Chapter Twelve
“Dude, you are seriously depressing.”
Sprawled on his sofa, Cameron rolled his head to glare at his best friend. “No one is making you stay. Feel free to leave whenever you want.”
Nico lounged back in the adjacent armchair and lifted a bottle of water to his lips, his gaze never straying from Cameron’s face. There was so much judgment in those dark eyes Cameron could practically feel it brushing against his skin.
For a long time, the only sound that filled the room was the patter of rain against the windows. It was a melancholy sound, as sullen and apathetic as Cameron’s mood.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Nico blurted into the uncomfortable silence. “Just call him.”
“He said he’d call.” That had been thirty-six hours ago. If Asher wanted to talk to him, he would have called.
“I don’t need to point out that you’re being fucking ridiculous, right? You knew what you were signing up for when this shit started.”
“Yes, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job navigating the press and still keeping my sanity. ”
“Fair enough,” Nico conceded with a sharp nod. “That’s not what I meant, though. I’m talking about Asher.” He waved his hand as if erasing an invisible chalkboard. “Forget all this media bullshit. He was a douchebag long before that.”
Cameron bristled at the insult, pushing up on the sofa to glare at Nico. “That’s not fair.”
Sure, Asher could be a little rough around the edges.
He was rash and impulsive, and Cameron had never met anyone so prone to self-sabotage or reckless idiocy.
But he was also sweet, thoughtful, and incredibly generous.
No, he didn’t trust easily, not that Cameron could blame him, but once Asher let someone in, there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for them.
“The guy is fucking broken,” Nico responded flatly.
Tensing, Cameron clenched his teeth together until his jaw ached, pissed off and indignant on Asher’s behalf. “He is not broken,” he practically growled. “He’s just…”
What exactly was he?
He was resilient. Cameron didn’t think he could have lived through everything Asher had and ended up even half as well-adjusted. He doubted many could. Kyle Anders was a perfect example of that.
Yes, he lashed out when he was overwhelmed, but the only person he ended up hurting was himself. When bad things happened, even things beyond his control, he internalized, turned inward to assign the blame .
He had also spent most of his life with one foot out the door, always guarding a part of himself he refused to let other people see.
Cameron really couldn’t blame him when so many people had let him down and hurt him.
Luke had managed to worm his way in through sheer persistence, but until recently, he had been the exception.
Then, Cameron had come along. What Asher had seen in him, why he’d taken a chance on him, Cameron didn’t know, but it couldn’t have been an easy decision.
While he wouldn’t go so far as to say Asher trusted Natalie or Nico or any of Cameron’s other friends, he had let them in to a degree, let them close.
For someone so reluctant to care about anyone, it had to be overwhelming.
“He’s scared,” Nico finished for him, just as Cameron came to the same conclusion. There was a surprising amount of sympathy in his tone. “He spent years trying to outrun bad memories. Then, that dark, ugly past shows up and knocks him down.”
First with Kyle, then his parents. At least with Kyle, there had been some degree of separation. Kyler Anders merely represented a time in his life Asher wanted to forget. His parents, however, weren’t just a reminder. They were the actual cause of most of his pain.
Cameron sighed. “I just want to help him.”
“I know. He knows that, too.” Nico set his water bottle down on the end table with an echoed sigh.
“He’s not going to change overnight, Cameron.
He’s spent years building these walls around himself, and you can’t expect them to come tumbling down all at once.
” His gaze softened, even as he shook his head.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but you’re completely overreacting. ”
Of course, Cameron immediately wanted to deny doing any such thing. It was exhausting caring about someone who was so determined to push him away. He felt entitled to a bit of self-pity.
“He asked you for some time. That’s all. Just some time.”
Cameron fought the urge to squirm under Nico’s disapproving glare.
So, maybe he was right. Maybe Cameron was reading too much into the argument.
Hell, he didn’t even know if he could call it an argument.
It had barely been a disagreement. He wasn’t angry or even upset about the things that had been said.
He was just disappointed and frustrated that he hadn’t known how to remedy the situation.
“If he had just talked to me instead of—”
“Cameron,” Nico interrupted. “This isn’t about you.”
Well, that stung.
Mostly, because Cameron realized the truth in the words.
In his need to control everything, to make right what had been wronged, he hadn’t listened to what Asher wanted.
