Chapter Seven
After we gather a few more hours of sleep, Nadir takes me outside the city walls to work on my magic. Tristan tags along, too, since he has his own power to explore. While his Heart magic is a thin thread when compared to mine, he has other capabilities he’s had to conceal for years. Something I know he’s always despised.
Nadir performs some kind of spell on the horses, imparting them with speed. I remember when he took me through the Void on our way to the Keep. I knew that horse had been moving too fast to be natural.
With my disguise in place, we exit Aphelion through the western gate and venture into the dense forests surrounding the city.
Nadir rides in front, and after traveling for about an hour, he slows down, gesturing for me and Tristan to do the same. We’re far from the walls of Aphelion now, and I pull off my hat, shaking my hair loose.
“What’s that?” I ask as we pass what looks like a ruined stone building covered by overgrown vines and flowers. Nadir pulls up next to me.
“One of Zerra’s old temples,” he says.
“What happened to it?”
He shrugs. “A schism occurred many, many years ago known as the Burning. Her most ardent followers got out of hand, carrying out unspeakable acts in her name.”
I look at him in horror. “What kinds of acts?”
“The legends say there was a conflict between the goddess and the Lord of the Underworld. That he tried to break free from his dominion where he’s trapped. In her desire to suppress his growing power, she demanded unquestioned loyalty from everyone in Ouranos. But people were afraid, terrified of incurring the Lord’s wrath, and so their support was… inconstant. To control them, her priestesses set about burning innocents in her name, claiming that anyone refusing to denounce him would pay with their lives.
“Eventually, people began to realize there was no actual evidence of the Lord’s presence in their world, and they grew suspicious of the priestesses’ claims. Thus, an uprising fought back, and her temples were ransacked, the priestesses shunned, and, in some more gruesome cases, struck down without mercy until they were all forced into hiding for a long time.
“Things were never quite the same again, and over time, fewer and fewer followers find their way to Zerra with every passing year. She has no real power in Ouranos anymore.”
Studying the crumbling ruin, I consider those words as we pass the temple. On one side is a carving of a woman, her face worn by time, but there’s enough to make out the features of her mouth and an eye, along with a long dress that falls to her feet.
“Where did they come from?” I ask. “Zerra and the Lord?”
“That is a matter of debate amongst the scholars of Ouranos. They agree that Zerra created the High Fae and the Artefacts at the Beginning of Days, granting a select group of humans the magic of their lands and thus transforming them into what we are today.”
“What about the low fae?”
“They were already here, living in peace in Ouranos’s forests, lakes, and rivers. But as our cities spread, many were forced from their natural habitats and assimilated into society. There are still low fae dwelling in the most remote parts of the continent, probably hoping none of us ever notices them.”
“Our parents didn’t talk about her,” I say, gesturing to Tristan, who watches our exchange. “But in Nostraza, her name was invoked regularly, and they prayed to her all the time,” I say.
“Humans have, inexplicably, always had stronger ties to her,” Nadir says. “I think since they possess no magic of their own, it allows them to feel closer to it. While the Fae, too, once openly worshipped her, their rituals and practices slowly died after the Burning. I think it became hard to believe in anyone or anything who could act so barbarically. In fact, many of the nobility and royal High Fae want nothing to do with Zerra’s priestesses.” He flicks his reins. “Temples like that used to be found everywhere in Ouranos—that’s where her High Priestesses—her most devout and trusted servants—once lived.”
“Is that the same type of High Priestess that was working with my grandparents?”
“Possibly,” he says. “They also have magic, though their ability and capacity is a well-kept secret.”
“Are there many High Priestesses left?”
“A few,” he replies. “Scattered temples are left here and there, but they mostly keep to themselves, given their reputation.”
I look over my shoulder at Tristan, noting the pinch of his brows. We both share similar frustrations that we know so little about our world. Everything we learned was filtered through a foggy lens, first by our parents and then by the years we spent behind the walls of Nostraza.
Finally, we arrive at a large clearing deep in the forest. High cliffs border the western edge, complete with a thundering waterfall that empties into a bright blue river winding along the far perimeter.
