Falling with Grace

25. Grace

25

Grace

T he cold space beside me stretched further than my hand could reach, the sheets exposed to the fan pushing air down around me.

Elias is gone.

His faint scent swirled around me.

Did he kiss me this morning, telling me to sleep in?

Or did I imagine that?

I stretched, the delicious ache between my legs dampened by his absence.

My body jerked to an upright position, my chest heaving.

He left me…in his room.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

I threw off the covers, my bare feet hitting the chilled marble floor as I padded across the room and snatched my clothes off the floor and an oversized robe off the chair.

Tossing it over my shoulders, I tied the rope across my belly and rushed out the door.

A small figure stood in my way, her eyes half-closing as she smiled. " Buenos dias, mi hija. "

My heart jumped into my throat as I clutched the robe and clothing tight across my chest, then planted a masked smile. "Good morning, Rosa."

"Come." She waved me through the hallway into the foyer and patio, her gaze sweeping over the large embroidered 'E' on the robe. "Have tea with me."

My breath hitched.

I can't go out there.

What if Nadia sees me wearing his robe?

She'd know.

I groaned as Rosa turned the corner leading to the patio, my hair flipping in the air as I followed.

Dammit .

Valeria placed a tray of tea on the table. Her gaze hit my feet and trailed up my body, her eyes widening.

It's the robe.

Why didn't I dress in my clothes?

A frown pulled at my lips, my stomach churning, my hands gripping my clothes as though they were the only lifeline around.

"Tea so early in the morning, Rosa? Have you eaten breakfast?" I gave her a tight-lipped smile as I sat.

Rosa brought the small cup to her lips and sipped. "It's well past breakfast."

I glance around me, searching for a clock. "It doesn't feel like it." I raised a brow. "What did you have for breakfast?"

"Tea, mi hija."

I swallowed as a bite of sadness tugged at my heart. "I see. What do you have planned for today?" My hands shook in my lap. "Should we do some more weeding in the garden?"

"I thought I'd do some painting today. The mountains need a little color."

The easel she had propped up in the sitting area inside was a landscape of tall, uncolored mountains with a valley of wildflowers painted below and a fawn sleeping in the center—her spots vibrant and unblemished.

"That's a good idea." I nodded, rolling my lips into a tight line. "Maybe we could add some more pieces to the puzzle?"

" Mmm ." She sipped her tea as I brought mine to my lips, the warm, honeyed liquid sliding down my parched throat. "What were you doing in Elias' room?"

An audible air-filled gulp lurched from my throat. "I um…"

How do I tell this woman I slept with her son, who is engaged to be married?

How do I tell her it's the most cherished I've felt in years?

"My robe was dirty, so I borrowed his."

"I may be old, Grace." Rosa laughed as she placed her cup down. "But I am no fool."

The blood rushed from my cheeks—my heart thudding against my sternum. "What do you mean?"

"I know he lets his eyes wander, but do you really want to get between them?"

My gaze dropped to my lap as I sat my cup on the tray. "No."

"I do wish you came along first, Grace."

She brought her cup to her lips, and a heavy silence fell between us.

Birds chirped their merry tune, and the dark gray clouds soared high above us, threatening to dump their heavy burden down on the land.

Me too.

"I'm going to take a shower and get dressed." I plastered on a smile. "I'll meet you in the sitting room when I'm finished."

"I have salsa waiting for me."

I sighed and nodded as I stood. "Okay. I'll help you when I'm done."

Turning, I walked through the double doors and ran into my double-teamed guard duty, their jobs never-ending.

I averted my gaze, and I skirted around them. Elias stepped out of his office, his sneakers a befuddling sight.

Oh God.

Tucking my chin to my chest, I hit the bottom step.

"Grace?" Elias gripped my elbow and pulled me backward. "What's wrong?"

I gave him a clipped smile, stuffing down the warm fuzzy feelings encompassing me. "Nothing." I shook my head and shrugged, plastering on another masked smile.

Everything.

I'm a terrible person.

Your mother knows I'm a whore.

I don't want to stay away.

It's not fair.

It's not right .

"I just need a shower." I glanced back to my guards, Javier leaning against the wall with penetrative eyes. "You know?"

