45. Connor
Chapter 45
Connor
I fucked up. I can see it in the way Mary’s eyes dart away from mine, the slight tremble in her fingers as she sets down her fork. The conversation about trust and second chances hit too close to home.
God, I want to reach out to her, to gather her into my arms and make up for the pain I caused. But I don’t know if it’s too soon.
My mind races with a thousand different scenarios, each more disastrous than the last. What if she never forgives me? What if I’ve lost her for good? What if it can never go back to the way it was before?
“I’m gonna take a shower.” I stand up abruptly.
Mary’s gaze snaps to mine, surprise and something else flickering in her eyes. Fuck, I’m screwing this up again, aren’t I ?
If I stay… If I push too hard, will she shatter like the fragile trust between us? Patience. I clench my fist and stride toward the bathroom.
The door clicks shut behind me, but it does nothing to muffle the accusatory voices in my head.
Why do I always fuck up the things that matter most? First with the lies, the deception and now with this.
I twist the shower knob viciously, hoping the scalding water can burn away the guilt eating at me. It’s no less than I deserve.
Suddenly, the shower door clicks open, steam billowing out like a sigh. I turn to find Mary standing there. Naked.
“Blue…” I didn’t hear her.
She steps in, and the space between us shrinks to nothing. There’s a vulnerability to her movements that makes my chest ache, a determination that steels my resolve.
I won’t hurt her again.
As the first drops of water hit her skin, she flinches, and I immediately turn the knob to a lukewarm temperature.
Her eyes focus on mine, and I let mine wander over her body as the water cascades over her taut nipples and forms on her stomach before disappearing between…
Our eyes meet again. Hers searching, mine pleading for forgiveness I’m not sure I deserve.
“Are you okay?” My hand reaches out, tentative, stopping just short of her cheek.
“There’s room for two, you know.” She leans into the touch .
I brush my thumb over her soft skin. She’s here, real, and whatever this is, whatever we are, it’s not just a figment of my twisted fantasies.
“I mean… Do you… ” Her palm comes to rest against my chest, tentative and questioning. Waiting. “…still want me?”
The water from the showerhead pelts against my skin, but it’s the sting of her uncertainty that truly penetrates. How could I not fucking want the one woman I loved all my life?
“What?” I ask.
“Ouch. That hurts. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
I grab her waist and crush my lips to hers. And just like that, the distance between us evaporates.
Her lips melt against mine, soft and yielding, and I swear I can taste her surprise, her relief, her need. It’s intoxicating, more potent than any drug I’ve ever tried.
My heart races, pounding against my ribcage like it’s trying to break free, to merge with hers.
I deepen the kiss, my tongue delving into her mouth, exploring every inch of her. She meets me with equal fervor, her hands tangling in my hair, tugging me closer. It’s electric, the way her body molds to mine, the tension bleeding from her posture.
I can’t get enough of her. My hands roam over her curves, memorizing every dip and swell. She arches into my touch, a soft moan escaping her lips. It’s music to my ears, a symphony I never want to end.
God, I love her. I love her so fucking much it hurts. It’s a physical ache in my chest, a longing that consumes me. I pour everything into this kiss, every ounce of love and devotion and desperate need.
I want her to feel it, to know that she’s everything to me. That I’ll spend the rest of my life making her feel cherished and adored.
She breaks the kiss, gasping for air, and I trail my lips down her neck, tasting the water on her skin.
“Connor.” My name has never sounded so sweet.
Her eyes have darkened with desire, her lips are swollen from my kisses, and a pretty blush flames across her cheeks.
“Don’t ever think I don’t want you,” I whisper. “Since college, Blue. Since before I knew how to want anything. Any man would be lucky to have you.”
Her eyes widen, and for a moment, I’m terrified that I’ve said too much, that I’ve ruined everything.
But then she smiles, and it’s like the sun breaking through the clouds. “Do you feel lucky?”
“I’m your stalker, remember? I’m the luckiest to even have you here. I’ve watched the way your eyes light up with joy. When you eat, when you laugh. Since I tasted you, I can’t—and won’t—let you go. I’ll be here. Always. Even if… Even if you decide to abandon me.”
“You really mean that.”
“I don’t say things I don’t mean.”
Her hands float over my tattoos. “You never told me what they mean. ”
The waves on my skin ripple as I flex my arm, and I smirk at the way Mary’s gaze lingers on the ink that stretches from my hand to half of my shoulder. She’s always been curious about the meaning behind them, but I’ve never had the balls to tell her the truth.
Until now.
“They’re you,” I say. “The waves. They’re what I feel when I look into your eyes. Emotions crashing over me and a deep, endless blue that I could drown in.”
Her breath hitches, and I can see the surprise in her eyes.
“Every time I look at you, it’s like I’m being pulled under. Consumed. And I never want to come up for air.” My fingers trace the curve of her cheek, and she leans into my touch.
“Connor.”
“You see me, Blue. In a way, no one else ever has. And when I’m with you, I feel understood. Loved, even. Though I sure as fuck don’t deserve it.”