“This should be a good spot to conceal us,” Nadir says before he hops down from his horse and ties it to a nearby tree. Tristan and I do the same before we proceed to the center of the clearing.
“I think we need to focus on what made your magic react when we were in Heart,” Nadir says. “You felt threatened, so you released it. What you told me about your dream last night confirms the same.”
Our gazes meet for an anxious moment before I look away. I wonder if he’s thinking along the same lines. I wasn’t the one being threatened at that moment. It was Nadir who the king had been tormenting when my magic broke loose.
I remember that utter rage coursing through me, so visceral it was like I’d been dipped in a boiling vat of anger thick enough to suffocate me. When I’d thought his life was in danger, I’d felt helpless and terrified, and I reacted. I wanted to protect him. Wanted to stop anyone from ever hurting him. It’s a tangle of emotions I’ve found myself examining from every side ever since that night. No one has ever made me feel such an acute need to protect, and given my past, that’s saying a lot.
“Right,” I say, clearing my throat. “Makes sense.”
Nadir turns his gaze to Tristan.
“You’ve never really explained what it is you’re capable of.”
Tristan chews the inside of his cheek before he steps away, putting a safe distance between us, and holds out a hand. He fires a blast of red lightning across the clearing, where it strikes the face of a cliff that explodes in a shower of gravel.
“I can do that,” Tristan drawls, letting the words drift off.
Nadir picks up on Tristan’s evasiveness immediately.
“And what else?”
My brother’s jaw clenches, and he looks at me. I nod my head. There’s no point in hiding this anymore. When Nadir and Amya asked about Tristan’s magic in The Aurora, we’d claimed he wasn’t capable of much.
But that was never the entire truth.
He turns to face the other direction and sends out another ribbon of magic, but this time it’s green—it’s similar to Nadir’s light, though the essence differs. Richer and deeper and made of shadows instead of that bright and glowing Aurora power.
It forks out, wrapping around a copse of trees, twisting into a whirlwind of emerald as the trees start to stretch. Crackling sounds fill the air as their trunks expand, growing taller and broader, branches spreading and sprouting with thick, glossy leaves. After a moment, Tristan drops his hand, staring at his handiwork as though even he can’t believe what he’s done.
Nadir lets out a low whistle.
“You have Woodlands magic, too,” he says, a touch of awe in his voice. “It makes sense, I suppose. Wolf would have been very powerful.”
Nadir asks me, “You have none of this?”
“Not that I know of,” I reply. “It seems I am all my grandmother.”
He nibbles on his bottom lip as if contemplating a thousand possibilities and consequences of this knowledge.
“So when you both said Tristan didn’t have much magic, you were lying.”
“Well, I don’t have much Heart magic. That part is true,” my brother says.
Nadir lifts an eyebrow, but I know he understands why we kept this from him.
“And it was true,” Tristan says, conflict in his eyes. “I didn’t think I had much, but lately, it feels like it’s… growing.”
“Tris?” I ask. “Really?”
He nods. “I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure, but sometimes at night, I wake up with red and green wrapping around me. During the day, it moves inside me, and I have to concentrate on holding it back. It keeps getting stronger.”
“You said this might happen,” I say to Nadir. “Do you remember? When you told me that after what my grandmother did, everyone in Ouranos lost their magic?”
“I remember,” he says. “It was just a guess, though.”
“Looks like you were right,” I say.
“I usually am.”
I roll my eyes at his smirk.
“I wonder if Willow is experiencing this too?” I ask, and Tristan shrugs.
“What else can you do with it?” Nadir asks my brother.
Tristan performs another demonstration, uprooting the same trees he just grew and tossing them aside like they’re nothing but toothpicks.
“That could be very useful,” Nadir says with a hint of admiration. Tristan almost smiles. He doesn’t like Nadir, and I don’t blame him for that, but they’re so equally stubborn. I wonder if they can bridge this divide.
“Well, this got a lot more interesting,” Nadir says, clapping his hands. “Lor. I think we need to put you on the defensive.”
He turns around and points to a spot. “You’ll stand there, and I’m going to use my magic against you.”
I nod, seeing the validity of the idea. Maybe this could work.
