Chapter 4
Jenna wasn’t sure how she’d got through the rest of the week. She was pretty certain she was running purely on adrenaline, as she hardly slept and ate very little. She’d tried ringing Joel twice since she’d called him at the office, but he’d not picked up, and there’d been no text messages.
The girls had enquired once or twice about his whereabouts, and she’d had to lie to them, explaining that Daddy was away doing something important for work and might be gone a few weeks.
They hadn’t seemed too concerned, and although she was sad that he clearly didn’t feature much in their everyday lives, she was also relieved that they weren’t upset or missing him.
She suspected that his absence bothered Ada more than it did Hallie. Hallie seemed quite blasé about the whole situation, but now and then Ada would ask wistfully when Daddy was coming home, and couldn’t he at least ring them to talk to them?
At those moments she hated Joel. It was bad enough that he’d left her to cope alone with her misery while caring for the twins and somehow turning up for work every day, but to abandon his girls the way he had…
He needed space and time. Huh!
Didn’t they all? She could do with some space and time for sure. She was just relieved that she’d finally finished work and had over six weeks ahead of her where she wouldn’t have to drag herself into school and put on a brave face.
If she could keep the twins busy enough, none of them would have time to worry about Joel’s whereabouts. And maybe, just maybe, by the time school term started again in September he’d be home, and this whole mess would be behind them.
Needless to say, the twins were beside themselves with glee when she picked them up from their after-school club. End of term was always a giddy day for all of them, and she usually took them out for tea to celebrate.
Today, though, she just wanted to get home.
‘But we always have tea at The Ginger Cat Cafe on the last day of term,’ Ada protested. ‘Please, Mummy!’
‘I’ve been looking forward to chocolate cake all day,’ Hallie groaned. ‘I think you’re being really mean.’
Low on energy, Jenna caved. ‘All right, all right. Tea at The Ginger Cat Cafe it is,’ she agreed.
At least she wouldn’t have to make dinner tonight, and there’d be no washing up.
And what was there to go home to, anyway?
An empty house and another night of making excuses to them for their dad’s lack of contact?
She’d rather take them out, even though she was tired and hardly in the mood to celebrate.
The twins were as lively as ever, though, and had a blast ordering their favourite fish fingers and chips and informing the smiling waitress, Marie, that they’d be wanting chocolate cake straight afterwards, and orange and lemon cake for Mummy because it was her favourite.
Marie could see their delight at being set free from school at last. She was used to these end-of-term celebrations, having worked at the cafe for several years, and was aware of the twins’ holiday ritual.
‘Back again? I don’t know. These holidays come around faster and faster,’ she told them as she wrote down their order. ‘Chocolate cake, did you say? Oh, isn’t that a shame! We’ve just sold the last slice.’
There was a shocked silence and the waitress burst out laughing. ‘Bless you, I’m having you on! Don’t worry, my loves, there’s plenty for you. I’ll make sure we keep a couple of fat slices till you’re ready to eat them. Now, what would you like to drink?’
The twins, much relieved, ordered milkshakes. There were protests from both girls and the waitress when Jenna said she only wanted a coffee and nothing to eat. After much persuasion, she gave in and ordered smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwiches.
As she’d been surviving on the odd bowl of cornflakes the past few days, her meal felt like a banquet, and she took ages to eat it. Luckily, she didn’t have to make conversation as the twins were so excited and lively that they wouldn’t have heard her even if she’d tried to join in.
Instead, she watched sadly as a couple across the aisle sat chatting happily to their young children.
She couldn’t remember the last time she and Joel had taken the girls out together.
In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she and Joel had gone out as a couple.
For a long time, their family had been divided into three separate units: Jenna, Joel, and the twins.
At least now she felt she was part of the twins’ little unit, but Joel was still alone, on the outside of the family.
Worse than that, she couldn’t deny that it was his choice. Whatever he said about working hard to further his career, she didn’t really believe him. There was much more to his repeated absences than that. Even when he was home there’d been an emotional distance between them.
The trouble was, when things with Joel were good, they were really good.
When he wasn’t embroiled in one of his dalliances – because she knew deep down that he’d had several, and if she was really honest with herself, she could even put a date to them – he was fun.
