Chapter 14
You’re here. You came.
Colin
I was having a good week. The first good week since the day I saw Ceci with that... that arrogant bastard, and completely lost my mind.
I can’t even believe the things I said to her. Nothing I said was based on the truth. I know she would never cheat on me. If there’s anyone who destroyed the trust in our family, it’s me.
But that day... I went blind.
Blinded by anger, by jealousy, and that sinking humiliation of feeling powerless. Because that’s the real truth, isn’t it?
There’s not a damn thing I can do if Ceci decides to start something with that smug Italian prick.
I knew the second I first saw the way he looked at her almost a year ago. It was written all over his face: he wanted my wife. And the way she looked back at him the other day... standing there on the sidewalk, letting him touch her face.
The memory alone turns my stomach. Those images have been eating through my head for weeks. To the point where I’ve started having nightmares, seeing the two of them everywhere I go, like my own mind is trying to sabotage whatever sanity I have left.
But then this week... Alicia told me she wanted to start sleeping here with me. I was so damn happy that when she asked me to go with her to buy things for her room, I walked around with a grin on my face the entire time.
And nothing beat her reaction when she saw the finished room for the first time yesterday. With Ceci standing beside her.
We had a really good start to the evening. I took her to a Thai restaurant she loves just a few blocks away, and when we got back, Alicia wanted to watch the new episodes of a k-drama that dropped last week.
I hid my exasperation as best I could and sat beside her for the entire episode. Endless minutes that must’ve set some new world record for slow-motion scenes, and in this one, they finally touched fingertips.
Minutes ago, Alicia said she was going to call her mom, and everything was fine. Until she says those words.
“Oh, you’re at a party,” Alicia says, surprised. “Are you having fun, Mom?”
I literally stop breathing. I just freeze, staring at her until she finishes the call.
Alicia sets her phone aside and grabs the remote, hitting play on the k-drama as if nothing happened. She’d been worried about her mom being alone, and now she knows her mom is fine. She is at some party, having fun.
Meanwhile, I’m fighting for air. Trying to force one coherent thought through the stampede in my head.
Ceci is with him. Wherever she is... she’s with him. I know it.
I wipe my palms on my jeans, clear my throat, and force my voice to sound neutral. “Is everything okay with your mom, Alicia?”
“Hm?” she says, distracted.
“Is everything okay with your mom?” I repeat, my heart beating too hard.
She takes a moment to answer, never looking away from the TV. “Yeah. She’s fine.”
And she doesn’t say anything else.
Hating myself for what I’m about to do, I do it anyway. “I heard you say she was at a party?”
Again, she doesn’t answer right away, and I notice my left foot bouncing restlessly on its own. I slap my hand over my knee, pinning it down.
“Oh, she said it wasn’t a party. Her friend’s sister had some people over to show her paintings. She’s a painter, I think.”
I don’t waste a single second.
“What friend, sweetheart?”
“Alexander,” she answers absently, eyes still glued to the screen. “That one we ran into near the ice cream shop.”
Alicia turns right back to her show, and this time I let her.
No more questions. I don’t bother pretending I’m okay while a cold dread spreads through every inch of my body.
The sound of the TV becomes white noise as my heartbeat fills my ears, pounding out a thousand scenarios I don’t want to imagine.
I stare out the window of my penthouse, not really seeing a thing. I barely slept. Couldn’t stop thinking about him taking Ceci back to his place, wherever the hell that smug bastard lives.
I know she wouldn’t take him to her house. Not with Ethan there. So of course my mind spent the entire night imagining them ending the evening at his home. Imagining him touching her in ways only I ever have. Touching places only I know, the places that made her gasp and fall apart under my hands.
Her body... The body I knew better than she did for years. She was mine. Only mine.
“Dad?”
Her voice snaps me out of the spiral, and I turn to Alicia with a smile, the complete opposite of everything burning inside me.
That was another change this week. Alicia went back to calling me Dad. And it was more than I’d hoped for. It happened right here in this same living room, Tuesday night.
We’re halfway through the dinner I ordered when Alicia turns to me and casually asks, “Dad, do you have more apple juice?”