“I’ll help,” Tristan says, cracking his knuckles, and Nadir snorts.
“Absolutely not.”
Tristan glares at him. “Why not?”
“You haven’t used your magic in over a decade and just said it’s growing. You don’t have the kind of control necessary for this exercise.”
Tristan’s jaw turns hard, his eyes flashing.
I repress a sigh. They’re never going to get along at this rate.
“Nadir—” I say.
“No,” he says, cutting me off. “If your brother values your life as much as I know he does, then he’ll understand that we aren’t playing around with your safety.”
Nadir focuses his gaze on Tristan. “Right?”
Tristan pauses but then nods.
“Fine,” he says before Nadir’s face stretches into a grin.
“In fact, you can use this opportunity to practice, too. It’s obvious you can become another weapon against whatever we might face. We’re going to need every resource possible.”
With that ominous remark, Nadir spins on his heel and jogs across the clearing.
I share a look with Tristan.
“You think this is a good idea?” he asks as I look back at Nadir, who is now a hundred feet away.
“I think it’s worth a shot,” I reply as Nadir stops and turns to face us.
“I don’t trust him,” Tristan says.
“I know you don’t. I’m asking you to trust me.”
I swallow the tightness in my throat. Do I trust Nadir? I’ve spent so much time pushing him away, determined not to believe him. Determined not to fall for the pretty words and pretty face of another High Fae royal. But my armor is forming a network of fissures liable to crack from the slightest pressure.
He’s done nothing but protect me since we agreed to work together in The Aurora, despite our unconventional first encounters.
He makes me feel things I never expected to feel. Safe. Wanted. Beautiful. Like my flaws aren’t a series of mistakes but rather the essential pieces that make me who I am.
And while he could be lying about all of it, I know he isn’t. The truth is, somewhere in my determination not to trust him, I’ve grown to believe in him completely. I’m terrified, but of what exactly? Allowing myself to love freely and with abandon? Letting him have my heart to do anything with? What if I’m not enough?
“Ready?” Nadir shouts from across the distance, pulling me from my thoughts.
I nod, though I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be ready for.
Nadir raises his arms and sends two bolts of light streaming towards us—one at me and one at Tristan.
Tristan reacts instantly, a tendril of green light erupting from his fingers, slamming into Nadir’s magic. I witness all of this from the corner of my eye as I focus on the streak of purple barreling down on me.
I grit my teeth, willing something to happen with my magic, but nothing comes. I duck at the last moment just as Nadir’s light bends around me and harmlessly dissipates in the air.
“Fuck,” I curse under my breath.
Nadir doesn’t miss a beat, sending more streaks of magic careening towards us. Tristan deflects as much as he can, focusing mostly on his forest magic, with flashes of shadowy green, leaping out of the way with each occasional miss. He’s broken a sweat, his dark fringe of hair sticking to his temples, his breath coming in heavy gasps.
I’m amazed at his progress. It’s obvious he’s a natural at this. Clearly, that gift doesn’t run in the family.
Nadir continues trying to provoke my magic into action, firing bolt after bolt towards me, wrapping around my torso, even going as far as singeing my clothing, but nothing I do makes a difference. My magic reacts to his in the same way it always does, fighting like a caged serpent trying to spring loose but ultimately failing to break out and act. I’m about as useful as a warning trapped inside an unbreakable bottle.
“Stop!” I finally yell, frustrated and angry that I can’t seem to make myself function the way I need. “This isn’t working.”
Nadir drops his arms and jogs back towards us, stopping in front of me.
“It’s no use,” I say. “I know you won’t really hurt me.”
Those last words sit between us as Nadir’s jaw tics. I know it’s true. It’s something I’ve understood for a while. That no matter what happens, he wouldn’t ever willingly hurt me.
He doesn’t argue, instead running a frustrated hand through his hair.
“He would hurt me, though,” Tristan says, and Nadir’s expression morphs from serious to gleeful.
“I’m not opposed to making you bleed a little,” he says.
“I’d like to see you try,” Tristan counters. “I had no trouble resisting you there.”
Nadir barks out a derisive laugh.
