Chapter 20 Angus
ANGUS
Richard nudges me gently. “It’s gone midnight.”
“So? I’m comfy.” I snuggle even closer to him, which probably shouldn’t be possible.
He’s warm, the breeze is cool, and the thrum of his heartbeat against my ear is comforting.
We’ve barely moved since making love, and I’m more than happy to stay here all night, in his arms. My muscles might not be so grateful in the morning.
The picnic blanket, though lined so it’s waterproof, won't keep us warm as the ground gets cooler overnight. Nor is it padded.
“We haven’t eaten yet,” he reminds me.
My stomach growls in agreement, making me laugh. “Fine.” I drag myself into a sitting position and pull the picnic basket closer.
The food Richard packed isn’t fussy or fancy, just sandwiches, Cornish pasties, crisps, fruit, a bottle of water, and two plastic glasses. It’s perfect. We sit, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the view while we eat.
“This is beautiful,” I say.
“The view?”
I smile. “Yes, but I meant the night in general. You. The way we made love. Having your cum inside me.” I squirm a little at the happy thought.
“That’s beautiful?”
I peck his lips, which are salty from eating crisps. “Yes. I wish this moment could last forever.”
He puts his hand over mine. “Why can’t it?”
“You have a job. I need to get a job—”
He laughs. “I was speaking a little less literally. Why can’t you and me last forever?”
I nibble my lower lip. His words should scare me.
I’m twenty-two. I’ve never had a long-term relationship with anyone until now.
I should grab my clothes and run—drive—for the hills.
But I don’t want to. His words leave me with a warm, fuzzy feeling, which is getting bigger and more all-encompassing by the second.
“No reason,” I reply eventually. “As long as we’re happy.”
“I’m happy right now.”
“Me too.”
“But if I say things that scare you, let me know. We’re at different points in our lives, with different experiences.”
I frown. “Why would anything you say scare me?”
“Aren’t you a bit of a commitment-phobe?”
I snort-laugh. “I was a man-slut until I met you.”
“Isn’t that the same thing?”
“I don’t know. Is it? Maybe I just hadn’t found someone I liked enough to want more.”
“And now you have?” Richard’s voice is soft and tentative.
I grin at him. “And now I have.”
“So… nothing I could say would scare you?”
I bob my head from side to side. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“All right.”
I stare at him. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“No. You were going to say something.”
He kisses my cheek. “It can wait.”
I give him a cross look. “You can’t do that to me!”
“Do what?”
“Tease me like that! Say it.” I poke him gently in the ribs.
He squirms and laughs. “It. Will. Wait.”
“Don’t use your teacher voice on me!”
“I don’t have a teacher voice.”
“Yes, you do. You just used it.”
He puts his hand on my nape and rests his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“Uh-huh. It’s a good thing I find it sexy.”
“Oh, so I should use it?”
I pout. “I didn’t say that. It’s sexy, but do you know what’s even sexier?”
“What?”
“Talking to me like we’re equals.”
“We are.”
“Even though I’m younger and we’re”—I curl my fingers into air quotes—“‘at different points in our lives’?”
“I meant I’ve been married, whereas this is your first serious relationship. We might want—need—to go at different speeds.”
“I would have thought if either of us were in danger of being a commitment-phobe, it would be you.”
Richard raises his eyebrows. “Why?”
“Because you committed to someone, promised her forever—and meant it—and then she betrayed you.”
He flinches.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
He silences me with a kiss. “It’s fine. You’re right. It’s a fair assumption to make.”
“But—?”
“I met you. And you’re not Ashley. I can’t think of you or our relationship through the lens of what Ashley did.
If I did, I’d never have been able to contemplate moving on.
I don’t want to dwell on what she did. I don’t want to become bitter and untrusting because of it.
Yes, she betrayed me. Yes, it hurts, so, so much. But you’re not her.”
Smirking, I clasp my pecs. “Nope, definitely not.”
Richard reaches between my legs and squeezes my cock, eliciting a pretty moan from me. “Definitely not.”
“Seriously, though. I can’t promise never to hurt you. I don’t think I will. I don’t want to, but I also can’t see the future. I don’t know how I’ll feel about you a week from now, let alone a month, of—”
Another kiss, which, honestly, is the perfect way to shut me up and stop me rambling.
“All I know is I love you now,” I whisper.
“Same. That’s good enough, isn’t it?”
I nod and then clear my throat. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
“Oh?”
“That rumour— About the English lecturer and her student—”
“It’s been worrying you, hasn’t it?”
“Yes. I haven’t heard any more about it, so I guess it was a rumour, but I figured you might have more info, as you’re staff and all.”
“Insider knowledge?”
