11.
FARRAH
After I managed to function through almost two weeks of pain and then 72 hours of sheer hell, I finally started to feel better. I had learned how to ignore the pain while I was in prison because I didn’t have any other choice, so I hadn’t mentioned it to anyone.
Now I knew that was a mistake, and even though there wasn’t a lot the doctor could do for me, seeing one that cared was an option I hadn’t considered before. Dr. Parker had been a little abrupt but caring enough to call the next day to check on me. When she found out that I’d been in pain for two weeks, she chewed me out like a mother reprimanding her child - but it was a child she wanted to help.
Compared to the doctors in prison, I welcomed a good ass chewing because it meant that she cared. That was not something I’d found with the doctors I’d seen before who knew there wasn’t much they could do to help me and wouldn’t prescribe anything on the off chance that I was faking it.
I’d spent the entire weekend at home, most of it in bed, and yesterday, I puttered around my house aimlessly between naps. Now, even though I wasn’t quite at 100%, I knew that I was going to lose my mind if I didn’t get up and move around. The girls had come by for short visits, bringing food and snacks. It was nice to know that I had them in my corner too. Although every one of them, Zoey included, had let it be known that the grin and bear it method was not a healthy form of pain management and absolutely not acceptable in the future.
The bright spot in feeling so badly was that I didn’t have the energy to focus on what had happened with Lynn the other night after our dance class. Now that I was feeling better, it was hard not to think about it, but I hoped that joining the real world would suffice as a distraction.
Since I didn’t want to run into Lynn at the gym and I wasn’t sure I could do much there anyway, I attended an early morning yoga class to help work out the kinks I had from laying around for so long and then opened the office well before anyone else was even awake. That also meant that I didn’t have to see Lynn other than to watch his truck drive past the office.
By the time Zoey and the other women came in, I had already cleared my inbox, replied to the most urgent messages, and had a list of things I needed to get done in the next few days.
“Are you supposed to be at work today?” Zoey asked when she came into the office.
“I wasn’t given a specific timeline, she just said to take it easy until the pain started to ease.”
“Has it?”
“Yes. It’s just a dull ache now. I know from experience that it will be gone in a day or two, but I couldn’t stay home another day.”
“I know how you feel. I was laid up for way too long after my injury and now I can’t stand to waste a minute.”
“I’ve worked through the majority of my emails, so I’m at your disposal today.”
“Sit still, and get well.”
“You’re not helpful at all. As my boss, you’re supposed to say something like, ‘It’s about time you got back to work!’ And you should be a total asshole about it and give me grief for at least two weeks.”
“I don’t know where the hell you’ve been working, but you’re not going to get that from me.”
“Thank goodness. Janis isn’t that kind of boss either, and I was very grateful for that.”
Zoey grimaced and then sat down in the chair across from me. I worried that she was experiencing some kind of pain and then realized it wasn’t physical but something else.
“We didn’t tell you because you were so sick, but something happened at the bakery.” The look on my face made her hurry to say, “Janis is okay. I mean, it’s Janis, but she’s fine.”
“What happened?”
I sat there in shock as Zoey gave me the details of what Janis had been through and then told me that she’d spoken to her this morning and I should be relieved to know that she was the same grumpy woman she’d always been.
“She was kidnapped?” I whispered in shock. “Holy shit!”
“I know, right? But she came out of it just fine with only a few bumps and bruises.”
“And there are a few less bad guys out there doing nefarious things now.”
“That too. If you give her credit for that, her head is going to be too big to fit through doors.”
“I’ll make sure to keep it to myself,” I promised with a grin.
“She’s going to come by in a bit, so you can talk to her then.”
“I look forward to it. I want a play-by-play.”
“It’s crazy, that’s for sure.”
“So, have you figured out if there’s anything else you need me to accomplish today?”
“Get the store organized, do inventory, and make a list of any items you think I may have missed.”
I gave her a mock salute before I said, “Yes, Captain.”
“I see your sarcasm is still healthy, but I knew that after dealing with you Friday morning.”
“I wasn’t exactly at my best.”
“You don’t say. Do me a favor, and don’t pass out in the bathtub again anytime soon. I think you nearly gave Garvey a heart attack.”
“I’ll apologize to him at our meeting this evening.”
“I don’t think he needs an apology as long as he knows you’re okay.” Zoey looked uncomfortable again before she said, “He felt bad afterwards and hated that his mind instantly went to relapse before considering anything else.”
