13 A man from the 19th century
13
A man from the 19th century
Benjamin
Kissing Isabella is perfect. I can’t define it any other way.
I didn’t plan this. I didn’t plan anything that has happened over the last few years. However, when I saw her looking at me, smiling at me, I couldn’t resist.
I’m just a man, damn it. Right now, a very aroused man. My tongue dances with hers, tasting her sweet, intoxicating flavour. Her soft lips open to mine, wet and full. I want to feel all of her, every bit of her. I want it all. Carefully, I take the unicorn from between us and put it to one side, pulling her closer. I’ve imagined myself kissing her so many times over the last few days, but nothing has come close to reality.
This woman… oh, she’s going to drive me crazy. My cock pulses inside my trousers as I bite her lower lip. Isabella wraps her arms around my neck, leaning in, giving me more access. There are too many clothes between us, not enough skin available, but I don’t dare complain. I invade her mouth again with my tongue, explore her, and kiss her with overwhelming desire. I can’t remember the last time I felt such desire. The last time I…
“ Excuse me .”
A gasp takes us out of the moment, and I open my eyes, noticing the face of the stranger staring at us.
“Your time is up; there are more people in the queue.”
I look in the direction the man is pointing, and the next couple, who are waiting to take our places on the Ferris wheel, stare at us, holding back their laughter. God, how embarrassing… I was so involved that I didn’t even notice the wheel moving. I’ve become accustomed to observing public displays of affection these days, but being the protagonist in this is still a little strange to me.
I look at Isabella, whose lips are swollen from my kisses. Damn, I’m too aroused; I’m just wondering what it would be like to leave other parts of her swollen.
Pushing the thought away, I stand up and hold out my hand to help her do the same. Bella still looks lost as she reaches for the unicorn and accepts my gesture.
“Forgive me,” I say, as we walk down the steps and away from the queue.
“Alright. What a bummer… I didn’t even realise we’d come down. I was oblivious to anything else.”
Yes, that’s exactly how I felt.
“I shouldn’t have behaved like that,” I mutter. “We’re in public…”
Isabella frowns but doesn’t answer me. There’s an intriguing awkwardness between us. I want to say something, but I don’t know what, and Bella seems to be facing the same dilemma.
“Is there anything else you want to do?” she asks.
“I don’t know. I… maybe we should leave.”
Her eyes fill with disappointment. Hell, that’s not what I wanted, but I really don’t know what to do.
“Of course,” Bella agrees. “Let’s go home.”
* * *
As soon as we enter the flat, Bella greets Duke with the best smile she can show him. But it doesn’t come close to the smiles I’m used to.
Our journey home was silent. We heard only the sharp sounds of the Underground tracks, each of us lost in our own thoughts. I don’t know what Bella thought about, but I can say that the time in silence brought me many reflections.
The first, and most striking, is that the kiss we exchanged meant something. In fact, a lot. I have no reason to deny that I have strong, real feelings for this woman. It’s never happened to me, not like this, not even when I was in love with my mistress. I’m used to getting into bed with ladies without even knowing their names. This is something different, difficult to explain and understand. But it’s real, and I strongly suspect that I’m not the only one with feelings in this room.
With that, we come to the big problem and my second thought: do I feel things for Bella? I do, but it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter because, as soon as we find a way, I’ll disappear from her life, just as abruptly as I appeared. So, any intimate involvement between us would be a very bad idea.
“Bella?” I say, as soon as she switches on the living room light and puts the unicorn aside. Duke approaches the animal, sniffing it. I continue, “We have to talk about what happened.”
Bella takes off her coat and leaves it on the sofa, agreeing.
“I thought you didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Why did you think that?” I settle down next to her on the sofa.
“Because you kept quiet after we left, and I…” She hesitates, rubbing her face. “I don’t know what to think. I’m a bit confused.”
I hate to see her like this. Considering that I’ve been confused for almost every hour of the last few days, I’ll do everything in my power to protect her from such frustration.
“Look, I apologise for the silence, but I needed to think.”
“Think about what?”
“About what happened. About what I did, about the kiss.”
She blinks her dark eyes, attentive to my face. “And did you succeed?”
I nod my head. “The truth is that we cannot allow this to happen again.”
Bella holds her breath and doesn’t speak immediately. “Do you regret it?”
“No, I don’t regret it.”