“Yes. If you can’t tell me, that’s fine. It’s just—”
He kisses me again. “She’s been suspended, pending an internal investigation into the claims.”
My chin quivers. My chest clenches. “Are they true?” I whisper.
“I don’t know. The main reason the Dean has suspended her is because the student in question has been in her lectures for three years.”
“So she’s been marking his assignments for that long?”
“Yes. Only one unit per year, but that’s still a reasonable proportion of his degree. They need to ensure she wasn’t unfairly marking him.”
I stare at the picnic blanket between us. “Have they been together that long?”
“I don’t think so. But the university will check that far back.”
“I guess they have to.”
“Yes. The issue isn’t that she was sleeping with a student—it’s ill-advised, but not strictly a breach of contract—it’s that she might have been giving him higher marks on his work than he deserved. It’s a different situation from ours.”
It doesn’t make me feel any better. “Richard, I—”
“Won’t get me into trouble. I know the risks, Angus. I know what’s at stake. You’re worth it.”
I try to smile. “Isn’t that a catchphrase from an advert or something?”
“A makeup brand, I think.”
“Maybe we should cool it off until after I’ve graduated. Pick up where we left off when there’s no risk of you getting into trouble.”
“Is that what you want?” Richard asks softly.
“No. Not really.”
“Nor do I. We’re being careful. Besides, I can hand on heart say that we were not together when I taught you.”
“We can’t prove that.”
“My colleagues know me. They know what happened with Ashley. They know I wouldn’t have cheated on her. We don’t need to prove it.”
The tightness in my chest relaxes a little.
“Plus, I was still a baby lecturer then. Paul, my head of department, was regularly checking my marking. He can vouch for the fact that all my marking was accurate that year.”
And a little more. I’m feeling much more at ease now. Not completely, but I’m getting there.
“You convinced me to have sex out here, where we might get caught. Let me convince you to carry on as we are.”
“Okay.”
“That didn’t take much convincing.”
I laugh, the sound genuine. “That’s because I like spending time with you too much. Besides, it’s your risk to take, not mine. I just hope it’s a decision that won’t backfire on us. On you.”
“It won’t.”
“I’m sorry. I guess the stakes hit home when Steph told me about that rumour and—”
Another kiss. “You don’t need to apologise. It gave me pause for thought, too.”
“But—?”
“As I said: you’re worth the risk.”
“And if we get caught, and you get fired?”
“Won’t happen.”
“But if it did? What then?”
He shrugs. “I’ll get another job. I hear accountancy is a good career.”
I stick my tongue out. “Don’t you dare. I’m going to have enough competition without you and your brilliant mind joining the queue.”
“You have a brilliant mind, too.”
Heat rises to my cheeks. I wrinkle my nose.
“You do.”
“You know I’m going to need to lighten the mood with a joke, right?”
“Don’t you dare.” He takes my half-eaten food away from me, puts it on the picnic blanket, and then kisses me to the ground. “Kissing can lighten the mood.”
“I think it’s going to take more kisses.”
“How many more?”
“Lots. Dozens. Maybe hundreds.”
“Kissing all night, then?”
“Sounds good.”
“Can I give you something to think about between kisses?”
I raise an eyebrow.
“Once we’re public… would you consider moving in with me?”
I gasp.
“My current apartment was only meant to be temporary, while I sorted the financial side of the divorce out with Ashley. Mostly the house. She has two options: either sell and give me half of the proceeds or buy me out of my half. Either way, I’ll have a decent amount towards a deposit for somewhere more permanent.
You want to move out of the farm…” He stares at me for a few long seconds, during which my heart hammers in my throat. “Too soon to talk about it?”
This is what he meant by us being at different places in our lives.
He’s already done the moving out of home thing and the moving in with someone else thing.
Not just someone else, a long-term partner.
I still live at home. I’ve never even lived with friends.
Is it too soon to talk about the possibility of moving in together?
I love him. Mathematically, it would make most sense to pool our resources—once I have a steady income, anyway—to get something nicer than either of us could afford alone.
But it’s a huge step. It’s commitment above and beyond ‘I love you’.
He nuzzles my nose and then kisses me. “If it’s too soon, forget I said anything.”
Except I can’t forget, but I can lose myself in kissing him.
I wrap my arms around him, pulling him against me so he can kiss me more deeply.
This feels safe and right, and a lot less scary than thinking about taking a huge step forward together.
It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that it hadn’t even entered my head as a possibility until he mentioned it.
But right now, I can’t put any of that into words.
My tongue and lips are only good for kissing, not speaking.
I do need to say something, though. I can’t leave him guessing or worrying.
“I’ll think about it.”
He smiles against my lips. “Perfect.”
And then we lose ourselves in kissing and holding each other, as the stars twinkle above us, and the moon makes its way across the sky.