"So, I get the cold shoulder?"

I swallowed and shook my head, glancing up to meet his gaze with my chin up. "No. Sorry."

Does he not care if they know?

His hand wrapped around the back of my neck as he sighed and pulled me in, his lips kissing my forehead. "I get it."

You do?

"Go take your shower. I 'd like to speak with you when you're finished." His low tone vibrated through me, knocking my morals to the floor and sending a needy hunger to the pit of my stomach. He leaned in. "We have a dinner tonight, and Nadia will be here."

I nodded as his grip fell away. "In your office?"

"Yes, and don't worry."

"I'm not worried."

Why would I be?

Is there something to worry about?

I backed away, flashing a smile. He sighed as I darted up the steps, my clothing tight in my arms, and disappeared into the bathroom.

How is he the best mistake I've ever made?

I dropped the clothing and robe, stepped into the shower, and cranked the heat on full blast. Washing my hair and body, the shower water swiped away the fiery rush that swirled in my belly, begging for his touch to ease the ache.

Mint and strawberries filled the bathroom as I turned the water off, my hair dripping down my back. Before stepping out, I snagged the towel and dried my hair and body.

I pulled my rosary from my jeans and dropped my clothes and Elias' robe down the laundry shoot. Putting my robe over my shoulders, I rushed to my room and dressed in the same thing I did every day—jeans and a t-shirt—tucking my rosary into my pocket, then braided my hair before leaving my room.

My guards, more attentive than they used to be, stood at the door.

Eduardo sneered as he glanced at me. I dipped my head, casting my sight to the floor as I walked down the steps. My stomach burned as acid climbed its way up my throat, my belly gurgling for sustenance.

The guards followed behind, their boots clomping—their rifles clicking against metal.

I rounded the corner, followed the hall, and knocked on the closed mosaic doors.

"Come in."

Turning the doorknob, I glanced at Eduardo plus the new man I didn't recognize and entered the office, shutting the door behind me.

"Do they have to follow me everywhere?"

He glanced up from his desk. "It's for your safety."

"You don't think I'm safe in this fortress you call a home?"

He gave me a short laugh. "It doesn't matter if you are in the Vatican sitting next to the pope or locked in a bomb shelter with one entrance. I'll have someone by your side, Grace."

My skin flushed, my knees weak and a sinking warmth flowed through my veins. "That answers that." The air in my lungs tightened.

Javier sat in the corner of the room, his feet propped up on a coffee table with a picture in his hands. "Have you ever heard of Sofia Torres?"

" Um ." I chew my inner lip. "It doesn't ring a bell. Why?"

"I need a drink." Javier grunted and tossed a photo onto the table before standing. He shuffled out of the room as I moved towards the coffee table.

Uniformed men in military hats stared back at me, their pictures strewn about the glossy surface.

"Have a seat." Elias patted the seat beside him on the couch. "You said you could identify them if you saw them again? Correct?"

I nodded and sat beside him.

"Good." He turned his body towards me and picked up a random photo. "I want you to search through these and find the men you saw with Andrés."

I frowned, my belly cramping. "But…" I glanced at the tabletop. "There must be hundreds of pictures here."

He raised a brow. "There's a simpler way to go about this, so until then…" He handed me a photograph of a young man. "You better get started."

My shoulders sagged as I sighed, his gaze heating my flesh. "But I was going to make salsa with Rosa."

I studied the picture of the man with a long nose, beady eyes, and dark skin.

Not him.

"You've got time. She's painting right now."

I placed the picture off to the side in the 'not him' pile, then grabbed another. "Does she have days like these often where she forgets things?"

He placed his hands in his lap. "Off and on."

Three more pictures go into the 'not him' pile. "And there's no treatment for it, is there?"

Elias shook his head. "No."

"I'm sorry. "

"I've come to accept it for what it is." He shrugged and leaned back into his seat. "All I can do is cherish my remaining days with her."

A quivering smile tugged at my lips as my eyes burned. "You have two vastly different sides, and one confuses me more than the other."

He leaned over, bracing his elbows on his knees, then picked up a photo and handed it to me as if it were a silent reminder to continue working. "And what side is that?"