I almost choke on the roast. I don’t trust my voice, so I just nod and get up, heading to the kitchen to grab more juice. And if I didn’t have any left, I would’ve sprinted to the nearest store, just to avoid even the smallest hint of disappointment on her face.
When I come back, I fill her glass, and before I can stop myself, I lean down and press a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you, princess,” I say, my voice thick with emotion.
Alicia looks up at me, smiling. “I know, Dad.”
She doesn’t say she loves me back... but I see it in her eyes. And right now, that’s more than enough.
I walk over to her and press a kiss to her forehead.
“Did you sleep well, sweetheart? Did you like your new bed?”
She smiles up at me and nods. “Yeah. I loved it. I’m thinking about asking Mom to swap mine at home for one just like it.”
At home. Because no matter how many weekends she starts spending with me now, the place where her mother and her brother live will always be her home.
“What do you think about pancakes for breakfast?” I ask.
Alicia gives me a skeptical look. “You’re going to make them?”
I laugh and tell her no, and when I say I’m taking her to one of her favorite breakfast spots, she practically sprints to her room to get changed.
After breakfast, we spend the entire day out, going everywhere Alicia wants to go.
We end the day at the movie theater, watching the premiere of an animated film she’s been excited about.
It’s the first time in a long time that she’s spent a whole day with me without inviting any of her friends along. Just the two of us. All day.
We got home almost two hours ago, and Alicia went straight to the shower and then to bed.
And now, sitting here alone in the living room, my thoughts come back to torment me. They always do when there’s nothing to distract me.
My eyes drift to the framed photo Ceci asked Alicia to bring me the moment they got back from the trip. I get up from the couch and pick it up. Ethan, wearing his graduation gown, smiling openly at the camera.
“When you look at my smile in those photos, I want you to understand something. I’m smiling because I got here in spite of you... not because of you. And I’ll be smiling at the two people I love most in this world.”
That stab hits me right in the ribs, the one I always feel whenever I think about my son. He was brilliant that day. Beyond brilliant. His speech was moving, inspiring. Everything he is. I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of him than I was in that moment.
But it was bittersweet. Standing there, being part of something so important, and knowing a part of him didn’t want me there at all.
Him not mentioning me in his speech hurt, but I could never blame him for it. Not when I’m the one who failed to give him any reason to be proud of me.
I touch my face, only then realizing my cheeks are wet. I place the photo back where it belongs, wipe my face with both hands, and head to the bedroom. I need to try to sleep. And I need to think about how to make tomorrow special for Alicia before I take her back home.
I can’t lose her again. Not when she’s all I have left.
I park the car in front of the house, and Alicia leans over to kiss my cheek before hopping out. I watch her walk up to the front door, which opens with Ceci already waiting for her on the doorstep with open arms.
They hug tightly. For a long time. Like they’ve spent months apart instead of barely three days. I can’t help smiling at the sight. Alicia goes inside, and I’m just about to pull away when I see Ceci walking toward me.
I lower the window, and as soon as she’s a few steps away, she says, “I need to talk to you. Can you come in for a few minutes?”
Her tone gives nothing away.
I nod, turn off the engine, and step out of the car, my fist tightening around the key.
She’s going to tell me she’s dating that bastard.
She’s going to tell me she wants to introduce him to our kids, and soon they’ll like him, maybe even prefer him... and Alicia will change her mind once he starts spending time with them in this house. She won’t want to spend weekends with me anymore.
“Colin?”
I lift my head and only then realize I’m standing in the middle of Ceci’s living room, with no memory of walking here.
“Hm?”
“I said we can talk in my office. This way.”
She opens the door, and my attention is drawn to the large window flooding the room with moonlight. A single lamp glows on her desk, giving the whole space a cozy feeling.
Ceci steps in behind me and turns on the overhead light.
The first thing I notice are the tall white bookshelves lining the walls, filled from top to bottom. Everything in this room is so... her. The plant by the window, flowers on her desk, the wide window bench with its earth-toned cushions.
I can see her there in my mind, sitting with a book in her lap, or biting her lip the way she does when she’s concentrating, scribbling notes for a new article.
My eyes land on a smaller shelf, rows of binders neatly organized in alphabetical order, and my stomach tightens.
“Don’t you want to sit?” Ceci asks, gesturing toward the small couch by the opposite wall.