Chapter Ten
JJ
Itake in her tearstained face, and the sight causes a physical ache in my chest. I want to find this guy and beat him to a pulp for doing this to her. “Did this happen with your ex?”
“No, this all happened when I was younger. Before my ex-husband.”
I nod. I’m still floored by her story even after moments of processing.
It was seriously the last thing I was expecting to talk about when I drove down here.
Speaking of, she’s opened up to me, and now it’s time for me to man up and confess the truth to her.
She deserves it, and I feel terrible for ever misleading her in any way.
She’s already been through enough, put through the ringer by men in her past; the least she deserves is more from me.
“I need to confess something to you, too,” I finally admit. My stomach twists with anxiety, hating that I wasn’t man enough to be upfront with her from the very beginning.
Releasing my hold on her hand, I sit back into the cushions and run my hands over my hair. I thread my fingers together behind my neck, as I watch her, unsure of how she’ll take my news on top of what she’s had to say tonight. “When I told you I work for the team, I didn’t elaborate.”
She wipes away the remaining tears as they stop filling her eyes and sniffles. “Okay?”
“I don’t just work for the team…I, uh, am the team. I mean, I play for the team.”
Her brow furrows, making her look even cuter than she already does in her matching pajama outfit. “You’re a football player?”
I nod.
Her eyes widen, and now I know we’ve officially swapped places on the surprised scale. In my defense, this is why I don’t tell anyone if I can help it. People always treat me differently unless it’s my mom or another player.
“Yes, I’ve played football for them for years.”
“No, shit. That is so cool.” She wipes away any lingering tears, watching me. She stares at me with admiration shining in her eyes before she suddenly gasps, her hand flying to cover her mouth. “Holy fuckballs! I just told a professional football player I have herpes. This is so bad.”
I offer her a small smile, amused over the fact that she’s worried about her sexual health status, and not that I’m famous in some circles and kept part of my identity from her.
“Actually, it’s not as bad as you think.
I want you to know that it’s very common with athletes.
I can’t name names, nor would I ever, but many people I have come across have HSV-1 or HSV-2. ”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’ve played sports for most of my life, and once I got into high school, then college, and especially the pros, I learned that sexually transmitted infections and diseases are extremely common among athletes.
Most of the guys sleep with so many women or have random hookups on the road, they never pay attention to their sexual well-being until it’s too late and they have something.
I know that’s not what happened to you, and everyone’s story is different.
I just want you to be aware that our discussion didn’t shock me or anything; I’ve had many people either confide in me or I accidentally found out.
I even spoke to our team physicians, and they’ve told me it’s extremely common; there’s just a stigma around it. Especially in America.”
“You’re used to hearing about it, so you’re not freaking out right now?
” She clarifies, and I wish I could just pull her to me and take every burden she carries off her shoulders.
I’d gladly carry them so she could feel the freedom she deserves from life.
The thought hits me out of the blue that there are so many other women out there feeling this way and scared, with no one to turn to.
It’s time I extend my charitable contributions to bring greater awareness and acceptance to sexual health.
They deserve to be heard, to be respected, and to be reminded they’re a valuable human being.
I shrug. “I mean, it could be why, but I doubt it’s even that. You literally had no choice. Do you take medication for it?”
She nods.
“Then you’re doing everything you can to help the situation.
It would be like me overreacting because you got the flu, only this one doesn’t go away and randomly pops up.
Just like any other autoimmune disease, lupus, for example.
It sounds ridiculous to judge a person based on something out of their control, and anyone who doesn’t feel the same way is ignorant. ”
I take a breath, then further explain, “Besides, I’ve seen the statistics.
Did you know that around eighty percent of the population has HSV-1?
And around eight hundred and forty-six million people have HSV-2?
The fact that it’s not more commonly spoken about and accepted as a part of people’s lives is pretty crazy and unrealistic. ”
Tears crest in her eyes again, but she doesn’t allow them to fall this time.
I hope she can see I’m truly accepting and open about her status.
It doesn’t define her in any way. It doesn’t diminish her value in my eyes at all; if anything, it only proves to me that she’s stronger than I ever realized.