"Your soft side." I dropped the photo onto the 'nope' side. "I mean, I understand not everyone is born a hardened killer, but what baffles me is that you still possess a gentle side after everything you've done."

I winced.

Rewind time, please…

Elias' dark eyes turned towards me. "Everything I've done to whom, Grace? You?"

My hands turned cold and clammy, and my shoulders tightened as my breath jammed out of my lungs. "Well…" I sucked in a breath, his proximity too close to focus. "Yes." I shook my head. "I…I don't know."

Silence filled the void oozing between us.

"Don't know what?"

I focused on the pictures and added another face to the growing pile. "Why am I still alive? Why are you being nice to me? Why…" I lower my voice and lean in, "we had sex."

"You're still alive because I need you to be." His hand brushed mine, sending flickers of confusion through me. "I'm nice to you because you haven't given me a reason not to be." He leaned in, his thumb swiping my chin. "And why we had sex…doesn't need an explanation."

My heart stopped dead in my chest, my ears ringing. "So." I gulped. "If I'm no longer useful, I'll end up like Carlos?"

He sighed, shaking his head, his gaze penetrating as his thumb traced soothing patterns across my cheek. "We've been over this. I won't harm you."

"But I know too much. I'm no different than Carlos."

His brows furrowed as his jaws clenched, causing his muscle to bulge.

"You're nothing like him."

"I will be."

"Are you trying to convince me to kill you?" He smirked with a subtle shake.

"No, but it's true." I stood, his hand wrapped around my wrist, tugging me back into my seat.

"You don 't get to walk away from me." His hand drove into the hairs at my nape and pulled me close.

My mouth gaped. "I wasn't." I pressed my palm into his chest, his grip loosening. "You said so yourself. That isn't how the cartel works. So why do I get a pass?"

He leaned in, his eyes bouncing between mine, his breath tickling my lips. "Because I say you do." His mouth crashed down on mine, his tongue penetrating my pressed lips.

I groaned and fell into him, his tongue sliding across the roof of my mouth, tickling the sensitive space. My flesh pebbled as my fingers traced over his pectorals.

"You're a confounding woman." He gripped my thighs and hauled me into his lap, and my knees braced on each side of him, my throbbing core pressed against his hardening length.

A whimper escaped me as I ground into him, my arms lashing around his neck.

His fingers dug into my ass cheeks as he helped me gyrate against him. "Do you feel what you do to me, Grace?" He peppered kisses down my neck and across my chest, working his way to the other side and up again. "Do you need further explanation?"

"No." I slipped my hands through his hair. "I mean…" I cupped his face, bringing his lips to mine, and kissed him with an unquenchable desire. "Maybe."

He growled, the vibration in his chest tickling my nipples. "Let me show you."

We spun, and my back hit the leather couch. His body pressed into me—his hardness evident through his pants as he pressed between my legs.

"Elias."

My mind took off like a bullet train at full speed without a conductor at the controls.

We can't do this.

I can't stop.

I need him.

His kisses trailed down my neck and chest, his hands pushing up my shirt. Warm, wet lips touched my belly, inducing a shiver down my legs and pebbling my nipples.

Knock. Knock.

Elias pulled away, leaving me gasping, the heat evacuating the space between us as I tucked my shirt back over my belly and sat upright.

The door swung open as he adjusted his erection. He cleared his throat. "Keep looking these over. "

I ran my hand over my mouth, my back stiffening as Nadia walked in through the doorway, Javier behind her. "I'm back early. I thought we could go over stationary for invites."

A pang hit my chest as I slipped off the couch and tucked my heels under my butt, my gaze cast down.

"Now's not a good time."

" Por que?"

"I'm in the middle of something important."

"And our wedding plans aren't?" she said in Spanish.

He sighed and looked down at me, my insides quivering. "We can go over them later."

She stalked into the room and picked up a picture from my 'nope' pile. "What's this?"

Elias ripped it from her hand and tossed it back to the table. "None of your concern."

She sidestepped him and planted her hands on her hips, her designer dress tight across her flat stomach. "Grace."

I shrunk down on myself.

"What is he having you do?"

My eyes bugged, my lips still tingling from his touch.

Don't look at her.

I shook my head and moved the discarded photograph to the correct pile.

