Chapter 6
Chapter Six
James
Iwas wrong, this day can get weirder. Because standing in front of me in the middle of this unfamiliar setting and these strangers faces is Vera Jones, that screenwriter we recently bought a script from.
“Oh, I get it now,” I say reaching up to slap my head. I stop just short remembering that I have a hook. I stare at it as my mouth keeps moving. “This is a promo for the movie, and no one bothered to tell me about it.”
Except I don’t get it because there is no way this is a promo.
It’s too early in production to start marketing.
And why would no one tell me this? It isn’t like it’s a hidden camera thing.
Someone changed me into completely different clothes without me being aware of it. Did they drug me to do that?
That’s got to be illegal…in a lot of different ways.
Not to mention chopping off my hand and replacing it with a hook seems a bit drastic.
Do I have any enemies? I didn’t think I did, but I don’t know who else would do this to me but an enemy. Unless Vera has enemies and I somehow wound up in a twisted case for revenge.
Did they see our totally professional emails, assume I was her boyfriend, and drag me into this?
“Actually, I don’t know her at all,” I say quickly, turning to Smee. “I’ve never seen this woman before in my life. I don’t know who she is. She’s probably a weirdo.”
I know I’m babbling now, but I just hope that it’s convincing.
“James?” she squeaks again, she looks just as shocked and bedraggled as I feel which further messes up my promo theory.
Why would the screenwriter even be in a promo? She may be cute, but that doesn’t mean that she will be getting any screen time.
I point at Vera with my remaining hand. “Do you have any idea what is going on here?”
She looks like she is about to respond, but then Smee draws his sword. “Siren!” he cries.
“Huh?” I turn to him, just in time to see him toss the sword at me. I barely manage to catch it before the sword gives me a close shave. What is this guy’s problem?
You don’t throw swords at people.
I stumble back a step, tripping on the end of this coat which is just too ridiculously long. I manage to catch myself by digging the hook into the end of one of the crates.
I glance out of the corner of my eye to see that there’s another person behind the crates with Vera. A brunette I’ve never met before, but she appears to be dressed in nothing but an over large shirt.
I quickly turn my attention back forward as two more men burst through the door. They’re tall, lanky guys with shocks of brown hair. I wouldn’t think that they are much trouble if not for the fact that they are both holding swords.
If they try throwing those at me too, I’m ducking behind the crates and taking my chances with Vera and the shirt girl.
I raise the sword ever so slightly. I hope it looks threatening and like I know what I’m doing. I think it would be a bit more convincing if my hand wasn’t trembling so hard that the steel wavers in the air.
Smee’s eyes widen with horror. “The siren’s songs are working against our captain. John, Michael, take her out.”
John and Michael? Okay, why do those names sound so familiar?
“If it’s a siren then I’ll get Wendy,” the shorter of the two says before he races off. Leaving me with Smee and the taller of the two.
I nearly throw down my sword in disgust when I realize why the names sounded so familiar. “Can we not with all the Peter Pan references?”
Vera grabs my arm and holds it up, her eyes widening as she takes in the hook on it. “I don’t think they can help it.”
I whirl on her, with surprise. “Do you know what is going on here?”
I don’t get a response to my question because I must have turned too quickly, and my ankle twists.
Or maybe my ridiculous floppy boots got caught up in my too long coat.
All I know is I pitch to the side. I try to grab at the crate but my fingers just skim the wood, probably gaining me a splinter for my efforts.
I have no idea how I’m unable to catch my balance even once. I’m just going to chalk it up to the type of day I’ve been having. Even stranger still, I drag Vera, who is still holding on to the hook, down with me.
We both collapse to the hard wooden floor.
Somehow, I’m lying on top of her, my hook is gently touching her cheek like I’m starting to caress her, or maybe threaten to pluck out her eye with it. I’m not sure which is more likely of the two scenarios.
My face is only inches from her face as well. As we both exhale our breaths become tangled in the air between us. I should have smashed my head into hers. I didn’t catch myself.
