9.
FARRAH
“You’ve got another date tonight, right?” Fiona asked as she walked past me carrying a tray of small but healthy-looking plants. When she set them down at the end of the table where I was potting up some just like them, she asked, “Dance class, isn’t it?”
“Yes. Our second one, which I hope won’t be nearly as humiliating as our first.”
“Does he have two left feet?” Serana asked from her stool just down the table from mine.
“I think we both do. I haven’t danced in forever, and the only dancing he’s ever done is the two-step and the waltz.”
“Are you wearing heels?”
“Why would I?” I asked Serana. I thought about it for a second and recalled that the instructor had been wearing short heels as had a few of the other women in the class. “Oh, God! Am I going to have to?”
“How long has it been since you walked in heels?”
“So long that I’ll probably look like a baby giraffe taking my first steps,” I admitted.
“We’re gonna need a video,” Moe said as she breezed by carrying a tray of freshly started seeds. She set them on the warming table and then laughed before she said, “I’d give anything for a video of the class, especially if Farrah’s wearing heels!”
“I’m not doin’ it.”
“I wouldn’t either,” Fiona admitted. “Moe, how well can you walk in heels?”
“I’ve never even tried,” Moe said as she shook her head. “I’m accident prone on a good day, so there’s no reason to tempt fate by putting me on stilts. It’s best if I stay firmly planted on the ground.”
“I wonder if I can still walk in heels?” Serana asked. “I’m going to buy a pair next time we go to the thrift store just to see.”
“We’re scheduled to do some more shopping for the store tomorrow. If we have time while we’re out, we can stop and find a pair for you,” I suggested.
“While you’re on your date, you need to ask him when our show is going to come back,” Fiona suggested.
“I’ve missed watching them over coffee. It was a great way to start my morning,” Moe agreed.
Since I already knew the answer, I explained, “They can’t come back until everything has dried out a little more. Probably tomorrow or the next day. He’s supposed to come out some time this afternoon to check it out.”
“Why make two trips? He could look it over when he comes to pick you up.”
“True, but I’m trying to keep dating him separate from everything else.”
“You still haven’t talked about stuff?” Moe asked.
“We’ve talked about lots of stuff, just not the fact that I’m an ex-con.”
“He still just thinks you’re an alcoholic?” Fiona asked.
“Yes.”
“So, you’re basing your entire relationship on a lie.”
I frowned at Moe and argued, “I am not! I just haven’t told him the whole truth yet.”
“The whole truth? How about none of the truth?”
“I like the bubble we’re in.”
“But you can’t stay there forever,” Moe chided. “You’re starting to get attached, and I’m pretty sure that’s not a good idea if he doesn’t know who you really are.”
“I just want a little more time.” I looked up and found all of the women staring at me, so I added, “And, yes, I’m going to talk to Dr. Hamilton about it at our appointment next week.”
“Our little girl is growing up,” Moe said sarcastically as he put her hands in the prayer position in front of her chest.
Fiona leaned closer to Moe and rested her head on her shoulder before she said, “Look at her. She’s becoming an adult right before our eyes.”
“What in the world is she doing?” Serana asked as she stood up and turned toward the opening of the high tunnel. “Is she just wandering around?”
“That girl must be high,” Moe muttered as we all watched Jill hurrying back and forth in the other tunnel where the raised bed gardens were already filled and growing flowers. “She probably doesn’t even know what she’s doing.”
“Well, I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you about my talk with Zoey today.”
“When is Jill out of here?” Moe asked.
“Her drug test was negative.”
“You’re shitting me!” Shiloh yelled.
“How?” more than one woman asked almost as loudly.
When I shrugged and shook my head, Moe said, “We all know how, I’m just surprised she’s smart enough to do it.”
“Zoey’s changing one of the rules, and we’ll all need to sign the addendum to the resident agreement,” I started to explain.
“No! I love my highlights!” Fiona moaned, knowing exactly what I was about to say. When I shook my head, she said, “Well, shit. I can either have my highlights, or we can weed out women like Jill and Margie.”
“Margie tested clean too.”
“Fuck around! Really?” Serana asked.
“I’m just gonna ask this because . . . Well, I don’t think . . . Fuck! This is hard!”
“I’m clean,” Moe pronounced.
“Me too,” Fiona said.
Serana, Shiloh, Ginger, and Taylor all agreed that they had nothing to worry about which led me to my next question.
“Should one of us talk to them about getting help? If they turn themselves in before they get popped, it may go better for them,” I suggested.
“Who would they even listen to? They’re so far up each other’s ass that they won’t even hear us,” Moe scoffed.
“Should we at least try?” Fiona asked. “And if we do, who should talk to them?”
“Whoever they hate the least, I guess.”
“Farrah’s right. And that leaves the two of us out of the equation,” Moe said with a grin. “Never been so glad to have an enemy before.”
“I’ll talk to them,” Taylor volunteered. “It will be easier if I can approach them one at a time. I’d rather not do it when they’re together.”