Her hand comes up to cover mine, and she presses a kiss to my palm.
“You do. Leaving you, abandoning you, never crossed my mind,” she says, and I swear my heart stops.
I crush her to me, burying my face in her neck, breathing her in. She’s mine, and I’m hers, and nothing else matters. Not the lies, not the pain, not the fucking world outside this shower.
All that matters is her and the way she makes me feel alive, the way she sees past all my bullshit .
My lips graze the curve of her neck, relearning the shape of her. Her pulse flutters under my mouth, a staccato rhythm that matches my own.
I pull back and swipe my thumb over Mary’s plump lips, tracing their soft contours. She parts them slightly, her tongue darting out to taste my skin. The sight sends a jolt of desire straight to my cock.
Without breaking eye contact, she takes my thumb into her warm, wet mouth.
Her tongue swirls around the pad, sucking gently. It’s the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen. Just like the first night, I met her as Connor.
“Fuck, Blue,” I groan.
She releases my thumb with a soft pop. “Make me feel again.” Her chest rises and falls against mine. “Please.”
My restraint snaps like a rubber band pulled too taut.
I crush my mouth to hers, swallowing her gasps and little moans as I ravish her like a madman. My hands skim down her sides, tracing the curves of her waist and her hips. I want to touch every inch of her, to memorize the feel of her skin beneath my fingertips.
She arches into my touch, her breath hitching as I cup her ass. The heat of her body seeps into mine, igniting a fire in my veins.
I dig my fingers into the flesh of her ass and lift her against the shower wall. Her legs wrap around my waist as our kiss deepens, and the evidence of her desire slicks my length as I grind against her.
“Connor.” Her eyes flutter shut as her body relaxes into mine. “Don’t tease.”
“Never.” Moving my hips in a slow, sensual rhythm, I feel her wet heat against me, and it takes all my restraint not to give in to the desire to thrust deep into her tight sweet pussy.
Her nails dig into my shoulders, nails biting into my skin as she pushes herself harder against me, seeking more friction. “Please, Connor. I need—”
I silence the rest of her plea, rocking into her with a single, deep thrust. A broken moan spills from her lips.
My dick throbs in response, pushing even deeper as Mary’s warmth surrounds me. Fuck, she feels good. So good. Like—
“You’re mine,” I growl against her skin, my hips moving faster.
Her eyes close tightly, and her mouth parts with each thrust, revealing just how deeply she’s lost in this moment, too. I know she’s close. I can feel it in every twitch of her muscles, every shudder that runs through her.
I drive into her again and again, chasing the waves of pleasure threatening to drown us both. I want her, all of her.
“Look at me, Blue.”
Her eyes fly open, meeting mine, and at that moment, the blue depths of her eyes crash over me in waves, and the world falls away .
Her walls clamp around me as she cries out in ecstasy, her climax triggering my own, our eyes locked onto each other.
There’s nothing but her—the feel of her skin against mine, the heat of her body pressed so close. The way her gaze pierces through me, seeing all the dark, twisted parts of my soul and accepting them. Loving them.
She collapses into me, panting lightly, and I wrap an arm around her waist, stabilizing her as my cock is still nestled inside her sweet pussy.
“Stay with me tonight?” she asks.
These last nights, I slept on the couch, not daring to get too close to her.
“If I had my way, we’d never leave this shower.” I plant a soft kiss on her nose, her cheeks, and the corner of her mouth. “You’re not going to disappear on me again, are you?”
“There aren’t many options here.”
“Blue?”
“Yeah?”
“Am I really your stalker?”
She nods, and seconds later, my lips are on hers again.
Our kisses are slow and languid, an unhurried exploration, and the water has gone cold, but I barely notice it, lost in her.
She breaks away with a shiver, and I reluctantly turn off the faucet. “I guess we used up the warm water. We should get you warm. ”
I pull out slowly from her quivering body, watching as she leans against the cool tiles. My hand moves up to cup her face gently, tracing the long curve of her jaw.
This isn’t a dream.
I get out first and grab one of the oversized hotel towels to wrap her in. She follows me out, and I rub her skin to chase away the goosebumps.
“Thank you.” The next words from her lips are almost too quiet for me to hear. “For protecting me and… I’m glad it was you that night and not him.”
“I—”
“Please, not now. We said one night, right?” She gets out of my hold and walks away, pausing in the doorway. Her back is turned to me. “Are you coming to bed when you’re done?”
“Yes.”
And just like she is leaving the bathroom, she is too far away for me to grasp. Again.
Back in the room, I grab my phone and head outside to the balcony after taking a look at Mary’s sleeping form in the bed.
I call the number I first called when I had to take care of Chris.
It doesn’t even ring once before he picks up. “Took you long enough.”
“Do it when I’m flying back.”
“Greet Elijah from me.” He hangs up without saying goodbye. At least some things stay the same .
I glance back through the glass door at the beautiful woman lying in bed.
My phone buzzes again.
Richard?