Chapter 10
DASH
Back in my room, I go over it again.
What just happened?
I came on too strong; that has to be it. Except, did I?
Caleb kissed me.
Okay, no, Caleb more or less head-butted me, and then I kissed him.
I go back over the week. I came into his space. I invited him out. I, basically, kissed him.
Did I misread everything?
I mean, I thought he was shy. No. He is shy.
But that doesn’t mean he wants my tongue in his mouth.
On the other hand, he put his tongue in my mouth. Which feels like it means something.
Except then he ran away.
I fall back against my pillows and groan.
Gavin chooses that moment to walk into the room. He glances over at me.
“More calculus?”
“I wish.”
He stops and looks at me more carefully. “Do you… want to talk about it?”
Actually? I kind of do.
But would he? Want to talk to me if he knew what I was upset about? Do I really want to test the limits of Gavin’s ally-ship a week after meeting him?
Well. If I’m going to live with him for an entire year, then yes, yes I do.
“It’s a guy. That guy I watch hockey practice with? So”—I look up at him carefully—”we kissed, but then…”
I watch him for signs of discomfort and, shit, there are some. He looks… sweaty.
“Sorry,” he says after a minute. “It’s just… this isn’t exactly my area.”
“Oh? Boy trouble isn’t your area? You don’t say.” I glare at him. “Forget I said anything.”
I flop back on my bed and pick up my phone in an effort to ignore him.
“No! No.” He looks pained. “Not the guy thing. Just… any of it. The dating thing. Or whatever.”
He fiddles with the zipper on his bookbag, and suddenly, he looks way more like a little kid than a huge college jock.
Oh. I mean, I’m surprised because… well, look at him. But also, oh.
He looks bashful and awkward, and… actually, he reminds me a little of Caleb right now.
Huh.
“You know what?” I say, “I think your take might be helpful here.”
He looks up. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
So I tell him everything that happened. And he listens, quietly, but giving me his full attention. And when I'm done, I ask what I really want to know.
“So. Is he just not interested?”
Gavin considers. “I don't think that's how you act when you're not interested.”
I let out a humorless chuckle. “It's definitely not how you act when you are interested.”
I feel like fleeing the scene pretty much screams “I don’t want this.” Of course, I don’t run away from anything. I just rush in headlong, whether it’s a good idea or not.
“Except,” Gavin says slowly, like he’s thinking it through as he speaks, “maybe it’s exactly what you do if you feel like you have no freaking clue what you're doing.”
I blink at him. Because that actually makes a lot of sense.
“Yeah. Maybe.”
The thought settles over both of us, I think, and we're quiet for a minute. Then I ask, “What do you think I should do?”
“I don't know. What do you think he would want?”