“I think that’s a good idea.” I looked around at the women who I’d become close to over the last few months and said, “We’re each other’s support system now, right? If one of us falters, we go at it like a team. No one’s alone.”
“Jill’s alone,” Taylor said as we watched the other woman rush across the grass toward the buildings.
“She’s that way because she wants to be. We’ve all tried to make nice, but she’s just shitty,” I reminded them.
“How are things at the house?” Moe asked Shiloh, referring to the house that she and I had moved out of to come here.
“I’ve started keeping my valuables in my locker in the breakroom here because shit keeps getting lost at home,” Shiloh said angrily.
“Do we need to start making runs to the pawn shops around town?” Serana asked. When Shiloh nodded, she said, “Sorry, babe. That sucks.”
“I’ll talk to Zoey and see if you can bunk with one of us until it’s your turn to move in,” Taylor offered.
“No. I don’t want to ask her to break the rules for me. Starla got permission for me to hang out with her at that MC clubhouse where she lives. She’s got an apartment above the barn.” Shiloh explained. “Isn’t Zoey bringing in other women to put on the list?”
“Jill and Margie were set to share a house, and you’re after them,” I reminded her. “If we can just keep you from getting an assault charge until they fuck up bad enough to get sent back, you’ll have a home out here with us soon.”
“I’ll make myself scarce,” Shiloh promised.
“That sounds like a good idea,” Moe agreed.
“Well, I guess that’s all we can do,” I said as I picked up the tray I’d just finished. I took a few steps, and a pain in my back made me gasp. After a few seconds, it went away and I started walking again.
“What’s wrong?” Moe asked.
“It’s just my back.”
“You’re getting old.”
“Bite me. I’m going to put this with the others and go take a shower. Every time I work in here, I get dirt embedded in my fingerprints. Don’t even get me started on how hard it is to get it out of my cuticles.”
“Zoey bought gloves for a reason, dummy,” Moe said before she threw a dirt clod at me.
I caught it and threw it back before I said, “Don’t call me dumb, Moe. Where are Curly and Larry?”
Moe laughed maniacally and then suddenly stopped before, with a blank expression on her face, she said, “They’re somewhere no one will ever find them.”
“Fucking psycho.”
I walked out of the high tunnel while they were still laughing and looked back over my shoulder to flip them off. When I turned around, Jill was standing just a few feet away glaring at me.
“What?” I snapped.
“Where did you put it?”
“Put what?”
“You know what I’m talking about!” Jill screeched.
Without thinking, I said, “I’m not gonna tell you.”
“Give it back, or you’re gonna be sorry.”
“Sorry I met you? Already there,” I said as I walked past her, well aware that I was putting her at my back but also that there was a group of women watching out for me. “Obviously, if you lost something and you’re too dumb to remember where you put it, then you shouldn’t have been hiding something in the first place.”
“Fucking bitch!” Jill yelled.
I turned around but kept slowly walking backwards as I smiled at her and said, “Shouldn’t be doing drugs anyway, Jelly Bean. Don’t you know that shit’ll kill you?”
Jill scoffed before she said, “Whatever! You didn’t find it, or you’d be high right now.”
“Then I guess you better keep looking.”
Jill dashed back toward the field, and I stopped walking backwards to watch her for a second before I looked back to the mouth of the tunnel where the women were standing shoulder to shoulder, ready to step in if I had needed them.
Moe pointed to the phone in her hand. I knew she’d been recording the interaction between me and Jill, so I called out, “Me and Zoey, okay?” When Moe nodded and looked back at her phone, I waved at the women and then spun around to go get ready for my date.
As much as I loved hanging out with Lynn, I loved the fact that I could forget all my troubles even more. I’d held on to that feeling for as long as I could, but I knew I had to tell him.
Just like another conversation with Jill, I was not looking forward to that at all.
◆◆◆
Lynn and I decided that we weren’t ready for our night to end, so we met at a nearby park to take a walk together as the sun set. We had been walking for a while when I said, “I think we did better this week!”
Lynn looked at me like I was nuts and asked, “Can you even feel your toes at this point?”
“Oh, I can feel them!”
“Do you think it might be better if I danced barefoot and you stayed in your shoes?”
“You weren’t that bad,” I assured him. “I’m not sure your toes would be safe.”
“It may be worth a try.”
I laughed before I said, “The girls and I were talking today, and one of them asked if I’d be dancing in heels. I assured them that I would not.”
“I don’t know how women walk in those things anyway. I can’t imagine dancing in them.”
“Back in the day, I probably could have run a race in heels without any problem, but you don’t see them on my feet now!”
“I took the girls shopping for new shoes a few weeks ago, and they tried to convince me that they needed heels - not really high ones, but too high for eight-year-olds, as far as I’m concerned.”
“Do you take your granddaughters shopping very often?” I asked.
I felt Lynn’s hand tense in mine before it relaxed as he took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly as if taking time to think before he answered.
“My granddaughters live with me.”
“I bet that’s an adventure.”
“Some days it is. Other days, it’s a trial of my patience. Luckily, those days are few and far between.”