“You didn’t like kissing me then?”
I laugh this time. “Liking… liking doesn’t come close to what I felt.”
“So why…”
“We can’t allow it because I have feelings for you,” I say at once. She looks shocked, but I won’t back down. After everything she’s done for me, the least Bella deserves is to know the truth. “I have feelings for you, and I suspect you’re not indifferent to me either.”
“You have feelings for me?”
The question sounds as if I’ve said something absurd. But why? I quickly remember what she told me that afternoon in Bath when we were sitting on the bench. Bella was hurt and wounded by an unscrupulous bastard who chose to abandon her when she had chosen to spend her life by his side. The guy is an idiot for letting a woman like her go.
When it comes to me, however, I refuse to accept that Bella has any doubts whatsoever. I reach for her hand, gently caressing her palm. “How could I not feel something for you, Bella?”
“You’re referring to gratitude because I’m helping you.”
It’s not a question. God, she really has no idea.
“No, I mean you and the woman you are. The woman I admire for her strength and high spirits. The woman I find beautiful, intelligent, kind. Who attracts me to the point of driving me crazy. The woman…”
…that if I could stay here, I would choose to make mine. I’ll stop before I say too much. “We can’t get involved because I have feelings for you, and I suspect you have feelings for me too,” I repeat. “Things I can’t name, but I know they could hurt us.”
“Hurt us?”
“Yes, Bella. Because I’m not from your time, and I need to get home.”
My words hit her like a blow, so hard that she recoils.
“Right. For a brief, silly moment, I forgot that detail.”
So did I. I thought of nothing else but her, us, when I took her in my arms.
“I acted without thinking today. I’ve wanted you for a long time now, but by kissing you… we’re crossing a dangerous line.”
She nods slowly, thinking. “What if I don’t care?”
I don’t understand. “Don’t care?”
“Yes. What if, despite us being from different times, I want to explore what we feel? You’d go to bed with me if you could, wouldn’t you?”
I feel aroused just thinking about it. Not only would I go, but I’ve fantasised about all the positions and perversity I’d share with her.
“I would, but we can’t.”
“Why not? I’m not a damsel in distress, Benjamin. I’m not even a virgin.”
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Not for her, I couldn’t care less about her virtue, but just imagining another man touching her… I clench my jaw, shuddering at the thought.
“There’s no honour for you to worry about,” she continues. “I’m not from the nineteenth century.”
“But I am, Bella.”
She stops talking, her eyes locked on mine.
“I’m here in 2022, but I’m a man from the nineteenth century. It may not make sense to you, but I would never seduce a woman like you if I didn’t intend to marry her. I would never treat her with disrespect; I would never put my physical needs before her honour and her heart. I have an unmarried sister, and I would kill anyone who dared to deceive her. And you… you’ve already been mistreated, deceived too much for my liking. Forgive me, Bella, but I don’t want you to remember me as just another arse who couldn’t give you what you deserve.”
Isabella’s eyes well up with emotion, but she takes a deep breath as if to contain her emotions.
“Do you know how often we women dream of a perfect lord like you saying words like that to us?”
I shake my head. I have no idea.
“Many,” she replies. Her hand caresses mine, gently. “I didn’t mean to be rude, I just… your kiss awakened something in me that I hadn’t felt for a long time.”
“What?”
“Happiness. Real, sincere happiness. But you’re right… if we went any further, this attraction would turn into something stronger. Something irreversible.”
I know that. Knowing, however, doesn’t make this conversation any easier.
“If things were different, if I knew I could offer you a future, I wouldn’t hesitate to make you mine.”
“But there’s no future, is there? As soon as we find a way, you’ll be back there.”
I nod. “I can’t abandon my sister.”
“I know you can’t. I know that.”
We stare at each other in silence for a moment. I bring her hand to my lips in a gentle kiss.
“Thank you for being honest,” she says.
I give a little moan, grimacing. “Don’t thank me. I don’t even know how I did it.”
“Being honourable sucks, that’s the truth,” she jokes, making me laugh.
“Yes, it sucks.”
Bella takes a deep breath and smiles at me sincerely. “But I understand. I understand and… I want you to know that this doesn’t change anything between us. Will we have repressed desires? Yes, we will, but we’re adults and mature enough to deal with it.”
Yes, we are. I’ll have to find a way to touch myself, thinking about her in a very mature way, no doubt.
