Chapter 14
Find out what Harvey does when he’s sad!
“Here.” Judd adjusts my fingers on the frets. “That’s E. Put them closer together like that.”
“Yep.” Judd nods. “You’re getting good at this.”
“You’re not just saying that?” I say with a smile.
“Nah.” He goes over and fixes himself a highball. He lights a cigarette and sits next to me. “No, put your finger here.” He moves it. “There you go. That’s one of the major chords. You’ll need to know that one.”
I remove my hand, rubbing my fingers, and putting it back.
“You’ll get used to it,” Judd says, taking a drag. “It’ll feel like second nature.”
I try the chord again, and he gets his guitar to show me. “See, like that? Now do this.” He shows me with his fingers. “Those are three of the chords for your song.”
I never thought I’d have a song. One that I wrote. I’ve started writing more. Maybe all I needed was the right inspiration. Judd makes it all look so easy, but he’s been playing guitar for half his life. I shouldn’t compare, but I feel stupid playing next to him.
“You learn fast,” Judd says. “How are things going with Kay?”
“Okay, I think. She said the same thing you did about me learning fast.”
I don’t want Austin to hear anything yet because I guess I want it to be sort of a surprise.
A gift, I guess you could call it. A very belated birthday gift.
Or a super early Christmas gift. It’s pretty clear now, I think, ever since Chad Dick’s yacht party that there’s more between us than sex.
More between us than being “best friends.”
These songs will be my way of expressing how I feel. I don’t want to say it to him, plain and flat, I love you. It’s just too simple and too easy. Things between us have never been simple and easy.
“Can I ask you something?” Judd says, watching me struggle through a verse.
“Yeah. Sure,” I say distractedly.
“Why are you still living under the same roof as your old man?”
I look up at him from the music.
“You don’t get along with him,” Judd says. “And you’re old enough. Was just wondering.”
School is about to start back soon. There will be a whole six and a half hours five days a week where I won’t have to worry about Sunny.
Tamar is still getting sick from the pregnancy, but she’s better than she was.
She woke up and made Sunny breakfast this morning.
I don’t know what the hell she’d do if I wasn’t there.
And she still hasn’t told anyone but me.
Pete is no help at all. Him and Dan started going to the casinos near Redondo Beach.
He could really care less about his family. And that’s the problem.
“I have some things I need to take care of first,” I say.
“Like what?”
“I gotta find a place for one thing.” I idly strum the guitar. “Make sure I have the money.” And make sure there is room for Sunny, if it ever came to that.
And… maybe someone else too?
“Well, that second part I’m sure isn’t a problem,” Judd says.
“No.” I shake my head, sighing. “Not really.”
Money isn’t something I think about too often.
The money I made as a teen idol is safely tucked away in that account Pete opened for me years ago.
When I turned eighteen, I checked it to make sure the money was still there and it was.
I’ve been sitting on close to a million dollars for almost three years now.
I guess I don’t think about it much because even though it’s mine and I earned it, it feels…
dishonest. I made that money pretending. I made that money as a fraud.
“I guess I’ll have to start looking,” I say.
“You need any help, holler,” Judd says.
I tell him that I will.
After practice, I go back home to find Tamar sipping tea at the kitchen table, looking not quite as pale, and Sunny in front of the TV.
I get the Martin inside and up the stairs to my bedroom without either of them seeing.
I don’t know why I’m being so secretive about it.
Probably because Tamar will want to know who gave me the guitar and it’ll just start a shitstorm. And I don’t want to deal with that.
But with Sunny and Tamar doing okay, I can get ready for my hot date tonight.
Austin said he wanted to take me out. We haven’t gone anywhere else since the yacht party.
I started to worry that he really was embarrassed to be out with me.
But he surprised me this morning before I left.
Pleasantly surprised. I actually feel a little nervous.
I walk into La Strada at eight o’clock on the nose.
Austin already has a table, somewhere in the back for some privacy. I take a seat and look around. I’m not sure I’ve been here before.
“Real fancy, Hollywood,” I say. “Am I going to have to put out?”
“Definitely,” he says.
It’s going to hurt like a bitch, isn’t it?
When he gets tired of a loser like me. When he gets so famous there will be more yacht parties, and galas, and award ceremonies.