“I guess you go shopping a lot then, don’t you?”
“Too much. But it’s either that or let them learn about online shopping, and that’s not a battle I’m ready to fight.”
“I love online shopping. We joke that we should pitch in and buy our delivery driver something nice since he’s out there almost every day.”
“All of those women who drink coffee with you live on the property?”
“Yes.”
“You live close together and work together. What’s that like?”
I thought about how close I’d been to at least a thousand other women for years and laughed before I said, “It’s not as bad as you might think.”
“I try to keep my personal life far away from my work life. I’m friends with some of my guys but others are basically strangers who get a paycheck from me. I’m perfectly okay with that.”
“Zoey’s becoming friends with all of us, but she is able to maintain her distance. I think her history as a police officer helps with that. She is very good about setting boundaries.”
“It’s a shame what happened to her. I was sorry to hear that she won’t be able to go back to the police force.”
“Speaking of the police, I have a question.”
“Is it about how I knew your son and his partner?” When I nodded, Lynn squeezed my hand before he said, “Your son was one of the first officers on scene when my daughter wrecked her car while she had the girls with her. He took Berklee and Brinlee far enough away so that they didn’t see their mother fail her sobriety test and get arrested. When I got to the scene, Officer Seaverson was sitting on the curb around the corner with a girl on either side of him, watching live stream videos of a watering hole somewhere in Africa.”
I burst out laughing before I said, “When Colt was little, he wanted to be a large animal vet. To most people, that would mean cattle or horses, but he only wanted to see the big cats and an occasional elephant.”
“Not much need for that profession around here.”
“We didn’t live here at the time, but it’s not like Little Rock is full of exotic animals. Well, at least not that kind.”
“Your son worked the second wreck my daughter caused too,” Lynn said sadly.
“Were the girls with her?”
“No, thank God. That wreck was much worse. Leanne hit a family who was on their way home from church. All of them were injured, but the mother was killed instantly.”
“Oh, no.”
“At that point, the state had already placed the girls with me and Leanne was supposed to be working the services that they ordered. As far as I knew, she was sober and attending meetings, but I found out later that was all a lie. She was just really good at hiding her drinking.” Lynn laughed bitterly before he said, “I guess she got that from her mama.”
“You mentioned that your ex-wife was an alcoholic. Is she in recovery?”
“Not as far as I know. Obviously, I don’t talk to her, and the last time Lanna heard from her was right after Leanne was arrested. It’s been radio silence ever since. That’s probably for the best.”
“And the state left the girls with you?” I asked.
“Yes. My daughter signed custody over to me, and I’ll officially adopt them once the case is closed.”
“The case? You mean the DCFS case?”
“Yes. It should be over any day, but you know how government and state agencies work. There’s a whole lot of hurry up and wait.”
I squeezed Lynn’s hand before I let it go and stopped walking. I could see my car and his truck in the distance and was glad they weren’t too far away.
“Lynn, there are a lot of things you don’t know about me.”
Lynn laughed before he said, “And there are a lot of things you don’t know about me. To hear my granddaughters tell it, I’m hell to get along with half the time.”
“You may be, but I’m afraid that’s not something I can find out.”
“Why not?” His brow furrowed before he asked, “Is this because I’m raising Brin and Berk?” Before I could answer him, he shook his head and muttered, “Shit.”
“No! I’m sure they’re wonderful, and they’re going to keep you on your toes. This is about me and how I could affect what you’re working toward with their custody.”
“How can you affect that?” Lynn asked.
I took a deep breath and then whispered, “Please remember the me that you’ve gotten to know before you judge me for the me I really am.”
“What does that mean?”
“Lynn, the houses that you laid the foundation for and the business you are helping build right now are to help women reintegrate into society after being incarcerated.”
“That’s good, right? You help them?”
“I am one of them, Lynn. I’m not just an employee. I’m a recovering addict and a felon. I lost custody of my son because of my drug use and inability to get and stay clean. I’ve been in and out of prison since Colt was eleven. Danielle isn’t his stepmother. She’s his adopted mother. I came to Rojo to rebuild my relationship with my son and start a new life . . . a clean and sober life.”
“How long were you . . . What were you . . . When did you . . .”
“I was addicted to methamphetamine. I got out of prison six months ago.”
Lynn took a step back and stared at me in shock. Finally, he said, “If they find out that I’ve been seeing you . . .”
“They’ll take the girls away,” I finished for him. “As it stands, I’ve never met them, and as far as I know, you’ve never mentioned me to them. If I walk away right now and we make a clean break, you can go on with your life and build a home and family for your granddaughters without me.”
“I know we just met, but I thought . . . It feels like . . .”
“I understand that you probably have a million questions, and honestly, I’m not sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I liked having you look at me like I’m not broken, like I’m not less than. I’d give anything to have you keep looking at me like that, but I know that’s not possible.”
“I can’t lose the girls, Farrah.”
I stepped in front of him and rested my hands on his chest before I laid a soft kiss on his lips. It wasn’t like any kiss we’d had before.
It was a kiss goodbye.