44. Mary
Chapter 44
Mary
I lounge by the pool, blankly staring at the crystal blue water. The gentle lapping and distant laughter mingle in my ears. Although the Italian sun warms my skin, I feel cold and empty. Like a vital piece of me is missing.
The last two days have been a blur. Connor’s presence lingers nearby, always watching. But the silence between us stretches like an endless chasm. The easy intimacy we once shared is gone, replaced by a tense, fragile truce.
I drift in and out of consciousness, torn between wanting him near and needing space.
Lost. Longing for something I can’t even name. Something Connor used to make me feel, but now I don’t know.
I glance over at him, his dark eyes hidden behind sunglasses.
He’s been so quiet, so distant since we got here. Barely a word, barely a touch.
It’s like he’s here but not really present. With me, but not with me. Here but still far away. Just like he always was.
Irritation prickles under my skin. He hasn’t even tried to apologize again. To explain himself, to make things right.
Maybe that’s why I feel this emptiness inside. Because deep down, I’m afraid. Afraid that he doesn’t want me anymore. That pretending to be Chris was just a game to him and now that it’s over, so are we.
But I’m not ready to end this. I never was. It’s selfish, but I don’t care. I want my fairytale ending, and I want it with him… I just don’t know how.
He approaches, footsteps muffled on the terracotta tiles and his shadow falling over me. “Dinner?”
His voice is always gentle and cautious.
I nod, follow him, and stop as he’s walking toward the stairs to the hotel rooms, not the restaurant.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“We’ll have it in our suite.”
I still don’t move.
“Trust me?” He holds out his hand, and for the first time in days, it feels like we’re closer.
I take it, relishing in the warmth I missed.
We step into the suite, my breath catching in my throat. The room is bathed in a soft, warm glow from the flickering candles scattered around. But it’s the sight of the couch area that makes my heart skip a beat .
A beautifully prepared dinner awaits us. Delicate rose petals are strewn across the table, their velvety red a stark contrast against the crisp white tablecloth. A bouquet of roses sits in the center, their sweet fragrance filling the air.
My gaze drifts to the TV screen, and I can’t help but let out a small giggle. It’s my favorite reality show, the one I always watch when I need a pick-me-up. A man handing out roses and women fighting over him.
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, and I blink furiously to keep them at bay. “What’s all this?”
Connor steps closer behind me. “I don’t… I thought it might help.”
I swallow hard, my throat tight with emotion. “You didn’t have to do all this.”
“I have a proposition.” His fingers graze my arm. “How about we forget everything for one night and enjoy each other’s company?”
All I see in his eyes are sincerity and a depth of emotion that takes my breath away.
“Connor.”
“Please, one night.”
I nod, and he takes my hand, leading me to the couch.
I sit at the table, my stomach grumbling at the sight of the Spaghetti alla Napoletana. My favorite dish. Of course.
He settles beside me, our knees almost touching as we balance our plates on our laps. The touch sends heat between my legs. That’s what I get for keeping him at a distance .
“Wine?” He holds the bottle up.
I hand him my glass, and he pours the deep red liquid into it, his eyes never leaving mine.
We eat in silence for a few moments, the only sound the clink of our forks against the plates and the muffled voices from the TV.
As I twirl the pasta around my fork, I steal glances at Connor.
The candlelight flickers across his face, casting shadows that accentuate his chiseled jawline. He looks like a damn Greek god. And he’s mine. Or at least, he was.
“He really fucked up.” Connor suddenly says, gesturing towards the TV with his fork.
I glance at the screen, watching as the bachelor is apologizing to a woman, his words dripping with insincerity.
“He did, and I hope she’s not going to believe that load of bull.” I slurp a long noodle.
“You don’t think he’s sincere?”
“Actions speak louder than words. If he really meant it, he wouldn’t have done it in the first place.”
He leans back, studying me intently. “He made a mistake. People do that.”
Are we still talking about the show? “A mistake is one thing. But lying and manipulating someone? That’s a choice.”
“True. But sometimes, people do things out of fear or desperation. It doesn’t make it right, but it doesn’t mean they don’t regret it.”
I stab at my pasta. “Regret doesn’t erase the pain they caused.”
“No, it doesn’t. But it’s a start. If someone is truly sorry, they’ll do whatever it takes to make it right.”
“And how do you know if they’re truly sorry? How can you ever trust them again?”
He sighs. “I guess you don’t. Not really. But I think they really would like the chance.”
My eyes sting with unshed tears. “And if they break your heart again?”
Connor’s gaze locks with mine, his eyes burning with intensity. “They won’t.”
“She just wants him to be honest with her.”
“And he just wants her to trust him.”
We stare at each other for a long moment, and I want to reach out and touch him, to feel his skin against mine.
What in my stupid brain is still holding me back? It’s as if the fear of being hurt again, of having my heart shattered, is almost paralyzing. Because I know he has the power to do it.
“Guess they’re both pretty fucked up,” I say instead, turning back to the TV.
Connor laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Aren’t we all?”
Are we fucked up?
You know what? I won’t wait around anymore.
I did that long enough, enduring these sleazy lawyers instead of kicking them, preferably in the nuts, waiting for my father to acknowledge me instead of asking for it, every time waiting for Connor to make a move, so I feel reassured because I’m scared.
I’m scared he’ll reject me.
What if he feels the same? Rightfully so, thinking back on how I acted these last days.
No more waiting for things to happen.
I lay down my fork. God, I’m trembling. But I have to do this if I don’t want to lose him.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Find your Zen.
He won’t reject me.