Especially now after Chad Dick’s yacht party.
Slowly but surely, he’ll stop asking me to come with him.
I don’t want to be right. But I know that I won’t be wrong.
A waiter comes over to get our drinks. I feel Austin’s hand on my thigh under the table.
I take his hand, squeezing his fingers.
There’s a few seconds where we’re not talking, but I feel like we’re saying a lot just by looking at each other. There are so many things I could say to him. So many I wrote them all down.
The waiter comes back and we tell him what we want. When he’s gone, Austin says, “So, how is everything? With the music and stuff?”
“It’s good,” I say. He’s waiting on me to say more, but I just smile and sip my drink.
“And I can’t even hear a little bit of it?” he asks.
“Nope.” I shake my head. “Not yet. Not until you wear your police uniform for me.”
He laughs. “So, if I sneak it home and dress like a cop for you, you’ll sing me your song?”
“Handcuffs,” I say. “You have to bring the handcuffs.”
“What for?” I can see in his eyes he knows the answer to that.
“Because I wasn’t doing anything, officer,” I say innocently. “You’ve got the wrong guy.”
He’s leaning closer to me, and I watch it happen in his features and hear it in his voice as he becomes someone else. “I never get the wrong guy. Now button your lip if you know what’s good for you.”
“Damn…” I actually feel my pants getting tighter. “You want me to throw you down on this table right here?”
He leans even closer, almost in my face. “You can’t talk to an officer of the law like that, buddy. We’re gonna have to lock you up.”
This is why he’s going to be a star. An even bigger star than before.
The fact that he can just do this, in the middle of a restaurant, right here in front of me, is the reason why.
This is why it’s going to hurt, and why he should be embarrassed to be out with me.
I am beneath him. It’s not self-depreciating or self-pity. It’s just the truth.
I’m about ready to say something else to keep this role play going, but we’re interrupted.
“Well, what a surprise.”
We both turn to the voice. An old man who looks a little like Santa Claus with thicker sideburns stands by our table. There’s a younger woman on his arm all gussied up in diamonds. On the other side of him is a geeky-looking fella with thick glasses holding a sports coat and a wrap.
The old guy looks from me to Austin. His hand withdraws from mine under the table, and he slowly scoots away from me.
The old man says to Austin, “I guess great minds think alike.”
“Guess so.” Austin swallows, then looks at me. “This is Phil Baxter. One of the producers for the show.”
I reach out to shake his hand. “Harvey Laden.”
“I know who you are.” The tone of his voice isn’t kind. He shakes my hand with a look of pure disgust in his eyes. He releases my hand and gives me a tight smile. “I’ve heard of your father.”
I give him a tight smile back. “Most people have.”
Phil looks at Austin. “I won’t disturb your dinner, but I’m glad I caught you. I would like you to come by my office sometime this week.”
Austin’s face flushes. “For what?”
“Just a chat.” He gives Austin that tight smile again.
“Yeah, okay.”
Phil points his thumb at the geek. “Call Clarence and set it up.”
Austin nods. “I will.”
Phil gives me another look before he walks off.
Once he’s gone, I say, “What the hell’s that guy’s problem?”
Austin shrugs, taking a drink, his face still flushed. “He can be kind of a grumpy old man sometimes.”
“Apparently. Now.” I turn to him. “Where were we?”
The smile he gives me is weak, but before he can answer our food arrives. The conversation drifts back to cop uniforms and music, the incident forgotten almost entirely.
The Precinct premiers two nights later, on a Thursday, ironically around the time Love Thy Neighbor would come on.
Austin has a viewing party for the pilot.
He invites the cast, and I have to see Chad Dick again.
He’s with a different woman this time. I call him Chad again, and he avoids me.
Austin also invited Margie Thurmond and Steve Windell.
It’s not wild like his New Year’s party, but there are joints getting passed around and people snorting lines in the bathrooms.
Since he’s got one of those big TVs, everyone gathers in the living room.
In the intro, Austin is second after Chad.
I get butterflies. It’s real now. There he is on that square screen again, being broadcast into homes all over America.
His life is about to change. And I was right that he looks sexy in a police uniform.
Aside from that though, he’s just incredible.
Him and Chad honestly. Those three episodes they filmed won’t be the only ones.