“I’ll make sure he understands that if I’d been in his shoes, I’d have thought the same thing.”
“You gave us quite a scare, Farrah,” Zoey said seriously. “You’re important to us, and not just because of how hard you work or the things you do for everyone. You’re part of our family now, and we want only good things for you. I hope you know that.”
“Thank you, Zoey. That makes me feel better than any drug ever could.”
◆◆◆
“I never thought I’d be happy to see a police officer pull up, but now that I know that it might be you, I actually get excited,” I said as I held the door open for Colt to walk into the office. “What are you up to this morning?”
Colt lifted the bag in his hand before he said, “I was hoping to catch you before you ate lunch so we could hang out for a little while and maybe check out your new place.”
“I didn’t even realize it was time for lunch,” I said honestly as I put my hand over my stomach. “The second I smelled whatever it is you’re carrying, my body reminded me that I skipped breakfast. Let me call Zoey and let her know I have a visitor and then we can walk over to my house.”
It didn’t take long for me to get permission to have a visitor on the premises or the all-clear for Colt to come and go as he pleased. Within just a few minutes, I had the office locked up and was unlocking my own front door.
“Welcome to my home,” I said as I motioned for him to follow me inside.
Colt stopped in the middle of the open space that included my living room and kitchen. He grinned before he said, “I like it. It’s already very you.”
“I’m not sure what that means, but I’ll take it.”
“Plants in the windowsill, a crochet basket next to the chair, a book on every surface, and a coffee mug on the drainboard next to the sink. Very you.”
“Old habits die hard, I guess.”
Colt put the bag of food on the table and walked over to the wall where I’d hung some photos before he said, “Wow! I’ve never seen some of these pictures. Where did you get them?”
“It took an act of God, but I was finally able to log into MySpace and download a bunch of my old photos. I got a few others from Danielle.”
I loved the pictures of my son but hated the fact that you could see the progression of my addiction in them - something that I wanted to forget but wouldn’t ever be able to. I was trying to convince myself that it was a good thing to have them up where I could compare the person I was then to the woman I’d grown into today, but that was a lot to take in and process.
“I remember taking that picture!” Colt said as he reached out and touched one of the frames. “We had just had McDonald’s and were getting ready to go to the lake with some of your friends. That was a great weekend.”
I was shocked to hear him say that because the only thing I remembered about that weekend was waking up severely hungover the next morning only to find that my son was sunburned and hungry because I hadn’t done a good job of taking care of him the day before.
Apparently, Colt saw the emotions playing across my face because he walked over and wrapped his arms around me for a tight hug before he said, “Let’s eat before the fries wilt.”
I had just taken the first bite of my burger when Colt said, “Tell me what’s going on with you and Lynn Serrano.”
I took the time to swallow my food and take a sip of my water before I said, “I’m not going to see him anymore.”
“Why?”
“To put it simply, he’s in the middle of a case involving the custody of his granddaughters. If they catch wind that he’s involved with me, it could have dire consequences.”
“I can see where that could be a problem,” Colt admitted before he took a bite of his burger. We ate silently for a few minutes before he said, “Once his case is closed, what’s going to happen?”
“Well, since I told him about my history, including my addiction and my time in prison, I would guess he’s never going to talk to me again.”
“That would be his loss.”
I laughed before I said, “I still think it’s crazy that you’ve given me another chance. I can’t really expect a relative stranger to do the same.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit. I don’t think you ever have.”
“What do you mean?”
“Yes, you’ve fucked up, and no, you weren’t always the greatest parent, but at the core of it all, you’re a good mom and good person. Even though you made some bad choices, you always loved me and wanted what was best for me, even if you couldn’t be the one to make it happen.”
There were tears in my eyes when I said, “Hearing you say that makes me feel like I might be a better person than I thought, at least in your eyes.”
“You’re great, Mom. I remember when you got out the first time and had all these promises of how things would be. Even then, I knew better than to believe you. Same with the second time. But now I can tell that it’s not the same old thing. Your outlook is different, and you even hold yourself differently, with your shoulders back like you’re ready to face everything head-on instead of hiding behind excuses and addiction.”
“Danielle should be the proudest mom in the world because she has raised a wonderful man, Colt.”
“She is proud of me, but even she’ll admit that you’re the one that started me out on the right track. She just took over when you lost your way.”
“I love you so much, Colt.”
“I love you, too, even though all this deep discussion has led to soggy fries.”
“Oh, the horror.”
