CHAPTER 35
Riven
Self Aware – Temper City.
After walking for hours, I head straight for the girls.
I know exactly where they'll be.
My studio, Nocturne.
I burst through the door, panting. The soft automatic jingle I paid a fortune for chimes through the studio as the door slides open.
“Jules...” I breathe, struggling to catch my breath. “Charlie...”
Charlie spins around so fast she nearly falls out of her chair, where she'd been sitting while listening to Jules ramble.
The moment they see me, they both rush toward me.
I meet them halfway, wrapping my arms around them.
“Where were you?” Charlie sobs, her voice muffled against my shoulder.
“I... I'm so sorry...” My voice cracks, but the tears never quite come.
They've always been my blind spot.
The second they're involved, I can't hold back.
I can't pretend everything's fine.
“Riven, you have to tell us where you were! We were worried sick!” Jules pulls back just enough to look at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
“I... I couldn't reach out. My comm was at my loft...” I murmur, lowering my gaze. “I was at my parents' house... I couldn't...”
The lie leaves my mouth far too easily.
I'm not ready.
If I tell them the truth, they'll be terrified.
And judging by the way they're looking at me, I don't think they believe me anyway.
Hell, I don’t believe me either.
I’d never disappear like that without warning them—not them.
They’ve been my best friends since we were twelve, they’ve seen me at my worst and at my best, through my anger issues—throwing chairs and setting things on fire.
Through me sobbing over dogs dying in movies, through everything but I can't tell them yet.
But I can't tell them yet.
He's a cheating bastard, a disgusting psychopath who turned my life upside down the moment he crashed into it.
If I tell them he kidnapped me, held me captive, worked on a car, and keeps coming back no matter how many times I push him away, who gets off on fucking mouths—my mouth—and got one of the best orgasm I ever had before, they’d probably kill him before I get the chance to.
And God knows they’ve already spent days worrying about me. I don’t want to put more on their shoulders.
“Basically, it was a family matter—”
Charlie cups my cheeks, squeezing them and cutting me off. Her beautiful gray eyes search mine, her blonde streaks framing her face, making her look younger, softer.
“Don’t lie.” Charlie sobs, her eyes never leaving mine. “Don’t you dare lie to us, Riven. We can see you're traumatized. We can see you're not okay. You're not yourself!”
I flinch.
Not because she's scaring me.
But because the sheer worry in her voice makes me feel like absolute shit.
And I hate myself for it, for lying to them, for looking my best friends in the eyes and feeding them bullshit. They deserve better, they deserve the truth. But I’m not ready to say it out loud.
That makes me sick, makes me disgusted with myself even more. And now, with that extra layer—Fuck.
I really can't stand him.
They'll never let it go, they'll try to protect me.
I can't let that happen, not when I know exactly what he's capable of.
“Charlie, calm down,” Jules says, her own voice strained with the effort of holding herself together. “We... Riven, listen.”
She runs a hand through her hair with a frustrated sigh and a shaky exhale, her eyes flick to me, then to Charlie and finally settle on the ceiling of my studio like she's praying to a God she doesn't even believe in.
“We tried to go to your loft. It was a mess.”
Jules swallows.
“Then we tried calling your comm... and realized you'd left it there.”
“We... we thought...” Charlie picks up where Jules left off, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. “We thought something terrible had happened to you. That... maybe you did something to yourself... or someone hurt you.”
She sniffles.
“So we called your parents.” Her voice breaks.
I flinch again, bracing myself for what I’m going to hear.
“They didn't even let us finish speaking before hanging up the moment they heard your name.”
A sharp pain cuts through my chest, I'm not even surprised but it still hurts.
My parents really don't give a shit about me, I've known that since the day I was born but hearing that my best friends called them and they didn't even let them speak…
“Yeah,” I say, my voice dangerously quiet. “I bet they did.”
“Oh, Riven...” Jules sighs, looking exhausted. “You know we looked everywhere for you. And if you don't want to talk about it...”
She takes a shaky breath.
“You don't have to. You'll tell us when you're ready but don't lie to us anymore.”
“At least...” Charlie cuts in, her voice barely above a whisper. “Tell us you're okay.”
I look at both of them and lower my gaze, tears sting my eyes, but I don't let them fall.
I don't deserve them, I really don't.
“I... I'm okay,” I say, my voice rough, the words catching in my throat. “It's just been... weird. Fucked up but I'm okay.”
I lift my head and force a smile, they exchange a glance then, they both pull me into another hug.
I hug them back without hesitation.
God, I needed them, I needed this.
I don't know where I'd be without them.
Maybe in a ditch, maybe locked away in a psychiatric ward. Either way, I don't think I'd still be me.
I love them so much, I am so sorry girls, I’m sorry for lying, for worrying you and still not being able to say sorry with my words and not just thinking of it.