Not to mention that he winds up killing her—er, I guess me—at the end of the story.
Yeah, it’s best to just avoid Captain Hook altogether.
Unfortunately, there does not appear to be unattended pants anywhere else in this whole port town.
Which is crazy to me. Needless to say, that is how I find myself bobbing outside the Jolly Roger, or at least I assume it’s the Jolly Roger.
It’s the only boat with a window open anyway.
As if the plot is beckoning me inside to my tall, dark, and totally not emotionally available destiny waiting inside.
Well, destiny can take a raincheck, I am not about to fall for the guy who is going to kill me.
I turn to Naia, making sure that she is following me. “Okay, we get in, we grab the pants, we hide from the pirates, then we make a mad dash for the gangplank and disappear into the bustling crowd. In and out. Got it? We are not under any circumstances falling for any red flags.”
Naia nods. I don’t think she understood much of what I said, but she doesn’t bring that up.
She’s a sweet girl, I always liked her while writing her, even if I did specifically make her a perfect little Mary Sue.
At least she’s humble and sweet. Plus, she doesn’t talk back to me even though she honestly should.
I just forced her to bargain away her most powerful magic, and now I’m taking her on a heist to get pants. She should be asking at least a few questions.
Her hair is done up with cute little seashells woven in. I want to ask her how she did that and see if she would do my hair, but first we must complete step 1.3 of my plan. We need to get some pants.
I glance up at the open window. It’s a good bit above the water line. I wonder if I can make that jump.
Well, I guess the only way to know is to try.
I draw in a deep breath, diving down into the water before I remember that I can still breathe underwater. I don’t think that’s something I’ll ever get used to.
The sooner I can get legs the better. But first… the pants.
I flip over and hold my arm up since I think that will help with aerodynamics a bit and start kicking my fin as fast as I can.
I break the surface and go flying up. My eyes widen in shock as I shoot up higher than expected.
A second later, I’m slamming into the windowsill.
My fin, which is so maneuverable underwater, is like a dead weight as I struggle to shimmy in.
I gasp out as I break free. I sit up on my elbows, checking to make sure that I’m alone. I am, just as I had expected.
In the script Hook doesn’t enter until after Moira is dressed because I wasn’t writing a rated R film, thanks very much. And there they are, sitting on a crate as if airing out. A shirt and a pair of trousers. I yank one of the potions out of my satchel and down it.
Pins and needles start up, followed by a warm sensation as if blood is pumping to my toes for the first time in a long time.
I almost cry out at the relief of feeling toes again, but instead I leap to my newly reclaimed feet and rush to the clothes.
I throw them on in record time, even yanking on the black shirt even though I am wearing a fairly modest wrap around my middle.
I still don’t like showing this much of my arms usually.
I’ve been too busy working on my script to visit the gym lately and it shows in my skinny, untoned arms. I think it’s weird that Moira would look exactly like me straight down to my untoned arms, but here we are. Maybe I self-inserted just a bit too much while writing this script.
As I think that, I notice a small hand mirror on the crate.
I pick it up, holding it to look at myself almost afraid of what I would see.
I already woke up with fins, if I have a different nose then I think I will lose it.
However, much to my relief, my own face stares back at me, well with the addition of a little scar on my cheek that had never been there before.
I rub my hand across my face, grinning as I trace my unfamiliar features.
Okay, so I’m Moira but I’m also me. That isn’t confusing at all.
I hear a thud behind me and turn around to see Naia working to drag herself through the window.
I rush to her side to help her, but Naia just freezes as she looks at me.
“You look so different,” she breathes.
Correction, I look the way I’m supposed to.
I bend over, grabbing her arm and pulling her up.
“You’re a natural with those,” she laughs as I brace my foot against the windowsill to get better purchase.
“It’s like riding a bike,” I grunt out as I finally get her 60% of the way through. I leap to my feet, grabbing a fistful of my pants so I don’t lose them and go over to a chest near the sloppily made cot. I sort through it till I find some clothes for Naia. I pass them back along with a vial.
“Get dressed quick.”
I keep my back turned to give her some privacy as I sort through the chest until I find a strip of cloth I can use as a belt.
“How do you…” Naia begins, just as a loud voice echoes through the ship, followed by footsteps headed this way.
“I don’t know where you brought me, but this is not civilization!”
My eyes widen in horror. Time’s up. Here comes Captain Hook.
I whirl around, to check on Naia. I see that she has drunk the potion and now has a perfect pair of legs in front of her.
In fact, I can see way too much of her legs.
All she has managed to do is pull on the shirt.
She holds the pants legs up quizzically, peering into their holes as if they hold instructions for putting them on inside.
Fortunately, Naia is a tiny little thing, and the shirt is big enough on her that it can at least cover her modestly. If just barely.
I surge forward, grabbing her by the arm. Naia goes up and then comes right back down as her legs flail in every direction. “You make it look so easy,” she squeaks as she lands.
“Shhh,” I hiss, dragging her to the stack of crates.
I yank her behind them just as I hear the footfalls, drawing closer.
Suddenly the door slams open. I wince, sinking down further.
There’s Captain Hook and his temper that’s only hot when it’s fictional.
In real life, I’m not a fan of men slamming things around. I happen to hate things being broken.
“Captain, the crew and I couldn’t help but notice that you have been acting a bit strange lately. Are you feeling quite all right?”
“Of course I’m not feeling all right! I don’t know why you would think I am. My hand is missing. Where is my hand, Smee?”
“In the belly of a croc…er, sir?”
I feel my brows start to draw together as I frown. That voice… it sounds oddly familiar. I turn to Naia, holding a finger to my lips before I push myself up ever so slightly so I can peer over the crate.
First, I see a round-faced man with a shock of white hair. He must be Mr. Smee. He looks both kindly and murderous. Like he would have you over for tea before he kills you. He is talking to a much younger and taller man who is standing with his back to me.
But I have little doubt who he is, especially when he holds up the hook attacked to his left arm.
Captain Hook.
My eyes move down his form, taking in the golden earring glinting in his ear and his light brown hair that is just slightly sunkissed at the tips. He is wearing an ankle length coat which is one of the single sexiest things a guy can wear.
Red flag or not, at least I can observe from a distance, right?
At least that’s what I’m thinking until he turns, and I take in that face. That ridiculously manicured beard. And those pale blue eyes.
I forget where I am for a second and leap to my feet. “James?”
He turns completely, confirming my suspicions. Standing in front of me is my producer, and he is dressed like a pirate.
His mouth drops open as he takes me in. “Vera?”
I feel like I might be sick. I was checking out my producer? I think it would have been better if it had been the red flag pirate captain who would kill me at the end of the story.