I twist my head to check on my other arm and see that it is thrust over both our heads. On top of Vera’s. She has her fingers wrapped around both my sword hilt and my own fingers.
“Wait a second…” I drawl out slowly. “How did that work physically?”
We landed perfectly. Even, dare I say it… provocatively?
It’s the type of pose that would wind up on a poster. Her with her hair splayed across the wooden floorboards as her pale eyes stare at me defiantly. Me with my coat fanning around us and the reddest blush on my cheeks. Our legs tangled against each other.
It’s ridiculous. People don’t land like this in real life. I should be bleeding from my hook and maybe from hitting my nose against her forehead.
Vera’s eyes widen as she seems to process our situation. I’m so close that I can see her pupils dilate.
Too late I realize that I’m holding this pose longer than necessary. “Yikes!” I gasp as I leap up. I put too much weight on her as I try to move off and I hear her grunt.
I scramble back just as I hear someone say, “What is going on here?”
I whirl to see a new man has entered the scene. A tall fellow with dark hair and swarthy skin. His eyes, however, are about as blue as blue can be. His rich brown hair cascades around his shoulders in a way that makes me wonder what conditioner he uses. Those waves are perfect.
I slap my forehead when I realize I just thought that about another man.
The shirt girl is clinging to his arm. Fortunately, she is now wearing a large coat on her shoulders that I realize must be from the man. She must have made a run for it while Vera and I were making that disgusting scene with our bodies.
I’m glad she did and got some help. This nightmare can end and I can go home. I’m booking a resort hotel after this. I deserve a facial or whatever it is non workaholics do to relax these days.
Wait… would they need to shave my beard for a facial?
I decide I’m getting ahead of myself as I smile at our extraordinarily handsome new savior.
I bend over, holding my hand out to Vera, pausing when I realize I am offering her my hook.
I yank it away and hold out my other hand.
“Thank goodness you are here,” I say as Vera accepts my hand and pulls herself to her feet.
I notice that she gives me a dirty look while she holds her side. I hope she doesn’t blame me. It isn’t as if I chose to land on her.
It was an uncomfortable experience for me too. Maybe not physically. But mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
I shudder as Vera shoves the sword into my hand. I realize I must have let go of it in my attempt to get off of her. I wonder why she is giving it back. Do I look like I want to be holding a sword right now?
“Unhand her, you pirate,” the handsome stranger says, holding up his own sword and pointing it. Straight at me.
“Pirate?” I choke out. “Oh, no, I’m just dressed like one, I—”
“It appears I arrived just in time to keep you from committing an unspeakable atrocity. These are crown-controlled shores, and I will not stand aside and allow you to have your way with these innocent women.”
“I’m a producer,” I gasp out. I turn to Vera, trying to use my eyes to beg with her to explain it. We just fell. It isn’t my fault we fell in such a sexy position.
She is busy, burrowing her face in her hands, not offering me the slightest bit of aid. I realize a second later I probably should have just spoken up and asked her to defend me.
I turn back to the man, holding my hands up. “It wasn’t like that at all. I’m—she—Vera… We’re just coworkers.”
He frowns, his perfectly trimmed brows furrowing. “Coworkers?”
“Vera,” I hiss out of the corner of my mouth. “Help me out.”
“It wasn’t like that at all,” Vera squeaks. “James isn’t like… he would never. You see, well, he’s a bit like a robot. He doesn’t see women that way. He is completely incapable of experiencing romantic feelings.”
I whip my head to her. “What?”
She shrugs. “I’m trying to help.”
“By insulting me? I am not like a robot. You could have just said I was a gentleman and left it at that.”
She winces. “Sorry?”
“I experience very complicated emotions all the time!” I whirl on her, holding up my hand before I remember that it’s a hook. I drop it with a disgusted grunt. “Is that how you see me?”
She pulls in her lower lip, nibbling it.
“That is unfair,” I snap. “We barely know each other. How would you be able to draw that conclusion from the few meetings we have had?”
“Lower your tone,” the man says, deciding to step in to be the hero. “Or I will lower it for you.”