He hadn’t paused to consider that maybe Asher really did just need some time to process and regroup.
Yes, he’d given him the space he’d requested, but he’d done so grudgingly.
Then, he’d spent two days sulking about it.
Cameron dropped his face into his hands and groaned.
He couldn’t begin to imagine what Asher was going through or how he felt. Intellectually, he had a good idea of the emotions involved, but he had no reference for it, no experience. He couldn’t relate to it. Instead of offering comfort or support, he’d just wanted to “fix” it. Fix Asher.
More than once, he’d promised to be there for him, to weather this storm with him. Yet, the first time he was tested, he’d acted like a petulant toddler who had lost his favorite toy. Really mature.
“I suck.”
Nico’s laughter filled the room. “Maybe a little, but that’s okay.
Just like it’s okay that Asher’s a little broken.
” He shrugged. “We’re all kind of fucked up in our own way.
” Settling back in his chair again, he pointed to Cameron’s phone.
“Call him. Or text him. Whatever, I don’t care, but do something before you drive me crazy. ”
Cameron snatched his phone off the coffee table and unlocked the screen before Nico had finished speaking.
Instead of bringing up Asher’s contact information, however, he scrolled farther down his list of text conversations.
Once he’d found the name he’d been searching for, he paused and looked up at his friend.
“Thank you. ”
Nico nodded. “Now, don’t screw it up.”
~
Sitting in his breakfast nook, Asher watched the rain pelt against the windows and took a long pull of whiskey straight from the bottle.
He hadn’t called.
He’d wanted to call. He’d picked up his phone a dozen times, only to set it back down. What would he even say? Sorry I’m so screwed up? Sorry I acted like an ass? It was a start, but it wouldn’t actually change anything.
“Okay, I think that’s about enough of that.” Sweeping into the kitchen, Luke marched straight up to him and grabbed the bottle out of his hand. “Jesus, Asher!” He held the half-empty bottle up to the gray sunlight spilling through the window. “It’s not even noon, you uncultured swine.”
Asher glared at him. It wasn’t like he’d polished off half the bottle just that morning. He’d cracked it open the previous night, and not liking to leave things unfinished, he’d picked it back up after a few fitful hours of sleep.
“What are you doing here?”
Placing the bottle on the kitchen counter out of Asher’s immediate reach, he turned back to him with an annoyingly cheerful smile. “That delicious little cupcake of yours texted me. ”
Luke wore a pair of loose-fitting black scrubs, but Asher didn’t know if he had come from the clinic or was on his way into work. He didn’t ask.
“Cameron needs to learn to mind his own business,” he grumbled.
“Oh, so it’s one of those pity parties. You should have told me. I would have brought my violin.”
“Luke,” Asher growled threateningly.
“Asher,” Luke mimicked back, clearly not the least bit intimidated. He slid a large tote bag in an obnoxious shade of pink off his shoulder and placed it on the table. “You should eat something.”
“You should go away.”
Luke ignored him. “I brought subs from that place around the corner from my apartment. You know, the one with the cute cashier who always gives me extra pickles for free.” His eyelashes fluttered, and he patted a hand over his chest. “So hot.”
Running on about two hours of sleep and pissed off at the world, Asher didn’t have the patience for Luke’s particular brand of helpfulness. “Luke, what the fuck are you even doing here?”
The playful smile faded, and he abandoned the tote bag to give Asher an icy glare.
“Saving you from your idiotic self. You look like shit,” he stated bluntly.
“You smell like a goddamn distillery, and you’re still wearing the same clothes you had on at the book signing.
” He shrugged when Asher arched an eyebrow at him. “I saw pictures.”
“Your point?”
“My point is you’re being a tool.” Leaning toward him across the table, he snapped his fingers in Asher’s face. “Wake up, sweetheart. Life’s not fucking fair. Shit happens. Get over yourself.”
“How much did Cameron tell you?”
“A little.”
“My parents showed up at the library.”
“And?” Unfazed, he returned to unpacking the food he’d brought with him. “Did the world end?”
Actually, no. There had been a couple of articles written about it, but the coverage had been surprisingly minimal.
Asher hadn’t seen or heard from his parents since.
They hadn’t tried to contact him. He wasn’t na?ve enough to believe he’d seen the last of them, but so far, nothing extreme had happened.