Big brown eyes stared back at me out of the sea of many crowding the table. A scar ran down his cheek, carving across his dimpled chin. His bushy brows had hair flying in various directions.

"General." Andrés walks forward with his hand on a man's shoulder. "She will give you anything you desire. Only the best for you."

Someone touched my shoulder, and I jumped. "Did you hear me?"

"Huh?" I glanced up at Elias standing over me, his jaw clenching.

"I'll be right back. Keep looking."

I swallowed the hard lump in my throat, my stomach churning. "Okay."

The space between his brows crinkled as he bent over, Nadia waiting at the door. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I've got this."

"Okay. Eduardo and Rodrigo are just outside if you need something." He stepped away, his spicy cologne dragging along behind him.

Nadia stumbled as they exited. "You're leaving her in the office by herself?"

"You wanted to look at stationery. So, let's go."

"I’m never allowed in your office alone…" Their voices trailed away as the door shut behind them.

A breath whooshed from my lungs as I glanced around the office, the walls closing in. Tears burned my eyes. I leaned against the edge of the couch and drew my knees to my chest, my chin trembling as I paced my breathing.

Glancing back at the photo of the General, I picked it up, burying half my face in my arm draped across my knees.

"Thank you, Andrés, but I prefer something with a little more…" He points to Jorge standing against the wall. "Fight in them."

Nausea rolled in my belly, and my ears rang.

Gulping, I dropped the picture onto the left side of the table and sifted through the remaining images in silence, adding three more before my neck cramped and the pile emptied, my breaths ragged.

I raised my arms above my head and stretched—the muscles straining against the taut sinew, my eyes rimmed with unshed tears.

I can't stay in here.

He left me to deal with my demons alone.

Why hasn't he returned yet? It's been over an hour.

My belly grumbled as I swiped away the jealousy and stood, walking to the doors. Two black-framed bodies darkened the stained glass.

I opened the door, keeping my eyes on the floor. I shut it behind me before walking between the brutish men, their rifles ever-present across their bodies.

Did they ever part with them?

His men followed behind like a loyal Golden Retriever.

Elias' and Nadia's hushed voices sputtered from the study.

"It's too much, Elias." Her breathless diction had heat blooming in my cheeks as I spun on the balls of my feet in the opposite direction.

My arm wretched across my stomach, nausea burning the back of my throat as I made my way towards the staircase, brushing through the security pair once again.

"Grace, there you are." Rosa's hunched form moved in my periphery through the open doorway leading into the conservatory, her hand raised to shoulder height, and her paintbrush paused before touching the canvas. "I need a steady hand for this tree. Come quick."

I groaned inside and shuffled towards her.

Not now, Rosa.

"I don't know how much help I'll be."

"What's wrong, mi hija?"

"My stomach is a bit upset. I was going to lay down."

" Hmm ." She dipped her paintbrush into the dark green and, with a shaking hand, dabbed the canvas. "Guilt will eat at the soul until there's nothing left to devour but the flesh off your bones."

Her darkness filled the room, her words a deafening prophecy.

"I… what do you mean?"

I glanced back at the two pairs of eavesdropping ears. They stood outside of the room like obedient soldiers.

"Come now. Don't be coy. Nadia is here, and your stomach is acting up before we eat…" She clicked her tongue. "It seems like the soul knows what needs to be done."

Blood rushed from my veins, pooling in my feet, and a wave of dizziness tilted me towards her chair. I gripped the small decorative nub on the back, and steadied myself. "You want me to tell her?"

Rosa lowered the brush, resting her wrist on her knee. "Don't be daft, girl. She'd tear you apart, and I like you too much to turn you into minced meat."

I gulped, my nausea growing by the minute. "So what are you saying?"

She sighed, her shoulders sagging as she turned in her seat to face me. "Stop being foolish, and keep your distance."

My lungs filled with the stench of rotting truth, and acrylic paint, a pungent odor that should be ventilated.

I nodded. "I'm going to take that bath now."

"I thought it was a nap?"

My stomach cramped.

"See you at dinner."

I rushed through the arched doorway and ran up the stairs. Nadia's moans burned into my mind.

Stay away.

I needed to stay away while trapped in the same cage.

Because that was easier said than done.