He would make the twins giggle and join in with their games.
Christmas was his favourite time of year, and he was always the one to put up the tree and make a huge fuss of the event.
And he could be surprisingly loving and affectionate to Jenna.
Just enough to keep them all hanging on.
Until he couldn’t be bothered any longer. Until he found someone else who took his interest. Until he decided that a wife and family weren’t what he wanted after all.
At those times it would be weeks of sullen silence, emotional distance, and causing arguments so he had an excuse to go out for the evening, and Jenna walking on eggshells and holding her breath in case he left her again.
Then, one day, out of the blue, he’d be like his old self, as if nothing had happened, and she’d breathe easily once more, knowing the danger had passed.
Only this time, the danger seemed more real than it had for years – since the twins were born. He’d left her. For how long this time?
Was this really Joel needing breathing space? Or had some woman become so important to him that moving in with her had become the only option?
Right now, she had no way of knowing, so every day was an agony of fear and waiting for the bomb to drop. Her moods would veer wildly, as her mind conjured up various scenarios, featuring opposing outcomes to the situation.
Joel coming home, saying he’d been an idiot and of course he didn’t need time away from them, and what he really needed was for them to spend more time together. Be a proper family.
Or Joel coming home to face her and tell her he no longer loved her and had met someone else.
When she believed the first scenario, her heart would lift and she’d get on with the day, convinced that it was just a matter of waiting this out.
When she believed the latter…
There had been many nights of wet pillows and utter despair.
‘Mummy, you haven’t eaten your cake!’
Jenna blinked. She hadn’t even noticed the waitress putting it on the table. How rude of her not to say thank you. She’d have to leave a bigger tip to make up for it.
‘I’m not really in the mood for it now,’ she said, trying to sound light about it. ‘Would you two like to share it?’
The twins didn’t need to be asked twice. Despite still munching their way through their chocolate cake, they nodded eagerly.
What with all the cake, on top of the fish fingers and chips and the enormous banana milkshakes, it was no wonder that Ada complained of feeling sick on the way home.
‘You’re not going to be sick, are you?’ Jenna asked anxiously, glancing at her daughter in the rear-view mirror and thinking of her upholstery.
‘If she’s sick, I’ll be sick,’ Hallie said, pulling a face.
‘Great,’ Jenna muttered, lowering the rear windows to let in some fresh air. ‘Only five minutes from home, girls. Hang on!’
She heaved a sigh of relief as she pulled up on the drive and hurriedly let the girls out of the car before unlocking the front door of the house.
Hallie ran indoors but Ada made a huge fuss of feeling ill, until Jenna suggested she’d be better off going straight to bed if that was the case.
After that, her daughter announced that she was feeling much better, and Jenna locked the car, rolling her eyes and vowing that in future she’d cover the back seats with plastic before taking the twins out to tea. Just in case.
‘Jenna?’
She spun round, pulse racing at the sound of a male voice just behind her, then slumped in relief.
‘Louis! You made me jump.’
‘Sorry. I was waiting across the road in my car. I tried earlier but you weren’t in.’
‘Joel’s… not here.’
‘I know. It’s you I’ve come to see.’
Louis and Joel had known each other since primary school, and it suddenly crossed Jenna’s mind that if anyone knew what Joel was up to, it would be him.
‘You’d better come in,’ she said.
He followed her into the house, where Ada and Hallie were thrilled to see him and Ada quite forgot that she’d ever been ill at all.
Louis, kindly and patient, with a young daughter of his own, made a huge fuss of them and gave them sweets, which Jenna immediately took from them.
‘They’ve just had a lot to eat at The Ginger Cat Cafe,’ she explained. ‘So much cake that Ada was feeling sick not five minutes ago.’
‘Ah yes,’ he said with an understanding nod. ‘Your end-of-term tea.’
She smiled. ‘That’s right. I’ll put these in the cupboard for tomorrow, if you don’t mind?’
‘Of course. I should have asked you first anyway. Sorry.’
Ignoring the twins’ protests, Jenna took the sweets through to the kitchen, Louis following her while the girls argued over what to watch on the television.