She’s been fighting with this on her own for who knows how long, and I’m here to stand up beside her, if she’ll let me.
“Do you want to have sex with me?” I finally ask, unable to hold the question back, because I want her so badly it’s hard to think straight when we’re in the same room together.
“Of course I do.” She whispers, “You’re amazing!”
I can’t help but grin at her compliment because I feel the exact same way about her. Actually, I think I feel stronger than that about her. “Good, now that we’ve gotten the talk out of the way…”
She immediately begins shaking her head, confusing me. She follows it up with, “Oh, no. We’re not having sex right now. You need time to think this over. Google it, and if you have questions, we’ll talk about more.”
“I’m fine, seriously.”
“No, JJ. I mean it. Go check on your mom, and after you’ve taken at least a day or two, we’ll see where we stand. This is something that sticks with me for the rest of my life; it’s not an easy decision to make.”
This woman is the stubbornest person I’ve ever met, I swear. Besides, it is an easy decision for me to make. I already care about her too much, and I want her unlike any other. It has to mean something special, right? I feel like it does.
To her, this diagnosis is a mountain she’s stuck climbing for the rest of her life.
To me, it’s nothing a strong rope and a good pair of climbing shoes can’t handle, metaphorically speaking.
I don’t argue, though, because something tells me she’s the one who truly needs the time to process, and I’m okay with that.
As long as she doesn’t attempt to push me further away because she’s afraid of me ending up with HSV-2.
I’ll wear a condom, and as long as she continues to take her anti-viral, then it’s all we can do.
I stand, saying, “I’ll be at Mom’s place until tomorrow afternoon, but then I have to head back to Dallas for practice and the upcoming game, which I’d like you to be at if possible. You can call or text me at any time and I’ll be right over, okay?”
“Right,” she watches me a bit wearily, before saying, “Because you play football.”
“Yeah, quarterback,” I reply with a wink.
Her mouth pops open. “Holy shit.”
She stands a beat later, and I tug her to me.
Wrapping my arms around her curvy body, I tuck her to my chest as much as I can without smothering her and press a kiss to the top of her head.
She’s so short compared to me, it’s really freaking cute.
I’m glad we had this talk; we took an important step forward toward our future.
“Come on, pip squeak. You can walk me to the gate.”
“Pip squeak, psh,” she echoes, acting appalled, and it makes me laugh.
I don’t want to leave her with such heavy emotions.
Her being able to relax and get a good night’s sleep is important to me, so I try to make things a touch lighter.
I nip at her bottom lip before releasing her, only to grab her hand in mine, entwining our fingers, and tug her along as I exit the RV.
“Yep. You’re little compared to me. I didn’t realize how much until I hugged you just now.”
“Mmhm, I have muscles. Just so you know.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it for a minute, babe. You are definitely part of that fuck around and find out generation.” I offer a grin.
“Did you just call me old?”
I meet her gaze and say, “Nope. I called you a badass. Now give me some sugar so I can sleep tonight, or else I’ll just toss and turn all night long.”
It’s all she needs to hear before she’s on her tiptoes, kissing me. I leave her with a sexy little smirk on her face, already knowing that I’ll be dreaming of it all night long.
I’m lying beside the pool on a reclining lawn chair the next day when Mom finds me. She’s got a pina colada with pineapple and coconut garnished on top like she’s a professional bartender.
“Hey, Son,” she greets with a smile, plopping down beside me.
“Hey. Have you been taking bartending classes that I don’t know about?”
She shakes her head. “It’s the Tock. I watched a few videos on the dumb app of some young folks posting on there, and bam! Here’s my awesome drink.”
I can’t help but grin at her enthusiasm. “You’re the Emeril of bartenders,” I joke, speaking of the cooking show I liked watching as a kid.
She rolls her eyes. “Gee, thanks. By the way, I love that you’re here, but it’s right before your first game of the season, and you’ve stayed the night.
Care to tell me what has you tied up in enough knots that you felt the need to drive all the way here last night and not just call me?
Coach will be in a tizzy if you plan on skipping out; you already know this. ”
I sigh. “You’re not going to make this easy on me and pretend like nothing’s bothering me, are you?”