“Considering everything we’ve been through together, I think we’ll manage to survive.”
“As long as I’ve got you in my corner, I can survive anything.”
“Ditto.”
◆◆◆
LYNN
“Even though they had a rough weekend and a hiccup at school, the girls seem to be processing everything very well.” When I chuckled at her observation, Dr. Hamilton asked, “Why is that funny?”
“It’s sad that there’s a gauge on how well a kid should handle knowing their parent is going to prison and they may not see or speak to her for years at a time.”
“You’re right. It’s time for me to see how you’re doing.”
“I’m fine.”
It was Dr. Hamilton’s turn to laugh, and when I frowned at her, she said, “Now I understand why it irritates Adam so much when I say that to him.”
“When Lanna was a teenager, she was very moody, and if I asked her how she was doing, she’d tell me she was fine in a tone of voice that let me know she was anything but.”
“Then explain to me how you’re really doing.”
“Well, I told you about the woman I was seeing, and last week, I got an idea of why you reacted the way you did.”
“Really?”
“I saw you at her house the other morning.” Dr. Hamilton didn’t react, so I added, “So, when I say I was shocked to find out her history, you know what I’m talking about.”
“We’re here to discuss you, Lynn.”
“Her history has a lot to do with what I’m feeling right now, and it’s sort of woven into what I’m dealing with in regards to my daughter’s case too.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Farrah . . . Okay, just to keep things on the straight and narrow as far as doctor-patient rules go, we’ll just refer to her as Miss Fawcett.” Emerald started giggling before she nodded. “I’m not angry that she didn’t lead with that information, but I am angry at myself for assuming that everything was on the up and up when it could have seriously fucked up the entire situation with the girls.”
“And?”
“And I want to have a discussion with Miss Fawcett about her history and what that means for her future, especially if she feels the same way about me that I feel about her.”
“How do you feel about her?”
“I get stupid happy when I get a text from her, and when I’m near her, I can’t stop smiling.”
“Stupid happy?”
“I didn’t know there was such a thing either, but that’s how I feel.”
“I’ll put that on my list of descriptions for emotions,” Dr. Hamilton said as she made a show of writing something down. “There you go. You’ve penned a new diagnosis, Lynn.”
“Isn’t there a rule somewhere that says a doctor isn’t supposed to make fun of their patients?”
“I guess I missed that part of class.”
I laughed at her sarcasm, and she smiled before she said, “I must say that you seem happier than I’ve seen you before. I’m not sure if that has to do with Miss Fawcett since you broke up, but . . .”
“Well, we had only been on a few dates, so I’m not sure it could be considered a breakup. Let’s just call it a short pause.”
“So, you are going to keep seeing her?” Dr. Hamilton asked.
“Not officially, but I’m not going to avoid her either. I’m not going to let what we have get in the way of the most important thing, which is getting out from under the thumb of CPS and the state. I’m going to get custody of the girls, and then I’m going to live a life that will make all of us happy.”
“Is Miss Fawcett part of that?”
“I don’t know her very well, but what I do know about her makes me think that she could be.”
“Even knowing her history?”
“You mean her addiction and incarceration?” When Dr. Hamilton nodded, I asked, “What kind of hypocrite would I be to hold that against her when there’s a piece of my heart fighting those same battles right now?”
“You’re a very introspective man, Lynn. I appreciate that about you.”
“Now, do you want me to tell you how I plan to see Miss Fawcett, or would that be something you have to report?”
“My report is going to say that Berklee and Brinlee are all but guaranteed to have a wonderful life with you and that I have no doubt that you’ll make good decisions about their health and safety.”
“Thank you.”
“So, tell me the plan.”
“Miss Fawcett has a friend named Moe that’s going to help me. Do you know her?” When Dr. Hamilton just stared at me, I assumed that was answer enough, so I said, “She’s a wild card but funny as hell, and I believe she’s a loyal friend to Miss Fawcett. She’s going to facilitate an out of the blue run-in with Miss Fawcett and I amidst a large group of people, so that we can see each other. I need to let her know that what she told me the other day doesn’t define our relationship, it just lets me know that she’s a strong woman that I really want to get to know.”
“You’re a great guy, Lynn.”
“That sounds like something a woman says right before she breaks up with him.”
“A woman who starts a break-up conversation with those words is either blowing smoke up the man’s ass or is too stupid to be worthy of him anyway.”
“You’re the best doctor I’ve ever met.”
“It’s a gift.”