“I think you’re mistaken, princeling,” a new voice rings out.
“We are not in the wrong here. We are honest merchants.” A tall brown-haired woman strides through the doorway of the Captain’s quarters, followed closely by either Michael or John, now making it so that there are seven people crowded in here and I feel my agoraphobia replaced by claustrophobia.
The woman’s long brown hair also looks perfectly manicured.
It is held back by a bandana and reveals large hoop earrings hanging from her ears.
Her skin is tan but not weathered at all.
With probably about six freckles strategically scattered across her cheeks.
She is also dressed up as a pirate, but her clothes are a lot more snuggly fit, highlighting her legs which are long and slim and seem to go on and on.
“You must be Wendy,” is what I would say if I were a normal, functioning human being. But unfortunately for me, Wendy is a lot more attractive than I had been expecting from someone with a name like that, so I wind up just spluttering out, “W—Wendy?”
She winks at me, her hazel eyes sparkling. “Don’t worry, Captain, I’ve got this.” Then she folds her arms as she turns to the other most attractive person in the room. The man she called the “princeling”.
It’s sad that I don’t even count in the top two most attractive people in the room, but these two are so athletic and beautiful it’s like they’re gods. Or maybe just models.
All I know is that they have a gym membership for sure and not a hastily set up treadmill in the corner of their studio with a few weights set up next to it.
Vera smacks me as if she can read my thoughts. Or maybe I wasn’t so subtle in checking Wendy out. I blink multiple times, reminding myself of the dire situation. I can’t afford to get distracted. I need to figure out a way to get home.
Although maybe that will keep her from stating that I don’t find women attractive if it ever comes up in the future.
“I know the stench of pirates when I smell it,” the “princeling” says, curling his lip in disgust. I subtly sniff at myself to make sure that he is not, in fact, insinuating that I have that pirate smell.
Ocean breeze. I smile, but that smile falls off my face when I realize not all of it is from my deodorant.
Note to self… pick a new odor when I next go shopping. I don’t like oceans anymore.
“Search this ship,” Wendy says arching her brow. “You won’t find any stolen cargo. Just honest merchants trying to make a living. Oh, and two stowaways.”
Does she mean Vera and the other girl? I hope she isn’t trying to get them into trouble just to get us out of it.
My eyes dart to Vera. “Which really isn’t that big of a deal if you think about it. So, why don’t you just send us on our way, and we part ways as unlikely…” I trail off as I try to figure out what to say we are unlikely because I definitely don’t want to be friends. “Strangers.”
“Quite right,” the handsome man says. “I will be taking these two stowaways off your hands.”
I nod, stepping forward. “Thank goodness, I am—” I freeze as the sword rises and points directly at my face. I throw my hands up, before I realize that might not look as nonthreatening as I would hope on account of my hook.
“You’re lucky I’m letting you still breathe. If I catch even a hint of piracy from you, then that will no longer be the case.”
“Piracy?” I squeak. “Nope, none of that here.”
I watch Vera step past me. The sword, I notice, does not get pointed at her. Instead, the handsome guy lets her walk straight up to him.
“Vera?” I hiss. “Don’t leave me.”
She turns, her curls falling across her shoulder as she looks over at Wendy and Michael and John—ugh, what is my life coming to that I just thought that with a straight face? “I don’t think I have a choice, but if my hunch is right then we are going to meet again.”
“What is that even supposed to mean?”
She shrugs simply. “I’ll tell you when we meet again.”
Then she turns and walks out the door with the handsome rescuer, leaving me with my possible kidnappers.
I sigh, my shoulders slumping. What a day…
Wendy sidles up next to me, pressing her thumb to her full lips. “I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes.”
“That was definitely a siren, right?” Michael or John asks.
“They both were,” the other replies.
“Land sirens?” Smee says, nervously. “What else will they come up with?”
I want to know what these four quacks are coming up with.
“It’s a good thing you brought us landside, Captain,” Wendy says, moving too close for my comfort. I shuffle back a step, clearing my throat. “Looks like we have some sirens to catch.”