“I thank you for your understanding.”
She lifts the corner of her mouth. “So gentlemanly and formal…” Bella comes a little closer. “Can I give you a hug?”
I nod, hugging her in return as she wraps her arms around my body.
“Despite everything, I loved tonight,” Bella whispers. “It was wonderful.”
I smile against her hair, agreeing.
Yes, it was really wonderful.
* * *
I went into my father’s study and closed the door behind me.
“Sir, can we talk?”
He turned round and faced me, his eyes clouded with worry.
“Have you spoken to your grandmother?”
I nodded, moving closer.
“Yes, I did. I’m sorry, sir. She seemed very ill.”
Which was another way of saying that I knew my grandmother was dying.
My father, serious as he always was, pulled up a chair and sat down behind the pile of papers.
“She’s lived a good life. I just don’t want her to suffer.”
I shared the same feeling. My grandmother had been a strong, lively, kind woman. She didn’t deserve to suffer.
“I agree.”
“Your brother will be here tonight. He says he wants to talk to me, something about the war.”
A chill ran down my spine at the words. Barney was my twin brother, but we were as different as could be. I knew his sense of honour and his non-conformity with what was happening in the country, with the war.
“Don’t you think he…”
“I don’t know, Benjamin. I hope not, but if Barney wants to fight…” my father sighed heavily, “I won’t be able to stop him.”
I didn’t retort, although I didn’t agree.
“Father, Grandmother gave me this.” I showed him the cameo. My father stared at my outstretched palm, looking surprised.
“It’s you, then.”
I don’t understand. “Me?”
He nodded. “I know this cameo. It comes from… far away. Your grandfather, my father, brought this pink stone, which you see in the silhouette of the cameo, from the Mediterranean islands. He said there was something special about it. Something… mystical. At least, that’s what he was told.”
Intrigued by the story, I pulled up a chair to sit down. “Tell me more.”
“There’s not much to tell. Your grandfather found it curious that the stone ended up with him. When he got engaged to your grandmother, he had the cameo made as a gift. She felt that the piece had something to do with matters of the heart. That one day it would belong to someone other than her. When I met your mother, I thought of giving her the cameo as an engagement present. Your grandmother wouldn’t allow it. She apologised but said that the cameo wasn’t meant for me.”
I didn’t understand a thing. “She told me she was glad it was me, but I don’t understand,” I said.
“We don’t always understand everything, Benjamin. What’s bothering you?”
“It all seems very strange to me. What am I going to do with a cameo? I’m not a woman.”
“You could give it to your wife one day. I don’t know.”
I stood up, leaving the locket on the office table. “I don’t see the point, sir. Forgive me. I’m not thinking of getting married either. I don’t want that at all.”
“You don’t know anything about the future, boy,” my father scolded me.
“I know, because it’s simple. I’m not the heir to the title; I don’t need to get married. I don’t need all this romantic nonsense. I accepted it because my grandmother is ill. I’ll give the cameo to Abigail, or—”
“No.” My father reached out, took the cameo, and put it in the drawer. “If your grandmother says it belongs to you, I’ll respect her wishes. If you need it one day, it’s here, safe.”
I laughed, even though it seemed disrespectful. “Don’t worry, sir. I won’t need it. Not now, not ever.”
For the second time in a while, I wake up scared, with my heart about to burst out of my mouth.
I have no idea where those memories came from, but now I’m not satisfied with having forgotten them. My dream explains a lot. Why the cameo appeared in my study. The magic that the pink stone contains.
At least, that’s what I was told.
Someone gave the stone to my grandfather. A sorceress? Maybe, which adds another element to my puzzle.
I get up and go to the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water. I try not to make a sound, as I don’t want to wake Bella. After quenching my thirst, I go through my things and look for the cameo, returning to the sofa with it in my hands.
I’ve been analysing it, just as I did before, again and again, since I woke up in 2022.
There’s a connection. Now I feel like this stone should really be in my hands. But why should it? Why, when all it has caused so far is confusion and anguish?
I look down the corridor towards Bella’s bedroom door. No, it wasn’t just that. I’d be being unfair if I said that. Next to the woman sleeping behind that door, I felt more than that. Happiness, as she herself said.
I stare at the delicate piece again before my eyes grow heavy with sleep. I fall asleep thinking about everything. The more I find out, the more confused I become.