“If you think that’s all I could do, then you have much to learn about magic, little Faeling.”
“Who are you calling Faeling?” Tristan demands.
“Stop,” I say again, my hands rising between them. “That’s enough from both of you.”
I point to Nadir. “You are not using my brother as a battering ram. We need to think of something else. Something that actually makes it feel like my life is in danger.”
We all fall silent for a moment, lost in our thoughts.
“No,” Nadir says eventually. “Not your life, maybe. How about mine? It worked last time.”
He moves back a few paces, his steps light and loose, and I can tell from the gleam in his eyes that he’s planning something I won’t like.
“What are you doing?” I demand as he tosses me a wicked smile and then turns and runs away.
“Nadir!” I call after him. “Get back here! I order you!”
He flips around, jogging backward and spreading his arms wide.
“I don’t take orders from you, In—Lor!”
Then he turns around and continues running. I’m thankful he can’t see my face at that moment. He was about to call me “Inmate” before he corrected himself.
He hasn’t called me that since we left The Aurora. Not since that night. I used to hate that name, but something about him calling me just Lor sits like a cold stone in my stomach.
Like I’m not special to him anymore.
Like something has been lost between us, and I hate it.
And I hate that I hate it.
Fuck, I’m such a mess.
Nadir has stopped on the far side of the clearing and is now standing under a cliff where an overhang drenches him in shade. As he spins to face us, it suddenly occurs to me what he has planned.
“No!” I shout. “Are you insane?!”
Instantly, I start running, but even from this distance, I perceive his smug smile. He lifts a hand and shoots a blast of blue light into the protruding rock.
A loud crack brings me to a shuddering stop. He did it. He fucking did it. Frozen where I stand, I stare at the rock, watching pieces shear off, tumbling to where he waits below. He watches me. Testing me. Waiting for me to succeed.
I tell myself that he’ll move before it collapses. He’s only bluffing. He wouldn’t really let that fall on him, just for my sake.
But a tiny voice screams in the back of my head. What if he doesn’t? I’ve always known the Aurora Prince never does anything by halves. What if he’s crushed under the weight of an entire cliff? Not even a High Fae would survive that.
“Nadir!” I scream, my voice cracking with fear.
“Use your magic, Lor!” he screams back. “I know you can do it!”
I can do this. He believed in me when we were in Heart, and I saved him then. He’s the only one who’s been able to rouse my magic since I locked it away, and I have to trust him now.
A boom draws my attention to the cliff. The rock shifts, slowly crumbling as it succumbs to the pressure of gravity and its own weight. I don’t have much time.
I search inside myself, prodding at that door keeping me blocked. Gritting my teeth, I pull at it, tearing at it like a crazed beast with a set of useless, dulled claws.
Another loud crack bounces through the clearing, echoing off the stones.
Nadir doesn’t move. Doesn’t even look up. He’s staring at me. Willing me to do what I need to do.
It’s then I understand that he won’t move. He’s going to force me to do this. Just like when he helped me release my magic inside the Heart Castle, he’s never going to give up on me.
Another crack precedes the fall of a massive boulder. It plummets, landing just next to Nadir, barely missing him, tossing his hair around his shoulders. But still, he doesn’t move. Doesn’t even blink as he dares me to fail.
I can do this. I must do this.
And then everything happens at once.
Another loud pop bursts in my ears, and the cliff breaks away, rock tumbling as my hands fly out, and red lightning smashes into the stone, blasting it apart. I continue filtering lightning, pummeling the rock until the largest pieces crumble apart, becoming a harmless shower of gravel. Nadir covers his head as it drops, and my world stops moving until, a few seconds later, everything dims to silence.
Stumbling over my feet towards him, my head spins from the shortness of my breath, tears streaming down my cheeks. When I reach him, he wraps me into his arms, but I batter his chest with my fists, screaming, crying, raging.
“How could you do that?! You scared the shit out of me! You could have died!” I sob as he holds me, saying nothing as I cling to the fabric of his shirt, balling it in my fists like I can stop him from ever leaving me.
Once I’ve suitably scolded him, I inhale a deep breath, waiting for my pulse to slow to normal. I push away, wiping my cheeks with the backs of my hands.
“Sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I just… You scared me.”
He tips his head. “So you made clear.”
Another moment passes between us. I can keep trying to pretend I don’t care, but my cover has just been blown wide open.
“It worked, though,” he says with a cocky tilt of his mouth. “Told you I’m always right.”
Zerra, there will be no living with him after this.
“It did,” I say, noticing Tristan on the other side of the clearing, practicing his forest magic on a group of trees, pointedly ignoring the two of us.
“He got all weird when you threw yourself at me,” Nadir says, and I whip around to face him.
“I did not throw myself… Oh, shut up,” I finish when I catch the smug look on his face.
I storm away, but he grabs my arm and pulls me towards him.
“Lor, stop this.”
“Stop what?”
“You know what I’m talking about,” he says. He moves closer, a bare sliver of space compressing between us.
I lick my lips and swallow the scratch in my suddenly dry throat. A quick check across the clearing shows Tristan is still ignoring us.
“I don’t,” I say, forcing the lie from my mouth. It tastes like ashes. “Please,” I add, not entirely sure what I’m asking for. More space. More time. More distance to sort out the muddle of thoughts in my head.
Nadir’s expression softens.
“What do you need, Lor?” Something about how he asks the question tightens the space behind my ribs. What do I need?
“A friend.”
The words slip out. I hadn’t really meant to say that, but as they land, I understand this feels right.
Nadir pauses only for a heartbeat before he nods. “I can do that.”
Our gazes linger, and that feeling under my skin stirs, along with everything else that always reacts in his presence. I know he isn’t just my friend. That’s only one oversimplified layer of who we are to each other, but I’m not ready to explore the others yet.
It’s hard to explain how much my previous experiences have twisted everything that has come after. My perspective. My relationships. My ability to trust.
Maybe it won’t always be this way, but it was only a few months ago when I truly believed I’d die in Nostraza. When every day was a misery and surviving another sunrise became a reoccurring miracle. When I did unthinkable things to survive. Things that I want to forget but that will forever live in the stitched fabric of my soul.
I was a child when I was taken. I’ve lived so little. I’m not ready to plunge into whatever this will mean if Nadir and I continue on this path.
I want to get there. I think. But I need more time.
“Thank you,” I finally say, and his jaw tenses before he lets go of my arm and steps away.
He turns towards Tristan, who’s still pretending neither of us exists. Given his feelings about Nadir, I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to interfere.
The prince and I watch Tristan use both forms of his magic, twisting them together as they spin through the air. He’s obviously reveling in this ability to finally explore what he’s capable of.
I smile at my brother as a tear slips from the corner of my eye. We haven’t had much opportunity to talk about how we’re all dealing with our respective releases from Nostraza, but I know it’s affecting him in similar ways. None of us can escape that past.
“C’mon,” Nadir says after a minute. “Let’s try again. I know you can do this.”
Over the next few hours, Nadir continues to force me to use my magic until it’s starting to feel more natural. Almost. While I can drive it to the surface if I concentrate hard enough, it still isn’t the extension of me that I remember from my childhood.
In those days, it was easy and natural. It’s almost there, but it’s blocked, trickling out instead of flowing freely, all because of that door I can’t force open. I sense more pressing up against it, but this is all I can manage.
Still, it’s better than nothing. And I have Nadir to thank for all of it.
Once we’ve all had enough, the sun is starting to set.
“We made excellent progress today,” Nadir says, a hint of pride in his voice. “You did good, Lor.”
“Amazing,” my brother agrees.
“Thank you. Both of you,” I say. Accessing my magic is still a struggle, but I don’t feel quite as useless and helpless as I always have.
“Let’s go home. I’m starving,” Tristan says, heading for his horse.
Nadir is watching me, and I tip my head, giving him a small smile. I want to say thank you for this moment. For today. For giving me the space I need. For things I have no name for yet. I probably don’t deserve his patience, but he’s offering it nonetheless.
“Let’s go,” he says softly. “I’m proud of you.”
It feels too hard to respond to that, so I just nod. And then we all hop back on our horses and head towards the walls of Aphelion.