Chapter 4 #2
‘So what brings you here, Louis?’ Jenna asked as she flicked the kettle on.
She knew it was something to do with Joel.
He wouldn’t be here otherwise, especially not at this time of day.
He’d only just have finished work himself and he rarely came to the house anyway.
Her hands shook as she reached for two mugs. ‘Tea? Coffee?’
He shook his head. ‘No thanks, Jenna. I can’t stay long.’ He sounded weary and worried, the jollity he’d displayed in front of Ada and Hallie vanished.
Jenna’s nausea returned with a vengeance, and she flicked the kettle off. She didn’t want a drink either.
‘So what it is?’ she asked quietly. ‘Have you spoken to him recently?’
Louis ran a hand through his hair. ‘Jenna, I’m so sorry. This is bloody awkward and I hate that he’s dragged me into it. He’s asked me to collect his things.’
Jenna stared at him, hardly able to believe what she was hearing. ‘His things? You mean his clothes?’
Louis nodded. ‘He asked me to ask you if you can pack a case for him. I’m sorry, I really am. He’s completely out of order and I feel terrible, but you know what he’s like once he gets an idea in his head. He goes on and on…’
Jenna sank into a chair, dazed. ‘He can’t even come back to pack a case?’
Louis sat next to her. ‘It’s disgusting behaviour. Sometimes I wonder why I’m even friends with him. To be honest, if Sandie had her way I don’t think I would be. She thinks he’s behaving shamefully.’
So even Louis’s wife knew what was going on. Jenna took a steadying breath.
‘Who is she, Louis?’
Louis, she knew, was a terrible liar. Sure enough, his face turned pink and his eyes widened as he stammered, ‘Wh-who is who?’
‘He’s seeing someone, isn’t he? This isn’t about needing space from me or time away. This has all the hallmarks I recognise from the last time he left.’
‘I… I don’t know what you mean.’
Jenna gazed at him levelly, even though adrenaline was surging through her body and she felt as if she was going to pass out at any moment. ‘Louis. Please.’
He slumped. ‘I’m sorry. I hate lying to you, but I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want to be the one to break it to you. It’s not right! Joel should have the decency to face you and tell you the truth.’
‘But we both know he hasn’t got the decency, Louis, so can you please just tell me what the hell’s going on because I think I’m going crazy here.’
Louis bit his lip and nodded. ‘I believe her name’s Nettie,’ he said.
Jenna frowned for a moment, then gave a slow nod as recognition dawned. ‘You mean his secretary, Annette?’
Louis nodded again. ‘Yeah. Cliché or what?’
‘She called me Jenna,’ Jenna murmured, remembering the phone call. Hadn’t she known that didn’t seem right? It had lodged in her brain. A little piece of the jigsaw that didn’t quite fit at the time but now slotted neatly into place. ‘Bloody hell. How long’s this been going on?’
She felt almost sorry for Louis as he squirmed uncomfortably. ‘Well, er, I can’t say for sure. I only found out a few days ago, honestly, although I’d suspected for a while. Well, Sandie did really. She said he was acting the way he always does when—’ He broke off, horrified. ‘I mean—’
‘I know what you mean,’ Jenna said wearily. ‘I may only have known about two affairs for certain, but I’ve suspected many times over the years that there were others. In fact, deep down I didn’t just suspect. I knew. I just refused to face up to it.’
‘He doesn’t deserve you, Jenna,’ Louis said quietly. ‘I know he’s my friend but honestly, his behaviour is unbelievably bad. I don’t know how you’ve put up with him all these years.’
‘He gives us crumbs,’ she said bleakly. ‘Breadcrumbs. He treats us appallingly, then now and then he’ll be lovely to us and everything’s wonderful and he’s the best husband and father, and we’re so relieved and bloody grateful that we forgive him anything.
When you’re starving, even breadcrumbs are a banquet. ’
Louis stared at her. ‘But you shouldn’t have to put up with that! Why haven’t you kicked him out?’
She’d asked herself the same question many times and still wasn’t sure of the answer. Because the twins needed their father? Because Joel was all she knew? The first boyfriend she’d ever had. The only boyfriend she’d ever had. The only man she’d ever slept with. Her everything.
And she kept hoping, hoping things would change. That he’d love her the way he used to do when they first met. Love her the way he’d promised her he always would. Love her the way she so desperately needed to be loved.
Saying goodbye would mean letting that dream go. Because what if she did end her marriage and then he changed? People did sometimes. Would some other woman get the love and loyalty that should have been Jenna’s?
She knew it was a crazy way to think but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t bring herself to give up on Joel. On the dream. He’d sworn to her that he loved her and would always love her and she clung to the belief that one day he’d remember that and everything would be all right again.
No wonder Louis was looking at her with pity. She was pathetic.
‘Well,’ she said with a heavy sigh, ‘you’re not taking his things.
’ She lifted her chin and gave Louis a fierce look.
‘If he wants them, the least he can do is come here to collect them himself. And while he’s here, he can explain things to me, and to his daughters.
Why should I have to tell them? He’s a coward and I’m not going to cover for him. Let him do his own dirty work.’
Louis nodded with approval, and, it had to be said, relief. ‘I’ll pass the message on, Jenna.’
He got to his feet. ‘If there’s anything I can do to help in the meantime, just let me know.
Honestly, if you just need to talk, I’m only at the other end of the phone.
I know Joel’s my pal, but you are too. We’ve known each other a long time and I hate that he’s done this to you again. Promise me you’ll ask if you need me?’
Jenna nodded, knowing perfectly well that she wouldn’t dream of turning to Louis for help. This wasn’t his problem and she didn’t see why she should drag him into it.
‘Well, I’d better be off,’ he said awkwardly.
Jenna led him into the hallway, and he popped his head round the living room door where the twins were engrossed in some children’s programme.
‘I’m off, girls,’ he said. ‘Be good for your mummy, okay?’
‘We always are,’ Hallie said indignantly.
‘Bye, Uncle Louis. Thanks for the sweets,’ called Ada.
Louis closed the door and gave Jenna a sad smile. ‘They’re good girls. A credit to you, Jenna. No thanks to Joel.’
She saw him out and waved him off, a smile plastered to her face. Then she closed the door and leaned against it, tears burning her eyes. What now?
She was alone with two seven-year-old daughters, the school summer holidays upon them, and a broken heart to deal with.
How could he do this to her again? He knew how much it had hurt her the last time he’d left.
It had almost broken her completely, and now here he was putting her through the same devastating misery. What was wrong with him?
And what, she thought, brushing tears away as she headed back into the kitchen, was wrong with her, when her own husband couldn’t love her? When he needed to seek out the company of other women to be happy?
What had she done wrong? How had she failed so spectacularly?
And how was she ever going to cope without him?